Hilary Duff is worth stalking?

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"A teenager was sentenced to 117 days in jail Friday after pleading no contest to stalking Hilary Duff. A Superior Court judge also ordered 18-year-old Maksim Myaskovskiy to serve five years probation."

SHE had a stalker?? Poor kid must have been bored out of his mind.

Wonk wonk

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ParAss Hilton has been reading the blogs again. She found out we call her wonk eye and has decided to get a plastic surgeon to fix it. "Six years ago, Paris had surgery to lift her eyelids, but the left eye muscles were damaged as a result." She also refuses doctors orders to stop wearing the blue contacts over her brown eyes, probably because Barbie doesn't have brown eyes. Maybe while the doctor has her under he can do a brain transplant. There's probably some half wit somewhere ready to donate to the cause.



In related news, Lindsay Blohan has been sober for about two hours. When she came out of her stupor, she realized ParAss had a wonk eye and promptly ordered one for herself. Then she scraped some plaster off the rehab wall, snorted it and blamed it on the media.

Dina blows

Dina Lohan seriously needs to shut the fuck up. The more she talks, the stupider she sounds. Listen to this interview where she blames the media for everything her daughter is going through. VIDEO. Dina even brings up Jessica and Nicks divorce and blames it on the media..like that whore even knows them..please. I like this quote "if somebody messes up, you're all screw ups." Uhhh huu, WE screwed up, so YOU'RE messed up, Dina ho? It wasn't media who forced your daughter to show her cooter, pass out in hotel hallways, and chase men who fear STDs. And it wasn't the media who forced you to get all cranked out and have your latest one night stand finger you in public. I actually feel sorry for Lindsay Blohan. She was raised by farm animals.

elisa's fav Golden Globes gown

Reader elisa loves this gown Shonda Rimes wore to the GG's. Geez, elisa, how can you get so excited over my mom's old drapes? Heh.

Also pregnant..

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Keri Russell (Felicity) is expecting her first child with her bf, Shane Dreary. I hope the baby doesn't inherit her hair. I also hope the baby doesn't inherit her attitude. Actually, if the fates decree that this snooty wench must bring a child into the world, I hope it was concieved in a test tube using someone else's egg, because she really gets on my nerves.

Berry nice house

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There's Halle Berry's house (the one with her 57 grand cabinet stain), you can look at it..but, don't talk to her highness or look her highness directly in the eyes (experts say the same thing about agressive pitt bulls). Actually, I'm not impressed. Are you?

Vibrating what??

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"Jessica Biel, rumored gf of Derek Jeter and Esquire's 2005 Sexiest Woman Alive...picked out a pair of remote-controlled vibrating panties along with some other stroke-ready toys from Booty Parlor at the Kari Feinstein Style Lounge in the Hollywood Hills."

I remember when gossip like this could ruin a career, now people brag about it. I've never heard of vibrating panties, but, it beat's trying to carry a washing mashine on spin cycle in your pocket. Does that tranny think that face she's making is sexy? She looks like Marilyn Manson without his makeup. Actually, she looks like Marilyn Manson's ass without makeup. Not that I've seen Manson's ass, but, she looks like ass, that's my point.

James says NO to Lindsay

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Right before Blohan checked herself into rehab she was all over Spiderman star, James Franco. James, it sees, had better things to do than shack up with a troubled scandal in a mini skirt and rebuffed The Blow. A guest at the party says..

“She came with her manager, Jason Weinberg, and a girlfriend, but she was mostly solo for the whole night,” says our source. “Most people were in a good mood — except for her. She seemed lost. She was trying to get James’ attention, and he wouldn’t give her anything. She was smoking a lot, not drinking in front of him, and then she went into a bedroom. From there, she went back to trying to get James’ attention again, and he was ignoring her. She ran out crying, with the girlfriend following her.”

Do you remember that period of time when Blohan kept wearing two watches? The second watch had been a gift to James and he refused that as well, so The Blow wore it herself. To remind herself of rejection? Sounds like something she'd do. I don't think rehab's going to help when you're this screwed up. She needs to just write an auto biography titled "I'm all better now, I just keep cutting myself." Trust me, Blow, it's a gold mine.

Jenna's pregnant

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Remember Dharma? Jenna Elfman and her husband Bodhie are expecting thier first child. Jenna and Bodhi are Scientologists, so expect a "silent birth."

Don't talk to Halle Berry

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Halle's getting her kitchen cabinets stained at a cost of $57,000. All workers have to sign a contract saying they will not approach Miss Berry, will not speak to Miss Berry at any time while working on her home. The only approved interaction is if Miss Berry speaks to you first and that aint friggin' likely, now is it?

I don't think it's so bad. I make everyone I know sign a contract saying they will not speak to me until I have my morning coffee and blog. Besides "Miss Berry" is paying a bunch of yayhoos 57 THOUSAND DOLLLARS to stain cabinets. She shoulda hired me...for 57 grand I wouldn't talk to her or even look her way for the rest of my miserable peasant life.

Love can't get a net date

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Courtney Love flunked the dating website eharmony's personality test and was told there was no match for her. Here's what she typed about it on her website..

“Gurss what? After an hour plus of this thing they tell me that two percent of thier ‘Cliermnts ar elike me and there was noone for me.”

She probably didn't flunk the test, they just couldn't understand a freekin' thing she typed. She probably caused a shut down in the sites computers. After talking to Courtney Love for an hour anyone would belch smoke and make clicking noises.

Spears breaks up with bf #407

X17 has a video of Poontang telling them that her and Isaac Cohen are now over. What'd that last..three minutes? First she buys him bling, then she pukes on him, then she has the poor guy on diaper duty, then they break up. Big surprise. Tell me something..why the hell does everyone who goes to Britneys house have to change her kids diapers?? It freaks me out. She even made ParAss do it. Contrary to the nature of my evil cold heart, I do not cook and eat toddlers for dinner. I actually kind of like the little boogers, (they're the only ones who tell you the truth,) but, I'll be dammned if I want to change some kids poopy diaper when they have 6 nannies and a mom there. She could go fuck herself if she invited me over. I'd just be looking for something to steal and sell on Ebay anyway.

X17 also has photos of Jessica Simpson grocery shopping. I thought she couldn't go grocery shopping anymore because she's SOOO famous? What a lying bimbo. Maybe these two should be roomates.

Dead guy gets more press

James crazy ass Brown left ziltch to partner Tomi Ray Hynie and thier son. TMZ has scored copies of the actual will documents, if you care to read them. HERE. I read about furniture, appliances, furnishings, pictures, silverware, china, glass, books..then I nodded off thinking how nobody's getting jack because it looks like the Godfather Of Soul was just the Godfather of old garage sale crap. I want to know who gets the brand new bag? That's all I ever wanted to know.

Chad Lowe is strange

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Chad Lowe is said to be getting over his breakup with wife, Hilary Swank, by dating producer, Kim Painter. Does no one see that's a Hilary clone?? She looks just like a K-Mart knock off of Hilary Swank. Yeah, he's in a good place. Cough.

Ugly Betty news

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Naomi Campbell, who pleaded guilty to assaulting her housekeeper with her mobile phone, will be a guest star on Ugly Betty. As you all know, I worship Naomi. She's fired more hired help than Donald Trump ever will and she kicks the crap out of them too. There is nothing Naomi can' t use as a weapon..phones, blackberrys, Ipods, curling irons..you name it, Naomi has smacked down with it. If her help has the audacity to try and run, Naomi tears up thier passports and throws them in the pool. So what will the fire temperd model be playing on Ugly Betty?
She says of her role: "On Ugly Betty I'll play a loony who loves to shop and can't find a man. I like that sort of role."

We love it too, Naomi. And speaking of Betty La Fea, last night, the mystery woman behind the bandages turned out to be none other than Rebecca Romijn, another of my favorite models. I was so glad she was added to the show (even though Perez had a spolier)... This season seems very exciting, doesn't it?



Rebecca is as sweet as Naomi is crazy mean. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Add this to the list of things that confuse me

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were, of course, at the GG after parties. Here's what blows my mind. The men were eyeing Ashley and thought she looked hot, they think she's been looking hot for awhile now, but, her sister MK is considered not so hot, more in the strange category. WHAT? They're friggin' twins, they look almost like matching bookends. How can one be hot and the other not? Well, anyway, good news for Ashley stalkers, she's single again. She just split from her bf Greg Chait, because he wasn't ready for a commitment. What---ever. The twins are trying to fool me again by having similar hair colors. Don't they realize I recognize them by thier handbags? Doh..that's MK in the gold. Ash in the black.

The Blow is doing just fine

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OK magazine managed to get ahold of Lindsay Blohan in rehab and she told them she was just peachy.
"I'm doing so great, thanks," the 20-year-old singer and actress told OK! in an exclusive interview from her suite at L.A.'s Wonderland Center rehabilitation facility. "I'm fine. Nothing to worry about. Thank you so much for checking in, I do appreciate it." "I'm actually watching American Idol at the moment and laughing so hard!"

Awww, that warms the cockles of my dark heart. A friend called me this morning and we decided we should have a blow out when Lindsay is released. A blow out..get it? Heh. I don't drink, but, I have two Percodan saved back from my last trip to the dentist. I wish OK! mag would ask The Blow if that counts.

The prince grows a brain

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Prince Lorenzo Borghese (The Bachelor Rome) has finally come to his senses and dumped that whore Jennifer Wilson and is back with the woman he originally sent home, Sadie Murray. Fairy tales sometimes DO come true. Get lost Jen, we all knew you were a skank, it just took Lorenzo awhile to stop looking at your boobs and figure it out. He's just a man, we forgive him.

Breaking news..

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Britney can read!! She's probably just trying to figure out who she woke up with this morning.

Daily Boobage

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Jessica Simpson thinks her boobs were a disability.

She says, "I always felt they disabled me from what I wanted to do. Now, I own them. They're like wearing a great necklace. You can't pay for that sort of accessory - though I know people do. But they never look as good at the real ones."

Funny, I always thought it was her brain that disabled her. The boobs are her talent.

Just bury the guy....jeeez

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Three weeks after his death James Brown still lays above ground. Brown's body is being kept in a temperature-controlled room at his home in South Carolina in the bronze and gold-plated coffin used for his funeral.

Michael Jackson is keeping watch over James Browns body and even sleeping with it at night to ward off thieves. Michael enjoys his quiet time with James and finds they both enjoy old romantic movies, popcorn in bed, and cuddles.

Biel gets lied to

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Valentino lied to Jessica Biel and told her that gown had never been seen before. But, Hilary Swank had worn it to the Oscar parties in '04. I knew I'd seen that dress before..I never forget chainmail. What a bitch, huu? I'm sure Biel didn't actually pay for it though, and neither did Swank.

Become a Scientologist..do it for Tom

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Tom Cruise is doing anything in his power to recruit the Beckhams to Scientology, but, Poshie is having none of the nonsense. Posh grew up rich and she's even richer now and intends to stay that way. If you can't wear it, be driven in it, or live in it, Victoria want's no part of it. She refuses to give thier money to a cult. Now you know why I love VB. Who else would say NO to Tom and his idiotic religion?

In other related news, Tom has asked Nicole Kidman to get Kieth Urban involved in the Scientology rehab program, Narconon. Tom has made it clear to Nicole he won't trust Urban around his children until the couple does what Tom says. Nicole, who it seems, does not see enough of the kids now, is said to be pretty upset, yet doesn't know how to fight this. I'd just have the short crazy bastard killed, but, Nicole is alot nicer than me.



Katie Holms..sigh. Not only does Cruise tell Katie what friends she will hang with, where she will go and when, and what exactly she is allowed to wear, insiders are reporting that Tom now limits her phone calls to 15 minutes each. That's how long a good Scientology wife can speak. 15 min.

A match made in heaven or Hollywood?

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Drew Barrymore was spotted at the GG parties making out with Bruce Willis. Hmm, Drew isn't a kid anymore and it's about time she dated someone cool. I say go for it, Drew!

I live for these kind of stories...

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Paris Hilton ran into a fan in the restroom of Lax airport. Paris was just trying to put on her lipstick when this girl screams “Oh my God, you’re Paris Hilton. I just love you and I even bought your album. Look, I even have your song ‘Stars Are Blind’ as my ring tone!”

ParAss looked the kid up and down and said “I don’t really care.”

At which point the teen fan yelled “You really are a bitch! I’m taking your song off my phone and throwing your album away!”

At least this story solves one mystery. Now we know who actually bought that one copy of Stars Are Blind.

And the Golden Globe for ...

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for the most awkward moment goes to...Courtney Cox. Seems Courtney went up to Brad Pitt and said "hello" and Brad gave her a huge hug and said “Hello, sweetheart. It is SO great to see you.” Then David Arquette ( who had just given an interview where he blamed Angelina for the breakup of Pitt/Aniston) chatted up Jolie with kid talk. Jolie put up with it all for about two minutes before she yanked Brad away and walked off. Heh, I'd have given a million bucks to see that exchange.



Courtney's lucky Jolie didn't scratch her eyes out.

Pink loses beloved pooch

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Pink left her dog, Elvis, alone at her home, for an hour..came back and found Elvis floating in the pool. Pink and her hubby, Carey Hart, tried to revive the dog (a gift from Lisa Marie Presley), but, it was too late.

A source told Britain's The Sun newspaper: "Elvis was like a child to Pink and Carey. She is completely devastated."

Clonish

If Tom Cruise ever gets tired of pretending he has sex with Katie Holms he can always lock her in the tower and replace her with Katherine McPhee and no one will ever know the difference.

Bad evil things

Okay, I've faced the fact that I will never make a dime if I keep telling the truth on here..but, here's some of the exclusive Joan Rivers jewelry line. Who wears this suck???




Then we have the famous Jessica Simpson hair weaves by Ken Paves. I watched his show on HSN to see what it was really about. OMG..this shit looks like plastic. It's shiny like pleather. I wouldn't make a bald dog wear it. At around 80 bucks per plastic clip on hair shank..it needs to go in the burn pile. I hate Haley Duff, but, she was right. Ken fussed over the models and everyone ohhhed and ahhhhed..and it looked like puke...I kid you not. It was bad.

Old bag from outter space

Kim Stewart at the Trump Vodka launch..ParAss and Kim Kardashian buy horrible tinfoil bags so Kim Stewart has to run out and buy the same bag. Yeah, I know my preoccupation with celeb accessories is tiresome, but, I can't help it. Why can't any of these little whores think for themselves? And when ParAss Hilton becomes a style setter I get naseous. At least the Olsens are original and seem to think for themselves. The rest of these twats are brain dead. If ParAss Hilton started eating dog crap, the rest of them would start eating designer dog crap.

K-fed making some big bucks

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While Britney parties, pukes, and cries over Parass stealing all her thunder, Kevin Federline has also scored himself a Super Bowl commercial. Fed will play a fry cook at Tommys Burger joint and willl no doubt make enough to pay all his child support for the next year, with some left over for bling. Good for you Kevin. Is that product placement in his hand???

How pissed IS Brit at Paris???

Richard and Christina Lugner have decided that Britney Spears is no longer invited to thier elegant Vienna Opera Ball in Austria, because the Toxic singer had a falling out with ParAss Hilton. ParAss will be attending and it is rumored she will be paid 1 million dollars for showing up.

If this isn't bad enough, ParAss also snagged a Super Bowl commercial from Britney. Britney was called "too much of a train wreck" and ParAss Hilton was hired to replace her. Britney can walk around like she doesn't care all she wants..we're talking millions of dollars and alot of good press here for Hilton. Britney was, in my opinion, extremely rude to her friend ParAss, and you don't mess with ParAss Hilton. Parass Hilton isn't as dumb as you might think and she has connections. I look for ParAss to continue kicking Britneys ass for this wole year. Seems to me if a fading pop star wanted someone to party with for a week or two, and then blame her cooter showing on and dump publicly, she should have chosen a little nobody to hang with. Britney is as dumb as they come and ParAss is the Devil.

Shut up Dina

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So, Blohan goes to Prince's after Globe party (damn her) and ends up sloshed and passed out in a hallway at the Beverly Wilshire. Then decides maybe she needs help and enters rehab. Her lovely (cough) mother issues this statement..

"I'm so proud of her. She's really in a good place right now, spiritually and mentally. She's in an amazing, phenomenal place. She's 20 and she's solid, and she's doing what she needs to do. I don't know that many people who are that secure. It's all about her, and getting back on track. She's fine -- she's amazingly fine."

Yeah, she's fine Dina..solid. You're kid isn't even old enough to drink legally and she's in rehab. What a proud moment, one every parent dreams of. With Dina for a mom, it's a wonder The Blow hasn't hung herself from a balcony ages ago. She probably drinks to forget who she's related to.

Cruise gets an eyefull

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The Little General is sooooo busted looking up Poshies dress. Tom probably wants a pair of panties just like hers.

Dreamgirls in 30 years

Yeah, Diana Ross told David Letterman she'd go see Dreamgirls with her lawyers. >snort!<

Josh Hollowy and Hugh Laurie

I just thought I'd put a couple of good looking guys on..there's too many gowns at the Globes. Heh.

Double the whore power

Ish. Joan Rivers and her daughter both claim to be fashionistas and talk smack about everyone else. Joan needed to get rid of those goofy sleeves, it looks like a super hero costume, though I am a sucker for a cowl neckline. But, this old broad has GOT to stop wearing her own line of junk jewelry to events. That stuff is so bad it's only ordered on QVC by blind people and old ladies calling from nursing homes. As for that Melissa..oh, gawd, she's so botoxed it's like watching a stump trying to talk. Unfathomable fugliness. They like anyone who wears red (dahlink) and anyone who sucks thier ass, like Terri Snatcher. Everyone else is tacky.



As for Snatcher..I think she thought it was the SAG awards. Heh. At one point she reached up to sexily run her hands through that mess and her fingers got caught in her hairspray. It was like watching a rat gnaw at a brick. That hair was so stiff it was like it was dipped in Viagra. I won't put a close up of that face on here..she makes Diaz look like a fog filter. But, of course, Melissa Bo-Ho and Joan De La Cunt said she was sooooooo beautiful. Breathtaking. Uhhh huu.

Just a thought..do you suppose Melissa Bo-Ho Rivers is so insane she actually thought she was wearing gray like Angelina Jolie was wearing gray? I'll bet mommy told her that. Looks like an epileptic sewed it together during a seizure.

Blohan in rehab

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Oh, the woes of a party girl. Lindsay Blowhan has checked into rehab and asks us all to respect her privacy while she takes care of herself. That rehab must be a fun place, everyone goes there. Who gets to play Angelina Jolie and who gets to play the girl who hoarded daddys chicken?

Britney pregnant?

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Oh, I love this rumor. Britney Spears may be pregnant. That's what her "friends" are saying. That's why she's throwing up so much and she has that twinkle in her eye. It's bad when the dirtydisher has to be the voice of sanity...there will be no baby. Pregnant or not, there will be no baby. The only reason Poontang gave birth to the last unplanned baby was because she was too depressed and lazy to get herself to the clinic. She's spent two solid years pregnant. This is a dumb rumor because it won't happen. Not this year.

Isaiah Washington is a big liar

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Isaiah Washington is painting himself into a gay little corner by claiming he never called T.R. Knight a "faggot." Isaiah says "No, I did not call T.R. a faggot. Never happened, never happened."

BUT, when someone asked Katherine Heigl about Isaiah she said ""I'm going to be really honest right now, he needs to just not speak in public. Period...T.R. is my best friend. I will throw down for that kid."

I always thought of Katherine as a harmless uninteresting Barbie doll, but, I'm loving her now. She outted the outter and offered to "throw down." Get him Katherine!




As for T.R. Knight, he went on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and confirmed that Washington did, in fact, use the term on the "Grey's" set in October. When I look at TR Knight on Greys, I still see a straight guy in love with dirty girl. When I look at Isaiah Washington, all I think is , ohhhh, that's the guy who caused all the fighting. They need to get rid of Washington..maybe they could make his character come out of the closet and jump off the roof.