Feeling bad about yourself?

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Take a gander at stars with no makeup. If we all had a stylist, hairdresser on call, and makeup artist, the grocery store would be a much prettier place.

Eddie's digs

Looks like a posh resort, doesn't it? Nope, it's Eddie Murphy's house. He probably has a room for every fat suit, and it's still not big enough for his ego.

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden at Mr Chow

Is it just me, or is there something very sweet about how Joel Madden is always helping Niclole around and watching out for her? Are these the kinds of photos that are driving Hilary Duff to try her hand at being a bad girl? It's too late Hil, Joel really seems to like Nicole..look he even uses his own money to pay for stuff!!

On another note, the Chanel logo is on my nerves. Like the leather through the linkage isn't enough of a hint, they have to smack that logo on every item. I really don't think it's needed (or hot) anymore.

Valerie Bertinelli..the new face of Jenny Craig

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Valerie (seen here with her son Wolfie), who's now 47, is vowing to lose 30 pound by September and do it in public, like Kirstie Alley did. Going public with her goal "is the motivation I need," Bertinelli says. "I need to do this in front of millions of people so I can't mess up."
And, she adds: "It is freeing because I can say it first: I know what you're thinking - I'm fat."

Actually, I wasn't thinking that at all. I think she looks normal and pretty cute at 47 and without her goofy toothless rocker ex hubby, Eddie Van Halen. I hear she has a new man and a new life. Good luck to her on the weight loss, if it's what she wants for herself, but, I don't see anything wrong with being a size 14.

Sara Jessica Parker out and about in NYC

Last night I snuck out to the dumpster in my PJ's with a towel around my head...and I still looked better than that.

Tyra Banks shnoze

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If you asked Tyra Banks, she put her hands on her hips and wag her finger and tell you she's got just what Jesus and her mama gave her. But, I think she's had another nose job. A meaner, snerlier once too.

Shar Jackson looks ......hot

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Shar Jackson had a little work done, some lipo, some more lipo, and some work on her jawline. She looks hot. No wonder K-Fed's been spending so much time with his ex. That, and the fact that she's not insane and doesn't own a green umbrella.

Rosario Dawson and Rose McGowan on Rolling Stone

Oh, people there's so much gossip here I can barely face the task of typing it all, so I'll try and make it short. Rose McGowan (right) seems to be some femme fatale who lured director Robert Rodriguez away from his wife of 16 years and thier 5 children as well. It was such a scandal that when the wife found out, Grindhouse production had to be halted for a month while everyone recovered.

Rose also seems to have hypnotized Quentin Tarantino into believeing she invented the word "cocksucker."

"The way Rose says 'cocksucker' is really great," says Tarantino. "It's the way she emphasizes the c-k. She'll screw up a line and say, 'Aw, fucking cocksucker!''

Oh, please..she's a good looking woman, but, these guys act plumb crazy around her. What? Did the bitch steal some secret pheremones that make men insane or did she keep a love spell from the Charmed book? Because this is nuts. She even got Rolling Stone to put her on the cover..I thought that was a damn music rag. Color me confused.

Ron Jeremy "attacks" again

Here's another woman who claims porn legend Ron Jeremy touched her titty without permission. Give me a break. If you stand in line for a greasy old porn king who probably has head cheese on his wanger from 1979 and who signs titties all day...you get what you deserve. And you need to wipe the shit eating porn grin off your face while he's "assaulting" you. This is bull and Ron may face charges. I say once again..people are stupid.

Who has this message on thier arm?

I won't make you guess. It's Lindsay Blohan. She has asthma and needs a reminder. Cough. It's not a tat, it's raised, more of a scarifcation thing, which should suit her because we all know she's a cutter. I know lots of ppl with asthma and they don't need a reminder to breathe. She must be a little slow. Maybe it should have read "Put down the pack of Marlboros you're always clutching."

Mary Kate and her boy friend

MK and her bf, Max Snow at a Rangers game, sharing a coke and making out. She almost looks normal when you see her like this.

Ugly Betty turns into hot Betty

America Ferrera on the cover of W mag and an inside shot. So, how long do us fans of the show have to wait for Betty to have the transformation? She works for a fashion mag, how hard is it for someone to do a makeover on her? At least get rid of that flea bitten wig she wears..geez.

Keith Richards..I was joking!

Disney freaked out about Keith saying he snorted his dead dad and they're worried about what effect this statement will have on the Pirates movie. So, basically they ordered him to take it back and his rep has issued a statement saying he was joking and did NOT snort his dear old dad. They can issue all the statements they like, I know he did it and he doesn't give a fuck. That's why I like Keith Richards. Hell, I heard he tried to snort his mom and she was still alive.

Call 911..no scratch that idea

Tom Cruise has a great idea to bring Scientology to firefighters and police. He's going to NYC and is starting a "detox" program for all emergency workers. There will be a big gayla including a dinner with a table for eight going for 100 grand to raise money for a Scientology clinic.

"The downtown Manhattan clinic offers free Scientology-inspired treatments to firefighters, cops and other rescue workers exposed to high levels of toxins at Ground Zero. "

I have no clue what treatments he's offering, but, I do know this..the city itself plans to fund hundreds of thousands of dollars to this crapola. Look for some irate taxpayers on this one, and who the hell can blame them? Since when does the Little General command city funds for his crazy religious projects? Who the hell listens to his half baked schemes? Call this just plain shameful on the part of city officials.

Unfortunate choices in boobie wear

Lindsay Blohan proves she actually owns a bra, and it must have some pretty sturdy underwiring too, unfortunatly, this is how she chose to wear it. Ish.



Uma Thurman owns a sporty bikini top. It looks like the manufacturer forgot the middle..or any support at all. No mirrors in your world, Uma? What a shame. How about some duct tape?

Pete has a surprise for Kate Moss

Pete Doherty has thought up the best most romantic gift for Kate. He's going to pierce his weenie for her. Not once but several times. Kate is off modeling for a few days so it's the perfect time to poke holes in his ween and decorate it with weener jewelry. Lucky Kate! Lucky all of us, because you know we'll see it, Pete's not shy. I hope he hangs a bong off it and maybe one of those wind spinner whirly gigs. Kate will be bowled over by the romance of it all. Can we call him Cheesy Pete now?

Whore Hilton...loves her fans

A true fan of ParAss tracked her to the Roosevelt Hotel last night and was screaming at her in adoration, "I love you Paris" "You're so sexy!" "I love you, sexy!"

What did ParAss do? She rolled down the car window and yelled "Hey, whore!" at the fan, then drove off with all her crappy low life friends laughing at the poor sap. If I ever said anything nice about this rotten whore..I take it back. She's an asshole with a capital A.

Rosanna Arquette in her bikini thingy

When you get to be 47 years old and no amount of sucking it in or hoisting it up is going to make you look attractive in half naked paparazzi photos, it's time to think one piece. Someone needs to tell Rosanna Arquette that. The What About Brian star looks, well, sad in Maui. Does anyone else watch that show? I kind of like it and her too, but, jeeeez come on. Age gets us all eventually, it's time to try and be a bit classier.

Britney Spears is a spiller

I always thought it was Poontangs kids who spilled crap all over her, but, seems I was wrong. The kids are nowhere to be found and she's still stained like a laundry hamper in a frat house. I'll admit she's looking rather cute here, though I still don't understand long sleeved tops with shorts and NO ONE will ever sell me on oversize newsboy hats.

Ashlee Simpson's haunted house

Seems Ashlee's new digs came with an unseen tenant. The ghost of a little girl who bounced a ball. Ashlee had a spiritual cleansing done on the home. I don't think that's a bit weird, I think it's sensible. What I do think is weird is how Ashlee is turning into Jessica and Jessica looks like the old Ashlee. Maybe they're trying to confuse thier perv dad, or maybe they take turns being "the cute one." But, it's creepin' me out.

Hilary Duff is a bad girl

This is how it starts. Tired of being the eternal virgin and having your bf snatched by anorexic reality stars who put out, you start hanging out with Lindsay Blohan and clubbing, then sure as you're born, you begin shooting beavers for the paparazzi. Words out she's hanging with Stavros Niarchos too. ParAss will have her killed. Hil is just not bad enough to be pulling this stuff. She can dress in black and buy skull bags all she wants, the silly bitch is out of her league with these people. Rehab is cool, Hil, so are track marks. Dumbass.

James Haven says Shiloh is his namesake

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James Haven says Shiloh was named after him, he says his middle name was originally Shiloh...

He said, "At the last second, my parents gave me Haven instead. It was very cool when Brad and Angie came to me and said: 'We're thinking of names and our favourite is Shiloh. We know that was your original name, so would that be OK?'. "I was almost in tears - I was so honored."

Oh, why doesn't this weirdo shut the F up? If I see him slurping face with his freaky sister one more time, I'll puke. I doubt his original name was Shiloh unless that means incest in some unknown hippie language.

In the clink for Joe Francis

The Girls Gone Wild producer pissed off a judge and is going back to jail. He contempted (it's a word cuz I say so) the court in the case where seven women are suing him. He yelled asshole talk to the women in the courtroom and went back on his settlement offer. The judge ordered him back to jail and said..

"He may have snookered us and gotten out Saturday, but he's coming back."

Yeah, Joe, maybe ParAss Hilton will write to you in jail. Asshole.

Long story short...

This is Howie Day, he's a singer. He's the one Britney Spears was seen playing tennis with in rehab and sneaked off in the bushes to dry hump. Now he's her new boy friend. Poontang says he's talented and a great kisser. This just days after she asked Kevin if he was sure the divorce was what he wanted. Kevin said it was and Britney is now in love with this guy. Such is love in Hollywood. He's not as fug as she usually likes 'em. Let's see if this lasts until the next issue of the weekly rags.

I beg to differ...

Life and Style has this pictorial contest pitting celebs against each other for fashion. In this pic Jessica Simpson and Katie Holmes Cruise carry the same humongous Badgley Mischka bag. Katie is the winner, according to them, because she pairs it with a matching coat and more fashionable shoes, while Jess wears Uggs.

I say they need to look at the bigger picture. Jessica actually has something to pack in that monstrosity because she's following John Mayer on his tour (insert nose in ass) and has to take everything she needs along with her. Katie, on the other hand is just strolling along with a huge empty bag and a vacant look. That bag most likely contains her and Suri's passport and a couple of extra diapers. She's just hoping to see an attempt to escape and board a plane while the Little General is snoozing. At $1495 that thing should have air vents for Suri, should the right occasion arise. Until she actually escapes..Jess is the winner.

Director Bob Clark killed by a drunk driver

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Bob Clark the director of "A Christmas Story" and producer of the "Porkys" films was killed today when a drunk driver hit his car head on on the Pacific Coast Highway. Let me get this in my brain, a man who had a life and actually did something with it and brought some joy to others is now dead because some asshole decided he could drive drunk. >shakes head< Clarks 22 year old son, Ariel was also killed in the crash. The drunk driver is in the hospital expecting a full recovery.

Hayden Panettiere gets mad over an identitiy mistake

Video of Hayden Pantyliner getting all kinds of pissed off because some pap mistakes her for Lindsay Bohan. She screams "Don't EVER call me that again!" You really have to click on the vid to see what a real snot she is. Future whore in rehab, if you ask me.

John and Jessica on the beach

Uhhh, maybe he carries her around to avoid looking at her face? I don't know, but, he doesn't look bad shirtless, that's for sure.



In this one they almost look like they're talking to each other, but, I'm sure it was because she stopped short while carrying all his luggage.

Sanjaya at three

Sanjaya at age three. Before the crazy hair, but, according to his mother he was always a singer. Okay, mom, whatever you say.

Guess who's bestest friends now?

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These two. Lindsay Blohan and Hilary Duff. The used to have a fued going because they both humped that little twat rag, Aaron Carter. Though with goody two shoes Hilary it was probably the world worst dry hump. Anyway, now the two are best friends. Hil says of Lindsay..

"She's really fun," says Duff of Lohan. "We were hanging out the other night and she's a nice girl."

Don't be even more moronic than you usually are, Hilary..if The Blow is nice to you it means you have something she wants. And she will have it. I give this friendship one week. Duff is going to need some intensive therapy over this.

Tori Spellings new baby boy

There's Liam, the new bundle of Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott. He's a cute little guy. Tori says childbirth is painful. Duuuh.

In other Tori news it seems her "dreamboat" Dean decided to let a huge noisy fart on camera during a filming of thier show Inn Love for the Oxygen Network. Tori was the one who needed oxygen and Dean tried to blame it on the dog. I'd rather BE in labor than sit next to such a gross out.

K-Fed set for life in the settlement

Well, well, seems Kevin Federline doesn't have to settle for the paltry million of last weeks reports (which I skipped because I'm smarter than that)...looks like it will be closer to 13 million PLUS 50 grand a month in child support. AND half the Malibu mansion. I think it's great and fark the Kevin haters. If he was a woman taking care of two kids by a big crazy star everyone would be cheering for him to get more. Now that we know just how loony Poontang can be, can't we kind of imagine what he had to put up with? He earned his money.

Report...Spears was reluctant to proceed with the divorce but allegedly told Federline, "You're the biggest mistake I've ever made, but thank you for my babies."

She should have said "thank you for taking care of my babies because I have no intention of being tied down with the little pests."

Gweneth Paltrows kid's got some weird eyebrows

Does anyone have an explanation as to why Apple Martin has drawn on eyebrows?? Did her moms crack pipe finally explode or is this a Brit thing? You know, because Gweneth is a British lady now. Cough.

Sanjaya sings "Cheek To Cheek"

Because we can't get enough of this kid. I didn't watch it, why should I when I can see it on You Tube the next day? The voting on Idol has been a joke for several seasons if you ask me. I'm sick of this phoney show and getting pissed over it. I hope Sanjaya wins and pisses everyone who watches it off. Goooo Sanjaya!!!

James Haven talks about his sister

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James on Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt..

"I have never seen any sign of tension between them. They make all their decisions together. It's rubbish that she tries to control him. They have a balanced relationship; they each do their stuff. I've never seen moments where one is nagging or controlling the other."

He did concede that his sister likes to be the leader in the relationship, "All great leaders are controlling."

Ummmmm, I don't know when Jolie became a leader, but, whatever. I just can't see Brad sitting down in front of a ballgame and sharing some beers with this guy. He makes me want to go hide somewhere safe and dark..armed with silver bullets and big dogs.

What really happened between Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton

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Kim's running her big mouth again and says she didn't want to play sidekick to ParAss in the world of party whore where they reside. Kim also says she wants no part of Britney Spears because she doesn't want to be caught up in that whole "Brit fucked some dude in a restroom" hoopla and all the drugging going on.

First of all, the only reason for Kim to be bringing all this up now is for attention. Her silly ass excuses for narcing off her friends don't cut it with me. It was none other than Kim Kardashian herself who narced Britney Spears off on the bathroom fiasco. (The one I know about is Brandon Davis) You know, young people party and do stupid things, just because we made fun of Brit for that doesn't mean we actually gave a crap. Now Kim claims she doesn't do drugs or booze and that's more ridiculous babble from a know liar. Yeah, she never had a sex tape either, even though I had links to it on here.

I don't like this girl and she dumped on Paris Hilton big time. Now you guys know I think Paris is a spoiled ego driven turd most of the time, but, damn! She has the worst luck in friends. Maybe she has a reason for being so nasty..people have really dumped on her and used her like a dog.



As for Poontang...she dumped Paris too, telling her she was bad for her image THEN going on to psycho out alone and end up in rehab. I can't help but think these are just bad friends. How can all this crap be ParAss's fault?

Travolta..plane trouble, forced landing

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John Travolta encountered some problems with his jet Monday night. He was piloting his Qantas Boeing 707 from Germany to New York when he encountered engine problems as he flew over Ireland. John had to make an emergency landing at Shannon Airport in Ireland. He then grounded his plane and took a commercial flight to his destination, but, he admitted being a bit shook up.

I think he just flew a bit too high looking for another planet where he could build a dome city for his family. And he was probably expecting a few aliens to join him, that's why his 707 has three bedrooms. Seriously, this dude flies a friggin' house around, but, wants me to recycle mayonaise jars. And people wonder why I'm cranky.

It's no joke..Ashlee Simpson to record with Cure frontman Robert Smith

Ashlee and Robert Smith will record a duet together.

"It is believed the duo's unlikely pairing has been masterminded by Fall Out Boy star Pete Wentz who is rumoured to have dated Ashlee and is close friends with Smith."

"However, Wentz denies he has anything to do with it, telling Entertainment Weekly: "I doubt I had anything to do with it, because they were friends since she was performing in 'Chicago'. But I definitely only have good things to say about Ashlee - I think the collaboration could be great."

What's not to like, she lip syncs real good! And she can do a ho down too!

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss hanging out

In this low key hangin' out video Pete sings to Kate as she swings in a wicker chair and joins in. It's actually very sweet. She says "Sonny and Cher were not."

Sanjaya gets an offer from the Colonel

KFC has offered free chicken for life if Sanjaya will wear a bowl hairdo on Idol to promote the KFC Famous Bowls. Oh, and they will cut a check to a charity in his name. Will Sanjaya do it? What do you think? I couldn't be worse than the faux hawk and he did that for free.