Carrie Underwood CMT awards

Uhhh, okay, it's not like I watch this stuff, so I don't know, but, is THAT what you get for winning?? A giant redneck belt buckle? For real? What the hell are people supposed to do with that lame ass thing?

Brad and Angelina fighting again

Brad and Angie are at it again over the usual stuff. According to a big mouthed friend of Brads, he yelled at Angie "I don't love you anymore, you're not the woman I fell in love with!" After Brad calmed down he said "Why are we doing this? We're both unhappy..let's just walk away before it gets any worse."

Yeah, I know, who is this "friend" and do Brad and Angelina really fight in front of thier friends? Do they even have any friggin' friends? Who knows, but, I do think they fight a lot. I think he's in over his head and freaking out about now. I still give it a couple more years before he walks out taking "the blob" with him.

Ding dong..gross out calling

Paparazzi hanging outside Amy Winehouse's place got a shot of her answering the door for the mailman in her bra. I was just looking at her tattoos. Damn, that's some butt-fugly stuff. WTF was she thinking?

Two boring people have a boring breakup

Oh, sad, boo hoo...Jessica Alba and Cash Warren have broken up. I don't know anyone in the universe who gives a crap, but, hopefully this will be an end to the "sad" Alba pictures. If I see one more photo of this silly brain dead overrated twat walking around looking "sad" and speculation about said "sadness" I will throw up chunks.

Now I suppose we have to hear who she might be hooking up with and of course, the occasional mention of him with some Vegas hooker tranny. Unless she hooks up with Danny Bonaduce or James Blunt, I'm done with this.

Don't do it Kevin!

Nasty ParAss had to strike a pose with K-Fed at a party in Vegas at Tao. Kevin posed with both Herpes Hilton and Fug Hilton, but, he didn't hook up with either one. ParAss was probably just trying to piss Britney off some more and make her go off her nut again. She was actually there with her (cough) boy friend, Josh Henderson. No word on what Josh thinks of ParAss hooking up with James Blunt. And she did. She invited Blunt to come to her house and watch her dance on her stripper pole, and he did.




Hey GirlieMan, she's cheating on you? Don't you read the blogs??

Shanna Moakler points the finger

Shanna Moakler has had enough of "two little girls with too much time on thier hands" and is upset because her accounts have been hacked, so she's putting out their information. Now's your chance it you ever wanted to call to ParAss Hitlon or write Lindsay Blohan. See her post on her My Space.

Alec Baldwin humiliates his daughter on Letterman

This was on the night before Alecs scary rant to his daughter Ireland was released. Here he just makes fun of her and humiliates her for a laugh.

Britney...childless and loving it

Britney Spears is enjoying her time with no kids. The agreement is..she gets to have them with her every other weekend. But, according to sources in Kevins family, she makes excuses to take them back early or says she has to leave and tells Kevin to come get them. Poontang says with all the work she's been doing on her new album, she's just too busy to take the kids. She also feels like she took care of them enough and now it's Kevins turn.

Hmmm, well, if she can't handle it, she can't and that's that. Better they're with dad and his family than constantly with nannies. Sources say she loves buying the little boys toys and presents, but, she can't take care of them for more than a few hours. The little one probably doesn't know the difference, but, I can't help but wonder what Sean P. thinks, since he was attached at her hip for the last year and a half and now she's gone. But, oh well, she gets her shopping and sushi eating done. Anyhow, screw it, it's all Larry Rudolphs fault anyway.

I picture her phone calls something like this..
Poontang: "Ewww, Kevin, something stinky's coming out of it and it won't stop crying. Y'all need to come and get it!"

On and off the runway

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These photos of the same Valentino dress crack me up. Looks pretty different on a professional model strutting the runway than it does on Emmy Rossum, who's pretty much an ordinary person. It went from hot to "gee, a walking lampshade." Get a mirror before you buy this stuff.

Paris and James Blunt

Someone always has a camera. Ewwww.

Cameron Diaz so drunk she can't find her car

Everyone deserves to tie one on now and then, but, when you get so drunk you end up at ParAss Hiltons house with the rich-whore crowd, maybe you should rethink things. That's what happened to Cameron yesterday when she partied too hard at Teddys and ended the evening in the Herpes nest. She also couldn't find her own car, tried to climb into another one and was finally rescued by her driver. At least she has a driver. ParAss should take a note on that one. Even with all her legal trouble, ParAss is still driving. I was just a little disappointed because Diaz doesn't look as hidious as she usually does. Maybe drinking agrees with her?

Gillian Anderson hates TV

London Telegraph’s John Preston asked Gillian Anderson about possibly returning to TV some day, she screeched, “Oh, shut the [bleep] up! Are you kidding me? My God, I don’t even watch television. I don’t like television. I never have liked it. The whole concept of sitting down in front of a TV feels like one of the things that’s destroying society, as far as I’m concerned.”

Does someone need a reality check here? I don't remember a damn thing she ever did except X-Files. I'm so sorry being a major TV star ruined society for her. What a snooty and stupid thing to say. I don't even want to watch her re-runs now. Well, maybe for Mulder, yeah, just for Mulder. I'll close my eyes when the bitch comes on.

Cory Kennedy narcs off Paula Abdul

It's been awhile since I checked Corys blog, really I haven't felt much like untangling Corys crazy codes lately, but now I find this little gem..

"came home, met up with jack to go to smashbox studios to see the thrive show. the collection was very grunge, with a tad of a futuristic twist. paula abduel was there.... and im 99% positive she was on xanax. she could hardly talk let alone walk on her own. i dont know how she presents herself so well, while being completely out of it. i would have never thought if i hadnt seen it myself. sad sad sad. it was so nice to see shana and crew! "

Cory, the little teenage media whore, doesn't even bother to do her initial-nic-name-code crap with Paula, like she does with Blowhan and others. She must think Abdul is too high to smack her one. Someday Paula will get sober for a few minutes and be pissed about this. But, then she'll pop another hand full of happy pills and forget. It's all good.

Is James Blunt dating Paris Hilton?

According to the spys, it's true. Hilton showed up at Teddy's in L.A. Wednesday night with sister Nicky, David Katzenberg and James Blunt. James and ParAss were dancing close, holding hands and kissing. What happened to Josh Henderson?

And once again, Poontang talks, no one understands

According to Page Six they got an e-mail from Britney's father concerning her firing of Larry Rudolph.

Jamie Spears: "When Larry Rudolph talked Britney into going into rehab, he was doing what her mother, father and team of professionals with over 100 years of experience knew needed to be done. She was out of control. Larry was the one chosen by the team to roll up his sleeves and deliver the message, to help save her life."The Spears family would like to publicly apologize to Larry for our daughter's statements about him over the past few weeks. Unfortunately, she blames him and her family for where she is at today with her kids and career. Larry has always been there for Britney. For this, we will forever be grateful to him."

Oh, crap, we all know how she thinks Larry was the one responsible for making her divorce Kevin, telling her to hang out with ParAss Hilton and wrecking her life. She blames Hilton for her crotch shots and Larry for the fact that Kevin doesn't want her lame ass anymore.

According to Perez (who knows everything in the world) Poontangs new rep, Leslie Sloane-Zelnick gave this statement on behalf of her client.

"I am praying for my father. We have never had a good relationship. It's sad that all the men that have been in my life do not know how to accept a real woman's love. I am concentrating on my work and my life right now."

And once again, I have no idea how a person can be born with no brain and survive. WTF? It's like Poontang reaches back to her butt and pulls out some turd of wisdom that makes sense only to half wits in la la land. A real womans love? What are you a Simpson sister now?

Alec Baldwin threatens his kid

I've never paid much attention to the Alec Baldwin/Kim Basinger fued, but, now there's a voice message by Alec left for his 11 year old daughter, Ireland, that is pretty freaky. He goes comletely wacko on it, yelling at Ireland and calling her a thoughtless little pig and threatening to "straighten her ass out" a couple of times. It doesn't sound like that big a deal until you hear it. It's really kind of scary. His voice goes all threatening and you wonder what in hell punishment this kid is in for. Take a listen on TMZ.

His reps say he has apologized to the child and somehow managed to blame the whole thing on her mother. Hmmm, I don't buy it. That guy is friggin' psycho and I wouldn't want my kid near him. He also doesn't seem to know if she's 11 or 12. Chalk this up to, sickest item of the week.

Oh, Beth, WHY???

Beth Ditto of Gossip gives quite the show. My question is why?? The whipping off the shirt onstage, I understand. It gets hot up there and people really shouldn't be ashamed of what they look like..we're all made differently and no one's perfect, but, cripes. These are the nicest of the set of Beth photos, the rest were..well, I don't want to ruin anyone's breakfast. It would be different if she was some kind of shock act getting her 15 min by being totally gross so people could wonder wtf? But, Beth Ditto is truely talented beyond measure and really doesn't need to go here to get noticed. Beth, I can see your pooty. It's something I never needed to see. Why does everyone I love go insane?

911 Firefighters fighting mad at Tom Cruise

The firefighters in NYC are pretty mad at The Little General for this goofy fund raiser which he claims is for a detox program for FDNY members who faced health risks while working at Ground Zero. They don't support Tom or his cause in any way. In fact, they want all firefighters to stay away from this event and project.

Some fireman who have accepted the free treatment already were then duped into a ploy to get them to join the Church of Scientology. The Scientology's detox program is called Purification Rundown, which has no proven scientific or medicinal benefits thus far.

Who does this little puke think he is? Did he really think he could get away with using city funds for some religious scheme and no one would say a word? He's so glib.

The firing of the cunts

The fashion gruesome twosome of Joan & Melissa Rivers has been replaced by pillow lips, Lisa Rinna. TV Guide Channel supposedly fired the twisted mother and daughter diva team because they're such nightmares to work with.

Joan said, "I will tell you my true feelings and experiences as soon as we finalize our new deal."

Yeah, get your plastic self and your fug daughter another gig, Joan. People love monkey twats who hawk cheap jewelry and wear rabid racoons while sniping at others. And Lisa, just remember the rules..if they're wearing red, they're fabulous. If not, talk about them behind their back while wearing something moronic off the rack.

Pete loves his paparazzi

Pete Doherty serves up some water and ketchup for the paparazzi. I call it assault with a deadly condiment. What's behind his back? Mustard?? Oh, Pete ya too violent.

Jennifer Aniston..Then and now

Where the frick did Rachel go? Seriously, how does this happen??

Bye Bye Sanjaya

Awwww, just a little tribute to the fallen near hero. The kid who almost took down AI. Almost. Gave it a helluva try. But, the voters voted. It's all fair. Cough. Cough.

Lindsay Lohans private messages

The Blows private My Space was hacked and her brain dead messages are out there to read now. This was the funniest one, seems to be a girl fight between her and ParAss Hilton over Perez and what's on his blog. I love the "go suck Elliots dick".....LMAO! Mintz doesn't play for thier team, does he?

Is this stuff real? I don't know, but, based on the lame ass subject matter and previously seen Blohan writing skills, I'd have to say, yeah. There's more at Hollywood Grind.

Lily Allen..take a hike America

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From Lily Allens My Space..
Hey Guys , I'm writing to tell you that I have cancelled many of my May and June tour commitments in America . The reason for this , is because my mummy and daddy are very rich , and I have never been in a position where i have actually had to do any hard work before . I thought that being a popstar meant going out getting trashed with famous people and sleeping in all day. The fact that this is not true has come as a huge dissapiontment to me , and as a result I am throwing the towel in.
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She goes on to say she's been on a drunk lately and doesn't want people paying to see a bad show and everyone can just get thier money back. I don't quite know what to say to this. On the one hand, it cracks me up, at least she's not blaming anything on anyone else (hear that Britney?) On the other hand..maybe if she's too drunk and bored to do America, I'll just be too bored to ever post any more of her music. Oh, and the spelling and punctuation are all hers, don't fuck with me over it.

Jessica looks like an old bag

More photos of Jessica Simpson not lookin' so good. This is just a progression from the last few weeks. In the first one she looks like my 80 year old aunt Ruth going to play some Keno in Vegas. In the second one (most recent) she seems to have borrowed someones disco pants from the 70's and forgotten her bra. If those things sag anymore she's going to be counting six toes on each foot. In the third one she's reunited with the most important person in her life...Ken Paves.

There's this story going around about Vanessa Minnillo wanting to steal J-Lo's hair stylist..problem is, J-Lo's hair stylist is Ken Paves who is even more famous for kissing Jessica Simpsons ass than for his beauty pagent hair do's. WTF? Can't these bitches find another fawning gay guy to rat thier cheap extensions? Ken can't be the only queen in Hollywood with a skanky wig line and a blow dryer.

Larry Birkhead with Dannielynn

OK mag paid a mint for these photos and I just think they're sweet. There's a hate campaign against Larry right now and it seems to be coming from Anna Nicoles redneck mom, Vergie. I'm not even going to bother with a photo of that idiot, Kerrick Ross, who claims to be Larry's ex gay lover. Who the frick cares? Everytime someone gets a little fame, buttwipes crawl out of the woodwork like hungry maggots looking for thier 15 minutes.

Angelina Jolie talks about bizarre things

Just when I though Blohan was the craziest person I'd quote today Angelina comes along and blows Blohan out of the loony fame arena.


Angelina Jolie says she was "sexual" in kindergarten.The actress was interested in the opposite sex from a very early age and "made out" with boys at nursery. She said in an interview with Britain's OK! magazine: "I was a member of a group called the Kissy Girls. I was very sexual in kindergarten. I created a game where I would kiss the boys and give them cooties."Then we would make out and we would take our clothes off. I got in a lot of trouble!"

The brunette lost her virginity aged 14 to her first boyfriend, and has revealed she began cutting him with a knife after the sex "wasn't enough". Angelina explained: "I had started having sex with my boyfriend and the sex and the emotions didn't feel enough. I was no longer a little girl. In a moment of wanting to feel closer to my boyfriend I grabbed a knife and cut him. He cut me back."We had an exchange of something and we were covered in blood, my heart was racing. Then whenever I felt trapped, I'd cut myself. I have a lot of scars."It was an age when I felt adventurous and after a few beers things happened."

The 31-year-old stopped self-harming when she adopted five-year-old Cambodian boy Maddox.Angelina said: "It had something to do with becoming a mother. That was the biggest change in my life and made me feel complete. I learned to accept responsibility for myself, my children and my partner."
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Come on. How is it even remotely normal for a 14 year old girl to be excited about cutting up her partner and being covered in blood after sex? This reads like some bizarro serial killers death row confession. She's just friggin' creepy as hell. I'm thinking every time she needs to see the blood she just adopts. Gee, I sure hope the world gives her some more oprhans to raise or who knows what will happen.

Jessica Simpson to host Pussycat Dolls show

Jessica is all excited about hosting a Pussycat Doll show in Vegas at Pure. Really? She thinks it's a time for her to get sexy and be back in the spotlight. Really? It sounds to me like a "has been" gig. Denise Richards did it last year and only managed to look like a hooker for a day. I think Simpson's scraping the bottom of the fame barrel. In fact, hosting the PD's is kinna more like whiffing the fumes off the fame barrel. Daddy needs to have a talk with her. She's not looking so hot lately. Next thing you know she's be releasing a remake of Popozao and signing autographs in laundromats.

Ford and Flockhart to be married

Harrison Flab and Calista Flockfart will tie the knot legally after shacking up for 400 years. Does anyone give a crap? I didn't think so. I will challenge my friend Crabbie on the most boring couple announcement. These two make Gosling and McAdams look like front page news.

The wedding and reception will be held in Flockfarts nostrils.

Tori's baby

People keep picking on this kid, and dang! I mean, yeah, he's not the most beautiful child in the universe, but, he was just freed from being squashed in a uterus, which is not exactly a 5 star hotel. Give him a break..he'll outgrow it. I'll bet you baby insulting bloggers were no prizes at that age.

Will Ferrell "The Landlord"

I found a You Tube version of The Landlord. Sorry, that other link doesn't seem to work right. Take a look at this if you'd like seeing Ferrell upstaged and out acted by a two year old girl. She's toooooooo funny.

Guy Richie knows his wife's an asshole

Guy Richie not only didn't go with Madonna on her Malawi trip (which she says is just for charity work and not another adoption, but, we'll friggin' see) but, Guy also had some advice the material girl. He told her not to be riding around in a "phalanx of chauffeur-driven cars." And he told her this time she'd better get her hands dirty. It's not like I actually know what a "phalanx" is, but, I'm pretty sure it implies Richie is sick of his wife's spoiled rotten diva attitude and thinks this whole trip is some rich bitche's indulgence and publicity move. Where's Rocko? Did Guy forbid him to go picking field corn with his designer wearin' mummy, the paparazzi, and all the poor orphans? Does anybody have a clue as to why this bitch is there?

Lohan talkin' crazy again

She claims to be on the wagon, but reports are of her making endless trips to club bathrooms. Sure, it could be the gallons of water she's always toting around, but, I prefer to think of those as product placement. Now she's opening her mouth again, which is always a bad idea. Here's some recent quotes..

"When my friends and family are around me I feel like they're safe . . . When my friends have left me - I've just seen everything collapse. They're not safe without me."

"It's so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab."

"Everybody's tired of hearing things about me and them . . . I think it's just better for me to lie low and get better."

Does "lie low" mean clubbing constantly and making people wait in a line outside the john because you have to be in there every 5 minutes? Does "lie low" mean doing everything in your power to get the paps to follow you around? I think everyone is safer without you. You just keep talking crap and next time you'll be in a loony bin writing pretend emails with a crayon.

Britney fashion week continues

It's just not blogging unless I include Poontangs latest fashions. Leg warmers worn over cowboy boots..someone explain that reasoning. And the blue babydoll is brilliant y'all. The patern looks inspired from baby spit up. Too bad she can't blame it on the kids. Kids? What kids?

Sanjaya and his dew rag

Sanjaya singng country. If you can get through his boring off key rendition of "Something To Talk About" you get to hear Simon say "Uttahly whore-endus." I couldn't agree more. I hope he wins.

Short flim..The Landlord

VIDEO called simply "The Landlord" starring Will Ferrell and the two year old daughter of Adam Mckay. This is a pretty amazing child actress, check it out.

Jessica's a boobie head

It's just mean when the only reason you get your photo taken anymore is because you're with John Mayer. Jessica decides to get her a little solo press by walking around pretending to be unaware that her huge boobs are bouncing around like they have a life of their own and are trying to hurl themselves off her chest and into the arms of the paps. Even though Jess and her daddy have always sworn her's are the real thing, this photo makes me doubt it. Gotta give the girl props though, she may not know tuna from chicken, but, she damn sure knows when to let the girls out.

Paris Hilton leaves a little something behind

ParAss was trying on teeny bikini's recently at Fred Segal boutique when a salesgirl spotted something we'd all be better off not knowing. Salesgirl said "I'm sorry, but you've got to buy these because you aren't wearing underwear." Paris, burning, snapped: "I'm not buying these suits - they don't even fit!" Then she tossed the 300 dollar bikinis at the girl and stormed out without buying a thing.

My conclusion? With the Herpes Heiress going comando in posh botiques and Poontang letting it all hang out in Target, I think we should all shop through catalogues. There are some things the stars have that I DON'T want. Ahem.

Silly Putty fixes her face..sort of

Courtney Love claims she got her old nose back. I didn't even know they saved those things. She does look better now, though who she looks like is questionable. She sort of resembles Courtney Love, but, not really. I'm surprised she didn't say she grew her old nose back since she told us diet and exercise made her skinny again and it had nothing to do with gastric band surgery and constant puking. She needs to tell that story when she starts looking more human and less like the bag a human came in.

Heather Mills falls down...big surprise

It would have been hilarious in the first episode, but, now Heather has fans. Awwwww poor Heather fell off her artificial leg..she's so brave! Oh, give me a break. Seems like the world has forgotten this is the same lying bitch who said Paul McCartney made her crawl to the bathroom at night because he didn't allow bed pans in the sack. I don't even need to touch the irony of that Heather Mills crap. And now, even though I'll get reamed for it, I'm going to say what I really think of this dancing with one leg shit. If you don't have two legs, you can't be a dancer. Give up that dream, one legged people. That's like a blind person who wants to be an air traffic controller. It's stupid.

What sounds good..

The Nanny Diaries sounds entertaining, at least to people like me who'd love a peek into the real world of celebrities with all the wealth, opulence, waste, and farfetched demands of spoiled divas. How can anyone resist that? Even though it stars Scarlett Johansson, who I'm sure you've figured out, isn't a fav of mine, it is based on real stories of real nannies to the stars. And according to real nannies, it's based more on fact than fiction.

Page Six has a list of short horror stories from the actual celebutard nannies and it reads like a comedy of horrors.

"I was permitted to only use one bathroom in the house - there were nine others," says Jane, a nanny for the rich and fabulous who asked to remain anonymous in order to protect her job.

"I was told not to spend more than $10 on lunch for myself. Meanwhile, I would take the kids on thousand-dollar shopping sprees at FAO Schwarz," reports a former Fifth Avenue nanny who also wishes to remain anonymous. She has since moved on to a happier Park Avenue gig.

"After reading a grocery list of my tasks for the day, [my employer] threw the paper in my face and poked me with her pen," cries another nanny, who wants to remain anonymous due to a lawsuit she is filing against her former boss.

Ahhh, if only they'd give us names. Still...I'm excited about the prospect of who my mind can conjur up to fit these tales of Park Avenue woe. I don't delude myself into thinking this movie will be a good movie. I just want a peek, dammit, and I'm hoping it's as entertaining as the peek into the fashion world of The Devil Wears Prada. I really hope they didn't ruin my cheap voyeristic thrill with too much pouty Scarlett finding herself and true love. I just want to see rich bitches being stupid and Hollywoods children being complete spoiled brats. Oh, and maybe Scarlett will fall down in poop or get gum in her hair. Yeah, that'd be good too.