Hugh Laurie in Mens Vogue

Oh, hell yeah. Yum.

Pile on the makeup...

I just liked the picture. Wonk eye and dumb look. That's so hot. Oh, she just bought two new kittens. Where do all these animals go?




Here's another one I don't get anymore. I used to get her, she was hot. Now she looks like a bag of bones who hardly has the strength to hold herself upright. And her face is busted.

Hayden Pantyliner has words of wisdom

Pantyliner told People Magazine, "You go on these internet blogs and people say the meanest things. I’m a normal person. Just because I’m in the spotlight doesn’t mean I’m God’s gift to the world. I’m learning and making mistakes just like every other 17-year-old girl out there. "

I'm going to prove her wrong and say something nice about her right now. Ummmm. Uhhhhhh. I am, damn it, I swear I can do this. Ummmm. I'll get back to you.

NO wire hangers!!! to be replaced with "I said ONE square!!!"

Oh dear, Sheryl Crow might be in the process of adopting. When questioned the green crazy star said this..

"Absolutely..obviously, scientifically I'm getting older, but, I don't feel my age. If I were to adopt, I could love a child that came through somebody else's womb as easily as I coud love my own."

Then she added "as long as that child doesn't poop." Okay, she didn't say that, but, everyone who's had a kid will tell you, it's thier favorite activity, at least for the first year. What's she gonna do with her "one square" policy when she's covered from head to toe in stinky doody? Wal-Mart won't be able to stock enough baby butt wipes for this big mouth. It's easy to talk crap..let's see her live it.

Beth Ditto's advice column

Beth Ditto has some things to say and she will answer your questions..about anything, it seems. Beth's photos usually look like this, or worse. It would be very easy to make jokes and snarky observations, but, I can't. I can't because she makes sense. She's brilliant, talented, kind and caring. So, if you want to read the words of a celeb who's smart and real.. HERE'S her site. It's definitely worth spending some time on and beats the hell out of celeb blogs like John Mayer and his intellectual dribble about "light green." He needs to smoke some more weed. Anyway, Beth is very cool, I still wish she'd keep her clothes on more. I'm sorry..but, damn!

Alexis Arquette ..what's the big deal?

Yeah, everyone knows, born the brother of David Arquette (hubby of Courtney Cox), Rosanna Arquette and my fav Arquette, Patricia.. Alexis is now the sister of the other Arquettes. Must we dwell on this? As far as I know Alexis Arquette has never assaulted a paparazzi with a tub of baked beans, hit anyone with an umbrella, or starred in a movie about a dead bimbo. Alexis also has never shot the paps a beaver of her work in progress and she dresses way better than Britney Spears.

What do all these twats have in common?

They all think they're the star of the Anna Nicole Smith movie which will be spewed out of some meda whores anus very soon in order to cash in on the sensationalisim they THINK we crave.

First we have unknown, but, according to her, oh, so experienced Willa Ford. The F-listed nobody thinks she's a dead ringer (no pun intended) for Anna Nicole and this is her vehicle to stardom. Personally, I think just about any mental patient who's bleach blonde with huge knockers and a slur could play Anna Nicole, but, this brain dead bitch doesn't resemble her at all.

Then we have "style maker" Bobby Trendy playing himself in the movie. Yeah, he sold Anna Niclole bordello cheetah print chairs and tacky pink velvet walls. That makes him an important person in the true story of her life.

Last, but, not least, we have Anna's hairdresser, (who'd brag about that?) Daniel DiCriscio. He's all like "Im the star, I'm the star!" Now DiCriscio disses Bobby Trendy and tells him he has no business in this movie, throwing a royal hissy and threatening to kick Trendys ass. Trendy responded by making fun of Di Criscio in a short film that rambles about bad hair and a bunch of other insane crap that makes no sense. I'm just waiting for whatever bulldog faced old beer barrel they got to play Vergie to smack them all in the face with the graveside shovel.

Yeah, I know no one cares..that's my whole point. No one cares about this stupid movie they're going to slap together for 16 dollars and shove in our faces like we're all ignorant trailer trash poon just dying to see what the life of a dead, what was she again? Trimspa baby! Dear producer whores..shove this movie in your ass and be sure and take Bobby Trendy with you to redecorate your rectum.

Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Wiherspoon no longer an item

The couple who were never a couple have broken up.

OK! magazine claims that Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon have already broken up because Reese can't find time for Jake, leaving him "devastated." The last straw came on Easter weekend, when Reese went to church with her children instead of lunch with the Gyllenhaal clan, according to the mag.

Hmm, I never posted on the so called couple because I never believed they were a couple. Is Reese finally tired of being a beard? Witherspoon is one of these weird celebrities who actually seems to like her kids and spends time with them, but, I doubt her devotion to her children broke up this "romance." She needed to grow a penis to keep Jake interested. I'm not known for subtlety..he's so gay. He's Maybasket gay. He's Buttcrack Mountain gay. He's Bobby Trendy in a better shirt gay. Reese, please go find a guy who likes poon. You and Jake can always be friends and shave your legs together while giggling over gossip rags and ice cream drinks with little umbrellas in them.

Hugh Grant gets mooned

Ahhhh, this made my otherwise crappy morning. Hugh Grant is strolling down the street looking reasonably hot when some guy spots the cameras and decides to drop trou and show pudgy butt cheeks. This is even funnier than the other day when Grant was caught assaulting a paparazzi with a tub of baked beans. Yeah, that's what he was throwing, baked beans. I cracked up, because, you know, I'm blonde and not quite right in the head, so stuff like this is hilarious to me. I kept picturing headlines like "Paparazzi dead..baked beans to blame..Hugh Grant in custody!" Yep the great "baked bean caper." But, or should I say "Butt" now this. I know, I'm lame..still it IS funny. Wouldn't it be great if the pudgy butt guy started a nationwide movement to get butt cheeks in all celeb photos? I think it would be slapstick awesome..get out there, find a celeb and show your butt! The Dirty Disher will pay handsomely for photos of your butt with a celeb! And by handsomely, I mean three dollars in laundromat change and a half a pack of generic cigarettes.

Is Tinkerbell dead too???

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"NEW YORK, April 26 /PRNewswire/ -- Paris Hilton's naked "corpse" could provide an invaluable service to students preparing for prom this season.An interactive Public Service Announcement featuring the graphic display of a tiara-wearing, autopsied Paris Hilton with removable innards is designed to warn teenagers of the hazards of underage drinking. The display also features Tinkerbell, Hilton's forlorn pet Chihuahua with matching tiara, and debuts in the trendy Williamsburg, Brooklyn neighborhood whereprom-goers frequently dine, courtesy of Capla Kesting Fine Art."

If you always had a hankering to cut up ParAss Hilton and take out her innards, now's your chance. This ParAss "art" piece won't mind, she still has her cell phone in her hand in case she needs to call Niclole Richie and mumble "that's hot." Yep, this is just the ticket to make teenage boys and prom queens stop speeding, drinking, driving. Cough. I just don't know why they had to drag poor Tinkerbell into this mess. What'd Tink ever do to anybody?

The long lost Spears kids

Britney Spears makes a rare appearance with her kids. Well, we know that's Sean P. and we can guess that's Jayden in the carrier. Wearing her favorite "dance" outfit, she gets someone else to carry them so they won't block paprazzi shots of her newly revamped bod. I think this is the first time I've ever seen Sean P. dressed like a kid should be dressed..note the shoes, socks, hat. It's going to be a LONG weekend, Poontang..can you handle it?

Finally! A voice of reason

Just when we all thougth Dannielynn was safe to go home with her real dad, Vergie comes up with some backwoods scheme to block the trip, filing a appeal to keep the two in the Bahamas. A judge has looked at the appeal and deemed it "weak" and also slapped her with $3,000 in fines for wasting the courts time. Larry Birkhead is now able to take his daughter home.

I want to know what planet this crazy old twat lives on that she thinks she can do this stuff??? We all know Anna Nicole hated her and had nothing to do with her and she hadn't seen Daniel since he was a little boy. Anna even accused her of abuse. So what the F does she think she's doing? Everytime I hear about her meddling and crazy antics I get riled up. At least a judge finally saw her for what she is, and it cost her 3 grand. This old broad is crazier than a pet coon. She needs to go home to her trailer park, eat some twinkies and stfu.

The Perez Hilton cartoon show

Ah ha ha! This cracked me up. I got news for 'em though..we've already seen his vagina.

How come there are so many photos of Britney?

Because Poontang calls the paparazzi agencies before she leaves anywhere to tip them off on where she's going and where she'll be. This is only news because it means she actually thinks she looks good in her weird outfits and hick hats and crazy wigs.

Paris buys a birdie

Dang. I wanted to use this picture on another post, but, I couldn't find it in my mess of celeb crap. As soon as I didn't need it anymore, there it was, right in front of my face. So, Paris fell in love with this little peeper and bought him and took him home to do who knows what with. How many forgotten pets does she have now? And, when in hell does she see them? She's a sick collector. Why can't fools like ParAss collect hand bags or Hello Kitty? Why does it always have to be live things you feel sorry for? Somebody should check her freezer.

Stalker attacks Sandra Bullock and Jesse James

TMZ just broke a story about Sandra Bullock and her husband, Jesse James being terrorized by some lunatic woman named Marcia Valentine. Valentine showed up at the couples home and tried to run down Jesse in a Mercedes..not once, but THREE times while Sandra and her 10 year old step child looked on in horror! Jesse managed to avoid her and then the crazy laid down in their driveway and refused to move. Seems Valentine is obsessed with Sandra Bullock.

The couples rep, confirmed the story is true and Valentine was picked up by authorities this morning and is in custody.

Geez..maybe being a celebrity isn't so great sometimes. That sounded really scary to me. And Valentine looks like she's got some screws missing for sure. It's good no one was hurt, but, how long until they let this goofball out of jail? I'd be hiring some extra security and buying some big ass dogs. Even being married to Jesse James isn't enough when lunatics stalk you.

Lame publicity stuff for Minnillo

Vanessa Minnillo has her own little line of cosmetics now and loves to pose putting the lip smacking, fruity sex berry, bubbalishy, whatever the hell stupid name she came up with on. Didn't Jessica already do this? Yeah she did. I forgot..Vanessa likes Jessica's left overs. Now all she needs to do is go on QVC and forget which stupid line of reject products what she's hawking.

Mom Jeans video..pretty funny

Tyra Banks feels up Rosie O'Donnell

Tyra Skanks just CAN NOT keep her hands off other peoples tits. It's getting ridiculous. Click HERE to see her feel up Rosie. Don't blame me if you vomit. I think Rosie kind of liked it though.

Madame Tussaud's does Justin Timberlake

It really looks like him. It's fug. But, I wonder how they do this?? Do they put in the hair THEN buzz it or what? Who picks out the clothes and where do they get them? I'd just love to see them make one of these things. It's creepy, but, interesting. Look for a confused Britney Spears to be in there crying to this thing soon and posing in photos with it. Can't you just see the caption? "Britney Spears wins Justins heart again!"

Dannielynn and Larry Birkhead..back to America

Larry Birkhead finally gets to take his gorgeous daughter home as long as he brings her back June 8th for the custody hearing. Howard K. Smith will no doubt be at the airport sending them off in tears picturing all that cash flying away. Vergie is still up to her crap, trying to get some kind of custody. Larry says she's mistaken this for a marital custody hearing. Bitch doesn't seem to realize she's not the parent. Anyhow, good luck Larry and Dannielynn, may you someday get all these money grubbing whores out of your life for good.

Look alikes..Lindsay and Samantha

I just noticed that Lindsay Blohan and her girl Samantha Ronson look a lot alike. Samantha is The Blow with no freckles. According to people who know Lindsay, Samantha really is her girlfriend. Lindsay talks about it openly. She runs to Samantha when she's between men and then leaves Sam crying when she finds some new dick. That part doesn't surprise me. What weirds me out is how much they look alike. Isn't that like sleeping with yourself? Hmmm, there's a way to do that without listening to anyone annoy you, Blow. But, The Blow hates to sleep alone.

Becks goes blonde

David Beckham dyed his hair blonde. I don't think I like it. Do you?

Prince owns Paris Hilton

This story warmed the cockles of my heart. ParAss Hilton attended a Prince concert at Club 3121 in Vegas and Prince spotted her in the audience. He asked her to come up onstage with him and of course she happily obliged. He handed her a mic and said to the audience, “Let’s see if she can really sing!" ParAss stormed off the stage after two songs. I'm surprised she stood there for two songs. What was she doing? Her awesome handicapped white girl dance moves? Paris only lip syncs to her own CD on top of tables at clubs, and she farks that up. She can't sing, and I can't imagine what she thought she was doing onstage with Prince. I would have given everything I own to have been there.

THIS is the sexiest woman in the world

"The beauty topped British men's magazine FHM's annual 100 SexiestWomen in the World list."

See, I don't get this. She's basically a 12 year old girl who tee hees a lot. She reminds me of a pedos dream. I just don't get it. Here's the rest of the "Worlds Sexiest"...

1. Jessica Alba (actress)
2. Keeley Hazell (model)
3. Eva Longoria (actress )
4. Adriana Lima (supermodel)
5. Scarlett Johansson (actress)
6. Hayden Panettiere (actress)
7. Cheryl Tweedy (singer)
8. Angelina Jolie (actress)
9. Emily Scott (model)
10. Elisha Cuthbert (actress)

Uhhhh, what? That's the sexiest women they could come up with? Maybe we should start out own list..including one for men, of course. Heh.

The Baywatch movie

Pam Anderson in her famous red swimsuit for the Baywatch movie. I don't really know why we need a Baywatch movie, but, that's not improtant. The thing is that even though there's a few more hair extensions, a few more grody tattoos, and a few more inches of implants..Pam can still fit in her suit. And there's a whole lot of guys out there who'd still like to be rescued by Pam Anderson, and in the greater scheme of things, isn't that what's important?

Britney Spears is writing a tell all book

I love this one. Poontang is writing a book, and by writing a book, I mean she's going to get drunk and ramble incoherently to some poor sap who'll have to decipher her crazy bitching and brain dead made up stories. She plans to blame her booze and drug problems on Justin Timberlake who told her if she kept getting fat he wouldn't pork her. Really? That would have made ME live at McDonalds, but, this is Poon were talking about. She says Justin took her virginity and broke her heart sneaking around with other chicks. Ummm, didn't Timberturd write about a kajillion songs where SHE was the cheater?? And she had a serious boyfriend in her hometown, before Justin who claims he did everything and I mean everything to her BUT pork her, so big deal on her virginity. Anyway Timberturd killed her self esteem..cry on que now.

Then she wants to lay into her ex husbands, 'specially Federline who she says used her for money and his career. Umm, what career does K-Fed have exactly? Anyway, she swears Kevin made her suicidal.

THEN there's her mother Lynn, the ultimate stage mother from hell who drove poor Poontang so hard all her life and who's only goal was fame and fortune. Well, that part may be true, but, Britney wanted to be a star. Every since she was a little girl, she herself was obsessed with being famous. Lynn was just her enabler.

Britney broke the news of the book to her mom and dad who didn't take the news well. Lynn cried and sobbed and her dad, he told her if she bad mouthed the family she would regret it for the rest of her life. Please, daddy is exiled to the old poverty stricken childhood home while stage mommy lives in the Kentwood mansion. Poontang could hire a redneck hit man in a hot second. Daddy needs to shut up, because as lame as this book sounds, and as full of lies as we already know Brit is..I can't wait to get my hands on that sucker. Britney..please take time from boozing and searching for the next worthles man and just dictate!!!

Briteny Spears "I can drink if I want to y'all"

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Poontang has been caught slurping down wine with her cousin/handler Allie in several different private and public places lately. Britney feels that if she's having fun and not hurting anybody, then she doesn't need rehab.

Personally, I'm glad. When Briteny's drinking, party time is on..and the drugging and sex with idiots isn't far behind. It's good for bloggers. But, if she really doesn't think she hurts anybody..here's a picture to remind her of New Years when she passed out in public before midnight causing Pure nightclub to withold her wages, and then she was found passed out in her own vomit..which we've all seen. Yep, drinking is good to you Brit, have another. Have a case. Hook it up with an IV! You're fun when your shnokered.

Kate Beckinsale is not very bright

Kate Beckinslut really should just shut her mouth and look pretty. Saying stupid shit in public is not exactly endearing...

Miss Beckinslut said: “I believe anorexia, alcoholism and drug abuse in teens are more about what is happening in the home than a problem with images in the media."

“It is the nice girl’s way of becoming a crack whore.”

Hugh Grant attacks photographer

Hugh Grant went crazy on some photographer yesterday and threw some weird looking stuff at the guy, then he rushed him and started kicking him. It was all caught on camera, of course, because, well, that makes sense. Just like fighting with paps always makes sense. Hugh needed to borrow Britney Spears green umbrella. Somehow hitting them with a green umbrella is just funnier. This just looks lame.

Ashlee Simpson and daddy Joe

No story, just the ugliest photo of a famous father and daughter ever taken. It makes the Osbourne family album look like Vogue. And what with Ashlee's mouth? Are they smushed up against a pane of glass? That the only excuse for her lips looking like two old gummy worms left on a hot sidewalk.

First peeks at Scary Spice's baby girl

Melanie Brown, aka Scary Spice, has given baby photos to OK mag. She named the new baby Angel Iris Murphy Brown. Yeah, there's a joke there, but, I'm not going for it. Melanie put Eddie Murphy's name on the birth cetificate and wants Murphy to step up and take care of his kid. Okay, lets get the DNA test over, but, isn't this kind of a given? I thought seeing the headline "Eddie Murphy meet your daughter" on a magazine cover was sad. Pretty little baby though.

Joe Simpson wants to manage Britney Spears

As if Poontang doesn't have enough problems, Joe Simpson is offering his massive managerial skills to help out the fallen pop princess. To make matters worse, Jessica Simpson came up with the idea. Seems Jessica thinks Britney has fallen so far that they aren't in competition anymore (when were they ever??) and she thinks daddy Joe might be good for Brit. Excuse me, but, doesn't Britney have her own dysfunctional hillbilly family?? Oh, that's right I forgot...even though Britneys father is an old gun toting redneck bastard who talks about her to the press, there's never been any indication of incest. Maybe Joe can adopt Britney and THEN talk about her tits. Makes sense. Joe could make Britney's career as good as Jessica's is. Wow! In a year they'll both be damn lucky if they can snag Mischa Bartons Ked's gig. What planet do these Simpson morons come from?






Meanwhile, Poontang is busy ripping her tanks up so more boobage will show. I told you..with every pound lost, more skin shows. And the rumor from her trips to the hair stylist (yeah, I wondered why the frick this bald ass broad would need a hair stylist too) is that her hair is totally screwed. It's growing out uneven, with patches and red blotches. She's very upset about it. Well, frick! Take off the cheap dynel wigs and retarded hats and let your empty head breathe once in awhile. Geeeez. Does she sleep in that crap??

What's with the ring, Lindsay Lohan?

There's Lindsay Blohan in another of her absurd outfits trucking around town the other day. I won't even bring up the mans shirt paired with patent pumps, there are other things my gossipy eyes spotted. Not one blogger or news source has questioned that ring she's wearing aroung her neck. The ring she traded for the silver gun she was so fond of. Is that from Samantha Ronson? Word's out they're practically shacking up together. Everything Blohan does is calculated, from the handcuffs on her rearview to the tiny star inside her slash scarred wrist, so this ring is no haphazard bubble gum machine fashion. What's she trying to tell us now?