Isabella Cruise is feeling a little blue

Wonder what Tom Cruise thinks of his daughters Perez-Do? Isabella might be locked in the dungeon until it grows out.

Lindsay Lohan is a spolied nasty brat

The Blow wants a new house and she wants it right now! Snotty Bohan house hunting in the Hollywood Hills, was shown a $17 million property and snarled at the realty agent - in earshot of the home's owner: "I've just bought $200,000 worth of new clothes, and this dump doesn't even have enough closet space to put them in!" Stalking past the stunned owner as if he were invisible, Lindsay left all pissy. "So...I guess that means she doesn't like it," said the owner as the Realtor stammered apologies.

Fark. If I had a 17 million dollar mansion, couldn't I redo the closets??? And where is this 200 grand wardrobe?? She looks like she cut off a pillowcase. Did she really have to be so nasty?

Congrats Shrek family

I'd like to congratulate Shrek and Princess Fiona on their three lovely children. Shrek the Third, opens May 18. I'd better learn to love them, I have a feeling I'll be watching it every weekend.

Britney goes to get some tan on

Britney looks like she just passed a mirror and saw her reflection for the first time in 6 months.

Dirty Disher EXCLUSIVE!!!

This just in..I don't give a flying fart about the Haylie Duff, Kim Kardashian My Space war. These two F-listed skanks can sling fresh poo at each other in Times Square for all I care. Horse face slut verses stupid cunt (their words) and Paris Hilton is a stupid lesbian (thrown in there from both of them.)

These two over estimate their importance by a country mile. Girls..you are not and never will be Paris, Brit or Lindsay. Now go have some new surgery, new nasty hair extensions, make some new porn films and shut it. Hear me? You two moronic asshats are lucky I even put your F-list pics on..you're ugly, super untalented and over accessorized.

Suicide over Colin Farrell romance?

Muireann McDonnell, 21, had a steady boy friend, a college student named John Marc Knight who was 22. They were "really good couple", according to friends, and Muireann was a devoted girl friend. Then one day a party was held in a bar across the street from where she worked. Colin Farrell walked in and he and Muireann hit it off. She dumped her boy friend and took up with Colin Farrell because, you know, he's Colin Farrell. John Marc Knight was so devestated he killed himself in his home near Dublin. Muireann is having a hard time coping, friends say.

I don't mean to be disrespectful, I just can't help myself when I hear absurd news, no matter how sad. Couldn't John Marc Knight just find another average looking girl with buck teeth? Am I the only one who doesn't think Colin Farrell is worth leaving your boy friend for?




Is this guy even worth shaving your legs for? Really?

Jessica Biel..lean and fem

Biel: “This is the thinnest and the least muscular I’ve been in a long time. I’m so lean and feminine.”

Yeah, okay. I like that this twat doesn't seem to realize she's photshopped and actually thinks she looks like her photos. Yeah, Jessica, you're not masculine or tranny like at all. It's called a push tool. Get one.

Scarlett Johansson is sooo beautiful

Here she is stepping out for some award thing or another, I forget because I really don't care. The most sexy, beautiful, amazing Scarlett, who we all want to look like. COUGH.

In other news, Scarlett is hanging out with Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake is dating a ferret.

The most civilized divorce in history

Bruce Willis often vacations with Demi and the kids, and of course Ashton comes along. They all seem to get along swimingly. But, here, Ashton and Demi cuddle while Bruce fishes 12 inches away. Bruce looks totally uninterested and I'm sure he is, but, isn't this kind of pushing the boundries for uncomfortable weirdness? Or is it just me? Annie Leibowitz took this picture, I'm also weirded out that Annie Leibowitz would be along to take pictures for Vanity Fair. This whole thing is freaky to me.

JAIL TIME FOR PARIS HILTON!

This is kind of unbelievable, but, finally there's someone who saw through Paris Hiltons lies, excuses and just plain spoiled rich girl shit. The judge. Paris Hilton will do 45 days in jail and the sentance will start June 5th.

HAVE A GREAT TIME IN JAIL PARIS HILTON...it seems you CAN'T do anything you want just because your Paris Friggin' Hilton. You deserve a lot longer sentance just for what you did to Elliot Mintz.

I never did get my laundry done, but waiting for this was way better. Crabbie told me to just wear my dirty undies tomarrow, but, I can't take his advice on that. So, I'll just celebrate this news by buying some new underwear. Hell yes! PARIS GOING TO JAIL. FOR BEING A DUMBASS. AND A LIAR. HELL YES.

Paris Hilton late for court

Late..15 min late so far! There's a judge, prosecutors, defense lawyers, and nine deputies, but no ParAss. WTF? Is she really this stupid?

Oh wait, shes finally in the courtroom, 18 minutes late. Does she really think making a judge wait is a smart move??? Oh geeeeeez, she's stupid.




Prosecutors announced earlier they were asking the judge to sentence Hilton to 45 days in jail for allegedly violating the terms of her probation for an alcohol-related reckless driving conviction.

Here she is arriving to court looking worried. Come on Judge..I don't have all night. I need to do laundry. I swear, judges should be more respectful of us bloggers times. But, hopefully that's what the judge is saying about Paris right now. Jail or no jail????


Update: OMG..I can't believe this, but, Paris blamed Elliot Mintz for "misleading" her about her suspended license!!! I can not believe after all Elliot has done for her and all the lies he's told for her she can blame him for this. Did Kathy Hilton pay her friend Elliot Mintz to take the fall for Paris? The judge is in his chambers now, and soon we'll hear if he buys this bullshit or not.

Britney can't spell Britney

Speaking of Poontangs hidious wardrobe..here she is walking around in her "stage" outfit, I'm pretty sure this chick hasn't changed her clothes in a month, seriously. Anyway, she wrote on the skirt and couldn't seem to decide how the hell her name is spelled. Then she wrote "evil" with an 8. I don't know what that means, I don't even want to know. I just like it when stars are stupid. My at-roh-shus spelling has been pointed out here a zillion times, but, I have yet to spell my own name wrong.

Lindsay has Britney's back

Britney Spears showed up blonde then changed to brunette, for the third installment in her mini tour and who should come out to see her, but, Lindsay Blohan. Lindsay was in the audience with the rest of Brit's fans and left quicky when the 12 min show was over. Solidarity? I doubt it..The Blow was probably hoping to see Poontangs wig fly off or watch her fall of the stage just like the rest of us. She was probably beside herself when there were pics of Poontang and she was pretty much ignored. Or maybe Blohan hoped to get her "friendship" with Poontang going again just to piss ParAss Hilton off. Yes, all this specualation is just mean. I was born mean. I also think I'm right. The Blow never does anything for anyone else and she always has a devious plan of some sort. She's bad to the bone and that's why I write about her.

What I really want to know is, why is Poontang giving shows in that same lame pink bra and raggedy skirt she wears on the street every day? She lip syncs, chews gum on stage and can't dance for beans, so at least she should get some new costumes for her fans to look at. Her dancers dress like thrift store skanks too. Geez, spend a few bucks, Britney.

Brad Pitt and Shiloh in Prague

Everytime I write off Brad Pitt as some wimp with his nose burried in pillow lips ass, I see photos of him with Shiloh and go all soft again. They are so sweet together. Shiloh's walking now and it's a damn good thing because her mom isn't going to carry her. Hmm, I should stop that really..but it's too easy.

Joel Madden on drugs and smoking

Everybody, and I do mean everybody is reaming Joel Madden for talking about his addictions..

"I could be doing heroin. I really could! Like, without cigarettes, I would be doing heroin, probably."


I'm sorry, I just don't think it's that stupid. I kinna know what he means. I know cigs are bad for me, not to mention outrageously expensive now, but, I justify it by saying they're the only vice I have left. Not that anyone cares about my vices, I'm just saying..Joel Madden has a career, he's been very good for Nicole Richie who'd been straight and has gained some much needed weight since she's been with him and they're both doing well. She was a former heroin addict herself. If they both beat it and are doing as well as they seem..props to them. They don't bug me and it wasn't that supid of a thing to say. If I'm wrong, you can ream me in comments.

Marilyn Manson "Heart Shaped Glasses"

With Evan Rachel Wood.

Paris may be in jail tomarrow!!!!!!

ParAss may have to kiss her girlie man toy bye bye for awhile. The Los Angeles City Attorney filed papers Monday requesting that Paris Hilton spend at least 45 days in jail. OWCH! Will it happen? What do you think? We'll know by tomarrow.

Ahhh ha ha Hasselhoff drunk on his ass

This cheered me up. David Hasseldork laying on the floor of a hotel room so drunk he almost face first in a burger and about a half a minute of being face first in his own vomit. His teenage kid took the video. Click it for a good giggle. Father of the year. Bwaaaah ha ha!

When Paris Hilton was cute

Back in 1987, at the celebrity mother and daughter fashion show in Beverly Hills...Paris was cute and doesn't seem to have a wonky eye. Nicky was cute too, but, even then she had "that look" on her face.

Is this from the new Stephen King novel???

This isn't about Rosie leaving The View (who cares?) or Rosie writing lousy poetry to Elizabeth Hassledorks unborn Republican (who cares?)...this is just the scariest photo I have ever seen. Even the frickin' dog-thing is scary. WTF? Gawd, I'm gonna have nightmares.

Peter Andre comes home

Peter Andre is out of the hospital and expected to fully recover from viral Meningitis, which is good news to those of us who'd die if we didn't get to see him and his wife in their lame, errrr, awesome reality show which is far better than anything the Beckhams can come up with (according to them.) In the meantime we wish Andre well and here's some photos of his super talented wife, Jordan, being super talented.





Now that takes talent!! Take that, Posh! You wish you could be Jordan.

PCD versus Poontang Strippers

Yeah, they look a lot alike to me. Someone mentioned it in comments and I was thinking the same thing. Anyhow, besides this comparison of copy cat stripper douche's, the NEW Pussycat Doll, Asia, who won that damn contest..is out. Reps for the moronic strippers, errrr, awesome performers say Asia wasn't a good match for the group. WTF? They put her through humiliating hell to give her a Pussycat crown and now she's just tossed out? Not that I liked her anyway, she seemed basically cute, but, stupid and only moderatly talented, but, all of them are, so what gives? Buncha bitches.

Brad Pitt goes to Prague with Angelina Jolie

Brad and Angie photograhed in a romantic cafe in Prague. If that photo isn't staged I'll kiss your ass. Are they trying to prove they haven't split and he's not home alone with Shiloh like everyone thought? She'd better flirt with him big time and explain the gossip about her lap dance with her former lover. That news might pop the ridiculous poon hat off his head.

She had a second show?

So I'm told. Hmm, cameras were taken from fans who paid up to 300 bucks for a 12 min show. They complained Britney chewed gum all through her lip syncing. I say, screw you, you don't know major talent! If Britney can lip sync AND chew gum at the same time, you're getting your moneys worth! Hell, you're watching music history be made!

Celebrity babies

A sweet photo of Larry Birkhead and his daughter, Dannielynn. Awww.




I'd never seen a photo of Tina Fey's baby, Alice, before. How cute is she??




Cute photo of baby Liam out on a shopping trip with his dad, Dean McDermott. Mom, Tori Spelling was close by.

Katie mad at Tom again

Tom Cruise won't let Katie take Suri anywhere by herself. She has to go with Scientology handlers and/or his mom and sisters. He even brought his mom and some Scientology handlers to the set of her new movie. He also moved four Scientology handlers into their guest house at home to watch over Katie and Suri. Katie is said to be tired of it and protesting to friends.

Katie: "What does he think - that I want to run away with Suri?"

Umm, yeah, that's pretty much what we all think, Katie. Good luck with that.

How much does Nicole Kidman trust Kieth Urban?

Not a lot. Nicole is insisting Kieth wear a booze moitoring device around his ankle when he goes out on tour this summer. Kieth is said to be okay with this device which will show Nicole any trace of alcohol in his perspiration.

This story made me laugh and I had to go look and see if there really was such a device..and there is. Ahhh, nothing like trust in a marriage. Too bad she didn't have a gay detector for Tom Cruise. Everytime he looked at another guy's butt it could have beeped and she could have shoved Playboy's in his face and maybe turned him. Like Pavlov's dogs, only, you know, not as cute.

Jessica Alba wants to be an actress

Jessica (the worlds sexiest woman..pfft) want to be taken seriously.

She said: "I have my own fashion style and do not try to fit in. I don'thave my breasts under my chin, I'm not showing butt cheeks, nor much legs. Idon't go for the trendiest look."The 26-year-old recently claimed she wants to be a "serious actress", and does not want her movies to be all about "me in a bikini".

First of all, Jessica, I have seen very few pictures of you when you aren't in a bikini and you love that crawling on your hands and knees pose, ass to the pap cameras, so I don't quite know what your bitching about here. Second, if you want to be a serious actress I strongly suggest that you take some acting classes, find a script that doesn't call for you to be a cartoon character (in a bikini) or hire someone smarter than you to read scripts for you. Then audition, do a screen test, and beg for a job like real actors have to do.

You can't be a serious actress if you can't act and your only resume criteria is that you are a mental 12 year old who looks nice in a bikini to wanking internet pervs. Do I have to tell these girls everything? Sigh.

Hey Pammy, wanna move to an island?

I almost blogged on these manmade luxury islands before, but, since they aren't celebrities, I resisted. But, now that Tommy Lee is buying one for my PBF Pamela Anderson, here they are. They are 300 man made islands in the shape of the world and they are called "The World." The super expensive islands (between 15 and 25 million each) are already inhabited by the uber rich and their island mansions. But, there are a few left if you're interested. Anyhow, Tommy Lee decided to buy one for his ex (?) Pam Anderson so they could spend time with their boys there away from prying eyes. The only way in is by boat and helicopter. Ummm, don't the pap agencies own boats and helicopters? Sure they do, but, that's not the point. Tommy Lee is doing something for his family. 'Bout time.



Tommy and Pam are living together again in spite of the fact that he did jail time for assaulting her in the past and the other fact that he gave her hepatitis C from a shared needle. Which is kinna her own dumb fault, when you think about it. The couple has two boys, Brandon, 10, and Dylan, 9, and I hope they can be a family again, since it seems they can never really get over each other. Hopefully Tommy has learned his lesson, but, I doubt it..I mean, he's Tommy Lee, let's be real.

Neve Campbell getting married

Neve Campbell and her boy friend, John Light are planning a secret ceremony this Saturday in a top secret location. That kind of made me roll my eyes. She's not exactly a superstar and they'd probably have to pay the paps to follow them around, but, isn't self delusion nice? Anyway she was great on Medium this week, playing a super nice girl that you just know is creepy underneath and will take down my heroine, Allison Dubois. To be continued next week..yay!

Keira Knightly wants to quit show biz

Last we heard, Keira wanted Beth Ditto's body, now she wants to stop being famous.

"The celebrity thing is completely crazy. I think I just have to move away or give it up altogether. I couldn't have kids in the situation I'm in now. But I could just do something else. That's probably what's going to happen. I'm just not so hungry any more. I made a decision very recently that I wanted a life instead."

Ummm, then go get a life. The more she talks the stupider she sounds. Why the hell do these people get into acting and instead of appreciating the fact that someone hired them, bitch about being rich and famous?? Go work as a waitress or a secretary then, who gives a crap? It wouldn't break my heart not to do the weekly "idiotic things KN says" spot. Go find out how much being an anorexic shit talker pays. There's your calling.

Angelina gives a lap dance to her old flame

Angelina Jolie partied without Brad at the Tribeca Film Festival and it got hot between her and her old lover, Olivier Martinez..

"She turned to him on the banquette and was shaking it in front of him. She was giving him a lap dance," another party guest said. "She was looking over her shoulder, tossing a glance his way."

As another partygoer describes it, "It was very, very flirty."

Angelina's reps said it was just her way of showing affection to a good friend. Yep, that's what I do to all my friends, give them lap dances. Pfffft. Read the blogs, Brad, read the blogs!

Britney at House Of Blues

OMG! The sheer talent! No wonder it took her three years to work this out!!!

Is Katie Holmes attracted to her co-star??

Katie Holmes is currently filming “Mad Money” with co-star Adam Rothenberg, and it seems she likes the flirty scenes a little too much according to sources on the set...

"They shot a scene in which Adam wrapped his arms around Katie’s waist, then the two of them had an intimate discussion. They lingered after the director said ‘cut,’ and it got everyone talking. "

"There’s definitely been some off-camera flirting. One day, Katie was touching Adam’s arm while they were talking, like girls do when they like somebody."

I love this rumor, even if it turns out to be nothing, it will still piss Tom off. Look for Katie to be locked in the far wing of the mansion with a chastity belt and more Scientology minders. I have to say..damn, Adam Rotheenburg is hotter than The Little General anyday. Go for it Katie!



This one was taken by people on the set AFTER the director called cut and people were just standing around talking. Hmm.

Sarah Jessica Parker think certain people are vulgar

"People are getting attention for doing nothing, for behaving poorly, for abusing themselves in public and being abused, exploiting themselves. I find it vulgar, and I find it awful."

Yeah, yeah, we all find it vulgar and awful. Awful damn funny! Too bad nobody's talking about you anymore, SJP, but, buying your kid a trike isn't exactly big blogger news.

Britney at the House Of Blues

Poontang brought the house down last night with her 15 minute show, that's what some reports are. Others are reporting fans were pissed because she lip synced the whole thing and they paid 125 bucks and up for tickets. Hell, I'm just surprised she showed up at all. She wore a dark wig secured with a black headband and of course some sexy little outfits. She was late getting on stage too, and more bitching occured. Most fans seemed really happy though. Seems she did alright.



The Poontang tour bus with her and her dancers was pulled over for "disturbing traffic" on the I-5 freeway, but, when the cop heard it was Britney he let them go. Paparazzi surrounded the officer and the bus. I don't know what "disturbing traffic" was...we're they hanging their butts out the windows or was the thrill of seeing a bus carrying Britney too much for some drivers??





Then today, these candids showed up on the net. They were taken at a friends house last month. No word on who leaked them, but, they aren't gross, so my bet is Britney herself. So, she actually showed up somewhere she'd promised to be and did a show. That's amazing. Her die hard fans didn't care if she lip synced and didn't do anything new. Can she be a big pop star again??