Lindsay Lohan + drugs + car = CRASH

Lindsay Lohan was in yet another car accident around 5 am this morning, only this time cops found her stash. Lindsay was speeding on Sunset Blvd, when she lost control and jumped a curb, slamming her Mercedes into a palm tree. It's all very confusing as she had a driver following her around in her SUV. Lindsay had been partying all night with friends and riding with a chauffer in the SUV. She left the party around 4 am, and was upset about something, sceaming "fuck you guys" to either the paparazzi or her friends and was running down the street with the chauffeur following her. A male friend picked her up in his car. Then she goes to a hotel, tries to book a suite, but, they told her they had no rooms open even though she pitched a fit. Lohans all bent by now and goes to her own apartment to party. Samantha Ronson runs out and Lindsay is in hot pursuit, like they had a fight or something. Lindsay gets into her Mercedes and chases down Ronson and convinces her to get in the car with her (Lindsay) and some other people. Ronson jumps in and Lindsay takes off like a bat outta hell and crashes into a tree.

Then Lindsay runs, seems confused and her original driver comes along, moves the crashed car out of the way, picks her up and takes her to the hospital. Someone called 911 and the cops track down Lohan at the hospital where she has minor injuries to the "chest area." The cops also found an illegal substance, which they believe to be cocaine, in her car. Lindsay is arrested for DUI but, felony charges may be added.

I was having a hard time following wtf she was doing. How stupid are you when you're blasted and have a driver right there, but, decided to drive yourself?? WTF was she bugging for a hotel suite when her own apartment was just minutes away? Drugs cause your brain not to think right and you sure as hell can't drive on 'em...at least Blohan can't. This bitch is a lost cause. Dumb F'ing twat.

Celeb tots at the park

Kate Hudson and Ryder..she finally gave that kid a haircut. Yay!




Jen Garner and Violet..Jen's boring, but seems to genuinely enjoy her daughters company. She's always with that kid..and it's cute.



Sean P. and Britney. Sean P. you've only been to the park once and your mommy showed poon. You have to learn the meaning of photo op. Once this pic was snapped you were handed back to Allie, who I'm sure likes you okay..who wouldn't? Then you were shipped back to your dad. Smile for the camera, kid, and count your inheritance money..this is why you were concieved. You're better off than your brother who has never seen anything but the inside of a blanket.

Bindi The Jungle Girl

Bindi Irwins new show, Bindi: The Jungle Girl" premieres June 9 on the Discovery Kids Channel. Bindi and her mom, Terri, have been on a whirlwind promotional tour introducing Bindi (again) as the girl groomed to take over Steve Irwins life. At eight years old Bindi has her persona and lines down pat. She talks with her hands, flips her hair, and has enough enthusiasim for her project to last a lifetime. Her dead dad will be starring with her in "My Daddy the Croc Hunter," a one-hour special to air June 8 on the Animal Planet...and that's so normal.

First off, I didn't know Australia was a jungle, someone needs to give me a geography class. Second, well rehearsed Bindi and her pretentious mother are giving me the creeps. Go ahead and call me an asshole..I don't care. These two are are strange and heebie-jeebie inducing. It's like watching a little robot..a grinning hyper repetitive robot set on full speed ahead. Baby Bob is home, probably being babysat on a croc nest. Crocs are extremely warm and loving mothers and very protective...just ask Bindi. She knows everything.

The misheard lyrics guy

Do I love Pearl Jam? Yes. Do I always understand what Eddie says? No. Neither does this guy and this video is pretty funny.

Doooooooooooooh

The most pointless thing I've ever seen. Click here.

Rant of the day..for real

Poontang can dress like a retarded refugee, whore herself in public bathroom and pass out with her greasy shaved taco showing forever..I will blog it and laugh. But, anyone who's stupid enough to take an active toddler on a boat with no life vest needs her hillbilly ass kicked until her pantiless pudenda comes out her crank coated nose.




Yeah, wave, you stupid son of a bitch..do you really think you, Allie or your bodyguard will be quick enough to snatch Sean P from the edge if the decides to do something stupid..like all toddlers do? I'm beyond disgusted.

Rosie has left the building

Rosie has left the view three weeks before her scheduled departure after that mindless fight with Hasselbeck. Amid "scoops" like Rosies idiot blog which has nothing but her haiku moments of moronic reflection and a View/Rosie writer being escorted from the building for drawing mustaches on Elisabeth posters..the inevitable ass kissing of Baba Wawa and the shows reps of Rosies last year on the View make me puke. "Oh, thank you Rosie, such a talent".....blah dee blah. BOTH Rosie and Hassletwat should have been fired ages ago for their big mouthed mind numbing bullshit.

I might have a sliver of respect for ALL of them, if they'd just tell the truth. Barbara needs to be real and say what a pain in the ass these two have been. Rosie and Elisabeth need to get honest and stop saying they're friends. Nothing could be farther from the truth. They have alienated Republicans, Democrats and everyone with a brain and a volume adjuster on their gowddamn TV set. I have never seen two more obnoxious, idiotic, pig stubborn, big mouthed, pushy, UNclassy, disgusting people in my life.

Who's making out..and who isn't

Not. Jessica Simpson and Leonardo DiCaprio. Jess spent the whole evening, at the Vanity Fair party Sat. night, following Leo around like a puppy, trying to charm him with, well, whatever the hell bimbo charm she has left. It freaked Leo out and he spent the night trying to politely get the hell away from her. Not happening. There's a shock.






BUT, Reese Witherspoons soon to be ex, Ryan Phillippe, DID fall victim to A Poontang make out session Les Deux last week. She followed Ryan into the bathroom, (it's unclear if she was invited, but, the consensus is she was), and they locked the door. Brit's security guards got fearful when she wouldn't come out or open the door. When they finally got inside to check on her, they found her and Ryan groping and dry humping. It must have been the cowboy hat and tube socks.. such a turn on. Ryan Phillippe must now be boiled before any other woman touches him again. Maybe that was Poontang's plan all along.

Wanna get really pissed off? Watch this..

Jordin Sparks is obese??? WTF is this woman on?

Cousin Allie..the hired help?

There are photos of Brineys cousin Allie, hanging with Avril Lavigne, floating around the net, sparking rumors that Allie is hired help. Avril who thinks she's a real star, is most famous lately for dissing Britney Spears every chance she gets, calling Brit an attention seeker who can't handle fame and a "ho." So, hired help, huu?



Britney on her little cruise yesterday with Allie holding Sean P. I never questioned the fact that she was hired help, cousin or not. Who the frick would hang out with Poontang 24/7 without getting paid? The very thought is absurd. But, Avril would have to pay me 10 times as much as Britney to hang out with her. At least with Brit you know there'd be a party..with Avril you'd just be subjected to black nail polish, knee length pirate pants and endless tirades about how hot she is. Besides, Britney probably leaves forgotten stash in every chair cushion, the quality and quantity would off set the annoying diaper changes. Cousin Allie needs a raise.

Sanjaya is back to being Sanjaya

Sanjaya is playing himself these days and not Bill Vendall from the Rhode Island School Of Design. Who was behind that crazy video? Will Ferrell. It's the first time Will Ferrell ever made me laugh. I thought the Andy Warhol-ish, caught in the 60's character was pretentiously charming. Someone should give Bill Vendall his own show.

Shar Jackson finally speaks out about Kevin and Britney

source

"My older children, Cassie and Donnie, were always being asked about Britney, even by their teachers. They've had to change schools twice. Once they separated, nobody had to ask me anymore about something Britney did. That made life easier for me and my kids. There were a lot of innocent people affected by their relationship. I even had to give my dog away to my grandma - because I'd named her Britney way before Kevin got together with her. I had a bunch of dogs named after pop stars, but I didn't want to be calling that name anymore.''

Shar said she always knew Kevin's marriage to Britney wouldn't last. She said: "I knew Kevin would get to be Kevin again and have his life. Britney's whole life is not realistic; it's a huge fantasy. And not everybody wants that fantasy."

Shar, who has four children, two by Kevin Federline, has always been reluctant to say anything negative about Britney. She has remained the "nice guy" through all of the hoopla. She probably IS a really nice person, that's the feeling I'm always left with after hearing her speak, but, I'm glad she's admitting Britney didn't make her life a bowl of peaches, no matter how soft her bitching is. I still think she wants K-Fed back and the possibility sure isn't ruled out.


Shar's going to star in a reality series, The Ex Wives Club, also starring Angie Everhart and Marla Maples where famous ex's give advice to other recent recent divorcees, even though she was never married to Federline. I'll be watching just to hear what Shar has to say. The series will be on very soon. With any luck, Shar will lose it and tell us what she really thinks of the bald headed lip syncer who stole her man while she was pregnant with his second kid.

Ice T's hittin' that

Coco from behind. I just wanted to draw a map of the United States on it. I don't know why..just felt right. Tom Cruise's tennis court isn't that big.

Abduls legs made of rubber and used chewing gum

I just loved this photo of Paula Abdul being helped down the street. This goes beyond the usual "handlers" job, doesn't it? I wonder if they ever get bored and push her back and forth? "Ooops! Splat! I win!" Maybe she needs to have steel rods implanted from ankle to hip to aviod a splat. Then again, Paula Abdul splattered on concrete would be so amusing. Dog? What dog?

Mary- Kate scores herself some Weeds

No, not that kind of weed..if she smoked more of that kind of weed we wouldn't be able to grate cheese on her collar bone. "Weeds" the hit HBO series. I love that show and can't wait to see her on it.

Paris Hilton is a nice girl (The goodness campaign)

Under the advice of lawyers and reps, ParAss continues to divert our attention from drunk driving, porn films, and storage units full of Herpes meds to show us a healthier good girl image. Attemps include eating ice cream (how all American), nipping out with her self help books and bible and renting movies like Happy Feet and Charlotte's Web.

There are also reports that she will wear an emergency alert device in case the other inmates give her trouble and that a designer baby blanket company has donated bwankies to the jail so that ParAss can be the first inmate to cuddle up with something nice and expensive while incarcerated. I am the eternal optimist and I call bullshit. Jails don't play nice, it's not their objective. She won't get jack squat doodly....she's no one special to the jail system. She claims she going to write a diary about her ordeal and if the thought of that possible future revenue gives her comfort, then she should do it. I don't think she knows how to read or write, given what I've seen of her attemps at it earlier. Unless literature is what you call cutting your own picture out of a magazine and glueing it to cardboard with sparkly craft store stars and asymetrical hearts drawn in magic marker. She needs to ask her mom how to get a made for TV movie out of all this. If Kathy doesn't have that in the works already. See you at church Sunday, ParAss..well, at least your photos, because, though I've been curious about a lot of religions, The Church Of The Retarded Bimbo Hypocrite Socialite has never peaked my interest.

Nicole Richie explains the male body to us

I don't know if this is safe for work or not, it's embarassing to watch for sure. I think Nicole loves anything that might contain shock value. It's more than I ever wanted to know about HER.

Todays big fat liar pants

Skanky Dina Lohan lies about what she said to US Weekly..

"I've read all these things, like, I said I'm the white Oprah. I've never said that in my entire life! It's completely ridiculous."

But in an Aug. 10, 2006, interview with Star magazine, she told reporter David Caplan, "I love to talk. Lindsay [ Lohan]'s friends call me 'The White Oprah' because they all come to me with their problems."

Liar. Do another line, Dina, maybe it will help your faulty memory...it sure couldn't hurt your fug face at this point.




Courney love claims innocence in the Doc Marten/Cobain ad....

Courtney said the ad is "despicable" and insists the late Nirvana frontman would never have agreed to it. Her representative said: "Courtney had no idea this was taking place and would never have approved it. She thinks it's outrageous that a company is allowed to commercially gain from such a despicable use of her husband's picture."

I call big fat liar! There is no way a big company would use that photo without permission. Even I know better than that. Courtney can field the insults and outrage with lies all she want, she did it. Much like her tits, her words have lost integrity and support. We won't discuss the stretch marks right now.

Who wants to see Donna Hogan naked?

Anna Nicoles half sister (they never met) is convinced she just needs a little work out and some new boobies and Hugh Heffner will feature her in Playboy. She's promised a "transformation " in the next year, she thinks she could be the next Anna Nicole. Hmm, I think Heffner will be lounging with hot models, poolside, in the great beyond before this chick looks anything like Anna Nicole. Anna Nicole only did ONE thing well, and that was be naked and pretty. This old broad looks like she should be serving beer in the local bowling alley and working as the unpaid bouncer on the side. Who be da train wreck?

David Duchovny forgets his pants

Duchovny, long rumored to have the biggest package in Hollywood, steps out for promotional photos for "Californication" in Venice Beach yesterday. I don't care what he wears, how loony he is, or what he's starring in..I just think he's still howt. And that IS a nice package.

Lohan throws a hissy to end all hissys

I love this story..before Calum Best skeedaddled to London, him and Lindsay had a huge fight. I don't mean the one where people saw his clothes torn off, a diff one. She caught him with another woman (she was with another man, but, that doesn't count because a ho's a ho) in their hotel, and she flipped her lid. She was screaming right in the lobby and writhing on the floor. A source said she had no panties on and everyone saw her hoo ha, but, she didn't care. She finally collapsed on the floor and the hotel manager had to carry her back to her room.

But, it didn't end there..an irrate Lohan pounded on Calums door until he finally opened it and she saw the other chick. She went insane and it was so bad the hotel manager threw her out at 5:30 am. She was out on her ass by 6:30. Kiss that hotel bye bye, she'll find another one. She always does. And another man or 12 too.

How much you wanna bet she'll chase him to London just to have the last bitch slap?

Katie Holmes gets to use her pillow again

Tom has told Katie she's ready for another baby. Katie, who's frozen smile never wavered, mumbled "yes, master', and is ordering new pillows in different sizes to stuff under her designer maternity fashions. Seriously, reports say they're trying for another one. Some chicks never learn.

The worst bitch fight I have ever seen on TV

Rosie vs. Hasselbeck on The View. Rosie blogged that she'd lay off the wasp because she's pregnant with a little wasp, but, she didn't mean it. They both make my ass tired. Rosie makes me gag and Elisabeth gives me headaches. I want them to kill each other. Come on, girls..just jump out your chairs and start pulling hair and biting. I think you can take the big one, Hasseltwat. Kick her in the strap on!

Amy Winehouse and her beehive

What's she keep in that thing anyway? Real bees, her stash, spiders, a beach ball, endangered birds...a troop of dancing midgets? How does she get in a car? That fug thing needs it's own zipcode. I love the "daddy girl" tat with the naked boobies..this chick has issues.

Cobain dead and still being whored out

A new Doc Martens ad features Kurt Cobain. Color me totally disgusted, this is not something he would have done and his fans know it. I don't think Kurt wanted to sell these shit bucket shoes any more than dead Elvis wanted to sing with skank bag Celine Dion. Is Courtney behind this? What am I saying, of course she is. Last I heard she was selling off all his stuff, now she's sold HIM out. I hope you enjoy the dope money, Love, you pile of unloyal dirt.

Lindsay Lohans birthday bash..hosted by vodka company

The Blow's big 21st blowout will be held at Pure, in Vegas, and sponsored by Svedka vodka, who are also paying her a reported $400, 000 to be there. Hey, when a recovering alkie celeb turns legal it's a big deal. I may be weird, but, I don't see the fuss, she's been drinking forever. She was drinking in rehab...now she's not hiding it anymore. She seems to be over Calum Best and was seen making out with this nameless guy who will be gone tomarrow. Calum Best isn't getting anymore piles of money to tip the help with (this week anyway)...he's back in London trying to get photographed with as many women as he can find. I don't think Blohan cares one bit. The swelling in her lips has gone down. Restylane vs. vodka..vodka wins.

Hot new couple

Laura Prepon (That 70s Show, October Road) is dating Jason Lewis. Remember how hot he was as Smith on Sex And The City?? Now THIS is a hot couple. The paps need to stop following ParAss and her bible around for a few seconds and get some hot pics of these two.

Sheryl Crow’s son

Here's baby Wyatt, Sheryl Crows new son. Is there anything more peaceful than a sleeping baby?

Cameron Diaz at the Shrek 3 premier

Why would she wear this thing? I don't get it. I know she's a star and has a lot of places to go and a lot of clothes to choose from, but, this was the Shrek premier and this is what she comes up with?? This friggin' dress looks like someone used it as an oil rag. Did she get so high that she went out to her garage and found this piece of shit the handyman had been using to clean the lawnmower blades and think "I'll wear that!"???????

What's up with Lindsay Lohans lips?

What's Blohan done to her lips? Did she borrow Mick Jaggers dick bees? Those bees are for dicks, dammit!

Mick Jaggers sexy secret

( from D-Listed) Director Julien Temple witnessed the ritual when filming a documentary on Mick.

He said, "It involved putting bamboo over the male member and filling it with stinger bees so the member attained the size of the bamboo. Mick spent months in the jungle in Peru. He was going mad out there I think."

Yowzah! So Mick didn't like his small penis back then, but, every woman (and some men) in the known universe enjoyed it immensely. Who knew his sexual image was created by packing his pecker in bamboo and bees? Even Jerri Hall didn't tell us that. And I thought Jerry told everything. Dang!

wanky pretentious-ass bullshit post-modernist nonsense masturbatory absurdity

Sanjaya Malakar won't go away. Now he's art. ART I TELL YA! He say's he's not 17, he's 25 and his name is Bill Vendall and the Sanjaya charater was part of his art installment. You have to see this little film. TMZ film.

TY to my friend for the title..you know who you are. Admit this is ART! Heh.

Old pics of two stars

Jennifer Aniston when she first started out. Sweet faced and pre-Angelina.




Angelina Jolie at age 14.

That's Liza with a Z

Liza Minnelli with no makeup STILL looks better than David Gest IN makeup, anyday.

I see the future for Britney Spears

It doesn't matter how crazy she is or how bad she performs..she will always have fans. Don't her recent fuck ups tell us that? She can be caught red handed lip syncing..several times, with a skipped track..her fake mic can break in half and hang off her cheek..her costume falls apart and she runs off stage clutching her pink sparkle bra like we've never seen her tits before..and people still pay 500 bucks for a seat at her "concerts." A few short decades from now she will look like that second picture and they'll still be paying to see her and she'll still be in our face.