Saturday, August 25, 2007

The REAL nanny diaries...more dirt on Britney




Here's what fed up former nannies are saying about Britney and her parenting skills.

Apparently, when Brit isn't busy filling the kids full of their favorite caffeinated concoctions, including coffee, "she also lets them sit in soiled diapers for hours until someone else changes them," the source told Star. "And she keeps both children up late at night to ensure they sleep late - this includes waking them up if they fall asleep before 11 p.m."

As for her other child-care foibles, Star's source says, "she tried to whiten (Sean Preston's) teeth using Crest Whitestrips, but he kept crying. Finally, Britney threw the strips away, telling Sean, 'Fine, you'll just have ugly teeth then!"'

"When Britney is upset, she yells and screams at the boys and once told them, 'You were both mistakes!' She's called them 'burdens, a pain in the ass and the reason (your) father left,'" claims the source.

Another shocking revelation: "She drinks in front of the kids," one former staffer says of Spears, 25, who spent 28 days at Promises Treatment Center earlier this year.

"At first, the drinks would help her loosen up and not be so angry. But she'd inevitably drink too much and be out of it, at which point the nannies would take care of the kids."

And multiple sources confirm Spears' exhibitionist streak: "She'll strip down in front of staff, nannies, whomever," says one. "She'll ask, 'Do I look sexy? Do I look pretty?' She's extremely insecure." (source)
**************************************

That's some good readin'. Poontang should write a child care book. She could title it "How I fucked up my damn kids and killed my dogs too." Yeah, a little long, but, it has a ring to it.

Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina answers a question



LMAO! Oh the sheer genius of these beauty queens. Why don't they become presidents and congress women? Classic.

Clint Eastwood.....put on a shirt




Yeah, yeah, I know he's an icon and he's 77 years old, but, damn, put on an undershirt.

Britney Spears stopped for speeding





Poontang and two of her goony male friends were stopped on their way to Vegas for speeding. The cops tried to flag her over, but, Brit ignored them and continued on her merry way for over a mile while their lights and sirens blared. She finally pulled over at a gas station and used the old "Paparazzi wuz chasin' me, ya'll" line and they let her go. Why can't this dumb bimbo hire a driver?

PantyLiner personalized



Hayden PantyLiner got her name put on her Starbucks coffee cup. That's so the help knows which cup to spit in.

Gay Gurus in a Multidimensional Travelogue



Yeah, I don't know what they're talking about sometimes, but, they have fun, a great attitude and they're searching for their bliss. Aren't we all? Thanks for the invite boys. I look foreward to more of your travels.

Friday, August 24, 2007

What's in a name?


Dick Van Dyke was stopped outside of Cafe Marmalade in Malibu and asked what he though Nicole Richie and Joel Madden should name their baby. Dick responded "They'll think of something inappropriate." Ummmm, does anyone else think that's ironic coming from a man named Dick? I mean, dude, your name is DICK. Apologies to dicks everywhere. >snickers<

Britney paid to party


Yeah, Poontang will be paid to party in Vegas on the 31st, but, guess who showed up at her house yestersay? The SPCA. They were investigating complaints about why her little Yorkie is crippled up. Brit wasn't home, but, this isn't over. The SPCA doesn't quit..and I'm glad. Oh, that DJ AM is everywhere, isn't he? He's such a little wanker. Maybe Britney will start dating him.

The world spoke..the NFL listened


Michael Vick can kiss his high paying football career goodbye. The NFL has suspended him indefinitely. They say they will not tolerate his actions and his tarnishing their good name. I'm no lawyer, but, I think "suspended indefinitely" means his ass is fired and his career is over. Now let's just hope a judge sees this ignorant bastard for what he is and he gets what he deserves legally. Kudos to the commissioner of the NFL.

Katie goes down..Suri laughs


Everyone's always asking how Katie carries that kid around in heels. The answer is..not much better than us muggles. She twisted her foot shopping in Paris and went down. Suri and Katie were both fine, just a bit of a skinned knee. You'd think when you pay 3 grand for a pair of shoes they'd hold you up. Guess not. Payless anyone? I hear there's a two for one sale.

Ripped off again....


Yep. I bought something new and now I'm bitching. I love Stouffer's products, they're usually great. I stopped making my own lasagne when I found out Souffer's makes it just as good as my homemade and all I have to do is pop it in the micro. So when I saw they'd come out with "Corner Bistro Paninis" I had to try them.
My mistake. They promise toasty bread and give you a special little micro pan. Mine didn't have the grill marks, in fact, it had never been toasted. It was not soggy, but, just REALLY greasy white french bread, not toasty. Not real appealing. They also call this a whole sandwich, but, you have to put the halves together and it's really half a sandwich. It's small.
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The reality is sad. Souffers Bistro is a place I won't visit again. Oh, and the "delicious smoked peppers" were actually those hot assed halepenos and they're cheap so it was loaded with them. They are quite gross microwaved and hot as hell. If you're into a big messy blob of greasy bland cheese..go for it. At $3.50 for half a sandwich I'll just buy some lunch meat next time.
And, NO, I didn't eat this mess. Maddox's hot dog is looking pretty good right now.

A fugger gets robbed!



Thieves snuck into Kirsten Dunst's NYC hotel room and made off with her hair stylist and makeup artist! No, not really, she always looks like that. In fact that's a good picture, usually she scares me and I have to put down my pop tart and gag a little. The thieves actually got away with quite a haul. Digital cameras, an Ipod, cell phone, over two grand in cash and a 13 thousand dollar handbag. A THIRTEEN THOUSAND DOLLAR HANDBAG?????? Gawd, I hope they do life. I feel like crying and I don't even like her.

Michael Vick and two more pieces of shit

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Jaime Fox defended Vicks dog fighting as "cultural thing" and said the brother just didn't understand what not to do as a black star. Listen up Jaime, cruelty is not a black thing. That's a fucking cop out. Anyone with a heart and brain knows right from wrong regardless of their color. I don't like you anymore. And I never will again.

Another asshole who's defending Vick is New York Knicks guard Stephon Marbury. He compares the dog fighting to hunting. "I think, you know, we don't say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals. You know, from what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It's just behind closed doors." (Thanks to Daphne for that tip)

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You listen up, you ignorant cruel mother fuckers..I'm sick of pussyfooting around with the likes of your ass's. Does this poor animal look like it enjoyed your brain dead heartless sport??? She's missing a leg and both ears and is in pain. Pain like you pussy fuckers have never know..all because of people like you and your greed. She's also nursing babies..obviously. I have seen many hunting parties and I have NEVER seen a wild animal that was tortured like this. How dare you compare hunting to this. How dare you try and defend your lame evil vile buddies to me. Michael Vick admitted he murdered dogs by hanging, electrocution and more. I hope he spends years in prison. I hope he's raped and cut. And you, his friends..I hope someone kicks your mother fucking ass's. On camera so I can laugh.

Dear Judge..THROW THE BOOK AT THIS ASSHOLE!

BTW..that's one dog in the thousands of abused fighting dogs that got rescued. She made it. She's now a loved pet and reported to be sweet and loving. She didn't want to fight. It wasn't in her nature. Vicks would have had her tortured to death if she'd been his. My heart just dies a little for the things humans do to animals that just want to love us unconditionally. These nasty evil people must be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. It's the only way to stop this.

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren..back together


Jessica and Cash are back together and no one gives a fat crap. These two are, quite simply, the most boring overrated people in the world. I'm not surprised their back on, it would be much easier to go back to an ex boy friend who knows you have herpes than to have that awkward "There's something you should know" talk with a new one. Right, Alba?

Winehouse same old shoe deal



Do you think Amy Winehouse will have to buy new shoes now? Or at least wash the frickers? Maybe that fight was a blessing in disguise.

Lindsay Lohan legal news


Despite two DUIs, reckless driving, countless lawsuits related to bad driving, two cocaine charges and actually bringing cocaine to the police station...Lohans legal team has struck a plea bargain. There will be no felony charges at all and Lindsay won't even do the four days they'd hinted at a couple of days ago. Instead Lohan will do one day in jail and 10 days community service.
Is blowing a judge considered community service? Because someone fucked up here. My advice to all the honorable (cough) judges in LA is to let these Hollywood whores do whatever they want. All the time. When it's your family who's killed by them, don't whine to us. When they die before they hit 30..it's your fault.
Lindsay in a press statement: "It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs. " Bitch, that's been clear to the rest of us for years. Get off the fucking road!

Mad dog


Normal kids like hot dogs and so does Maddox. This is how busy dad Brad served lunch and it looks good to me. Now stop staring at the kid before he hurts you.

Nicole Richie..in and out



Nicole did her jail time. She went in to the Lynwood jail yesterday at 3:15 pm and was out at 4:37 pm. A whole 82 minutes. I'll bet she learned her lesson. Read sarcasm. She didn't even have to eat one jail meal. Nicole picked up her doggies and headed home. The end. Isn't Hollywood great?

Amy and Blake cat fight and excuses


Amy Winehouse and her hubby, Blake got into it in a physical way and the paps caught some of the action. Amy makes all the excuses in the world for the way these two buffoons act. She claims he walked in their room and caught her doing some drugs with a hooker and that she'd also been cutting herself. He tried to stop her and "save her life." I don't know which of them got the worst of it, but, I find it sickening that people act like this at all. She still calls him "the best man in the world" but they seem a toxic team to me.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Bad habits die hard



Victoria Beckham not only lets son Cruz suck a pacifier, he's also still on the bottle. Cruz is four years old. Any comments on this?

Note: My bad..that IS Cruz, but he was born 20 February 2005. Hey, he's big for his age. Sure got you guys riled up though. Heh.

Britney's back and doing more stupid things


This is awful. Britney put that tiny little Yorkie pup in the playpen with her boys and didn't watch them. The toddlers were pretty rough with the poor dog and hurt it seriously. Her cousin, Alli noticed the pup wasn't walking right and was whimpering in pain and she took it to the vet. The dog is now sporting a cast on it's leg.
And then Poontang took the boys and put them in her car and drove around for hours, aimless and confused. She was seen going up and down side streets with no destination while the toddlers were baking in the sun in the back seat. This chick needs help. So does any living thing in her care.

Bridget Moynahan gave birth to a son


I suppose I should report this because it IS news and gossip, but, I'll admit to you I really don't know who she is or what she does. All I know is she got pregnant by her boy friend, Tom Brady and he left her for model, Gisele Bundchen, who he's still with. Tom did show up for the birth and called it a "happy event." Hmm, yeah, I'll bet..it sounds happy...not. I guess Bridget wanted a baby and now she has one and that's happy. So congrats to her. Tom and boring ass Gisele can fark off.

Suri in Paris



While her parents are, to put it politely, not so interesting, little Suri has the world chasing her to see what the pint size diva is up to next. So continuing the "where is Suri" theme...here she is shopping in Paris. The sight of the toddler dynamo with her very own high end shopping bag cracks me up. She's a kid after my heart. Go Suri!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

What are they up to?

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Hmmmm, Britney has run off to Belgium..no one knows why. But, she is using their public bathrooms. Some things never change. No word yet on if she abducted the kids or simply left them. Check the overhead luggage compartment, Kevin.

Lindsay is giving OK a photo shoot in her Utah rehab. (From Socialite's Life)*In one perfectly posed shot, a demure Lohan, her hair pulled tightly back, is reading "Alcoholics Anonymous," AA's 164-page "Big Book," which mixes personal stories of redemption with a description of how the program works.* Isn't that just inspiring? The bitch is going stir crazy not being on the front of every tabloid and she's drunk with power knowing she's skated on charges that would have most of us doing hard time. There's most likely some Vodka and coke thrown in the mix too, but, I've ceased to care.


ParAss is writing a book on her "prison" experience, among other things. That's right...ParAss is writing a fooking book. Who knew she could even read? Any title suggestions? Heh.

Why is Katie smiling?



Because she doesn't have to sleep with The Little General anymore. Nope. They not only sleep in separate rooms of their mansion, they sleep in separate wings! And Katie's going to keep it that way when they move to their even bigger mansion, putting more space between her and tiny Tom. Smart girl.

*Katie also wanted her own suite so she could design it how she wanted. Over the course of several months, Katie created a larger space to have as her own. In the end, she designed the room of her dreams, a very feminine room painted in pastel colors, with a small carousel and filled with many stuffed animals.*

Well, it sounds just dippy as hell, but, at least HE isn't in it. I'll bet he's half a mile down the marble hallway clutching his Raggedy Andy, sucking his thumb and crying. Don't fret Tom, at least you still have your shoe lifts...they make you look almost as tall as your fake wife.

Kevin Federline got a job




So much for the assholes who say he doesn't work. His new gig is playing a singer on One Tree Hill.

It turns out K-Fed's character on the show will be a singer who tries to help a drug-addict mother win back her kids from social services. Hmm, art mimics life?

The mom will be shown in a sympathetic light, but it will be clear why she is not allowed to care for the kiddies. Hmmmmmm, sounds like I might have to watch this show for the first time.

I'm on Britneys side this time




Justin Timberlake wrote a song just for Britney. They were supposed to record this big duet that her label was hot for and hopefully sing it at the MTV awards. Britney never showed up for the recording session. Fuck TimberTard. Brit's for shit now and she's not comming back and if I was her I'd rather lip sync my own shit than sing some stupid ass piece of dogshit my ex boyfriend wrote after he dissed me on every album he's released. He's obsessed. And stupid. She's better off packing up her broke ass hair weaves and going to Vegas to hump unknown college boys. WTF is Timberlakes problem?..just leave the mess alone, weirdo.

I like this pic..it looks like she's trying to hide her druggie pop in a lower orifce. Good luck with that Poontang.

Cocaine kitty



One of Pete Doherty's kittens got sick so he took it to the vet and they found cocaine in it's system. Sigh. Pete's getting real close to pissing me off. No word on how the cat got coke in its system, it's a cat, it could have been licking mirrors or something, but, it's still sad. He needs to clean up his act. He's lucky it was a kitten and not his child or Kates child.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Two couples back together..AWWWWWWWW

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Kate Moss and Pete Doherty have been sneaking around together again. Sources say they've kissed and made up. Awwwwww, true love. Oh, Pete is obviously out of jail..on a technicality they say. No jail can hold Pete, and nothing can keep Kate away for very long.

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AND.....Prince Will and Kate Middleton have also patched things up and are staying at a romantic resort on the exclusive island of Ile Desroches in Seychelles. Glad to hear it..now get on with the wedding Wills. It's been ages since we had a royal baby to goggle over.

Celebs plastic surgery




A collection of before and after plastic surgery photos. Interesting.

Ice T and Coco still terrorizing their ex neighbors



Ice T and his plastic whore have finally moved from Laurel Canyon, but, his poor neighbors still aren't sleeping. Seems the Law And Order wankers buddies didn't get the moving memo. They still show up at all hours blasting rap, shooting guns and fireworks and tossing beer bottles of the cliffs expecting their hero to open the door. Nice. These two are the joke of the cosmos..I hope they found a nice condo in the depths of sulphorous flaming Hell. You'd think they're gussied up for Halloween here, but, that's just the way they dress for dinner.

Tina Knowles fashion




Tina (Beyonces mommy) is now designing for HSN. I can still make fun of the clothes, they look...well, like old lady trying to be sexy frocks. And her runway featured the worst excuses for models I've ever seen. BUT, when it comes to shoes and bags, I have to admit, the woman has a flair.

Look in all the fashion mags and they'll tell you, the hottest look right now is the bootie. Seems you just have to have a pair to be well dressed. You can get Christian Louboutins for $760.00 dollars, or Gucci for $775.00......but, why would you when Miss Tina sells these hot numbers for less than a hundred bucks? The heel is not silver, it's in your face gold. The black version is HOT. Yeah, I've seen them and really looked. The purse too. It's got three inserts which make it three purses in one and its $250.00 bucks. The qualtiy is really good. No, she's not paying me..I just have to give the old broad some credit. This stuff is NICE.

I'll skip the booties, even though it makes me cry. I can't wear heels anymore, but, Santa could bring me that bag and I sure wouldn't bitch. Just tryin' to help here.

Chloe Sevigny in Harper's Bazaar





When I heard Harpers was going to use Chloe to do a fashion spread that made fun of Hollywoods rehab girls, I was excited. Then the photos came out. Come on, this is just lame. Sure, Sevigny does a fairly good Lohan, but, where's the bikinis with the peace sign, the passed out pics, the phoney playing on the beach, The topless DJ booth, the endless bottles of water, the small dogs and the pointless strings of empty eyed nameless men?? I think this pretty much sucks and they blew a dream assignment. We could have done better for them, huu?

Lindsay Lohan news..this is unbelievable



Law enforcement sources are saying there's a real good chance Lindsay will NOT be facing any felony charges. The DA is not inclined to charge her for the cocaine she brought to the police station. WHAT?? If I brought coke to the cop shop my ass would be bunking with somebody named Big Bertha for years!!! So now the DUI's are misdemeanors and poor Blow might have to do four whole days in jail. Boo fucking hoo. Blohans arraignment is this Friday....and she doesn't even have to show up in court. How do you like them apples?!!? NOW do you understand why I thought ParAss Hilton got fucked?

This is so fucked up it would take the light from the planet FuckedUp 50 billion years to get here and shine on the fuckedupness. ARGGGGGGGGG!

Brad Pitt and his cause





*Brad has been involved in the Global Green USA’s first house project at the Holy Cross Neigborhood association project in New Orleans’s hard-hit Ninth Ward District in Louisiana.* He's hard at it again. We all know Brad has a thing for architecture, but, he also gets dirty here. I've seen him actually building these strange houses. All I know about them is, they are at least partially solar powered and snug. The finished house is not what I'd call pretty, but, it is interesting in a modernistic way. I wouldn't bitch about living in one. And there's a pic of Brad on the building site, because let's face it..he doesn't exactly hurt your eyes, does he?

Sally Field thinks she looks like poo



In an interview with September's Health Magazine, Sally Field spoke about being 60. When asked how she stays looking so hot, she said,

“It’s hard for me to answer that question. I think I look like dog poop. I’m not any different from a lot of American women who want to put a piece of black velvet over the mirror when they turn 50. The good news is that I’m healthy and I’m here.”

Sorry, Sally, I don't agree. You look great and your lines and add character. Sally has had an amazing career that just keeps going and I find it refreshing to see a woman her age without huge blown out duck lips and pinned back eye lids. Dog poop? Never.

Happy Birthday PantyLiner




Hayden is 18 now, fair game. She likes clubbing even though she's still not drinking age and she loves sunbathing nude. I smell good bloggin with this one. Mini Blohan in the making. Get those cameras ready for the falling down crotch shots..it's happening. I swear.

Speaking of Jennifer Aniston..



Jen's set to star in the screen adaptation of "He's Just Not That Into You." Putting aside all the snide, sad, and amusing one liners that image evokes..this might be good. I'll confess to enjoying her non box office smash chick flicks.

Aniston..behind your back



Jennnifer Aniston takes a photo of Courtney Cox and Coco on vacation in Hawaii. Let me give most of the men on here a hint..when we start taking our best friend on family vacations, the marriage is in deep water. And Courtney takes Jen everywhere. What do they talk about? Sigh. I'll give you a hint. What all of us women talk about. You. Behind your back. All my friends are married at this stage of my life. I am the only single hold out. I've listened to it all, with glee. I only know 3 women who don't talk about how disgusting and unbearable their husbands are. Those 3 don't invite me on family vacations. So men, now you know. It's all about you. I don't know what men who take their friends on family vacations talk about. Frankly, I don't care.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Stanky Puss and her new fragrance



Jordan wants you to smell like her. The perfume is called Stunning. Umm hmm, it should be called shit talker. Every friggin' celeb has a fragrance out now. Someday I'm going to put up a list of how many celebritites have a fragrance line and it will take up all my blog space. Who buys this shit??? Seems like if an you're ugly, demanding, untalented, fake ass, loser D lister, someone comes up with the idea of putting your name on some cheap assed liquid and dime storing it. I want a fragrance. I'll mix it up in a base of Aquafina and it will smell like Doritos. I'll call it "Fuck You, Dumbass." It willl be a much bigger hit than "Stunning."

Ohhhh, busted hair weaves. She looks like the Barbie I found under the sofa.

Ashlee Simpson before and after




Ashlee used to look different, more unique and interesting. She had a style all her own. Now she looks like every other Hollywood bimbo. Her dark gothy side with her bumpy nose was curious and cool. Someone should have told her that before she went under the knife. Yeah, she's pretty now, but, so are a million other hopefuls. She also used to write some music and even after her lip sync gaff on SNL I had hope for her. Now she does nothing but follow her boy friend around and pose for pictures. That's sad.

So long real Ashlee, it was nice almost knowing you.

Federline scandal




Poontang had the kids over the weekend so Kevin Federline went to Tao in Vegas with some friends. Was he caught doing drugs, falling down drunk, soliciting prostitutes..ummm, no. Kevin was seen DJing and shining a flashlight at good looking girls. He was even dancing and having a drink or two. OMG..someone call social services! >rolls eyes<

Amy Winehouse as a child



I just thought it was interesting.

Pais and the box camera




Okay, any crotch shots here wouldn't be her fault. Who the fuck is mentally ill enough to try and get ParAss pube photos? And why did they block out HIS face. He should be shown and named in all his degenerate glory. Probably because he works for TMZ.