Helena Bonham Carters maternity wear

HBC is expecting her second child in December and this is what the kid will see when he pops out. I think it might be fetal abuse. The 41-year-old and her fiance, director Tim Burton, also have a son, Billy, 3 1/2.

Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams...split

Michelle and Heath have seperated. It happened a few weeks ago, but, they kept it quiet. A spokesperson says "The relationship had been rocky recently. They tried very hard to make it work but finally decided to separate. They just grew apart. They have a beautiful daughter and they are both committed to being great parents."

Who didn't see this coming?

Harvey's mirror accident [ Peter Andre Katie Price ]

This is kind of interesting, it deals with Harvey's second serious accident in their house. They call it a house, looks more like a mansion or manor to me. Anyhow, what's interesting is that Peter Andre seems to think there's something odd going on in the place, like it's cursed or haunted. I'm pretty sure he's not talking about bad construction. It is a dreary looking place.

Kelly Prestons psychic vision

“She says, ‘I did have sort of a flash. I came out of a film, saw the poster for Grease and I knew I’d be with him. I just knew. I was about 16 years old. I really knew it and it turned into, ‘I’m going to marry that man,’ and so he likes to tease me that I walked out and said, ‘I’m going to marry that man,’ and then did, ultimately.’”

Great. Did she also see him wearing a wig, her with her boobies smushed together and both of them hiding their autistic kid after joing a cult?

Britney in Vegas

Someone got Britney to take a bath and put down the Cheetos long enough to show up at her gig at LAX in Vegas last night. She was two hours late and barely had her pudgy bum covered again, but, she showed. She had her My Lil Pony hair sewn into her hat. Then she intoduced DJ AM, giving the crowd two sentances and proceeded to go back to her seat and dance and party the rest of the night. She spent 30 seconds on the red carpet and wouldn't do interviews. She wouldn't even stop for pics until the manager of LAX ordered her to. Poontang earned an estimated 100 grand for being there. Nice. Oh, Criss Angel showed up too.

Owen Wilson is out of the hospital

Owen has been released from Cedars-Sinai Hospital and is now in rehab. There's no point in scoffing about the way his reps claim booze and drugs had no part in his suicide attempt and yet there he is in a rehab facility. We can only wish him well and hope he gets what he needs to become the happy go lucky guy we all thought he was. Get well, Owen. Sometimes it's the people you least expect who are the most troubled.

OK acts like a little bitch

Larry Birkheads pic appeared on US mag with his daughter, Dannielynn. Ok got steamed because they had an exclusive with Larry and now say they won't run Dannielynns first birthday photos. They also claim they have dirt on Larry for being in cahoots with Howard K. Stern and a bunch of allegations of hoodwinking. I think hoodwinking and cahoots are excellent words, past that, I think OK is acting like a bunch a whiney mean babies and they should put up or shut up. That US pic has been everywhere, I doubt Larry posed for it exclusivly for US. Put you money where your mouth is OK, or let me laugh while Birkhead sues the pants off you. They sound like that crankhead chick down the street from me who keyed my car because I wouldn't be best friends with her after I let her in to use my phone. Bitch didn't have a clue I hate my car. She could have fucked up my flower beds and broke my heart, but, she's on crank and not too bright. OK magazine isn't too bright this time either. They'll probably sue me too, but, all they can get is an ugly keyed up car.

Sienna Wobble Bottom Miller

Nothing paranormal here, just Sienna being helped out of her fashion show Twenty8Twelve. Bottoms up, Miller. At least she has pants on.

I will too bore you with my paranormal stuff

Okay, after getting into with a friend who said the anomalie in the Angelina photo (below) was simply some dudes head out of focus in the foreground, I turned the photo into a negative. No one there. If it was a person, out of focus or not, it would appear dark blue like they do. I say it's something weird. Now, you can all call me crazy...I'm used to it.

Jolie's back from whatever shithole she was visiting

Now she's being a humanitarian to her biological child who's been missing for a week. There's tons of photos of her before she left, taking all the adopteds out for a good time and plenty of photos of Brad and the adopteds, including his day out with Zahara. But, no Shiloh..'till today. And NO..I don't think Shiloh looks retarded (read that a lot today), I think she looks like Brad, and will grow out of that open mouthed droopy stare. Sean Preston did. Fuck the meanies, Shi, I think you're adorable.

Okay, I'm admitting my own freaky beliefs here but, there is something wrong with that photo. There's a creepy black mist around Angies butt and Shilohs leg. Maybe it's something in front of the paps lens, but...maybe it's just creepy. You see it?

X-Tina baby bump

Christina Aguilera still hasn't announced her pregnancy, but, come on..she's always been known for having the flattest tummy on the planet and now she looks like this. I'm guessing her at around 5 months along.

Cold As Fire..Britney Spears

Yeah, someone finally got the drunken whore to stop spreading for 3 minutes to record something. There's some dispute over the lyrics "cum in my mouth" or "call me mamma"...frankly I can't tell and I think it stinks. She sounds like Alvin, Theodore and Simon on crack. The added bird sounds make me want to pull my hair out.Timbaland doesn't want her at the VMA show, he thinks she'll take the shine off the other performers. Whatever that means. He should just grow some balls and say he thinks she won't show up and if she does it will be a mess. Criss Angel has stopped humping her long enough to come up with some act where he makes her disappear. Someone should have done that years ago. I'd rather he cut her in half and have a terrible accident, because if she disappears, she'll just come back eventually. Britney..you're so over. Let's take bets on how much of her cootch she'll show on national tv. The lip syncing and bad hair is a sure thing.

What's with the little baby voices on all these female pop stars now? Ridiculous irritating shit. You'd think we'd have enough of little girly baby voices listening to Justin Timberlake.

Nick Carter is braindead

Oh, the outrage! Nick Carter left his dog, Layla, with his estranged mother, Jane. Jane lost the dog and it turned up at an animal shelter who tracked down Nick. Nicks all pissed blaming his mom, his moms all pissed and blaming a friend who was supposed to be watching this dog. Hmmmf. Let me tell you something, if you've ever watched his sad assed whiney reality show then you know that dog is out of control. All that mutt does is bark and piss on everything and even takes dumps in his bed. If you want someone to babysit your damn dog then you'd better make it a dog people can actually stand. If Nick Carter was my son he'd be hurtin' right now because the first time I found a big pile of dog shit in my bed..that nasty big old mutt would be shoved up his smart ass. This moron has the money to hire a kennel to keep that beast. I'd suggest he do so next time. Idiot.

His brother and sisters were no better..they all had dogs that were pooping all over that nice house and no one taught them anything. The Carters were too lazy to get up before 3pm and take the dogs out. They'd rather cry about poo in their beds. Bad pet owners, the lot of the them.

Mariah Bubblebutt sleeps 15 hours a day

Mariah Fatass Dive Ho sleeps 15 hours a day in a sauna to keep her voice, which she claims is a gift from God. Hmmmm, does her God hate the rest of us? Bitch also thinks she's still hot. LMAO! She looks like a sausage about to explode up into her beat down smirky face.

Winehouse..Turning all the straight guys gay

Amy Winerun is still on vacation. Yummy! Her inlaws don't want you to buy her albums and give her money to support her drug habit. Yeah, that'll work. Who buys music anymore anyhow? I'm just happy because that's the first bath she's had in 2 years.

Hot Hunk of the week....

Ty Pennington. Yeah I know, I don't really have a hot hunk of the week. I don't have an anything of the week because I'm too lazy and senile to keep it up. But, anyhow, Ty is a cutie. He can be my carpenter..in fact, I'd just break things to keep him showing up.

Jessica Simpson..replaced by a monkey

No joke. Ashlee Simpson has scored herself a talk show and she wanted her sister Jessica to be her co-host. Producers wisely decided to go with a real monkey instead of Jessica. Now that's fucking funny. I think they could use a sock monkey and it would be more interesting than Jessica Simpson. I think they could use just a sock and it would be more interesting than either of the Simpson sisters.

Jessica Simpson is freaking out

source

Jessica found out John Mayer's dating Cameron Diaz and her mouth dropped open in shock (that's what the source said)....Frick, her big ol' mouth is always open. It's like the black cave of a demonic dumbass dungeon. Anyhow..she's not over him and she's totally freaked out over this Diaz thing. Oh, cheer up, Princess Braindead, this will be over quicker than your daddy can jerk to your latest bikini photo. I hate these people so much..I think I need therapy from reading about them.

Is Sienna Miller a witch?

Here's Sienna and that guy she's not screwing but just living with (cough) and she appears to be waving a besom around. At least that's what it looks like to me. It's not a practical broom, I suppose it could be one of those scented decorative things which would just mean she has bad taste..but, I'd rather think she's a practicing witch. Merry meet, Sienna. Hmm.

Britney's eyes are...confused

Britney decided awhile back that blue eyes are sexier than brown eyes and got some blue contacts like ParAss Hilton wears. I admit I'm bored today, this photo where she forgot one of the contacts made me smile. She forgets her underwear and pants on a daily basis and forgets she has kids just about as often, but, dang, how do you look in the mirror as much as she does and not see you have two different color eyeballs? Maybe it's the new thang..soon everyone will be doing it.

Her new wig looks like My Little Pony's hair.

Leona Helmsey leaves her dog 12 million!

The Queen of Mean, Leona Helmsey decided to leave the bulk of her fortune to her little dog, Trouble. Her grandkids got zip. Makes me laugh. That's what you get for not kissing Grammas ass, you little no goods. Now you'll be shopping at Target with the rest of the commoners. Hmm, I didn't think I wanted a dog again, but, Trouble has stolen my heart. Come live with me Trouble and I'll adopt you, you can have your own room!!

Britney has a new hit single??

Yeah, everyone in the recording industry who's lost mega bucks on this rag says she's coming out with a new single soon and we're gonna love it! Pffft..I am not in a good mood this morning and all I have to say is..this twats been coming out with a new hit single for 3 years now. How the hell long does it take to get a confused drunk to sing one damn song?? Hit single my ass, she's too stupid to even know she forgot her pants. THERE'S NO RECORD! JUST ADMIT IT! Freaks.

Keira Knightley at the Atonement press conference

Geeeez, what a slob. Kiera, your entire body is almost the size of your head now. Fatass..better lay off the salads before you disappear completely. On second thought, maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing.

Angelina went to Iraq and I don't care

Angelina Jolie went to Iraq and I don't care because I just don't.

She said,
"I have come to Syria and Iraq to help draw attention to the humanitarian crisis and to urge governments to increase their support for UNHCR and its partners. My sole purpose in both countries is to highlight the plight of those uprooted by the war in Iraq." "It is absolutely essential that the ongoing debate abut Iraq's future includes plans for addressing the enormous humanitarian consequences these people face."

I think she should use the word humanitarian at least one more time and, oh yeah, get some more camera crews in there. Actually, I think she should find one country who needs something she can give and do it right. Maybe the US. You can't save the whole world, even if you're Angelina Jolie. Also..I don't really care. Have I made that clear?

Brad's home with the brood in NYC. That's more interesting to me. I've given up on the world, at this point. Screw world peace, just give me some good paparazzi shots. I also want blogger to give me some spacers between paragraphs, but, that aint happening either. Fuck.

More Lohan news

Michael Lohan is going to get to see his daughter Lindsay, but, not alone. There will be counselors there. This was Dina's bright idea, she thinks it will bring Lindsay closure. I'd hope it could bring all of us closure so we can stop reading about this big mess of a screwed up family, but, that won't happen. It's pretty much a sure thing that Michael Lohan is getting a reality show since he invites the cameras everywhere..when the guy takes a dump he jumps up, yells "Praise The Lord" then asks if the paps got it on tape. Dina wants her own show too and also has her own freaky film crew that follows her around. No doubt there will be cameras in rehab for the big father daughter reunion. This could end in a homicide, which I'm not bitching about. That's good Blohab blogging. I already sent her a switchblade baked into a biscotti and some espresso. Just do it, Lindsay.

Jake Gyllenhaal to be a daddy? Or mommy?

An email from a man who is in the entertainment industry that has worked closely with Gyllenhaal has been making the rounds. Here's the gist...

"Jake Gyllenhaal has been dating the same guy for years. Last year Jake and his bf were arrested and brought into the West Hollywood station after the sheriffs office was called after catching Jake and his bf having sex in an SUV behind the restaurant Chin Chins in LA. Both were later released."

"Jake has been dating this guy for years, even before he broke up with Kirsten Dunst. Kirsten Dunst found out about his bf and confronted him at Chateau Marmont. The confrontation was loud and they broke up right there. News of their break-up followed a few days later. Jake and his bf are currently expecting a baby through a surrogate. They used a company based in Westwood, CA. The baby is due in September."

*************************************

Whoa, hmmm. So Reese Witherspoon is just a beard who's giving Jakey diapering lessons? I really don't know, it's a hot rumor though. I personally always had him pegged for gay even before Buttcrack Mountain. I guess we wait for the baby photos. Heh.

Winehouse on vacation

Beat down Amy Winerun went on a Caribbean vacation with her beat down hubby and finally, FINALLY took off those beat down ballet flats. But, look at her foot! Oh, man, maybe the surf will rinse these two clean, but, I'm betting they need a car wash.

Sharon Stone..mother of three

Here's a picture you don't see often. Sharon with her three adopted sons. It's common to see Stone naked on a yacht, naked on a beach or naked with some guy, but, you don't see her kids much. They are 7-year-old Roan, 2-year-old Laird and 14-month-old Quinn.

Dear Julie Newmar,

You were once hot. For an old lady you're probably still hot, but, not in this. You scare me and I think you might be insane.

Mother of the year

Just two pics of Poontang about to poke her kids eye out with a cig while he runs around buck naked. Nice. That'll help your case, Brit.

Teen choice crap

Ryan Seacrest won best hissy fit of the year for some crap he did in Knocked up. Big deal, he throws hissy fits all the time. Type casting.

Jessica Alba can not get over how hot she is. Here's what she had to say about her female hottie award..

“I would like to dedicate this award to a young man who has been on my mind for the last 19 years: Ross. Ross didn't love me. I was pigeon-toed, I had a sway back, I was slightly cross-eyed, buck-toothed, I sucked my thumb. Look at me now, Ross! Look at me now!"

Yeah, yeah, look at you now..you're a superficial, lacking in talent and modesty, average looking chick with herpes and too much money. I don't get the teen choice awards. There's always all these old people and they give that stupid ass surf board as an award. That fits in everyones decor. >rolls eyes<

Paris Hilton whoring it up with Kid Rock

Kid shows his ass at Hiltons beach house where she had another of her endless parties last weekend. Kid Rock is a stupid name for someone who is not a kid and doesn't rock. That being noted, ParAss looks better with her real hair than those fake Hollywood curls she's trying to sell.

DCFS investigates Britney Spears and guess who's babysitting for Kevin?

That little picture is very telling. It's Lynne and Jamie Spears babysitting Sean P. and Jayden. The divorced parents of Britney patched it up for a weekend to spend time caring for their grandsons AT KEVIN FEDERLINES HOUSE. Yep. He had to go film the One Tree Hill episode and Jamie and Lynne stepped in, moved in and helped out.

Meanwhile, someone called the DCFS and filed a complaint on Britney claiming child abuse. One allegation is that she gives the toddlers booze to make them quiet. The DCFS is investigating the charges. I think Poontangs up shit creek.

Lindsay Lohan rehab bullshit

Despite her big lies, errrr, positive statements to the media about her rehab expectations and the phoney OK rehab photos, the real dirt is that Lohan is still high. She's been acting like a diva and won't follow rules. She has her phone, goes wherever she wants, refuses drug tests, and having sex with other residents. She thinks she can do whatever she wants, and why shouldn't she think that? So far, there have been no real consequences to her actions. When told what her daily schedule and chore list would be, she said in a sarcastic voice: “Fuck that! I don’t think so.”

What a cute kid. Huu? I can't wait until she's loose again. Shouldn't be long now, The Blow decides how much rehab she needs.

The Beckhams can't keep a nanny

Victoria Beckham has to tote her own tots to school this week after losing two nannies. The nannies were just fed up with the way Posh treats the help. The two gals complained that Posh talked down to them, let her mother boss them around, expected them to cook and clean for the entire family and generally treated them like dogs. Their hours ranged from 6 am to midnight, and though they said the pay was fair, the job and Mrs. Beckham were nightmares.

I can totally see this being real. After watching the way this snotty twat treated her assistant on her reality show I don't see how anyone would work for her. Most people, even spoiled divas, know enough to treat the people who care for their kids well. Posh seems to think everyone's her slave.

Owen Wilson suicide attempt?

It's being reported that Owen Wilson slit his wrist and took a bunch of pills and ended up in the hospital in serious condition. A family member found him yesterday and he was rushed to St. John's hospital in Santa Monica , Calif. He's now in stable condition.