Hayden makes a statement

Hayden Pantyliner has already stolen The Blows signature peace sign pose, now it looks like she's wearing Drew Barrymores face on her torso. Ha ha..the chin looks like a pot belly.

Mariah Carey and one of her bathrooms

Zany! Witty! Clever girl! I don't think she bathes in there..and she always looks like she needs a bath to me. Or a car wash. Or a dog groomer..something.

Christina Aguilera is still not announcing jack doodly

Mums the word. Like we care anyway.

Kids? What kids?

Britney missed her first monitored visit with her children yesterday..Here's how it went down according to LifeNStyle..

*The night before, “She checked into the Beverly Wilshire hotel. But early that morning, she realized it wouldn’t be right to have her first visit with the boys in a hotel. She needed to see them at home, with their things around them,” says the insider.
“She and Alli [Sims] headed to Brit’s Malibu house. They went to sleep as soon as they got there. Brit was up in plenty of time to prepare for the boys’ visit at 10 a.m.
“But she waited, and waited, and they didn’t show up. Alli’s cellphone rang, and it was Kevin [Federline’s] people, saying that the boys were going back to Kevin because she hadn’t answered the intercom at the gate!
“Brit didn’t realize the intercom wasn’t working. She begged them to bring the boys back. But they wouldn’t. She was devastated that they wouldn’t turn around.”*
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Uh hu, I guess Britney doesn't own a window in that mansion because that's where most moms who are expecting thier kids after losing them in court would be..at the window. Or she could have posted one of her never ending bodyguards at the gate. There's something really fishy about this story..maybe the source, you know. Was she hungover, oversleeping, or is this bull from LnS?

Warning..The Blow is out

Lindsay Lohan left Cirque Lodge yesterday and is on the loose. Daddy carried her bags, at least he's good for something. Hmmm, I can't wait to see some party photos.

Skank hole has no idea how many bathrooms she has

Mariah freekin make me puke Carey claims she has no clue the number of bathrooms her house has. *“Mariah Carey is living the life. Her 12,000 square foot triplex in NYC’s Tribeca district is so big she doesn’t know how many bathrooms she has. "I don’t know! Do you really want me to try and think about it?"*

Yes, I do, you phoney whore. I want you to go count your smelly bathrooms and lick the rim of each stanky diva commode, because I hate you. Oh, tee hee, I'm so filthy rich I don't even know how many poopers I have! Oh, she does know that one bathroom is all Hello Kitty. Make her die.

J-Lo not being preg

Jens non maternity dress blew up exposing her non preg belly. Hmm. I think if I wasn't preg, I'd be telling people I was. But, I think she is.

Uma runs over a pap

Uma Thurman went out to eat in London then ran over a paps foot. It looks like it's really just his pants to me. That's what these dorks get for wearing stupid ass baggy pants and being in someone's face. Try a longer lens next time, idiot.

Scene from my house

And that is exactly why you guys live in the junk room. You're always fighting and making people think I'M the crazy one. Hmmmf.

Is Bob Barker a vampire??

I don't care about the stupid sexual harassment lawsuits against him. Let's be real. The dude is like, 200 years old. Just walk away at a brisk pace, he can't catch you. I want to know if he's a secret vampire??? I think I'm obsessed with teeth and his look like they could give Nosterafu a run for the blood money. That's almost hot, Bob. And, for those of you who hate me, you'll be pleased to know I'm still in a lot of pain from the surgery and I have a black eye. But, I'll heal and you'll still be stupid. :)

Don't throw that out!!!

That's either Chairy from PeeWees Playhouse or an amazingly good replica. Sitting forgotten on a NYC street waiting for the trash men. Oh, that's so sad. I loved PeeWee's Playhouse and all things Pee Wee. Awww, dang, Pee Wee never hurt anyone, all he did was wank himself at an adult movie. Hasn't everyone done that? Good thing I don't live near TV or movie studios, I'd have a pick up truck and be hauling home all this junk. I'm about one shopping cart away from being a crazy bag lady anyhow.

Demi keeps a close watch

Ashton Kutcher plays with Cameron Diaz on the set of What Happens in Vegas and Demi sits on the sidelines and stares. I'm sure Demi is only interested in the film making process and not at all concerned that her husband is getting too close to a chick who seems eager and willing to sleep with everyone in Hollywood. Yeah, I said it. Cameron's gotten around lately..you know it's true.

Big ol' Britney headlines

I thought that was Janice Dickensen at first. I was like whoa, Janice, what happened to your thighs? Nope, it's the Poon with stretchy headlines like "Britney drives down the street!" " Britney makes a left turn!" "Britney checks into a hotel!" Yippie ki yay, oh, and the latest..PETA has contaced Federline and they want him to get custody of the dogs so they can be with the children who adore them. Oh, frick me. What dogs? It's just the one poor little London sucker that's left and didn't those kids break it's leg? Doh. Run, London, run far away from all of them!

Anna was just playin'

Howard Ks lawers said that the dead or dying Anna Nicole pic floating around is not what it seems. They say the photo was stolen from her estate and it's just a series of pics Anna did because she was "playing." Uhhh, playing at what? Being a dying drug addict? I find it lewd that these people are still saying things like this and expecting us to buy it, when the woman actually died. I mean, for cripesake..she's dead from drugs..wtf?? Here's another pic from that "play" series. Does it look like she's playing?

Pic from IDLYITW

JPG fashion show

NO. Just say no. Jean Paul Gaultier is one major artist, in my book, but, this is yuky. I hate camo! Unless you are sitting in a damp deer stand in the woods, you should NOT be wearing it. Gag. If you wear it..stop it. It's yuky! I'll admit it looks cute on litte kids, but, then why would you dress your toddler in camoflauge and then take him to a mall? Hmm, think on that one.

Owens back and looking good!

Owen made an apperance at the opening of his movie Darjeeling Limited last night and was looking happy. Good luck to you Owen, I'm sure it took some courage to get on that red carpet.

Whoa!

Who punched Perez in the eye?? Geez, it could have been any one of a thousand people. My bets on Britney Spears for the photoshop work he did on her. Nawdy Mario!

Note...a reader says it makeup. Dammit.

Britney's new vid

Why couldn't she have done this at the VMA's? It isn't brilliant, but, at least she doesn't look dead.

Halloween costume suggestion

I think if you're a skinny person you could make a fab Winehouse costume for less than 20 bucks. Get one of those long black Halloween wigs at Wally World for around 6-8 bucks. Pin a plastic bowl on top and comb hair over it. Secure with massive Aquanet. Do the eyeliner and black out one tooth next to your front tooth. You could use Dollar Store black eyebrow pencil for that. Wear a black bra and cutoffs. And don't forget the filthy white ballet slippers (also Wal-Mart, Target etc.) Draw on some half naked lady tattoos and a horse shoe on your arms, write "Daddys Girl" ..if you have a small child who can draw, it would be really accurate. Add one or two hickeys. Hey! You're Amy Winehouse. I dare you to do it and send pics.

Paris sent Britney chocolate flowers

ParAss was sad that her ex bestest friend lost her kids, so she sent her these flowers from the Sweet Garden. You know Britney didn't even read the card, she just gobbled those things down to the sticks, belched, and screwed the delivery guy. Then she made a hat out of the container.

My Kid Could Paint That TRAILER

Little Marla Olmstead, a New York kid, has become quite famous for her abstract style. The documentary is finally trying to answer some questions, like, did she really paint the art or did her trained artist dad do it and profit from her "genius?" Marla started painting at age 2 and by age 4 her paintings were selling for 15 to 20 thousand each.

Well, there's a simple soulution to this, isn't there? Her parents finally agreed to let her be filmed by a hidden camera while working. The result was strange. Marla didn't seem to be able to do it. Her paintings lacked the sophistication of her earlier work. Doh. Ya don't say?

Still, she's clearly painting a sun with rays at age 4 and that's damn good. If your kid does that on their own or puts in a horizon line at age 4..you have an advanced kid. That's nice, but, it's not Picasso. I knew this stuff was fake simply because kids won't fill in an entire canvas. They just won't. And there's a lot more to abstracts than just throwing paint willy nilly. Shame on her parents for pulling a fast one. Good luck to you, Marla, you keep trying on your own.

Britney's sex tape?

This is supposedly a teaser still from the Poontang sex tape. I heard one guy did her while the other filmed it. Then I heard the one doing her had a hidden camera. So, I don't know..really I find it about as interesting as ear wax. Why would anyone need to hide a camera? Of course she'd screw on cam. We've all seen her giant bald pooney hole and her C-scar and her droopy boobielas. And her saggin pudgy bottom, and her pierced navel in the poofy abdomen of her sad farked up ex hotness. Blah.

Blohan takes off with daddy

Michael Lohan went to Cirque Lodge and loaded Lindsay into his Hummer (she'll get the bill for that next week) and the two took off for parts unknown. Unknown for now..Michael will be chattering to the media like a chipmonk on crack next week. The Blow must be desperate to get the hell out of rehab to be spending time with this phoney Jesus freak. I'd have more respect for her if she just said "Hey, fuck ya, I love drugs and booze and screwing hot guys." Instead, she has to play this lame game. Wait for the blow up meltdown..it's coming, but, first Michael will have to tell us what a good place Lindsays in and how it's all due to his personal relationship with the big guy. L-A-M-E.

Ben Affleck and daughter Violet in NYC

While mommy, Jen Garner is in Paris promoting a movie, daddy Ben takes care of Violet. The guy looks like he's had it to me. I wonder if he knows the schedule? First you take Violet to the park and smile for the paps. Then Violet goes shoe shopping and smiles for the paps. After some lunch, it's back to the park where Violet smiles for the paps. Then you take Violet to the farmers market and balance the kid on one hip and a giant basket of organic veggies on the other. Everyone smiles for the paps. Is the park still open?

There must be a wedding on the SATC movie

What the hell does SJP have in the top of that dress, 'cause we all know it aint boobies. OMG she has room in that bodice for Mr. Big, Aiden, Steve, Skippy, Berger and everyone Samantha's slept with.

Kid Rock says Pammys a big liar pants

Kid Rock is at it again, he just can't shut up about Pam Anderson. This time he told Rolling Stone that he had tickets to the Lakers while she was in Canada filing Blonde and Blonder..she got mad and wanted him to be there with her so she came up with some scheme.

"She finally comes up with this: ‘I just had a miscarriage and you don’t even give a f—k,’ and hangs up the phone,” he tells the magazine. "Being the dumb f—k I am, I charter a $60,000 plane and fly to Vancouver. When I get there, she’s partying at this restaurant, drinking champagne, jumping on the tables. I’m thinking, "That’s a quick recovery from a miscarriage."

Hmmm, I think she was probably partying because she'd sobered up long enough to take a good look at his face and decided to divorce him. As for Pam, she says he can't say anything nice, so she wishes he'd just shut up and leave her alone. Yep, I could live with that too. If you're really over someone there's no need to keep harping.

Only Sarah Silverman whould think this crap is funny

This bitch is off her rocker.

Beyonce's sister has an album for us

Solange Knowles..."I think that as artists we're totally different, and when my record comes out it will express that," she says about her new album, "Solange & The Hadley Street Dreams."

E-gads, don't we have enough big butted, wig wearing , egomaniac, unpopular pop singing divas around? We have one Beyonce, isn't that enough to bear? Next thing you tell me will be that Mary Kate Olsen has a goth dressing, shrimpy, anorexic, caffine addicted twin.

Johnny the Homicidal Maniac

Johnny, you can call him Nny. He kills people. Lots of people. But, it's alright because Nny only kills annoying people. There's a little Nny in all of us. Or maybe some Happy Noodle Boy, Shmee, or Scary Nail Bunny.

Kevin keeps the kids..Britney gets custody of her vagina

Britney didn't even show up in court today. Hey, it wasn't her fault, she had things to do. She has to tan, get coffee, find hotels that will still let her stay there..all kinds of important stuff. She did get some monitored visitation and the next court date is Oct. 26. The judge has ordered her to be there. Yeah, that'll work.

Brooke Hogan is a giant

She's seriously a GIANT. Here she is at that fairy puss reality awards thing..I swear that's a freak show, that is.

Matching tattoos

Sienna Miller and her strange companion, Rhys Ifans, got matching tattoos. She has a swallow on her wrist and so does he. (Insert your own swallow joke here) She still says he's not her lover, but, who the hell gets a matching tattoo for someone they aren't sleeping with? He's carrying a purse too and don't give me that "it's a man bag" crap. Men who carry purses aren't necessarily gay, but, they are high maintenance. Something tells me he's not sleeping on her couch anymore.

First readers Halloween photos!

These were from Aaron & Sarah B. and they are so awesome! She made the costumes herself and it's brilliant. Even the family dog is dressed like a Lego!!! OMG..too cute..thank you.

WELCOME TO MTV'S "PAGEANT PLACE" - WHERE BEING BEAUTIFUL ISN'T ALWAYS PRETTY

Dear Dirty Disher, Any news mentions would be appreciated. Cast will be avalaible for interviews however Donald Trump and Tara Conner will be very difficult to schedule. Also, please let me know if you are interested in any video content exclusive or non-exclusive or screeners.

Thanks
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -My-lan BeaufordMgr. Publicity & PromotionsFanscape, Inc.3201 W. Cahuenga Blvd.Los Angeles, CA 90068

*********************************************************

What? Really Mr. Beauford? You mean I can't get ahold of Tara and The Donald (they are not "avalaible") and ask them important things like, what's it like to be a coke whore? And do you own stock in Aquanet for that one piece of friggin' hair you have that's 17 inches long and wrapped around your fat head? Geez, now I know how important I've become..there are seriously celebs LOWER on the list than these two losers who might talk to me?? There's your news mention, buddy. Now I have to call Heidi from the hills and ask how her boobs are holding up. Jezus. Where are my pain pills?

Brittany Snow and her eating disorder...

source

At 85 pounds, she says, “I knew that was a really low number and I knew that my hair was falling out and I had really weird skin. My face looked really weird and I was getting this fuzz on my face and I was always cold – always to the point of uncontrollably shaking, [but] I was more scared that 85 lbs. wasn’t good enough. I wanted to be lower.”

Oh, you know what, bitch? I am not in the mood for your anorexic crapola. I wish I had a fucking sandwich, but, I have to settle for soup until my mouth heals. Hey, there's an idea..drink some soup. Or EAT. Anorexia can be stopped by EATING. What a stupid fucktarded moronic brain damaged waste of a boo hoo disease. Oh, you can yell at me all you want about my heartlessness, you can also suck it. It's stupid. JUST EAT YOU GD WHORES!

GAWD..make her stop with these fug shoes!!!!

WTF is the matter with her? Gowd, just change your shoes. WTF? Geeeez nasteeee. Are they glued to your feet? Are you nailed into them like horseshoes? OMFG..just throw them in the trash before I bust a vein! EWWW!

Celebrity Detox is a flop

Rosie O'Donnell writes (from her book Celebrity Detox) to Barbara Walters..…"you did not defend me. And I have been a good, loyal daughter to you. And I want you to be a good mother to me. Don’t let the bad man hurt me."

Jezus Louisis..didn't we already hear enough when Rosie told us about smashing her own fingers and hands with a ball bat as a child so she could be "worth fixing?" We all have problems and bad stuff we go through in life, but, Rosie is just..gowd, just making me gag with embarassment for her. I think this bitch needs serious psychiatric help. The more she writes and blogs, the crazier she sounds. Her books getting bad reviews and I can't imagine why. Pffft. Dang, Rosie, were you hiding your insanity all along? You're scary.

Naomi Watts bounced right back

This is an amazing testament for the strength and resilience of a human body. Just a few months ago Naomi was so pregnant it honestly looked like she'd swallowed a friggin' battleship. I really thought she looked like she'd explode and I couldn't even figure out how she walked. Now she's back, enjoying the surf in Australia. Women are truely amazing, aren't we?

"Gimme More" is the #3 song

Yep, that crazy ass song she sang at the VMA's is at number 3 on the Billboard's Top 100. It is also #1 on Billboard's digital chart. Can you believe that?? Well, I guess it's high time something good happened to this girl. Chris Crocker will be so happy.

Suck it in Jennifer!

I love these pics. Jennifer Aniston (in Mexico) is sitting around being normal when she notices the paparazzi. She sucks it in and goes for the glam shot. LOL. Awwww, we're all guilty of this, aren't we? It's kinna cute that she's no different.

BTW, she's not dating Orlando, he's there, but, they're both there to attend a wedding.

Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen fighting again..still

Jeez Louise. An email from Charlie to his ex, Denise, has come out and it's wicked. Written on August 22nd, it reads:
“You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and, um, oh yeah, sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go fuck yourself, sad, jobless pig.”

This is pretty nasty stuff, but, what's a guy to say when his ex is so jealous she's gotten her nanny to accuse Charlie of touching his little girls in the wrong way? This is all so hateful and sickening now. No one believes you Denise. Charlie may be a lot of things, most of them not flattering, but, a child molester? Pffft. Go fuck yourself, Richards. That's so not cool.

Lindsay picks out her punkin'

I wonder how many celeb pics with pumpkins I can find this month? There's a goal. Anyhow, The Blow failed another drug test and got caught with coke in her system. Her wonderful friends tell us that she's still pulling the Vodka in a water bottle trick too, mainly at the AA meetings. Laughs. Ahhh, is this supposed to surprise us? She still gets to go on retreat with her daddy though. I think Cirque Lodge has admitted defeat. Nobody reforms The Blow.

The downside to being a celebrity

Nicolas Cage woke up Monday morning around 2 am to find a stranger in his house. His wife and small son were also home at the time. Nicolas confronted the intruder and escorted him out himself. Robert Furo was charged with residential burglary. He was wearing Cage's jacket when apprehended. If all this loon took was a jacket, I'm pretty sure he wasn't a burgler, you know? That's some scary ass shit and I hope the Cage family gets some security. That guy looks like he could hurt someone.

No picture needed

There's an Anna Nicole dead or dying picture floating around. I don't think we need it here. But, I was struck by the sheer lack of kindness of the person that took it. It was taken in her room and is basically just Anna vomiting on herself and dying. It was taken with her own camera. Sigh. I am now convinced that when her son Daniel died, there was no one else in this world who loved her. That's sad. Whoever took it will have to reckon with his own soul.

Danny Bonaduce kicked survivor guys ass

Danny has been pissed at Jonny Fairplay for a long time. Last night at Fox's Reality Awards things came to a head and Johnny lost some teeth. According to Danny, he picked up Johnny and tossed him over his head face first into some chairs. He said he didn't realize how light the guy was. Hmm, sounds like he was high to me, but, Danny claims he's straight now. Anyhow, Fairplay filed a police report, but, Danny hasn't been aressted yet. Pretty much everyone thinks Johnny deserved a kick in the head, but, I don't know because I don't watch that shit and I don't listen to Bonadouche because I think he's mildly retarded. I only liked the picture because that's pretty much what I looked like yesterday. Now, I'm just swollen and look sort of like a pumpkin. It's purdy.

Can a lightbulb save the planet?

Natalie Portman, Kyra Sedgwick and Chloe Sevigny think so and they want us to change our ways. Now, you guys know I put little stock in these celebrity green things, because celebrities are the biggest offenders. But, I have switched half my bulbs to these bulbs because the damn things last forever and I'm not kidding. They cost a helluva lot more than regular bulbs, but, they rock for places where it's hard to change bulbs, like stairways and closets. I've got one of these suckers that's used a lot and it's 4 years old and still going. Have you tried them? Green shmeen, I just don't like ladders.

Britney's legal now

Britney Spears got her California drivers license and the DMV people even ran the papwerwork out to her car for her. Hmmf. She's due back in court today to try and get her kids back. This just never ends, does it? There's also a Britney sex tape which is supposedly going to be released soon. It's her and some random guy she met on vacation and some other random guy filmed it. He says it's 25 minutes of boring sex then she passes out. I'm sure it's Oscar material.