Not fair!!!

Dumb ol' Vanessa Hudgens got a brand new Audi convertible for her birthday. But, poor Miley Cyrus got in some hot water..she bought an 11 thousand dollar Prada bag and when her parents found out...they cut up her credit cards. Uh oh.

Becks doesn't stuff

Posh said so..

"I'm proud I still have a really good sex life with David. He is very much in proportion. He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his. It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!"

Awww, well, were so proud for you. Bitch. So she's fucked tractors??

More Katie from In Style

Because as much as we make fun of The Little Generals ignorant brainwashed child bride..most of us admit, we'd like to look like her.

It's a boy for Lindsay Lohan!

It's another little big mouthed boy...telling paps crap about his new girl friend, Lindsay.

"I've seen her a lot since she's been home," Spencer Guilburt said. "And expect to see me with her more."

When asked how she was coping with life in LA he replied, "She's doing great now," he said. "[Booze], it's not a big deal of mine. I'm not a substance user. It's good that I'm around her to kind of help."

He wants us to know he doesn't think of Lindsay as a meal ticket or anything, but, he wants to design her album cover. I wonder how much he'll charge her for that? Whatever, dude, you'll be replaced in a week. Silly little boy with his silly little hat. The Blow might as well date her little brother.

NOW I'm bitching

ENOUGH! The ice melted just enough to get the trees off the ground..there's still gobs of ice left and now it's snowing. The weather cunts said it would be a "light dusting" and it wouldn't amount to anything (with a big smile on their plastic faces.) This is NOT a light dusting, you obnoxious piles of Doppler sucking shit. I'm sick and tired of it..I WANT OUT OF HEEEEEEEERE! MOTHERFUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERS!

Oh, sorry, I think I channeled Sam Kennison there for a second.

Paris sipping her canned champagne..and

I keep trying to ignore all the pics of ParAss partying, but, check out that bag and paraphernalia behind her. Jeez Louise...buy a purse, people.

Melissa Joan Hart nude and pregnant

Who is it that enjoys these photos???? Who ever you are, I hope you get gang banged by an angry mob of Ramen Noodles.

Kelly Clarkson out shopping

There are actually some celebs I don't hate. I like Kelly..I even like her music, which is saying a lot because I'm old and bitchy and I don't like much of anything anymore. I like this chick because she does what she wants and doesn't let people use her up for money. But, I don't get the shirt..is she ringing a bell or shopping there? And a little lip gloss won't kill you. Geesh.

Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt..who's cooler?

Tisdale's new nose

Like anyone gives a rats ass what Ashley Tisdale does to herself. Duuu, can you make yourself any uglier, ya tone deaf toff off? I'm in a rotten mood.

Paris wants a husband and family for Christmas

Yawn..that's not hot Pizza Guy, that's a new one named Julian. Anyhow Paris was asked what she wanted for Christmas and said...

"A man to fall in love with, one for life. Someone that I can start a family with."

Umm, good luck with that, since this is like the fourth guy this week. Prosecco means whore, doesn't it?

We all know what they're giving

Heff and his..women.. at the "Remember To Give" party. You'd think he could afford some better looking whores. That one in the red looks like a MAD TV parody.

David Gest is such a puke

As Liza Minnelli recovers after collapsing onstage earlier this week, her ex, David Gest decided to dress up just like her and call himself The Tranny Granny in some absurd play called Twisted Carol. Gest is probably the most disgusting person in show biz and he looks like bad taste in drag. He always does. Suck it, Gest. Get well, Liza, with a Z.

Suri..the conspiracy debate

I came across this crazy site yesterday where mostly all they talk about is the Cruises..they had this debate going about the Suri conspiracy. Some of them think there's more than one Suri..like there's spare Suri's or something, because she looks different sometimes. Most of them agree that all the Suri's are Asian though. It was called TomKat Krazy...I laughed so hard reading the comments there. People get hateful over the strangest arguments. One of them is probably going to bomb the Forbes office after that list.

Forbes list of most "influential" babies

I do not know how babies are influential...Forbes seems to think they do though and Shiloh tops the list at number 1.

The top ten babies are as follows:
1. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
2. Suri Cruise
3. Zahara Jolie-Pitt
4. Sean Preston Federline
5. Pax Jolie-Pitt
6. Sam Alexis Woods (Tiger and Elin Woods)
7. David Banda (Madonna and Guy Ritchie)
8. Danielynn Birkhead
9. Romeo Beckham (Tie)
9. Cruz Beckham (Tie)

Ummm, Suri, with her wardrobe is number two??? And who the hell even sees Tiger Woods' kid?

Duff sisters walk out on their tab

Hilary Duff and her equally annoying sister, Haylie skipped out on a bill totaling more than 400 bucks at Glowbal Grill & Satay Bar. The manager picked up the bill saying he was sure they just forgot to pay and they were delightful.

Yeah, right. Hey, Duff's you two fugs are not the least bit "delightful"...pay your bill, you freeloading slugs.

What should have been....

Britney..out and about

If you can stand to sit through this it's an interesting look at Poontangs relationship with the paparazzi who stalk her. Oh, and always remember to smoke your cigarette at the gas pump. Gas is not flamable, that's an urban myth.

Winehouse..I'd say she's just about dead

Poor Amy, she's promised to straighten out and do the rehab thing, but, she wants to throw one huge ass Christmas party first. Will she live through it?

Who's the new skank?

Whoever she is, she has nasty filthy feet in stupid flip flops in winter and Poontang makes her wear her ridiculous clothes. "Assistant" is Britney speak for "Some dumb whore who'll hang around my retarded stinking ass all day." She's the ho left behind at the gas station. The two were sneaking into Raffles L'hermitage in Beverly Hills last night. Poon's running out of hotels.

Violet Afflec wears fur..will PETA troll her next?

PETA has launced a hate campaign against the "Trollson" twins that's like no other hate campaign I've ever seen. With bloody cartoons, websites, flash games and a hideous movie of the Olsen's babies on Full House spliced together with vids of animals being tortured. THAT'S how PETA spends the money people send them. Better watch out, Violet.

Don't Hassel The...ehhh

David HasselDick drinks a gallon of Vodka every night, so it's back to rehab after an emergency trip to the hospital.
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“David was a total mess,” a source revealed. “He’d urinated on himself, and his pants were soaking wet. He was drooling and slurring so badly you couldn’t understand a world he said. He seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness. Friends were afraid he was going to die right there!”
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He can still sing those number one hits, though, right?

Potty mouth

“Usually the triumph of my day is everybody making it to the potty,” she cracks in an interview with Matt Lauer on the Today show scheduled to air Friday. “So yes, I think it’s thrilling.”

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HAR HAR HAR.....she's so hilarious. Julia Roberts is truly the nerdiest person in Hollywood. She's embarrassing to listen to.

Britney still doing her own skanky hair

Hey, Poontang..you know what those plastic punch out things in the hair dye kit are? If you hold them up, they look like hands. Fucking retard. Seriously..FUCKING RETARD.

Idiot

Poontang left the sticker on her glasses and just wore them that way all night. She was out tearing up the town after she told the court she was too "sick" to go to her deposition on child custody. Whatever the fuck a deposition is..it sounds like you ought to be there. Then she forgets her assistant (this weeks ass sucker) in a gas station parking lot and come back a few minutes later to pick her up. How do you forget your passenger? This chick is about 10 different ways fucked up. She was pouting out the window to the paps that her pictures looked horrible while they sucked up and called her beautiful.

The Spice 1

The Spice Girls got a plane named after them...The Spice One. Forget the name, wtf is that design? Does the giant cartoon chick have three arms? Is she saying "Come drink and fly with me" or "Get humongous implants bigger than your head!" Why does she look like Tori Spelling??

Felicity Huffman..kill the damn kids off already!

Felicity cracks me up. When I last left Wisteria Lane there was a tornado..who died? Huffman says she wants some of her character Lynette's kids to be killed off. It's not as creepy as it sounds, it's just TV and damn! Lynette has too many horrid children. But, she added, "they are all lovely little actors." Yeah, now act dead.

Sneak Peek at Britney's single

She's been and American dream since she was seventeen and her flabby ass is in the winder..bla bla..something like that. Who's the ParAss look alike?

Jessica Alba...pissed over baby bump chasers

Alba flips off the paps trying to get a shot of her belly. Oh, just stop, get out of the car and lift your shirt. It's not like we haven't seen all of you before.

Alexandra Paressant continues her 15 minutes

Alexandra Paressant who will forever be known as "That Chick Who Fucked Tony" says he had to do her because Eva doesn't like certain things..

“We had room service. He said that Eva sexually speaking does not want to do certain things. She do not want to make love in front of a mirror, does not like certain position and thinks that sperm gives acne”

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Eva has addressed this situation by having reps say Tony has been nothing but a perfect husband. Tony said it's all lies and that Eva loves a huge load in her fug face.

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I can't believe anyone screws Tony Parker. I wouldn't be posting that on my My Space, I'd be going to a head doctor to find out why I hated myself that much.

Marcia Cross naked and nude and with no clothes on

Why would you write DO NOT COPY on 200 photos of yourself naked them toss them in your trash then bitch and moan when someone steals them out of your trash and puts them on the net?? I say, nuhh uhh, this was before she gave birth to those twins and if I was her I'd have posted them myself and tried to get people to believe I still looked like this. Click HERE to see more Marica Cross nakeee..warning to those who hate her..She looks good.

Has Paris lost her sparkle?

Is ParAss getting old? Has she lost her zing? Her zaaa zaa zooo? She just looks so dull selling her canned wine in Berlin. She even tried literally hanging off the pipes in the ceiling to get some attention, but, no one paid her any mind at all. Something's missing here...hmm.

Rumer Fug Willis got some weaves

Oh, that's much better. I know because I only puked twice.

Tara again...

Oh, Daily Mail..what a bunch of assholes you are. Good thing no one pays for their shit.

Sometimes you just have to laugh

Coco and Ice-T at "I Am Legend" in NYC. Yeah, Tom and Katie and Will Smith were waiting in line to hang out with these two ass clowns. Pffft.

Tara Reids tummy bolts

Tara has undergone yet another surgery to repair her botched tummy. She already had her Franken-titties fixed and now has 5 bolts in her lower area. These are from The Daily Mail which I call The Daily Lie..so, believe what you want. If there's a plastic surgeon reading, please explain it to me.

David Arquette lays down the law

David Arquette says he's sick of feeling like he's married to two women, his wife Courtney Cox and her best friend, Jennifer Aniston. He told Courtney to tone it down and there's to be no phone calls between midnight and 8am. He also told his wife, "it's her or me" and wants Jennifer to stop visiting so often too.

Let me be the first to say..BWAAAAA HA HA! He's got no chance in Hell of getting his wife to do anything, she's had his balls in her handbag since day one. Jennifer and Courtney are probably rolling on the floor right now while he cries and stomps his feet. I like his shirt though, putting his own face on his shirt is cute, right?

Kaite tells what turns Tom on

“Tom likes me in a suit and a mini every now and then. I like it when he likes it. It makes me blush. He’ll say, ‘You look good. I hope security’s going with you.’ Now that gives me attitude.”

Dur, of course he likes her in a suit..it's easier to pretend she's a man that way. By mini, she meant mini strap on, right? Or does Tommy like the big sausage?