Tina Fey cover

I tried to find a bigger photo of that cover, but, could not...because she is Tina Fey, owner of a large quick mind and not Bimbo Boobs owner of, well, boobs. Anyhow, she looks beautiful here and I love the photo.

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Tina talked about doing the movie "Baby Mama" with Amy Poehler: . "I liked the topicality of the fertility issues that affect so many people. There’s so much weirdness and emotion about it. If you start with something juicy, you end up with a better movie than if you just start with some jokes. And Amy liked that it did not have anything to do with a goddamn wedding."

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I don't get the obsession with weddings either. I can't wait to see "Baby Mama", it looks pretty funny. HERE's a trailer.

The Hollywood Machine

Kate Hudson on Matthew McConaughey:"We're the perfect pain in each other’s ass. There is just a thing of trust between us. I feel safe with him and I believe he wouldn’t let anything happen to me."

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Kate previously let us know that there's an intense sexual chemistry between them that's never been..uhh, fulfilled. And also that he smells bad.

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It's the same old bla bla...someone makes a silly film and the stars go on press and promo junkets. They talk on early morning TV and late night talk shows. They appear on red carpets and blue carpets in ill fitting expensive gowns and Dolce & Gabbana suits tucked in by stylists and make up people. They drop little personal tidbits and we are amused. Then they get all pissed off if anyone dares to look at them when they aren't prepared. Then we become vultures with blood on our hands.

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Well, that thought stream took a dark turn, huu? But, it's true, they get paid a TON to be watched, then get pissed because we watch. I guess even hookers pick their own hours, but, as long as they can casually write a check for a 40 million dollar mansion, I refuse to feel bad for talking about any of them.

The man has a nice face

I think he was at a Lakers game, not that I care, I just thought David Beckham looked cute here and Posh is not in the photo.

Vanessa Hudgens - Sneakernight

She has to be kidding, right?

Roseanne got vaginal reconstruction

Roseanne told Craig Ferguson "I went and had vaginal rejuvenation surgery. No, I did! And now I have a va-junior. And I'm not afraid to use it."

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In a Dirty Disher exclusive, she gave me a photo of it. CLICK HERE, might not be safe for work. Looks awesome though.

Fish face

Amy Winerun has cured her facial sores by using caviar on her skin. You now know that she smells that way by choice and not so blind men can enjoy her too. Shudup..insert your own joke, it's not like I'm getting paid.

Denise Richards shares her secrets

"I’m actually more relaxed about my diet since having my kids. I’ll never talk about weight around them. And they’ll never hear me say, ‘Mommy’s feeling fat today.’ That kind of attitude just makes young girls grow up to be dissatisfied with their bodies,” she says.

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Hmmmm, funny, I'm hearing "Mommy feels like a big ho today, let's go bust some balls. You girls go put your bikini's on and practice saying 'bad man touched me!'."

Warning! Don't watch this

DON'T CLICK.

I just threw up!

The Kardashians get a new sister

Aubrey O’Day has replaced Kourtney as the less hot sister from The Kardashians because Kourtney recently weighed herself and found out she's up to 86 pounds and cannot be seen in public. Kim and Khloe are changing Aubery's name to Kaubrey. I'm busy mentally rearranging the geometric patterns on Kim's dress to form a Swastika. It can be done. If you're bored enough.

Tommy Lee Jones "It's madness!"

Tommy Lee Jones, on the fence going up along the Texas/Mexico border to prevent immigration...It “bears all the credibility and seriousness of flying saucers from Mars or leprechauns. Or any manner of malicious, paranoid superstition. In other words, it’s bullshit. It’s a complete disaster. It’s an act of fascist madness.”
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Bullshit! I have a cousin who's a Mexican..he's like a genius who can build a hot rod out of dumpster parts, but, you put a fence in front of him and he's stumped. Mexicans can't climb fences. GW thinks it will work, and it's not like GW is a fool, right? Besides, I saw a Leprechaun on a webcam once, he was 6 inches tall and wearing a cute little helmut. So there.

Gwyneth Paltrow is now a doctor

She can diagnose Britney, check it out. Paltrow says: “Look at what they’ve done to Britney. The paparazzi and magazines have blood on their hands. They literally made her go insane. She’s got classic Stockholm syndrome - she fell in love with a paparazzo and went insane. The photographers and editors of these magazines have such bad karma. It’s pretty dark.”
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I have to go wash the blood off my hands now. Because Gwyenth knows everything. She's so smart and not crazy at all.

Lars And The Real Doll

I want to see this movie, Ryan Gosling plays Lars, a guy who's so afraid of real intimacy that he has a relationship with a Real Doll. There are many people like this in real life, you can find them on You Tube and other places. They fascinate me..I wonder what it is they want? If you've never heard of Real Dolls, where ya been? Look 'em up.

Renee Zellweger’s nose is booger free

The folks at the Mirror say..But being a true movie star, [Renee can’t] wipe the snot away by herself - oh no. Our Bridget Jones [has] a dedicated Andrex Annie to make sure her nose is greenie-free. We couldn’t believe our eyes as a woman armed with a red handkerchief dabbed at Renee’s A-list nose as she waited to go into the [Leatherheads] premiere at Leicester Square [Tuesday night].

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Renee has allergies so she has lots of snot and boogers. Yeah? I'd say that's the least of her problems. How much does a proffesional booger spotter get paid?

Those aren't Kates boobs..no kidding.

Kate Hudson on her photoshopped promo pic: "They are so not my boobs - they look too perfect. Seriously, if I ever wanted to have them done, I’d take this poster to the doctor and say, ‘This is what I want them to look like."

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Anyone else find it odd that someone picked Kate Hudson to play a role and then shopped her breasts? Why not just hire someone with tits? Or better yet, just show Kate's butt, which is one of the nicest in Hollywood? I'll never watch this anyway, I have "piece of crap" radar.

Congrats Kutcher

No one's fooled by Kathy Griffin and Adnan, but, at least Pop Fiction finally has someone on I might watch. It's a real step up from LongWhoria and Avril.

The worst mermaid costume of all time

Katie Price aka Jordan has been busy between surgeries writing children's books. Sexy children's books, no doubt. Yep, kids care about her. She is a household name like Dora, right? If she can't come up with a better costume, I'm led to believe the books are lacking imagination too. It reminds me of the lame Halloween costumes I had as a kid. Like that time my mom cut a hole in an old tablecloth and then wrapped her girdle around me and told me I was a Gypsy. Lame.

I'm outta here

Member my old Auntie I blogged about, who met Sly Stallone's mom and likes to gamble? Well she just called and she won a POT LOAD of money in Vegas last week and she wants to share. I told her I'd drive her to the city for free, that's what family does, but, she insisted, saying ALL the other kids got some and I need to take my share, but, only if we spend it shopping! OMG! Shopping...for free. I'm outta here, don't wait up for me..I hear hand tooled leather calling my name. See ya 'marrow!

Courtney Love's drugs

Don't you love my double entendre in the title? Bet you're shocked I know a big word like entendre. Fuck you, I went to college. Okay, I looked it up. Wickipedia makes me hot. Anyhow, everyone on the net is shitting themselves silly all because Courtney Love fucked with their heads by showing her med bag.

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Pffft, there aint jack doodly in there. The loose yellow one looks like vitamin E, the ones next to it..what? A huge stash of 2 generic Vikes. Someone thinks there's Adderall. Looks like pee pee pills to me. You know, bladder infection. Jessica Simpson sold me some of those. She's such a pusher. I'm more interested in Love's gigantic lips and ring than her stash of laxatives. Okay, not interested at all. Just bored.

Devendra Banhart, give ParAss Hiltons sunglasses back!

THAT is Natalie Portman and her boy friend. And in the immortal words of Forest Gump "That's all I have to say about that."

Mila Kunis in Complex mag

I am a huge Mila fan, I think she's amazing. Why Complex and not Esquire or Vogue?? Hollywood pisses me off, they ignore beautiful talented people like Mila Kunis and give us photos of idiots like ParAss and Chestica Simpson who do NOTHING. Get yer heads out of your ass, Hollywood!

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Mila is still with Macaulay Culkin, they've been together for 5 years. I like him too. Sue me.

Naomi, you're so weird

Naomi Campbell, during her last skirmish with the cops, called them all "white Honky's." Uh hu. I wasn't sure what a Honky was actually..I thought she might have been raised by Fred Sanford. So I looked up Honky.

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Honky is a corruption of hungy or hunky, a term which originated in the stockyards and slaughterhouses of Chicago. The term may derive from "Bohunk" (Bohemian-Hungarian), which was used to refer to central Europeans. Black workers and Hungarian workers were two of the largest ethnic groups in the Chicago meat industry. Racial and ethnic tension between the two groups led Black workers to begin calling Hungarian workers, and those perceived as Hungarian workers, hunky, perhaps in retaliation for the familiar racist epithets to which black workers were subject. The corruption 'honky' emerged shortly thereafter.
Honkey was later adopted as a pejorative in 1967 by black militants within SNCC seeking a rebuttal for the term nigger.

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Yep. What EVER..play fair Naomi, if bigots get in trouble for calling you the N word then don't be calling people the H word. Word up, ho..aint no one of any color putting up with your violent shit anymore. And don't EVEN give me the hand. I keep a brick in my purse.

No one listens to me

Sumner Redstone fired Tom Cruise once from Viacom/Paramount Pictures for acting nutty in his personal life. He teamed up with United Artists and now "Valkyrie", his ill thought out Nazi film has gotten bad buzz and is pushed back for the third time. Execs admit they have no idea how to market it.

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Why don't they market it like the medical marijuana, Tom Cruise Purple, which makes you see things that aren't there and jump on couches? Just put that shit in a baggie and stick his fug mug on the front and tell people they can't have it. Then maybe someone will want it. Tom Cruise is trippin'.

Also engaged...

Vanessa Paradis will marry Johnny Depp on June 14th. The wedding will take place in Florida where Depp's family is located. Johnny and Vanessa have been together for years and have two children. I think she's hot, except for her teeth and if they don't bother Johnny, I won't let them bother me. She's a huge pop star in France. Click HERE to hear her do her thing. Free translator HERE, just for the heck of it. Congrats to them both.

That other Simpson girl is getting married

Ashlee Simpson has confirmed that she is engaged to boyfriend Pete Wentz. I'm not a bit surprised. When you share enough eyeliner, this is bound to happen. I can't wait to hear what Daddy Joe has to say. Good luck, kids.

Good looking family

Nicole and Sophia Richie attended the 2008 ASCAP Awards Pop Awards in Hollywood last night, where their dad, Lionel got the Golden Note Award. There's a sort of family resemblance even though Nicole is adopted. That little Sophia is intense, isn't she? She'll be one to watch in a few years.

George Cloney thinks bloggers are creepy

He said: "A few years ago I went to check out this website that someone had talked about. There's like, a thousand people sitting in dark rooms trashing you. Brutal! You're like, 'Wow, dude!'
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"I remember getting off the machine and thinking, 'Never, ever again'. I'd rather live in my own happy, quiet world where I think everyone is nice."
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Awwwwww George, you've never been insulted here. My dark room has Funyuns for breakfast. Wanna come over?

YAY! UN-divorced

Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn have decided to stop their divorce proceedings and try again! I love both these people and I'm so happy and wish them well. Work it out!

Eric and his guitar

Someone said I should write more about my son. Here's a vid from You Tube, he really amazes me because the guitar seems a part of him..all the time. He's so comfortable with it in his hands, it's like he was born holding it.
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Eric makes his home part time in Iowa, part time in Hollywood where's he attends MI. He's pretty famous around these parts, now Hollywood knows him too.

New naked Heather Mills pic

They're for some land mine charity thing even though she didn't lose her leg to a land mine and she lost it below the knee, so I don't know what this contraption is. She put a purse in front of her snatch because that snatch got her some purse. There were more pics, but, I'll spare us all. I'd cut off my own damn leg if I never had to see her mean mug again. Ugly whore!

Where is Suri?

She's in LA. Sometimes Tommy Girl looks upset when she can't be controlled. He really will replace her with a robot one day. But, not while she's still cute.

Buy Rosie's book

Go ahead, buy it, because Rosie's always dreamed of owning an army of small children and Tupperware. Now she has both and there's a 100 projects the whole family can enjoy! Republicans are not allowed to purchase it. Sorry.

I don't wanna hear the Spice Girls sing!!!!!

Bluebell Halliwell tries to escape her mom, Geri. Poor thing, she probably doesn't know the tour is over.

One dumb horny bastard

Trista and Ryan, a true love Bachelorette story. Cough and gag. Ryan says "Even when you're about to breastfeed, we get turned on because we're guys and we just see boobs."

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Yeah, Trista, you've got yourself a real winner there. Even if it's true he needs to STFU, women get fed up with that nonsense and the stupid little woody you get whenever the wind blows, when we have a million things to do, including poopy diapers. Ryan also said "Sometimes we "don't realize" they have poopy diapers and let you discover it." This dim bastard actually think's he's cute.

Tori might have gas

"So far I've gained 25 pounds and am loving my body!" sid Tori "I'm eating whatever my body tells me it needs and wants.

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Yeah, me too. I'll skip the 'kini though, thanks.

Death becomes her

And you thought Jessica couldn't act. Joke's on you, she can act dead real good. I think maybe she did die and Joe had her stuffed for the Ken Paves hair extension ads (and some necro time later.) She's less annoying dead. I don't know wtf on the Esquire cover. It's a retro statement on feminism. Uh hu, I hope her face hair grows back all coarse and black because you know she wasn't smart enough to take the blade out even though she's contractually obligated to never touch anything sharper than a jumbo crayon or Tony Romo's dink.

Rosie O makes ....stuff

Rosie shows Martha how to paint on kids shoes and make stylish militant headbands. Martha is laughing because she has a shoe cobbling wing where she constructs her own footwear using cow hide she grows at Turkey Hill. Martha then imports rare pigments from Italy which she grinds herself to mix custom paint in her hermetically sealed paint room, where she can duplicate the Sistine Chapel on a sneaker in a matter of minutes. Martha is also laughing because she is not gracious, she's snarky in a saccharine way I find insulting and amusing. RoRo will never catch on, because she's convinced we care.

Pete's in jail..what???

Pete Doherty was sentenced to 14 weeks in jail because of a probation violation. What? It was that cat that narced him off. That black one who hits the crack pipe. Damn cats.

Oh, cheap cheap!

Jessica Alba had a funeral, err, I mean baby shower (got confusalated by the black dress and ever present sour expression) and the biggest "star" they could get to attend was Kim Kardashian. Did Kim spring for Le petit Trésor? Oh, hail no. Kimmy brought Smootch stuff. LMAO..that's her moms store. You know she got that crap for free. What a tight wad.

Amy's hair keeps growing

The Winerun beehive is out of control. The list of things you could store in there is endless and frightening. I think there's an apartment in there. To see the 10 worst photos of Amy Winehouse ever..click HERE. Gawd, crabbie, no wonder you're gay. This would make Hef gay.

The things you find on My Space!

From C-Town to Hollywood..check out this guys music. HERE I like Broken Bottlez (which he wrote)..but, I'm a blues freak. I think I know you, Eric! Heh.

Depp..a real hero

source
When shooting a scene for Public Enemies, he spotted an out-of-control car charging toward a group of extras after skidding on a patch of ice. The extras had their backs to the car and would have been goners were it not for our hero - Johnny leapt towards the six actors and saved the day! A witness [said,] “Johnny slammed into the group with arms outspread, shoving them all back.”

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Save me Johnny, I'm falling out of my chair! Save me! Uhhh, take your time, I'll be right here. Sigh.

Pammy..a new reality show, a new old boy friend

Pam Anderson is set to have her own reality show which I'm pretty sure no one is interested in. She's also back to dating Criss Angel, who I KNOW no one is interested in. After sex, instead of smoking, Criss puts her on a gyno table and searches for his missing jewelry. Put that in the show and I might watch.

Glamour's best dressed..no.1 Kate Moss

Kate kicked everyone's ass for best dressed this year. I'm sorry, I don't think they were wrong. I think she dresses..interesting. Also included Jen Aniston, Kylie Minogue, Sienna Miller (yay), ScarJo, Rachel Bilson and Posh. Posh was also on the WORST dressed list, but, got beat out by Britney Spears for no.1. Awww.

She's a cook, not a fashion expert

Rachael Ray, the 30 minute kook. Errr, cook. I give her great props for knowing what pantyhose are. Pantyhose...not extinct.

I knew it!!

ParAss Hilton tried every way possible to buy that Cheetah she was photographed with. She kept asking shit like "If I bought a cheetah, would it run away from me or could I keep it?"

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This would be fine if she spent anytime with her zoo, but, she doesn't. She once bought a Tiger cub and it kept peeing on the hotel room carpet so her friends released it into the wilds of downtown Las Vegas. Not joking. Will a Cheetah run away from you, ParAss? Bitch, you could buy a legless dog in a coma and it would find a way to escape you.