Warren Beatty get the Life Achievement Award

And I make fun of him, because..have you heard him talk lately?? I think he thought he was going to see Mama Mia with complimentary cocktails. He spent the whole night asking where Abba was and trying to find dry pants.

I fucked Jessica Simpson

source

DJ Whoo Kid: I heard you had beef with Nick Lachey, man. Stifler: Oh, 'cause I fucked Jessica Simpson? [Assorted OH!'s, DAMN's, That is WACK!'s] Stifler: No, but I did! DJ Whoo Kid: One rumor out da way!

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I had to look Sean William Scott (Stifler) up. Dear Jessica, it's good that you don't claim not to be a drunk. You drink a lot. A LOT.

KardashHoles in Monaco

Kim shows off her famous giant mounds, Kourtney tries to convince herself she's the Kute one.

Sisters!

I guess I'm the only one who thinks Boy George and Wynonna are long lost twin sisters.

Angie's necklace

''Mad, our 6-year-old, draws lots of war scenarios,'' she explains. ''He's all into war and guns. So for Mother's Day he drew a machine gun, and Brad had it made into a necklace, which is really sweet. It's really cute. I think it's really good!''

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All kid art is good. Now if only Zahara would drop two matching turds, Brad could make her earrings.

Rumer in LA last week

Okay, that thing is just trying to escape now. It wants off her face, into the witness protection program and is exploring the option of becoming a Baldwin brother forehead.

TimberTards giant package

Mike Myers (on Timberlakes package in The Love Guru)..He said: "What is amazing about the Speedo is that they have to do a lot ofspecial effects to reduce the size."
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Bullshit, that's Lance Bass stuffed in there.

John-a-Jen..still happening

Mayer and Aniston in LA last night, they were out with Cox and Arquette. Sources claimed the two were "canoodling" all night. Not all night, source, they eventually went home and boom chick a boing boinged. And they both look rather smug about it. Heh.

Dedicated to Reese Witherspoon

Some Vapours..she deserves it. So do I. LMAO!

Are you kidding me?

Hey, Buddy, Put Your Clothes On..Fri Jun 13, 2:00 AM ET
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DEAR MARGO: I have been dating a man for a year. He's been divorced for two years. He has a daughter who will be turning 7 in about four months. The concern I have about his relationship with his daughter is that he has to sleep with her because she insists on it. But a bigger concern is that he allows her to see him naked at all times. I have told him I don't think this is appropriate, and he accuses me of being jealous of their relationship. He has also slept in the nude with her. That has finally stopped, but he continues to dress in front of her and lets her in the bathroom as he showers and finishes his business. Please let me know if I am overreacting or if there is harm in this.
--- GETTING A HEADACHE
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DEAR GET: Whether or not this man understands it, his behavior with a daughter that age is both inappropriate and seductive. Your problem with him, however, goes beyond this. His defensiveness -- saying you are jealous of the "relationship" -- suggests he believes that whatever he thinks is the truth; a form of disordered thinking. While there may be nothing overtly sexual between him and the child, he is obviously insensitive to the effect his exhibitionist behavior has on his daughter. One course of action, prior to bailing out of the romance, would be to propose seeing a sophisticated child therapist, as a couple, to talk about his practices and your concerns. That might be immediately clarifying because I'm betting he would either refuse to go, or blow up at the idea of going to an expert when he is the only expert he recognizes.
--- MARGO, CORROBORATIVELY
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No, Dear Margo, fuck that noise. You got yourself a bony fried pervert child molester on you hands, lady. You get the Hail away from that sicko and you go to the kids Granny or Mom or Social Services and you tell 'em that wanker slept naked with his 6 year old daughter. If all else fails, poison him and make it look like an accident. Get that child out of there! Gawd..people are killing me today.

Dear Benji...

You are officially whipped. When your dumbass superficial girl friend makes you travel and pose with her pink clad toy dogs..hang up your ballsack. You are whipped.

The Quaid twins in Hawaii

Dennis Quaid's seven month old twins look really healthy now..I guess they really did recover. It's cute how Zoe Grace has hair long enough to need a bang trim and Thomas Boone is a little blond billiard ball. Adorable.

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TY for getting those pics, SplashNews. SplashNews rocks. That insect place SUCKS.

Lily Allen and Perez have a bitch fight

Lily made that and posted it on her blog. Which Perez subscribes to. The two are verbally slapping each other...the drunk and the cum artist. There's nuthin' like a good blog fight. But, in this case, no one wins because they're both huge douche bags.

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I DO like when Lily says "you can probably remember the names and faces of all seven fans that turned up to your clothing line signing the other day." Oh, man, low blow! LMAO! The last time I pissed someone off that bad on here, we ended up friends. Lily and Mario, sittin' in a tree...combined IQ is twenty three! Ya, hey, I gave her 15 points for the shop job.

Adrianne Curry speaks at the Marijuana Policy Project's Party

The Mari-hoonie fund raiser was held at the Playboy mansion (interesting) and I have a feeling her speech went something like this..

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"An you thoud legalith the thuff becauth thatithithically thpeaking, uhh, man, ith that a hot dog? I love hot dogth."

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She can toke all she wants to and even marry that Brady Bunch douche..I love her. She's funny and cute and may be the only real reality star ever.

Avon's Global Ambassador in Japan

This Reese Witherspoon pic cracked me up. WTF? I didn't know the short bus went all the way to Japan. What IS she doing? The secret sacred mongoloid tea ceremony? Apologies to those with Downs, you DO look smarter than this and you can make french fries. I never laugh at french fries.

Ashlee has a wee bump and boobies

Ashlee Simpson's bump is hardly noticeable, but, she sure is loving her pregnancy cleavage. Those of us blessed or cursed with boobage know this novelty wears off and those tops are uncomfortable. If you bend over, snap, a boobie pops out. If you move wrong they look saggy. All you do is spend your day making sure you're "arranged." It's not worth doing more than once a year. Show off the girls on Halloween, put them away the rest of the year. Papa Joe has that first one in a frame on his desk. Jessica is upset and will now go topless for Jesus and the troops.

Mariah calls off her second wedding

Just how big a bitch is this woman? She called off her second big huge wedding to Nick Cannon and ditched all plans for it. Why? Because she couldn't find a magazine who was interested in meeting her price for the photos. She was was not willing to pay for it herself with no promise of reimbursement. I kid you not. This twat actually thinks someone else should pay for all her crap. If you're crying because you can't go to her shitty fairy tale fake wedding, stop. You can still buy her a gift off her list at BigFoot and Gimme. I'm willing to donate a paper bag for her fat head, free of charge. Does that help, Mariah?

Dirty pool?

A brother is writing a tell-all book about his sister's mysterious death in 1999. The sister was Nerine Kidd Shatner who died in her swimming pool in 1999. Her brother told the Globe that Nerine was an alcoholic who's AA sponser advised her husband, William Shatner to never leave her alone. One day he left her in the care of the housekeeper and came back to find her on the bottom of the pool. Her brother claims the reason Captain Kirk didn't jump in and save her was because he was wearing a new $25,000 toupee. Shatner called 911 instead, but, Nerine could not be saved. Her brother: "The normal reaction is to pull the person out of the pool and start CPR."
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Pretty wild, huu? But, if you click that link on her name, the report says that when medics arrived on the scene, Nerine was laying dead by the side of the pool. So, someone pulled her out.

Yeah, right

Isn't Heidi-whore wearing a shirt that says I WANT MORE PRIVACY sort of like Tom Cruise shouting at the sky I WANT MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES!?

The Donald's not the only one with hair trouble

Paps trailing Kate Moss, in Berlin, got a real souvenir..her hair extensions were falling out. That's what you get for dumping on my boy, Pete. Your fake hair in the hands of a pap, looking pretty cheap and crummy. Instead of launching a fragrance, maybe she should invest in some wig glue?

The answer, my friend, is..

blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wiiiiiind. I guess there ARE things money can't buy. Maybe he should make a dog out of that thing. Dogs are cute.

Take your growth hormone, John

Mayer had a little fun with the paps as he was seen leaving a pharmacy with a bag that said "Experimental Human Growth Hormone — 2x Daily.'' If paps follow you all day, it makes more sense to have some fun with them than throw hissy fits. But, did John hire someone to say this to OK?...

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“John is good in bed,” a pal of the 30-year old singer-songwriter says. “Not just good, but sensational. Every girl I know who has slept with John says it was the best sex of their life. I’m not sure what exactly he does in bed, but after girls sleep with him, they’re ruined. They get totally hung up on him and want more! Whatever John’s secret is, he should market it. He could retire from the music industry.”

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Oh, come on, no one's that good..who's he think he is, Sam Ronson?

Nikki Lips

Jay Mohr and his son, Jackson went shopping with his wife, Nikki Lips, errr, Nikki Cox Lips..the sun only shines on her lips now. She doesn't have to wear sunblock because the overhang protects her body from damaging rays. Why, Jay, why??

Gisele and Tom don't have to put up with stupid airlines

Gisele Bunchen is sick of commercial airlines and their bullshit, so she bought her own personal jet. Yep, the Gulfstream G550 can carry up to 19 people and cost her $50 MILLION. That's right, her and Tom Brady do not have to fly like the rest of us shlubs. I wonder if it has a baby seat?

801 times...

Tommy Lee says him and Pam Anderson are back together...“Pamela and the kids have moved in with me. It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together.”

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And..“We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go.”

*****
Yeah, that's funny, har, har..hasn't he used her as a punching bag 801 times? Kicked her while she was knocked up 801 times? Given her hep 801 times? Don't even start me on the cheating, I can only type 801 so many times in one morning.

Jen locks Violet in the car

Jennifer Garner was all set to do some shopping with her daughter, Violet at the Brentwood Country Mart, but, when they got there, Jen locked her keys and her kid inside the car! Violet was able to understand what Jen was telling her and unlocked the door. Here she is smiling and holding the key. Man, what a panic that would be. Good thing it was Garner and not Britney. Britney would have just walked across the street, bought a frappe and a new car and then asked why the kids weren't in it...a week later.

I told you!

Kenda Wilkinson's mom and Posh's mom are long lost twins. That's Posh's mom in front, in the glasses.

Is she dead?

I think maybe Jessica Big Ass Biel died from her own hottness and Justin TimberTard is dragging her rotting hollow eyed corpse around. She doesn't eat much now that she's dead, cuts down on the tip Cheapo has to leave for dinner. Hey, Zombie Wedding! Cool. Dawn of the dead douche bags.

Holy Mother Of Junkies!!!!!!!!

Winerun, what is up? It just keeps growing. It's bigger than Cloverfield. More mighty than The Hulk. Gigantiker than King Kong. It has it's own zipcode! Planets revolve around it! Set a door in it and Angelina, Brad and their 37 kids could live there. And maybe they do. Yeah, they're not in France, they're in Wineruns hair!

The rat and the egg

Just laughing here..Bee Bee has become so demanding. She makes me cook her an egg with cheese every morning. If I don't cook it she will back up and kick the cage with her back feet making a racket. Okay, okay..I did it. I threw half of it away and came back here to blog. Then I went to get coffee and discovered my pet can now open her cage. Where was my escaped rat? In the garbage eating the other half of her egg. No, no, chubbo, we do not eat garbage. Now she has to learn to pick a lock. But, I'll still cook her breakfast. Rats are smart! And greedy too.

Give Lynne some more money

source

“Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World” will chronicle Lynne’s raising of her two daughters, Britney, 25, and Jamie Lynn, 16, and how she groomed her daughters into stars while coming from a low-profile Louisiana community.

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“[It] will not be a parenting book,” the rep added. “It’s [Lynne’s] story of what it was like being a mom and raising two very famous people. It’s a memoir.”

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Jamie Lynn is now a "very famous" person? Pffft..give me a break, whore, did you max out your QVC card? Good thing Britney's not writing it, she can't remember who she fucked yesterday, let alone her "memoirs."

A girl needs to eat

When you see a grown woman sneaking to a convenience store in the middle of the night and all she buys is a box of sugar at twice the price..what's your conclusion? I think Benji likes her 'cause she can roll. Hey ParAss, you read the paper today? It say "zig and zag" and you picture on de covah, mahn.

Jo-Lo..looks good, now, don't talk

source
Jennifer Lopez dropped by presumptive Democratic nominee Sen. Barack Obama’s Washington office for a meeting this morning.
When asked what she was doing in the area, La Lopez told The Hill: “I’m not ready to do any press yet.”
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She looks awesome. Whatever she's doing since popping out twins is working. I don't give a crap to hear her political opinions though. If you're a person who's political choices are influenced by a celebs, you shouldn't have the right to vote because you are clearly stupid.

Douche bag Mariah pimps her weddin'

Definition.. Do-shus Bagus: Rich people who wants free stuff from other rich people they didn't invite to their stupid wedding.

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If you're rich as a bitch and didn't get to eat unicorn scampi or fairy piss pudding at Mariah Careys wedding, because you weren't invited..you can still buy her ass a gift from Bergdorf Goodman. She had her assistant email 100 wealthy acquaintances to inform them of what she expected.

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Nice. Why should anyone buy this whore a gift when the smell she leaves in the bathroom will last longer than this joke of a marriage? And I've seen her kitchen, it cost more than this whole town and she doesn't even cook. She doesn't need a damn thing except lessons in becoming human. Tacky.

Guess who?

I'll admit, she needs to have that stupid bowler hat surgically removed and go to a stylist..but, she's NOT ugly. She's pretty.

Angelina on Brads weird tattoo

What’s the deal with Brad’s new tattoo?Jolie: "I drew that. We went to Davos. It’s not that we were bored at the World Economic Forum, but one night we didn’t have anything to do, so I was drawing on his back."

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So it’s not permanent?Jolie: "It is. But I was just sketching."

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On him? Jolie: "On him, yeah." And you thought, Let’s make it a tattoo? Jolie:"He just liked it! The picture everybody saw was kind of awkward, but it just lines up beautifully on his back, just enhances the part of the body I like."

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So it doesn’t mean anything per se. Jolie: "I mean, it’s meaningful in that it’s us making angles and shapes out of each other’s body, that kind of a thing."

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You can read the whole interview HERE..she talks about the blood, being proud of her marriage to Billy Bob, her creative sex life, bla bla. I really don't care anymore. The woman can talk all day long and never really get to the point. If there's an award for talking in a circle while looking hot, Angelina will be getting it.

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Just pop out thise 25 million dollar babies and let's get this next show on the road.

Speidi wedding

Douche bags, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are in talks with MTV execs to air their nuptials in a live telecast.
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Of, course they are. Nary a world holiday can pass without these two bird shit brained whores dressing up as everything from the Easter Bunny to a Cinco De Mayo skeletor in a bikini. I want to do the speech at their wedding. "People who video shit house walls, roll their shit in little balls..people who view the shit sans wit, eat those little balls of shit." If anyone here has reason to believe these two should not be joined, speak now or forever...HOLY SHIT, STAMPEDE!

Joel won't marry Niclole unless she finds God

The National Enquirer's source: "Joel is determined not to marry Nicole until she asks forgiveness for her sins and is willing to raise little Harlow with the same religious upbringing that he had…Joel may look like a rebel, but the truth is he is an old-fashioned conservative guy with hardcore Christian beliefs."

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Oh, jeez louise...do I even have to say it? You can't make someone find God for a marriage or a baby. I don't even know if Nicole is without God, but, I'll tell ya what Joel needs to find. That fucking fake friend of his that's talking to the Enquirer and kick the shit out of him.

The Blow pulls it off

I hate these shoes, as all of you know. I think they should be outlawed. But, I admit, Lohan pulls off gladiator heels with short shorts. I didn't think it could be done. She has amazing gams. I never noticed that, not being a les, but, she does. Lookin' good, Blow, and proving you don't have to be orange to be hot. I hope she continues to lay off the fake and bake. I'm still never buying those shoes. Maybe I'm just jealous because I'm shorter than Carrie Underwood. Shut up.

Her name is Agyness Deyn

Agyness Deyn is a model, she's big time, works for houses like Chanel. She's Britain's new "it girl", which means she will be Hollywood's new it girl soon and in our faces 24/7. Get used to it, that's how it works. She even has a mannequin made after her, so she's unavoidable. She's cute, wears cool clothes and has a cool haircut. And very cool shoes too, in that botton pic..she also has a tendency to jump up and down when she sees a pap, like Tyra's yelling at her to "Be shtrong, be fierce!" Is she another dumb ass? Odds are good that she is. I suppose we'll find out.