Soap star names his kid Peanut

I don't know who this idiot is, but, my mom probably does because he's on General Hospital. Ingo Rademacher and his fiance (wtf is with people being engaged, then having a baby?) had a baby boy recently..they named the poor little kid Peanut. Not even joking, Peanut Kai. How can someone do that to their child?? Suggested names for future Rademacher children..Asshole, Raisin, Jerkwad, Douche, Prune, Goober, Fucked. Just go with Fucked.

Brit..more crazy

The story is that Britney didn't stay long at Jamie Lynn's bedside after the birth of her new daughter because she (Brit) had a mini breakdown. She was distraught because Jamie Lynn gave birth to the daughter she always wanted and realized how messed up her life is and went bonkers. Her dad found her in a bathroom, hysterical, naked screaming "It's not fair, Dad, It's not fair." He helped her through it and called a doctor for her. They tried to keep it all hush hush, but, too many people saw it.

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You think this story is true? I kind think it's true. She's not well yet.

Justin Long takes a long step down

Rumor has it Justin Long dumped Drew Barrymore because she drinks too much. I don't know if that's true, but, it is true that he started up with Kiki Dunst. Really, dude..a chick who's allergic to soap and water, could wring out her hair and fry hamburgers in the oil, smokes weed all day long, wears clothes out of a dumpster and has never brushed her teeth or seen a dentist? That's better than a hot drunk? Kiki likes him so much she's vowed to take a bath once a year. Man, that's a step down. He's so far down now, I won't even bother hunting up a picture of him. Watch out for the snag toof, Justin..it will cut your lip.

Lohans still exist

I'm not sure what's going on here. Dina and Michael Jr. at some event, he might have spilled her drink or peed himself, but, she looks toasted and about this >< close to forgetting who he is and grabbing his pecker. Michael is "the man" of the family since their dad is a dog. Which means he comes home once a month, does his laundry and dispenses advice on camera to young Kody. Sage wisdom like "it'll work out, dude." That's a good photo of him though, other than the wet pants..he's really not a handsome guy. Not yet anyway. He's all zits and hair and attitude. Someday he may get manly, maybe Ronson can give him some lessons.

TimberTard peed his pants

Timberlake says, "When I was young... I wanted to be Michael Jordan. It was weird, I heard (Gary Wright song) Dreamweaver in my head when he walked in the room. "He was like, `Hey man, my kids and I, we're big fans of your music,' and I was like, `That's cool...' Up until the point where he walked away and I realized I had peed a little."

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Hmm, he didn't pee himself over Madonna or Brit, but wet his pantaloons over Michael Jordan? That's bringing sexy back. I'd like to raise enough money to see Jordan grab TimberTards ass. He'd poop his plaid golf slacks, which would be even more entertaining. Jessica Beil needs to read this story. Dreamweaver, jebus!

Khloe's out of jail

Khloe Kardasian is out of jail already. Done and done. Most of us have had periods that lasted longer than her incarceration for DUI and probation violation. It's not her fault, it's the fault of the judicial system. Party on Khloe! Total time spent in jail..173 minutes. Now she can write a book about her ordeal. Too bad Kourtney won't be able to read it. Maybe it'll have pictures.

PoonDaddy keeps the kids

In an anticlimactic end to the child custody battle, which is almost older than the kids, K-Fed keeps the boys, Brit gets visitation which may increase. Let's devote and entire website to this shit no one cares about anymore. Oh, wait, there are already 5 million of them. She really needs to shave her head again.*
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I forgot..her twice weekly visits with the kids are still monitored. Madonna might trust her, K-Fed and a judge, not so much.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA!

Fame is fleeting, Violet. Your time is almost up. (flips the hourglass and cackles.)

Something smells in Denise land

Richards has decided to drag out her custody hearing with Charlie Sheen again (is it sweeps week?) and prevent him from seeing the girls due to "serious issues." She even filed an emergency protective order.

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Unless Charlie's house is covered to the roof with human excrement and there's naked circus people passing out crack and butt plugs..I can't imagine how it's worse than living with Denise Richards. 3 pigs roaming around, laying on the furniture, screwing and crapping goo all over and over a dozen dogs, NONE of whom are house broken (her dad said that!)..and you always see them pooping or peeing on her floor. Her children eat chicken nuggets while pig poop lays behind their chairs. If her dad didn't cook, the kids would never get fed. She's a piss poor mom, a shitty housekeeper, a bad pet owner, a messer up upper and sad decorator who doesn't deserve the multi million dollar house she turned into a smelly stinky shit hole and she showed us all that herself. Charlie should show the judge her reality show.

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Oh, and I forgot..her neighbors have filed to get her mess out of their neighborhood. They say it smells and the noise level is absurd. I don't have smell-a-vision, but, you can tell it's not a house you'd want to be in, let alone eat in. The bitch is gross.

Pregnancy screws up your feet?

Yeah, it probably does, I'm not surprised. Not surprised to hear Jen Garner is knocked up either. When your little pap magnet gets too big for the ohhhhh and awwws, you replace it. Her Alias costar, Victor Garner let it slip saying "yes, she is." Then he realized he'd put his pie hole in gear before he warmed up his brain cell and tried to backtrack. Too late, buddy, and we already knew it anyhow. Jen is about 5 months along.

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I know a lot of you love her, sorry, but, I don't. If you don't want you kids photo taken 400 times a day, move somewhere else and be private. Plenty of celebs do it. She makes my ass tired and so does that kid of hers (though it's not the poor kids fault). Now she'll have two or three to shove in the paps faces all day long. Everyone has to have a hobby I guess. Ben Allfeck is "over the moon. That has nothing to do with the new baby...he's just been sent there by the public with no return ticket.

There's nothing wrong at the Playboy mansion

The girls next door continue to tell us nothing is wrong and they love each other, yet Holly and Bridget keep doing PR engagements without Kendra. They say Kendra is "busy". Busy doing what? It's not like she has a job. Bridget is going along with Holly so she doesn't rock her mega boat. She knows where her bread is buttered, she loves her "pee in the pants" Porche, free rent and pet psychics. Holly is so threatened by Kendra it's pathetic. Watching the show, it's clear Hef is amused by Kendra, it doesn't matter if he's not sleeping with her anymore (if he ever did, who'd know?)..Hef puts up with her chronic lateness, her rudeness, her imbicile talk, her lack of social skills and sophistication because she makes him laugh. Holly makes no one laugh. Bridget is aging window dressing with a calm personality that's relaxing. Holly may be out on her butt before Kenrda even figures out where the door is.

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There's an orb over Kendras head. Just the masses of flashbulbs, you say? I prefer to think it's the ghost of all Holly's big ass dreams.

Geez Louise..there are two of them?

Katie Price has a sister that's just as ugly and fake as she is. You'd think her parents would have taken one look at her and stopped.

If you believe this..I have a bridge to sell you

Longwhoria is really pissed about the comments on her weight gain and says she gained some poundage for her TV show. The episode will be Gabrielle in the future, worn out, short haired, pudgy with a couple of rug rats. Whoria says she will also wear additional padding to play a mom. First of all, how insulting to moms. Just because you pop a kid or two (or 5) doesn't make you a fat oily slob. Second..if she has to wear padding, why gain weight? Third, and most important..we've seen her ass. Is Whoria so dedicated to her acting that she had a couple of gallons of cellulite injected? She doesn't look bad, just not the "sexiest woman alive!" that she wishes she still was. Or ever was..that's up for argument for sure. The bitch is ridiculous. Just admit you cook to many tacos and tamales, or whatever the fuck Mexican crap you're impressing your seriously ugly new hubby with. I wish she'd start hanging out with Courtney Love and doing some crack. It might get rid of the jelly roll and smarten her up. Crack makes you smart..ask Winerun. Smarter than this ho.

Kim and Khloe Kardashian Kerfucked

Khloe got her 30 day sentence reduced to three days. If you refuse to pick up roadside trash as community service and say ta hell with booze ed classes and the judge then reduces your DUI sentence to three days..where's the incentive to do those other things? I wouldn't either. Hell, you could smuggle in some Ambian and sleep for three days and be done with it all. Judges are retarded in Hollywood. Also, mentioning another super stupid thing... several media outlets are reporting that Khloe "desperately" tried to keep her DUI out of the news. It was on the reality show, you fucking idiots. I have no time for tards today.
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Kim's on here because her boy fried (typo, but, I'm keeping it) Reggie Bush wants her to work out and lose weight. He'd be looking for a new girl friend if I was her. All she has is her curves, it's not like she can sing, dance, write, act, run a shop, or walk and chew gum. The girl is worthless, but, curvy. Reggie needs to go date a crank ho groupie or fuck a stick. She'll do it though, that's how stupid she is.

Jen hopes the Bradgelina twins aren't hidious

A friend of Aniston's let this gem slip.. "She hopes the twins are beautiful. She'd never want anyone to be unhappy with their kids."
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ROTFLMFAO! Classic evil covered in nice. I think I love her.

Gooooooood morning

My cereal box said "Embrace Life!" Shut up. I just gave up cereal and had a banana. Fruit doesn't tell you how to live, 'specially this early. Yeah, I know that cup is Jadeite, depression ware (what better term for mornings) the Jane Ray pattern. I was lucky enough to get the whole set before Martha Fucking Stewart started on it and make the prices go up so only moguls and worlds leaders can get it. That fucking bitch. I've been waking myself up by reading BedBugsAnd Ballyhoo..she's linked here. An intelligent woman who cracks me up. And watching Miss Tia's You Tube journal. LMAO! You'll have to ask her how to find it, she might want it kept a secret for all I know. Thank you my smart funny bloggin' readers for waking me up.
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There's more smart funny women linked here, but, I'm almost awake now. I'll catch up on the rest later. And if you think YOUR blog is smart and funny, send it in (not limited to the female gender, that's just what I got.) The everyday life and amazing thoughts of readers are much more interesting than idiot clebs at 7 am. Hugssssss..and have some coffee.

Katie Holmes yesterday, err, I mean Kate Cruise

Really? I thought it was Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. "Oh, Tommy Girl, I baked you a home made coconut pie, even though I don't have an oven, a pan, or any ingredients but coconut! If you don't eat it, Ginger won't become a Scientologist!"

Katy Perry might be stupid

Katy Perry, who's famous for the "I kissed a girl song" which, BTW, I find to be a tedious Lily Allen rip off, was asked what girl she'd most like to kiss. Her answer was Miley Cyrus. Katy is 23, Miley is 15. "Maybe we'll have another Britney-Madonna moment on stage," Perry joked. "How hilarious would that be? Although I don't think it would help her career. However, it would definitely help mine!"

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There's nothing smarter than kissing the ass of a huge media star by offering a little pedo fantasy. In the words of Debra Barrone..idiot.

Helen Mirren..then and now

Helen Mirren..proving you don't fall apart just because you pass 50 (she's 63). More power to 'er. She looks awesome.

what's a chicken cutlet?

I just got two emails asking what they are and why they're called that. They're called that because they look like packaged chicken cutlets and also because in the old days wannabe starlets would put real wrapped pieces of chicken in their bras to give an illusion. They come in a variety of types..some have nips and fit over the breast. The most popular ones today are similar the top photo..they go under the real breast and to the outside sides to push the breasts into impressive cleavage. There are also special ones for mastectomy women and men who want to be women. There are also hard hard nip enhancers (made popular by the girls on Sex And The City) and special pads and cutlets for your butt and hips. So next time you drool over cleavage, men..think what might be under the clothes and go for the brains. All this while I dream of a breast reduction. How I wish women would realize how pretty small perky boobies are. I'd like to see a mans face when these things fall out on the floor for the first time. That concludes DD sexual enhancement lecture for uninformed men today. Now go take your Viagra and some day I'll explain to you the boredom we feel at the old in and out. Thank you for your patience, girls.

Katie Price and Peter want to adopt a disabled child

Jordan and her husband ( I still say he's gay) want to adopt a disabled child and give it a good home. That's a good thought, but, they already have a disabled child and so far, they haven't impressed anyone. Besides teaching him to say "Fuck off!" for their own amusement, Harvey has a serious accident in a bathtub that left him badly burned. Then he got cut up when a mirror fell on him while in the care of a nanny. I know..the mirror thing could happen to anyone (well, not really, but, I'll give them the benifit of the doubt that time). But, he was burned because he turned on the scalding hot water in a tub and couldn't get out. It was really bad and no one got to him soon enough because he was alone in a separate wing of their mansion. Both incidents required hospitalization for days. I'm not even going on about those photos of them shopping with a baby who had chicken pox. They need parenting classes.

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Is media reporting this sure the couple didn't say they want to adopt a kid and THEN disable it?

Megan Fox..still allowed by law to open her mouth

Megan Fox: “I would love to do a movie naked – it would be beautiful. No one dares make that kind of film today. They did it in the 1930s in an arty way, so why not now?”
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I can't even comment on this..don't expect me to. I can't do it. I am busy looking for shells for the shotgun.

A weird shot of that chick who's so over

Clawing at her disappearing fame, ParAsshole seems a bit saggy. Knowing she has no boobs, I thought it was shopped by someone who hates her, which would have left 90 million suspects..but, then I realized her chicken cutlet had slipped and was being held in by her stretchy polyester dress. Tee hee!
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ParAsshole used to have gigantic implants, that was back when she had brown hair and brown eyes, but, she had them taken out. You'd think someone as vain as her would know she has some great natural boobage, but, she's famous for the cutlet push bra thingy. Latest ParAsshole rumor is she tried to cheat on Benji by being "all over" some soccer player named Christiano Ronaldo at a club recently. Benji wasn't there, but, the soccer dude didn't want her anyway. Who does? Poor bitch doesn't even know she's over. Hold on to your fake tits, ParAsshole, it's a long way down.

I think I've found a nanny for J-Lo

Snoop Dogg: I performed at a bar mitzvah. And I’m telling you, man, these little motherfuckers, they were singing my shit, they was cussin’, they were singing the dirty version. I’m talking about twelve- and thirteen-year-old little white kids singin’ this real gangsta shit. Man. I was shocked. I just gave them the mic and let them motherfuckers go.

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There ya go..NannyDawg. Hire him, J-Lo! I'm surprised Angelina hasn't snatched him up already.

Baby elephant wears Louis Vuitton

Anna Wintour approved this Vogue shoot with Keira Knightley dressing a baby elephant in LV. Wouldn't we all be more impressed if Vogue donated to help elephant habitats and baby elephants oprhaned by poachers? There's art and then there's just absurd waste. Keira needs to feed herself.

The case of the missing mole

SJP finally got that mole removed. Good. That thing looked more like a wart than a mole anyhow. Heads up, young and firm readers, if you have cute moles they will turn into flags (or tags) when you get older. Yeah, they will too. Don't know what a flag is? Look it up. I'll tell you this, spending a day getting flags lasered off is not the best time I ever had. At least they weren't on my face. SJP did the right thing.

Penélope Cruz hates gossipers

Cruz opened up to W mag and her statements made me laugh...
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Penélope on the celebrity gossip mill: “I think it’s disgusting. It’s dangerous and nasty, and bad for our society in so many ways. And it’s getting worse every day. It affects me directly, but I really believe that this culture of gossip affects our society on a much deeper level, on an ethical level. It’s what kids see and hear every day, and it will affect future generations in ways that we cannot even imagine.”
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Well if you don't like gossip, here's a clue for you Pen, stop making vids where you act sexy with your brother and make out with your sister. We won't even mention that short closeted person you once dated. Mega talented and beautiful, yes. You are still creepy weird and I don't mind saying so.

PantyLiner struggles for her "art"

Teenage wonder, Hayden PantyLiner tells us this new album of hers was four years in the making because she wanted it right. We've heard it..so production must have consisted of four years of her bent over a cartoon piano trying to poop music out of her shapely rear end? That's a serious doody bubble. She should have called Bobby Brown. He could have gotten it out with a spoon in an hour. That lost four years would have been better spent learning to actually play that pink thing. There's a good joke there, but, she makes me too depressed to go for it.

This chick has a billion dollar fashion line?

MK Olsen and her sister have one of the longest running and most successful celeb fashion lines, and some of the stuff they sell is adorable..so why does she dress herself like this? Everything but the jacket looks like it came out of a trash bin. I don't get it. I'm pretty sure those are elephant hair bracelets too, because MK can't go one day without pissing off the animal rights people. I had some once, they made me sad. They made a stoner friend of mine happy though. He didn't care what they were made of.

Uma Thurman bikini pic

Hmm....what's up here?

Trained seal performs well in public

Bindi Irwin "Robert has a great approach to life. He lives one day at a time and doesn’t worry about what will happen in the future. He just likes to play with his chickens and revels in the moment which is happening … which is a good way to be. People are always worrying about what might happen tomorrow when it’s what happens today that counts."
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Robert is her 4 year old brother. Jebuz cripes..shut the fuck up now, you horrid little robot child from Hell. I'd like to find her mother and slap the shit right out of her for this crap. Fuck you, Terri Irwin for spawing this little trained seal that nightmares are made of. I hope someday there's enough money for all of you to GO AWAY!

Cash Warren is a genius

Cash and Jessica talk about their new baby..
So who does Honor look more like? ‘She looks like a girl version of me,’ Cash says. ‘She has my nose, my eyebrows and my…’
‘Forehead and dimples,’ Jessica finishes, adding, ‘She has my mouth when I was a baby. And my ears.’
‘Maybe Honor is a mixture,’ Cash reconsiders.
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Gee, ya think? Every time they talk I get a headache.

This is so ridiculous

Someone like Lennon and Yoko could effect some changes because of who they were/are. Both of them immensely talented artists. Don't argue with me about Yoko unless you go read everything about her. The woman is amazing. But, then you have these two other yay-hoo nobody posers for PETA, Corey Feldman and his wife, Susie. What change will come of this? Who the hell is going to pay any attention to these two morons? PETA becomes more absurd and less dignified every day.

Jamie Lynn is "happy all the time"

Jamie Lynn: "“I love taking care of her. It is so much fun. I just want to hug her and kiss her, and I’m happy all the time.”
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Sigh. Jamie Lynn probably IS happy. She had a TV show, she has enough money to take care of her family and hire help. I wish she'd tell little girls who worship her that fact before they end up in a trailer court with the water shut off, a screaming baby, a teenage father who's nowhere to be found and counting the days until the food stamps come in the mail. I really wish Jamie Lynn would use her media power to tell these girls NOT to do what she did, because they aren't her.

13 year old Conner is taking flying lessons

Tommy Girl's 13 year old son has been seen taking off, cruising and landing a Cessna 172 Skyhawkin in Burbank, Ca. Conner also like to do stunts on his motorcycle. I don't care what anyone says on this one..I say 13 is too young to have a motorcycle and fly planes, even with an instructor. That's why you're called the parent and they're called the kid. So you can say HELL NO.

She actually paid Ken Paves for this

Paves messed LongWhoria's hair up. It's even in the back and all scraggly and wayward in the front. She looks better with short hair, but, I'd have kicked his skinny ass for that.

Natalie Portman knows who Bobbie Gentry is

And, yes, I did think that was cool. Remember when people actually had to sing and play something, and were not named PantyLiner? Check out vintage Bobbie HERE.

Hayden Panettiere - "Wake Up Call"

PantyLiner says her music is reflective of her life experiences and who she is as a person. All I can say is shut up, Tard, you are a joke.

J-Lo's weight loss secrets

Despite the 10,000 articles lately about how Jennifer Lopez lost the baby weight and how YOU can too.....she can't zip up her Oscar de la Renta. Yes, I did find this amusing. Love the safety pin. Give the stylist a raise.

Where is Suri?

Suri is on the Union Station set of the TV show Eli Stone where Tommy Girl's robot is filming a cameo. Just give Suri a cameo, she's the one we like. Aww, wook at her widdwe gown. Cutie!

Meet Honor Alba Warren

Honor is a truly beautiful baby. Is her photo worth 1.5 million dollars? That's only half a mil more then Jamie Lynn got for her baby pics. Tsk, tsk..Alba the great has fallen. But, she DID have a pretty baby.
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To OK...A natural childbirth was important to her. “Yes, I wanted to do it naturally. The labor was more like meditation. I did yoga breathing. I was focused.”
Confirms Cash: “She didn’t make a sound,” he says. “It was amazing.”
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LMFAO! Cool..I needed a laugh today. You were all silent when you gave birth, right? Yep, me too. I had one no drug birth and I was ashamed to leave the room the next day. I knew what everyone in the hospital had heard. These people are so full of it..unless she just opened her big ol' cootchie with the garage door opener and backed that kid out. It's possible.

Miley wants to do a "clean" Sex And The City

Miley Cyrus tells TV Guide that she'd "love to do" what she says is "a younger, cleaner version of 'Sex and the City,'" because.."I like to think of myself as the girl that no one can get," says Cyrus.

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Yeah, I wish I'd saved her sexy shower photo for this post, because she looks like the girl everyone's had.

Oh, come on!

I saw that Angie cover and at a glance thought..it's, wait, no, what? You can't tell me this isn't what they were going for. Same thing..one is a priceless piece of art containing clues to centuries old hidden religious questions. The other is a movie star who has kids. Same thing, right? Priceless.