Believe It When I See It

Guess who's getting rave reviews for her acting? Yup - Mariah Carey. And I don't mean the acting she does every time she's around Nick Cannon - the stuff where she's pretending he doesn't make her want to hurl - I mean the acting she did in a movie. Precious is the name of it, some low-budget thing about a teenage girl living in Harlem. It won a bunch of stuff at Sundance and now it's playing in Cannes. Everyone says Mariah is great in it. Well, we'll see. The last thing I saw Mariah in was that Zohan mess with Adam Sandler, and she was playing herself, which is what she does every day starting when she wakes up in the morning and switches off the humidifiers. And let's face it - going up against Adam Sandler isn't exactly an intimidating challenge for a performer. Avoid completely annoying the audience and they'll think you totally stole the scene from him.

Your Daily Gosselin Update

Dishy's not around today - she might be digging in her garden or trapping stray cats or something, I don't know - so it's up to me to give the daily Gosselin update. Um...well, there are these pictures of Jon and the kids...walking someplace...and there's a dog...and here's where I put a joke about Kate's roadkill hair. I'm not very good at this. Know why? CAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THESE PEOPLE! The only cable shows I care about are Dirty Jobs and whatever documentary about Hitler is on the History Channel. Reality shows bore me to tears. There I said it.

Jerry Lewis Fell And He Did Get Up

Jerry Lewis fell down while walking the red carpet at a Cannes Film Festival event, but all indications are that he is fine. So he won't have to skim any extra money off the telethon take to get a broken hip treated or anything. The guy who grabbed him is glad he's not bloated to Jabba the Hutt proportions anymore.

Making Comedy Out Of Comedy

WMD FINAL TEASER from Richard Halpern on Vimeo.

Here's your legacy George. Oh that's right, you don't care. In the future we'll all be dead. The future can't come fast enough for you, you baby-killing son of a bitch.

Suri..doin' her thing

It was nice of Amy Winehouse to loan Suri some shoes. Naaa, Suri is taking dancing lessons. She's not a baby anymore.

Twins? In vitro?

In Touch has info that Tom and Katie are using in vitro to have another child because they want twins this time. It's no secret that Tom is pushing Katie for anther baby and she seems reluctant, to me. She has career projects taking off. I seriously doubt she's going to go through in vitro, since there's obviously nothing wrong with her reproductively. She's going to have enough of his pushing her around, controlling, Scientology crap and file for a divorce. It would not surprise me one bit. She's growing up and grown women don't take that crap anymore. Watch and see. They've stayed out of the paps way all month, except for that White House dinner. Something big is up with these two. And it's not Tom's lifts.

Annnnnnnnnd, here's Jill

Let's all tell Jill Zarin she's a runway size 0, since that seems to make her happy and it's no skin off my nose. You are a size zero, Jill, and not a regular size zero, a RUNWAY size zero. I love the dress. I really do. So, shoot me. Ehh.

Trendsetter

Bethenny Frankel at Modern Bride’s “25 Trendsetters of 2009″ Awards Dinner. I could live without that dress, but, yes, I guess Bethenny's a trendsetter. She makes me laugh with her acerbic wit. I'd totally hang out with her if I lived in her NYC world, which I don't. Did you see the finale? Man, what a bunch of yelling. I hate that Ramona, she's got more than crazy eyes, she IS crazy. Kelly is a brainless skank who lies like a rug and the snotty Countess of Cunt can kiss my ass. Jill's alright. The shocker for me..Alex. She's a decent chick. I never thought I'd say that, but, I really like Alex.

Rebecca Romijn in In Style

They ask her the inevitable question about the baby weight. I refuse to type any more of that nonsense. But, Rebecca talks about the babies.."They are yummy, aren’t they? Dolly is all baby and wants to have one-on-one relationships with people. But, Charlie is always looking around. She can’t wait to be out of this baby body because she’s got a lot to do… Dolly looks just like me, and Charlie looks like Jerry. We got one of each."
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I know exactly what she means. I've met babies like that, who are not satisfied being a baby. You can see it in their faces and longing looks at things and activites. Thier little legs and arms stiffen and stretch, wanting to go, to explore. Her babies are pretty.

Imitation J-Lo

Why is Kim Kardashiass making herself into a fake J-Lo? Isn't fake J-Lo redundant?

Lindsay Lohan got a real job...against all odds

She's going to be in The Other Side, described as an Indie comedy. Also in the movie, Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette. I don't need another pic of The Blow's skinny ass on here today, so I put on Giovanni Ribisi, who is one of my favorite actors of all time. Boiler Room is an awesome movie and he was great as Phoebe's farked up brother in Friends. I'd rather look at him than a Lohan any day.

Mayim Bialik is going to be on What Not To Wear

I love Stacy and Clinton, but, does anyone else think maybe they should leave Blossom alone? Mayim: “I’m not trendy, I’m not hip, I don’t understand fashion. I have weird taste,”..she says people tell her she looks dumpy. Sigh. I don't know, I think she looks unique. I'm sick of the cookie cutter fashions.

JLH bought a pregnancy test

Jennifer Love Hewitt was seen buying a pregnancy test at a Hollywood pharmacy. You can bet she rushed to her mother's house to pee on the stick and not to her steady, Jamie Kennedy. Publicity stunt? Doesn't she have slaves, err, assistants who could buy this stuff for her?

Clifford the mailman, scared of his ex

Clifford the mailman, John Ratzenberger, is afraid of his ex girl friend and has filed for a restraining order. I ignored this when I first read it, but, now there's a photo of the ex, Lindsay McGrail, and she looks like a cute normal person. I'm shocked Clifford even had ANY girl friend. Yes, I know it was a character, but, now he thinks he needs a restraining order because she listens to country music. And that makes her capable of violence, according to him, specifically violence to vehicles. If that doesn't sound like Clifford the mailman...well, it just does. Every woman I knew would rather set themselves on fire then have a go at Clifford and it seems things haven't changed. Ms. Mcgrail responded to his concerns about keying his car and smashing windows (very Carrie Underwood) by saying: "No John, harassment is what happens in those country songs when women blow up their boyfriend's cars."

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She claims she's not that stupid and his fears are unfounded. I don't know either one of them, but, suddenly I'm on her side. Can you really be granted a restraining order because of some one's music choice? Pffft, it's like the world is wearing milk bone underwear.

How to pay yer cheatin', lyin', no good husband back

Has yore man done strayed from the trailer court? Don't be lettin' him sniff around no more! Git you a Mr. Gray. Mr. Gray tells me ever day how purdysome I am, he don't even see my stratch marks. Mr. Gray says they's like shinin' tatty beacons from all them babies I had. He don't even mind 8 kids what aint his own! Yep, 8 babies...only 6 of 'em ah-twonce though. Not like that OctoMom. I hate her like a fever. Her hooterus is all stratched out. My hooterus is beautious. Mr. Gray says so. Git you a Mr. Gray. I'm a tellin' you! And some of them Loretty Lynn records. And don't you never give up the deed to your trailer house no matter what fancy talk that husband of your has. Ya gots to be smart in the noggin' about these here things. Look out fer my next book. It's gone be a doozie. I think I'm gone be a marriage councilor. I done got that motherhoodish thing down pert near anyhow. See ya at Barns and Noble! Brang yer credit cards.

Bruce shows his new face!!

Uhhhh, that's his old face. But, not his original face. Hmm. He says it's new.

Shit-Eating Grin

"Yeah I'm famous and rich and everyone thinks I'm hot. And you? You sit around all day scratching lottery tickets and waiting for the mean blogger lady to say something else nasty about Kate Gosselin. Cause all you have are pipe-dreams and resentments. Me, I've got dough, legs for miles, men crawling all over me, women crawling all over me. God I love me."

Evil Liar

Nancy Pelosi expects us to believe she knew about waterboarding in 2003 but kept her mouth shut for the good of the country. And she wants us to believe the CIA and Bush administration only told Congress part of the truth about their unlawful interrogation methods. Fish-faced liar. Bitch went along with the whole thing from the beginning just like all the rest of the Democratic fish-guts party. They all hedged their bets, but now they're trying to look like hard-liners who will brook no moral wishy-washiness. Torture is bad? It was bad in 2003 too, but you closed your eyes to it, didn't you Nance? Er...actually, Nancy is no longer able to close her eyes, so she must've turned or left the room or something. Same diff.

The Blow needs glasses

She's mistaken herself for someone cute. You'd better quit yanking on those hair extensions..Sam isn't going to buy you any more.

Evolution of a train wreck

They hate each other, I said that a year ago. That last pic is Deanna, isn't she lovely?

What's with Sarah Silverman?

Depression, pregnancy, secretly married? Okay, I'm going with secretly married. That's what happens when you're bored. Go 'head..tell me I'm a C word and she's not fat!

Who Is She, Elvis?

Katy Perry being stupid again. Yawn.

Here's what's more interesting: that the American Idol people seem hell-bent on making sure this Adam fellow wins, to the point where they don't seem to care that everyone thinks they're basically queering the whole thing. The other day Simon Cowell even came out and said he thinks Adam will win. So the sheep will now all vote for him. I haven't heard him sing or seen even a single episode of this since it came on the air, so I don't really care. I just think it's funny that it's all such an obvious sham but the fans either don't know or don't give a fuck.

Dumb-Ass Helps Dumb-Ass

Sarah Palin has injected herself into the Miss California flap. Guess what? She defends Carrie Prejean. Who could've seen that coming? Palin's fake lips flapped and this came out:

I can relate, as a liberal target myself. What I find so remarkable is that these politically-motivated attacks fail to show that what Carrie and I believe is also what President Obama and Secretary Clinton believe -- marriage is between a man and a woman.

Actually, marriage is between a naive idiot and another naive idiot, but let's not get off on a tangent. The issue here is that Sarah Palin and Carrie Prejean are basically the same person, so it should be no shock that one would stick up for the other. Maybe Sarah can have poor harried Carrie up to Alaska for a little therapeutic wolf-murder? Nothing gets you back on your feet, psychologically, than letting some terrified animal have it from a helicopter. I wish both these brainless bitches would just go away, but they won't, not as long as the Republicans insist on crowning such fools their spokespeople.

Too bad Terri Schiavo wasn't still around - she would've made a perfect third stooge.

EVERYBODY wants her hair

Kate Gosselin on her hair: “It’s my attitude! Everybody wants it. It’s work. I have very, very thick hair, so it’s not going to work for everybody. I’ve seen people come through the book line with thin hair and it just won’t work. My hair stylist gets calls from all across the country.”
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I'm sure they do. Everyone wants what you have Kate, we are all just jealous of you and your hair and your wonderful life. Not to mention your fabulous career.
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Aunt Jodi and Uncle Kevin are talking. HERE.
I'd just like to say that Aunt Jodi is nothing but a class act and I believe every word they say. Seriously. I am not snarking. Jodi babysat Kate's 8 kids for free, for days at a time and Kate never once returned the favor for Jodi's four. Not once.

Three monkey's and a step dad

Maxim’s Hot 100 party attended by the Kardashyasse's who look like three demented monkey's there...if monkey's dressed in ho clothes and gladiators. Bruce Jenner got his botched face lift fixed, the results will be shown Sunday on E! Kim says he looks awesome now, but, Kim thinks she looks awesome there..so I have no idea. I like Bruce though. He's a good reason to watch the Kardashiass mess. I like it when he tells them they're fat or they shouldn't get naked so much...or be ho's so much. He leaves them devastated and goes off to fly toy airplanes. Hey E!, more Bruce, less Armenian ass..okay?

Shout out to Shanna Moakler today

You were right to quit as director of the Miss California pagent, Shanna. You don't have to sit there and listen to Donald Fuckwad Trump tell how you and Carrie ToeJam "mended fences." Oh, and him harping on her great beauty was pretty sickening. He never did get the point, and he never will. That was a nice bland statement you gave, but, I can't wait until you tie one on and rag those two bean heads to hail and back. And I know you will. Yee haw! See you in the tabloids, Shanna! Your fan, DirtyDisher.

Jennifer longs for a child of her own

Yeah, right. It's a movie, tabloids, get over it. She's probably longing for a good stiff drink after work. But, of course, the tabloids know, she's thinking about Brad again. That woman is probably counting her single blessings and closet space.

Sheep dog would get naked for the right role

Vanessa Hudgens (to E!): “Right now, I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it, but like I said, when the time’s right, if it’s an amazing movie that I’m really passionate about and that’s what it calls for, then we’ll see.”
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Oh, for crap's sake, you already got naked on your cell phone camera and sent it to little teen idol boys and we've all seen you naked. What planet of stupid did this girl fall off of? My gawd, stop talking.

John's green card on display..

..As well as the bloody clothes he was killed in. Yoko says that was difficult, but, she thinks it's important. New York Annex of the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame has the Lennon artifacts, courtesy Yoko Ono. She will never let him be forgotten, as if anyone could. John's green card IS a big deal, he was a war protester in a time when that view wasn't welcome. He got in a lot of trouble for that, but, he stood his ground. Biography's of both Yoko and John are some of the best celeb reading ever. I'm a fan of both. Yoko was the first real liberated woman I ever knew of. She's thought provoking and it was shocking at the time. Yoko would not bow down to any man, even a Beatle. And she was pretty famous in the art world before she ever met him. Extraordinary people, both of them.

Nicole Richie promotes organic gardening

You can be an ambassador of anything, it seems..Nicole promotes organic gardening in urban schools. She's young and trying to do some good and make her life meaningful, so I'll give her a pass here. But, where's YOUR garden, Nic? I doubt she's grown anything in her life and she's too young to be a serious gardener, but, those school programs are great and there should be more of them, and the kids should get credits for them. Growing something to eat is so much more important than high school algebra, which, let's face it, no one, except math majors, ever has any use for. When's the last time you needed algebra? That's what I thought. When's the last time you bought over priced produce? Uh hu.

Domestic diva, jessica Alba

Blaaa, I just wondered what she buys. I always wonder what celebs buy. I blew the cart up and she has normal stuff a working mom would buy. Salad dressing (looked like Wishbone Italian) whipped cream in a can, packaged dinner rolls, salad in a bag (yuk), pancake mix, frozen entres..I didn't see any baby food. Hmm. Well, that was a pleasant waste of 5 minutes. Nosey, aren't I?

Kate Gosselin is finally getting real press..and it aint good

Nice, huu? Kate went on the war path when she was accused of an affair saying “Already the allegations they’re making about me are disgusting, unthinkable, unfathomable, and I am horrified.”

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But, she threw Jon right under the bus. You can read more HERE, at Moons place. I'm tired of Kate's lies and I think she's getting what she deserves. Out of that whole mess all I want to read is US Weeklys gossip about how "Mom of 8 refuses to touch bleeding son during a press conference." I'll betcha that's totally true. She's cruel to those kids and everyone knows it.
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She left little Joel on the laundry room floor, with the machines running, while he was sick and closed the door! She didn't want him puking on her fancy bedspreads. His father came home and rescued him, saying: "He's burning up!"

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She left Collin on a potty chair, turned out the light and said "Don't get up until you put pee in there." Then she left! Left him in there in the dark, while the other kids slept.

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When Collin hit his head on a plane bulkhead and it sounded like a watermelon on cement..she laughed and said "Well, God builds in punishments."

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There's a lot more of these awful incidents from Mom Of The Year, who doesn't like her kids. Piss on her. The only thing that bitch is good for, is making the rest of us feel better about being a parent. She's hardly ever home with them now and fans are too stupid to read her posted schedule and figure out that she's gone at least 20 days month. Which would be fine by me, if she'd stop her lying. Fuck her and the lame FREE she rode in on.

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Maybe Now Oprah Will Have Her On

Dippy Sarah Palin has landed a deal with HarperCollins to publish a memoir. Let's hope her writing is more coherent than her speaking. My head is still spinning from some of that shit she said at that debate with Joe Biden. I actually thought she was speaking in tongues. But, this is America, so everyone gets a book deal. Doesn't matter if you have anything to say or can even put words together in sequences that convey a meaning. Carrie Prejean will soon be doing a memoir too I imagine. "How I Showed My Tits and Still Got to Pretend I'm Morally Superior." Palin's probably pissed she didn't think of showing her tits. It would've distracted people from her words at least.

Brad Pitt encounter

Janet Charlton has a nice story about Brad Pitt. Some guy was selling chairs at a flea market and Brad loved them. They were classic Knoll's, which I had to look up. Don't bother, they are that ugly 60's bucket type stuff..but, Brad loves that stuff and we know he does. Brad offered the guy $12 hundred for them and then wrote a check for $12 thousand, proving he's a nice guy.

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There's no doubt in my mind that Brad IS a nice guy who probably has distant memories of being an ordinary person, but, I find it hard to believe Brad Pitt could browse a flea market without a thousand paps up his butt. Personally, I've never met a chair worth $12 hundred dollars, let alone $12 thousand. At least, not to me.

Winnie the puke

Kate Gosselin still has her Winnie and his honey pot tat. We know where her honey pot is..it's in her secret bank account. The one she hides from Jon and the IRS. Before Kate was married and became the symbol of American motherhood, she was a whore. Truth. They just about said so once on the show, but, Kate shot Jon the death ray and he shut his mouth. I don't hold that against her, but, whoring out your kids is another story. Kate has to have a body guard just to go to the organic grocery store now. That's how famous she is! Golly gee, it's a big responsibility to be famous. The children are still allowed to play in the estate yard with no supervision though. I guess they don't need body guards, because who would want to mess with those kids? No, it's Kate who needs protection. You just don't understand what she goes through. She has 8 kids! She's exhausted-ish. Even Winnie is looking tired and faded.

Taraji Henson..sad mistake

She apparently hasn't gotten over the fact that she was Brad Pitt's mother and now she has something to prove. I've really had enough of boobs hanging out and obvious boob jobs. Did I tell you I watched Benjamin Buttons? Yeah. I resorted to watching it while Lissa was sleeping at 4 am. I never have time for anything anymore and I knew I had to get the kid up for school at 7 am, but, that's about the only time I have to myself..is 4 am. The movie was good, I liked it a lot (liked, not loved), but, it seemed 5 hours long. He died in the end. LOL..there's a spoiler, huu? Oh, and how the F did they make Brad look so young again? He was right purdy again. I have to say, I liked that part.

Enviromental whore

Trudie Styler flew her hair and makeup people in to Washington DC for a White House Correspondents’ Dinner. Yeah. Trudie said: "Yes, I do take planes. My life is to travel and my life is also to speak out about the horrors of an environment that is being abused at the hands of oil companies."
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I don't think that's supposed to include your hair and makeup people, Trudie. Everyone and their dog knows we have to save the rain forest, you're a dumbass if you don't know that. I don't know why governments don't step in right now and find a solution for that mess. It's too big and important to leave it in the hands of celebrities or celebritie's wives. Jebus.
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Trudie heads the Rainforest Foundation. Do you know what Faded Youth (via page 6) found out? Only 41% of the proceeds go to tree-saving programs. That's right. I'm so sick of celebrity environmentalists I could puke at the site of them. Flying your hair stylist in as the sole passenger on a jet makes me sick and many of them do it. J-Lo, Mariah..oh, and John Travolta with his five private jets in his driveway. Good Gawd.

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I don't even have a carbon footprint. I know because I took all those net quizzes and common sense will tell you that anyhow. I drive a Ford Focus, use it sparingly, I don't own a dishwasher or dryer. I use the damn clothes line, even in winter. I plant trees. I'll bet most of you do that stuff too. Or at least some of it. I'll betcha a lot of you recycle. And the celebs preaching to us about "green" never ends, while they do the things they tell us not to. They can kiss my ass. Ed Begley Junior is my personal hero. He's one of the few that practices what he preaches. No word on weather Sting realizes his wife is a cunt. Trudie, and everyone like her, makes me throw soda cans in the trash. That's right. I hate the can center, it's gross and stinky. I don't feel a bit guilty. Kiss my fat ass, green celeb whores.

Cybill Shepherd on religion

source
Cybill: "I’m a Christian Pagan Buddhist Goddess worshiper, but I’m also a feminist. I think the ultimate glass ceiling is God, in another words, if we think God is a man, then we make man a God, and I studied and learned that there is a whole other history of the worshiping of the great mother," she explained. "I really think that probably God is a woman, that helped me to break through that celestial glass ceiling."
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I don't know how much "studying" you have to do to learn about the history of worshiping the great mother. God was originally a woman. Don't we all know that? I guess you have to study a bit to find out WHY God became a man. Now, that's interesting. I like her. I always have and that article about her was interesting..worth reading.

Jon Gosselin is a class act..

Jon bought his chicky on the side several gifts, which included a Cole Haan hand bag, which US Weekly has a receipt for, so there's no denying that. Also speculation about a diamond watch she's been wearing..BUT, Deanna's tattle tale brother has some hilarious stories about the start of this affair.
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Jason (brother): "I remember the first night he came over, in mid-February. She opens the door and I’m like, “Oh my God, Deanna, come on.” He came over with dinner, which was totally pathetic. He brought, like, a half-eaten box of pizza, a bag of chips and iced tea. It looked like a pizza that Kate had already eaten. I felt like going into the kitchen and dragging this guy out of my house."
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LMAOOO! I'm sorry, man, I'm a pretty cheap date myself, but, even I wouldn't hang out with some guy who brought me a half eaten pizza that his 8 kids had torn up. Sticky little fingers turn you on? I didn't think so. I keep thinking maybe you can buy half a pizza where they live. But, this Jason dude has been truthful so far. It really sounds like a used pizza.
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Those in the know tell me they've seen the new trailer for the new Gosselin season and it's called "Kate Plus 8." No Jon. I want to see the spin off.."Jon in his garage apartment." What a buncha Kateness. How many "love offerings" are fans going to give them, so that he can buy presents for his girl friend? I'm sure a lot of them are busy right now making placemats and hand towels to present to Jon and Deanna. And of course, more money for Kate, now that she's a single parent. She has 8 kids, you know. No one in the world has ever had 8 children before. We must help them out.

Split of the century

Katie Price and Peter Andre's split has rocked the world. The world inside their heads, where they are famous. Katie says: "Pete is the love of my life and my life, we have children together and I am devastated and disappointed by Peter’s decision to separate and divorce me. As I married him for life. This is not what I want and the decision has been taken out of my hands."
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Well, then, you should have stopped hanging out in bars all the time with your puss hanging out. I keep thinking this is a publicity stunt since they once pretended to cheat on each other for publicity. They should stay together because no one else wants either one of them. I still think he's gay and the whole marriage was a stunt. He has gay face and a gay voice and I've known very few men who have both those things and aren't gay. I do think he's a good dad. I think she's a moron made of plastic. Recycled second rate plastic.

Barbara must love this dress

TMZ called her a repeat offender. Maybe the dress just fits right and feels good, so she thought it should be worn again. Barbara looks great and she's mostly been a class act all her life..until she started that damn View show. I hate that show. The only one on there with any sense is Whoopie, and I don't think women sit around and bitch at each other like they do, or no one would want to hang out. I like the company of women and find them supportive. That View is nasty and I've never made it through and entire episode. They give me a headache and everything they talk about is old news.