Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Things in the yard and in my head

A most grand Hibiscus. A total surprise. I don't remember planting that.





They really are this high. They're almost all taller than me. I feel dwarfed out there. But, not in a bad way.


Cleome'. One of my favorites, it only blooms in the evenings or when it rains. Those arching things are the seed pods. Very interesting plant.

Looking forward. It's sort of like a dream or a fantasy, isn't it? Or maybe some people's nightmare, lol.

Looking back towards the backyard. It is no longer manageable and barely traversable. Just the way I like it, because now is when you discover the most amazing hidden things around every corner.





Pumpkins forming. I wish I could take photos of what it really looks like back there, but, it's SO grown out, it's just impossible. There are only narrow paths with veg and blooms everywhere. Even here, I have never seen it like this. It blows me away. Nature is unnatural sometimes.





There is so much going on here, it's impossible to blog all of it. It's been a difficult month and several times I wanted to blog, but, there's so much to say, I find myself unable to say anything at all. I have only opened FaceBook to leave messages for Michael and Lia, because with all I am going through here, it is nothing compared to what they are dealing with.


Still, there are some sick things going on here. I deal on a daily basis with people who want to control me and they do it by saying 'they have my best interests at heart'. But, I say, if you care about someone, really, you don't want to change them or control them. That isn't love. That isn't even friendship, is it? I just answered my own question.

Tip of the iceburg..I have been told I don't garden 'right'. Apparently, I am not good at following rules. Now, I ask you, who have I hurt here? What have I done here that can not be changed by the next person who lives here? Look at my photos and explain that to me. I am told that 'I go overboard' and they certainly hope I don't treat my next property like I have this one. They are telling me this 'for my own good'. Oh, there's more, lots more. Let's talk. I suddenly find myself in the mood. For the first time in weeks.






30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry. It has to be said...Fuck 'em. It's not theirs to maintain and care for. If you love it, whats it to them? It's not a bunch of overgrown weeds. Its flowers. Iowa is a sort of hot house, stuff grows there like no other. My Cleome' all died off. I used to have ppl stop and ask me about them , I would give them seed pods. I live way out in the country too. But ppl do notice them, from the road. I don't garned as much as I used to. I can't handle it. I work so much and get too busy. I have 2 flowers beds and many big planters. and a veggie garden that didn't do very well. But do what you want and can handle. I have a friend that gives tours every summer of her gardens. She has theme gardens. I sent you pics a couple of years ago of some of it. She has the blue wine bottle piece in the center of one garden. She uses old junk in her gardens. It works. Her house is a historic farm house that's been in her family for almost 200 years. She does something because she likes it. Or her grand kids would like it. If she ends up hating it. Out it goes. I just don't have that kind of passion for it anymore and zero time. But just do what ever you like. What's it to them? Don't care what anybody thinks, just do it. I can't imagine you ever. EVER! Stopping to think "Well, what will so & so think if I do this?" No way. That's sooo not you.

Rox

Anonymous said...

PS: That hibiscus is as big as a garden hat! Love it. My gawd. It's like Hawaii there. I can't grow things like that. Be proud.

Rox.

Dirty Disher said...

Thank you, it means a lot. For once, it's not my mom who's trying to control me. Oh, she never gives up, but, her, I can ignore for now. It's my cousins and one cousin's gf. Strange people that lot. Yet, I have to put up with it with a smile. I need their help. Yet, it's gone too far and talking honestly to them doen't help. They ignore me because they know what's best for me. It's infuriating. I can't paint my kitchen yellow, because they don't like yellow. I can't move the shower to save the window because shower/tub combos are what they have in their house. A hundred examples like this, that I can deal with until I move, but, I can't make rules for Lissa because they think her breaking them is 'cute'. They literally have tried to take her over. (major trouble caused there, major) Now, I need a man. I need a man to help me raise this child and no matter what I say, they won't listen. This is getting so bad I want to sceam 'help' before they have me married off. Yesterday, they bought me groceries! I do not need groceries! I did not take them in the house (would not answer the door) and my mother took them. This is no joke.

Anonymous said...

You are an awesome gardener, and the people who criticize your skills are either stupid, or jealous, or both. Seriously. One look at how things are thriving at your place, and I know that you are very talented with anything to do with planting and growing. They must be blind.
Those big-mouth trolls you are dealing with, need to get over their tiny-brained selves and move on. Quit trying to put you down. I would bet they have very little to no ability themselves, and do little but watch TV and bitch about everyone else.
I used to grow a lot here, but this year is a complete failure. A few tomatoes and peppers, and that's about all. My little fruit trees are producing well, especially the Honeycrisp, and my poor little seckel pear never made it out of the pot, and got some kind of a virus, but still has a little pear up, top. Otherwise too much shizzle going on here.
I had hoped you were okay, and would be blogging soon.
I am not going on the Europe trip. I have had a very bad, black feeling about the trip. I felt dread, and like something terrible would happen if I go. The baby dog is too young to leave with one caretaker, as well. Since I am not going, the Yugoslavia (I know, I know. . . Slovenia, etc. in reality) and Italy portion of the trip have been suspended, and my husband will stay in Hungary, and possibly Romania. I don't feel the black, scarey feeling anymore, so I suspect something bad might have happened in Italy if we had gone. I don't really know, but it's what I suspect. I still feel that it is a very scarey time to travel, with civil unrest here, Ebola possibly even in Europe, increased terrorism and war, etc. Just not a good time to go anywhere. More of a time to hunker down and try to stay safe. But, my MIL wants to go, and she wants George to drive her around. He jumped at the chance to go home, to Hungary, so there you have it. I will have a staycation, which is fine, but it breaks my heart that he is going. I feel like she is winning, again.
Enough about me. So your grape arbor is beautiful, and I know you mentioned taking starts for your new place. How, exactly, do you do that? I know it must involve clippings, and I would love to take some clippings from my mom's grapes before the place sells, but am not sure how to help them root. Any advice would be appreciated. I know this is stuff my Dad would have known, but he never told us kids how to do anything like that, as far as I remember.
Christina

Anonymous said...

OMG Pat!!! You're a better woman than I am. And a hell of a lot more patient. Paint your kitchen whatever color you want. Tell them not to come over. Even though you need their help, they need to respect your home.

Dirty Disher said...

Thank you! Yeah, they ARE kinna stupid, aren't they? I had no idea they were stupid until now. They seemed normal until you get in it, you know? Then it's like, holy fuck.

Grapes. Take a hard cutting in Fall. Just cut off a few branches at a joint and remove all but the top leaves. Make them, oh, 6-12 inches long and stick them in the gound AFTER the first frost. That's it. If you do a dozen, then you know you'll get at least one to root. Law of averages.

You did the right thing by not going on the trip. Since the feeling of doom is now gone, you know that. Hey, she didn't win. YOU just get to stay home, have the whole place to yourself and do whatever you want. Sounds like heaven to me. Nirvana.

Anonymous said...

Tell 'em to F Off! It's YOUR house, YOUR garden, YOUR granddaughter. Tell them that if you need or want their advice, you will ask them...otherwise...keep their mouths shut and their opinions to themselves. Families....what can you do? BTW, the garden is beautiful!

Lucy

Angie said...

I'm not sure where the boundaries have broken down, but it seems as though all of the sudden, people think they have a right to tell you what to do. Why is that? Because you're moving to a house that you bought from a cousin? Are the advice givers those cousins? Perhaps they think because they sold you the house, they have a right to tell you what to do with it? Your gardening style is not for everyone...so what? You are lucky to live in an area where it's lush and wild and beautiful...why not take advantage of that? As for you needing groceries and needing a man? That's offensive, isn't it? If you needed help, you'd ask. If you needed a man, you'd get one. Is there a reason why you aren't telling these people to piss off?

Jane said...

All I can say is if those pics are proof of you NOT knowing how to garden, I would hate to see what your garden would look like if you did. I think the little green eyed monster might have got to them. I know I'm jealous!
Is that the little baby blue spruce (?) in the 5th pic? If it is, it has really gotten big. Do you think you can transfer that one?

It's bad when you have people helping you do things. They think they have a say in the way things turn out. I hope one of them is not Joey. He always seemed to be the one you could depend on.

And as for needing a man to help raise Lissa---I would have to tell them to go fuck themselves! And I would use those very words with as much attitude as I could muster. How about the millions of women who have raised millions of children on their own? What a slap in the face! And not to mention you raised 2 very fine kids already. Again---they need to fuck off! You are probably the strongest women I know! And by now Lissa should know when you set a rule, NO ONE should allow her to breake it, and no it doesn't look CUTE to you. Stand your ground and let them know that while you appreciate their help, you will not allow anyone to interfere with what you say or do.
You go girl! (Oh, and good luck!)

Dirty Disher said...

Thank you all so much and I know you're right, but, I'm in a real hard spot. I need help with that house. I can't put in a bathroom alone and I can't afford to hire anyone who charges real prices. So, what the hell do I do? I have to take the shit.

Angie, your question is what I'm stuggling with the most now. What I have been stressed out about for weeks. How do boundries get SO broken and some of it HAS to be my fault. It just does. I've tried so hard to let people know that I am my own person and I will do things my way, yet, no one really listens. Well, one person in particular isn't listening because he doesn't want to hear what I say. So, I can't control that. But, boundries have been broken and it's not because I'm not assertive and it's not because I fear conflict. Obviously, I don't. I have to take a long hard look at myself here and figure out exactly what my part in this is. I've done something wrong. If I can figure out where I went wrong, maybe I can fix it.

Dirty Disher said...

Jane, that's the baby blue spruce. I am seriously thinking of moving it. I'd hate to kill it, but, man, I'd like to take it.

Anonymous said...

I think your garden is gorgeous. It is what first attracted me to your blog when you had the garden blog years ago. I wish my garden looked like yours.

Anonymous said...

By the way, I think yellow is the perfect color for a kitchen! Especially one that will be somewhat retro, if I'm remembering right.
As to the shower/tub thing, you may end up having what they want you to have. It's understandable that you need their help to redo the bathroom, and can only afford so much. Hopefully they can find it in their hearts to "indulge" you in what you really want.
As for their interference with the rules for Lissa. That is a tough one.
Christina

Lalalalala said...

DD, would your family really not help you if you disagreed with them? If so, how low down can someone get. Do what my sister does. She gives everyone a warm smile, tells them she appreciates their advice very much and does what she wants to anyway.

I think your gardens are out-of-this-world beautiful. I'd be so happy if I had even 1/8th of your talent.

Angie said...

I needed to read a little closer. You need their help. You know you need to get that house in order and you don't have the funds to go outside family help. That puts you in the position of having to eat shit until the work gets done. At this point, to reach the end-goal, I'd say you just put up with it and the minute you see light at the end of the tunnel, you tell them to get bent.

connie45 said...

Your garden has me almost weeping with joy at the beauty and almost mystical magical aura of it all! I take so much pleasure in seeing what you have accomplished! As you know - growing anything here this summer is just not going to happen. People are letting their lawns turn brown and landscaping with rocks and cactus and such- which is fine and certainly the right thing to do during this drought aftermath. But - seeing your garden, the cool and lushness of it all - is a treat!
That hibiscus is just gorgeous!

Short of wearing earbuds turned up high all the time - blocking these pendejos out is going to be difficult. Smile and nodding only gets you so far. Hopefully they will get bored and move on to the next thing.

Jane said...

I went back and enlarged the pics and they really knocked me off my feet. That pumpkin flower is so brilliant yellow.
Is that a devil's trumpet in the 3rd pic (in the back, on the left side)?

Anonymous said...

Shit Pat! So much going on here- I'll just say your garden is magical. Have you tried the "nice" spell? Write their name on piece of paper and seal it in a jar of sugar. I did it when my daughter was being bullied. Also the open scissor trick? Leave a pair of scissors open and facing outward. It tends to get unwanted people to leave.
Shelly

Anonymous said...

You can come do my garden any day! I much prefer the natural look to the intentionally manicured gardens. Fuck what anyone else thinks or says. Just keep being YOU.

Unknown said...

I'm convinced that if someone decides to find fault with you. They will. Finding fault will become their be all end all. I think people are like that because they lack intelligence and insight. They can't rise above or see beyond their pettiness and small mindedness. The only think wrong with you is that you are highly intelligent and insightful, you instantly recognize crap. Your outrage over their bad behavior is how they control you. Ive realised that after the past 15 years of nit picking against Michael by his family which now appears to be headed towards measuring his pain for the loss of his daughter against the mothers pain. Score: Michael 0, ex wife 100. According to them, the mother is devastated. I'm sure she is, so is Michael. This comparison would have had me fuming a few days ago, but I've realised that this how they control us. So I'm no longer reacting. Things are so shiteous right now that nothing matters anymore. I'm not buying into their accusations anymore, so there are now two less players in this pathetic game of causing a maximum amount of misery for so called loved ones. I'm out. I think the people you bought the house from see you more as caretaker than owner of your house. They also now suddenly seem to feel that they need to make claims on Lis. You need them to help you with fixing the house. Fixing the house is important. They can't win this one, because the house belongs to you and you are Lissa's legal guardian. It's down on paper. Your outrage arises from the fact that these people are trying to rob you of Lis and the house and your pride and joy in giving them your love and care. Of course thats outragous but if you want to know where you are going wrong is that you are buying into their shit. I did that with Michaels family and they got what they seemed to want. They upset me and made me miserable. I lashed out at them and that gave them more ammunition to use against me. It's going to take your cousins a long time to figure out that the house isn't theirs any more. Use them, let them build the bathroom, get them to do all the work that needs to be done. Then change the locks and paint the kitchen yellow. I know it's easier said than done, it's going to rely on a great deal of strength, persistence and determination on your part. And most of all don't feed on their aggression. Punch a hole in the wall when they aren't around, but when you're dealing with them be as sweet as pie. Getting angry with them or pissing them off only gives them ammunition. Especially while they know you need them. When you started writing about this by saying that they didn't like your garden, I got a mental picture of a derelect garden, overgrown with tall grass and weeds. And then I saw exactly what they were like, how basic and low IQ they are and how they use their senseless minds to attempt to manipulate them. You need to build an invisible wall between you and them. Good luck, it ain't going to be easy! But we're here to help. xoxoxox. Ps... Thanks for talking to Michael! :-)

Unknown said...

I found this the other day, and it really nails it.


The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.  No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame.  The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.  This is the day your life really begins.

Bob Moawad

Paint it in yellow on your new kitchen wall, and then give them a list of things that they need to fix for you. Fucking do it! You have the right.

Angie said...

Lia, I think I love you.

"Your outrage over their bad behavior is how they control you."

That is brilliant and so true.

" They upset me and made me miserable. I lashed out at them and that gave them more ammunition to use against me."

A true manipulator's tactic.

We have much in common, you and I. You've hit every nail on every head. Use them to get the house done and then do what you want. Eat shit until you don't have to anymore and then smile all the way back to your cute little house with the yellow kitchen.

Anonymous said...

Total awesomeness Lia, bravo!

Anonymous said...

Pat, I had to give up my bathroom window for a shower/tub combo too. It's just how it is. Otherwise you will have to tile all of that around the tub or not have a shower. I liked the window too, but it leaked anyway. And it's in the back of the house where we had to close it off. You will have to have a ventilation fan installed tho, because you need to draw that moisture out. Is there a way to vent a fan? It's impossible not to have one because of mold and mildew. I think you will like it when it's done. Why do they care what color your kitchen is? LOL. That's just stupid and none of their business, they don't have to live there. Unless they own the house, they cannot tell you what color to NOT paint anything. And I know you said, it's your's. So...there. Endure the BS to get the bathroom. That's a huge deal. Make sure they level up the tub! This requires building a strong platform for the tub to sit on , level. Probably only an couple of inches high. Can be hidden with trim. That's the step my hubs skipped. Mine wasn't leveled and it looks off when I'm in it. The walls didn't meet up right, to the top of the tub. The floor slopes slightly, so its off. Hubs did it, he was in a hurry. We didn't have a bathtub for 2 months. Once he was all ready, he just did it and it's fine. We were desperate. It will be ok. And they did his kidney biopsy today. Hoping for a good report. He's been in hospital 3 weeks now. We almost lost him a couple of times. It's day to day now. I had to go back to work this week. He has improved slightly. But still not out of the woods, according to the Dr. I Will visit again tonight. My kids have been amazing about going to stay with him too. It's an hour away for all of us.
xoxo
Rox

sally said...

Just remember that people who feel they owe you something will often TRY to piss you off so you blow up at them. Then they can justify not helping you because you are such a "bitch" or whatever.
Don't do them any favors right now. Because if they feel indebted to you that will make them resent you even more, they will feel guilty and and then really want to get away.

Best way to get what you need from folks like this is play dumb. Find a way to let them feel superior to you. A clue is sometimes what they really insult about you---that's probably what they are jealous of.

You have to be crazy like a fox with yourself as well by not forgetting that at any time you can quit. As long as you can keep telling yourself that you are ultimately the one in charge, assholes will be easier to deal with.

Anonymous said...

Okay, this may sound terrible. But is there a way you can divide and conquer with these folks? Give a few key persons the sense that they are the hip and cool ones who understand your artistic inclinations. Then they can support your ideas and help you resist the others.

I understand you need them to help you fix up the house, and understand why you and some posters argue that you should just suck it up until the work is done and then tell them to f-off.

But I've been reading your blog for years, and I suspect you will not be able to suck it up for long. I know I wouldn't!

LIke another poster above, I started by reading your garden posts. I LOVE your gardens - and your gardening philosophies. One of the first things I read that I loved was how you gave your granddaughter some seeds and let her plant them where ever.

Hang in there! So many, including me, are sending good energy and hoping it works out for you.

Katherine

Dirty Disher said...

Rox, no. No, I don't and that's final.

Dirty Disher said...

I like all your brains. I like them a lot. Sally, you seem to know something, have you dealt with this??

sally said...

Pat I posted a long post on here yesterday and I think it did not go through. I hit "publish..." then when I came back to the page I noticed some red writing. But it was too late because I had already clicked "close".
Let me know?

Anonymous said...

Don't let them get to you! They're just jealous that you're doing well! I love your garden! You inspired mine. It's the artistic and brave that always get scoffed at. As I said they're just jealous and narrow minded. Be you Pat!

Mary S.