Valentine's Day is coming and with it the little head games of school children everywhere. Maybe I'll buy Lissa's Valentines, or maybe her mom will, how ever it works out. I suppose they'll be Hannah Montana. But, I already found some little kaleidoscopes on sale in packages of 6 and I got enough for her class and a few extra. I thought maybe she'd like to include them. It's up to her. She started sorting the toys out and making little piles..oh, this one is for so and so, she loves purple, and so and so isn't getting one! Really? I don't think so.*
I told her everyone gets one or she can forget it. Was I wrong? I just don't know for sure. She does have special friends at school, she needs to be allowed to make some decisions. I know mean girl games are fun once in awhile, look at the "you are not in the club anymore" things she's been saying to me when she's mad. It's pretty funny, but, those things always bite you in the ass later, in real life. I remember playing Barbies, mostly alone, but, there was always one Barbie who got the bitchy personality and you could tell her off. It was fun. I don't want to shut off Lissa's fun or stop her imagination, but, I think she's too young, at five, to be playing this mean girls game very often, and now I refuse to play if she's doing it. She got the hint this weekend and stopped. Anyone else dealing with this stuff? It starts too young now with the Disney Channel leading the pre-teen revolution.
I told her everyone gets one or she can forget it. Was I wrong? I just don't know for sure. She does have special friends at school, she needs to be allowed to make some decisions. I know mean girl games are fun once in awhile, look at the "you are not in the club anymore" things she's been saying to me when she's mad. It's pretty funny, but, those things always bite you in the ass later, in real life. I remember playing Barbies, mostly alone, but, there was always one Barbie who got the bitchy personality and you could tell her off. It was fun. I don't want to shut off Lissa's fun or stop her imagination, but, I think she's too young, at five, to be playing this mean girls game very often, and now I refuse to play if she's doing it. She got the hint this weekend and stopped. Anyone else dealing with this stuff? It starts too young now with the Disney Channel leading the pre-teen revolution.
*
I taught Lis to tie her own shoes this weekend. It's a requirement for moving on in school and she learned really fast. She's real proud to be able to do it. I just want her to be a nice girl and a good friend, but, maybe I'm projecting my fantasy childhood onto her? Damn Disney.
I taught Lis to tie her own shoes this weekend. It's a requirement for moving on in school and she learned really fast. She's real proud to be able to do it. I just want her to be a nice girl and a good friend, but, maybe I'm projecting my fantasy childhood onto her? Damn Disney.
19 comments:
Everyone gets one at that age. Save the drama for high school and on the blogs!
I think you are right in insisting she include everyone. I have two daughters and it was and is a constant fight to teach them that they have to be nice to other girls, regardless of the times when the other girls may not be so nice to them. I ended up with one girl that was pretty shunned by the mean girls and one girl who tends to be a leader in her class, but I believe is nice to everyone. It was very, VERY hard to tell my shunned child to continue to be nice, but as a result, I think I've raised a pretty terrific kid...:)
I agree that everyone should get one if it's something that gets passed out in school in front of the whole class. If Lissa wants to do something special for her friends she could always do it at her house or after school. I can only imagine how crushing it would be at that age to be the only kid in class not to get a
Valentine.
As the parent of a middle school daughter, I can confidently say that there are way too many parents who never taught their kids something as basic as empathy or just being nice to others. It amazes me.
I don't think the kids are allowed to give out valentines if they don't include the other kids. At least that was the rule when my son was growing up.
DD- you really touch my heart--It was so nice to have bought the kalidescopes! I totally agree that each kid gets one or forget it.
Tying shoes--Lissa seems to learn a lot of things pretty quickly. I adore all the pictures of her that you've posted on this and the previous blog. She is a very beautiful child--inside and out. Lissa stories are some of my most favorite posts of yours. When is your daughter's due date? Is it coming up this month?
Dish, when my older daughter was younger, I learned the hard way that if there are more than 2 girls doing anything, one of them is going to have her feelings hurt. Seems like they always gang up on one if there are more than 2girls. I dont know why this is, and I always hated it, but seems like thats how kids are now....
snowbunnie
Nancy B, she's my former DIL and she's due next month. Lis is excited and a little scared though she won't admit it. Awww, a new baby. :)
Pat,
I think you are right to include the whole class. IMO it should be a rule.
And I also think if you pass out invitations at school that should be for everyone, otherwise mail them.
I have been on both sides of this girl drama with my own girl's, and the truth is girls can be very mean.
I HATED it in school when some kid would have a special party and stand up and pass out invitations to only the cool kids on her list. It was awful. I hope they don't allow that anymore, but, I don't know.
Oh dear. I was THAT kid in school Pat. I was such a brat in elementary, to people outside of our group. And I totally know it. Only when my mom or adults weren't around too, otherwise I was a little angel.
I hope Lis and Sam (and baby) aren't like that and don't have to deal with any girls like that.
My mom would never let me invite 2 girls over to spend the night. She always said, "Two girls will be best friends. Four girls will pair off. Three girls? Somebody's gonna get picked on." Sadly, she was right. I was a horribly mean girl back in the day.
You did the right thing, DD. My mom always told me the same-either I made a Valentine's card for everybody, or nobody. I didn't like having to make cards out to kids who weren't my friends but, I forgot about it right afterwards. No big deal.
One time in grade five I got this creepy Valentine signed "From Hell". A future Jack the Ripper??
I think you did the right thing. Kids are mean to each other and play these mean sort-of games if they don't have anyone to correct them. It was really nice of you to buy the kaleidiscopes. An old-fashioned toy that I'll bet they all have fun with.
When I was growing up, everyone got a valentine from everyone else, and I insisted on the same thing when my son was young. He didn't like writing all those valentines, but he did like getting that many.
I think you're helping to raise Lissa to be a bit more considerate.
Congrats on the show tying thing :) It is very exciting when it clicks and then they are so proud, they show everyone their new skill!
Everyone gets a Valentine if it is a class thing - it is the nice thing to do, particularly this young, IMO. Maybe she can make or give a little something extra to her best-ies.
It's funny you should mention it. My son is 10 and he wanted to make his own valentines on the computer last night, so I said ok, just keep it clean. :-) Well him and his 12 year old brother were laughing and having a good old time. So I said I want to read them before they go anywhere. Most of them were ok, stuff like "Yo bro, Happy V-day et." But a couple were mean like "Yo, .... Happy V-Day, don't eat too much food." or, "I hope you make it to 6th grade". So I ripped it up and grabbed the next one out of his hand. He was shocked. I said your not putting mean things on somebody's card. He didn't see the meanness in it. I guess I'm just uber sensitive since I was picked on relentlessly as a child. I hope I'm not raising a couple of sissies! :-)
Daydream studios, I don't think that teaches them to be sissies. I think it teaches them to act nicely even if they don't like the person. That's a trait they need to learn as adults so they may as well start learning it now, right?
3 boys equals a team but add 1 more girl to 2 and you have a big fight. What is it about girls? You can never, ever have more than 2 even when they are teenagers.They always pair up and leave someone out. I watched 2 girls come to my house and leave out my own 16 year old, and it was our house!! They immediately turn into catty little brats.
I agree with the poster above and do believe you're doing the right thing. It's absolutely horrible to feel left out/discriminated against/bully so I think you've given your child a really good lesson. You sound like a great mum!
Snowbound, we are our own worst enemies. That's for sure.
Post a Comment