The hole that beat me

I'd stop and mop the sweat out of my eyes and take a good look at the Arizona sky. The sky there got a particular blue sometimes that I had never seen before, a turquoise color, like the Native American jewelry that is so popular all over the Southwest. You didn't see that color in Iowa, that's for sure. And I also quickly learned that the flora and fauna were totally different and poured over books about the area's wildlife that Andrew would give me. He also gave me books on Buddhist legends and lessons and other religious studies. He was amazed that I read so fast and had an interest because my mother read nothing but romance magazines and my brother hated reading. I loved it and he often gave me quizzes after reading about lessons learned. I had just finished The Man And The Tiger and I was not confused by it's lesson. I understood it completely because it made sense. Some things are inevitable, even the pain, so you must take pleasure in what you have that IS obtainable. The Buddhist way was strange, but, not frightening to me and Buddha did not spy on you and condem you to eternal fires like Jesus. I was not unhappy to be taught this new way of thinking. I already knew I was a Pagan, I had read about it in the library years before and decided that's what I am. But, I respectfully embraced Buddhism because Andrew was the boss. And it never hurts to learn something new. You can always believe what you know is right, inside your head, where no one else can go. What did disappoint me, was that Andrew believed his business clients would not understand his religious choices, so he pretended we were Lutheran. We celebrated Christmas and Easter and went to a Lutheran church on those holidays. The Lutherans didn't interest me at all, and they had really bad music. But, I did not have business clients, and Andrew did. So, who was I to judge him?
*
I also found out that the Arizona sun is relentless, 'specially when you're a little white girl. People think Arizona is hotter than Iowa, but, it isn't. Iowa wins, hands down, for it's miserable heat and humidity. In Arizona it's a dry heat, so you don't notice it as much. You can still breathe, but, the pure power of the Arizona sun can not be underestimated. It's dangerous. It will burn you to a crisp quicker than snot and I found that out while digging the pool. I received such horrific burns trying to work all day in that bright white hot sun that I still have faint scars on my chest in the shape of a tank top. At night, I would pin prick the long liquid filled blobs of blisters that covered me and let them dry out. I took to wearing long sleeved shirts. It was hot, but, the sun was deadly to me. Not only was there sun to contend with, but, I found out something else. Arizona dirt is nothing like the soft black Iowa farm soil. It would be quite possible for a 12 year old girl to dig a full size pool in Iowa, but, Arizona is hard packed sand, clay and rocks. I developed a skill I still use today, I stick the shovel point in perpendicular and I jump on it with both feet, holding the handle like a pogo stick, I'd rock the blade back and fourth using my weight to drive it in a few inches. I'd manage to get a half a shovel of the dry hard packed earth and I'd haul it out and do it again. And again. And again. 8-10 hours a day for weeks I did that. While smeared with Noxzema (it's all I could find) and wearing an old hat of Andrews to keep my head from blistering..more. While they worked all day, I dug. My brother tried, but, he got bored after about 10 minutes and quit.
*
I wasn't going to quit. I promised Andrew a pool and I knew from watching him he was a good carpenter/builder and could finish it off. There was no doubt in my young mind. I kept picturing it in my head, our beautiful blue pool sparkling cool in that burning sun and me, with my soon to be school friends drinking Coca Cola in our bathing suits around it. That'd be the life. It took me weeks, but, I got a long way. I got almost as far as that picture. I truly nearly killed my self digging that damn hole. I lost weight I couldn't afford to lose, but, I became even stronger. It took shape, a kidney shape, it had shelves, it had just about everything I could dig. Unfortunately, I started with the shallow end. When I finally got to the deep end and it looked like a real pool, I was about 6 feet down and I hit something. I had climbed down in on a small ladder Andrew had thoughtfully built and my shovel hit this..thing. Thunk! It sounded like metal. I thought I had uncovered the Aztecs secret gold trove and I imagined spending the fortune. The first thing I'd do with all that gold, was hire someone to build this god damned fucking pool!
*
It wasn't Aztec gold. It wasn't Aztec at all or any kind of valuable, it was made of rusted iron and it went on forever. What the fuck was this thing? I dug and dug and sweated and dug. Whatever it was, it was about 15 feet wide and 25 feet long and right in the middle of our damn deep end. I uncovered a hinged hatch on the top of this strange iron box and with the help of my brother, I pried it open. Peering inside with Andrew's flashlight, I could not see a bottom. It was a deep black hole. It smelled like iron and 1000 year old mummy dust.
*
When Andrew got home, I told him about it and he was upset. He didn't talk much, but, I could tell because his strong Asian jaw got tight and the veins in his head stood out. He went out and looked at it and said it must be an antique septic tank. But, I knew better. It had no pipes, I could tell that much. He said we were to stay away from it until he got it "inspected." Of course we didn't. No one watched us, we were alone all day, every day. So as soon as they went to work, I got his huge ladder and somehow managed to crawl it down in the hole and drop it into the tank. That ladder was a long one, but, I heard it hit bottom. All I had to do was clutch the sides by the hatch and drop myself to the top of the ladder. Then I could climb down and find the treasure..or the mummys. I was skinny and limber and in a minute I was clinging to the top of the ladder some 6 feet deep in the hole. My brother tied the flashlight to some rope and lowered it down. Echoing clunks of my feet followed me as I eased into the pitt. When I finally reached the bottom, it was dry, dark and nearly airless. I explored, shining the light carefully. Sadly, all I found was rusted iron. My brother used the rope to help me climb back out.
*
A few days later a man with a clipboard came to inspect the situation. He said Andrew had called him. He looked at the tank, shuddered and said it was an old bomb shelter. People were scared of the A bomb and a few of these odd things had been sold. The case was closed. He told us to fill it in because it was dangerous and would cost a lot of money to remove. He also ask how we got the machinery back there to dig the pool and I proudly said "That's my hole, I dug it with a shovel!" He laughed at the silly little girl telling stories. No one could ever believe a child could dig a full sized pool in the Arizona rock. But, they hadn't met me. I was madder than a wet hen that that man laughed at me after I'd spent all Summer digging.
*
And so that was the end of the pool. Oh, Andrew could have accepted the 6 foot depth and finished it, but, he couldn't handle the fact that he had to give up control of the depth of his dream pool. He had a real thing about control, having grown up in that monastery. If it wasn't perfect, he didn't want it. That's an imortant thing to remember. We were done. I was ready to be done by that time. I had second degree burns and school was starting. I hadn't talked to anyone my age all Summer. My whole new life in this strange place, so far, had consisited of digging a hole, and treating my burns. And the only human voice I heard besides my family was the building inspector. The hole stayed. Andrew was too morose over the whole hole incident to fill it in. When the rains came the next July, it became a deep and dangerous mud hole filled with rusting wheel barrows and discarded shovels and pick axes. The local wildlife would use it as a refuge and find a much needed muddy drink in the killer sun. I was fascinated by the multitude of reptiles there. Even the poison ones. Andrew said that meant I was learning from Buddha. I could take adversity and turn it into a positive. Indeed. But, he could have taught me much more if he had finished that pool. I began to have little nagging doubts about him and his ways after that.
*
In September Andrew announced it was time for school. I was to go find a school and get myself registered. He gave me a map of the city and said, good luck. Oh, and he had a new project. I was no longer to sleep on the cement floor in the dog's bed. (Yeah, I did find out why the dog crawled in with me that first night. It was the dog's bed.) He was going to turn the garage into a third bedroom. Now, you'd think I'd be wise enough by now not to trust them, right? Wrong. I actually thought I was going to have a room and a bed and be a real member of their family. Innocence is amazing. And at that point, none of the adults in my life had killed it yet. I was a little fool. A hard working, book reading little fool. Someone should have knocked some sense into me, but, there was no one there who was sane. No one.