Q. Dealing With the R-Word: How can I respond to people who use the word "retard" or "retarded" as derogatory term in my presence? I have two beautiful children (one has autism), but have never used the R-word even before I became a mother. While I realize a vast majority of the time, people who use this term are not referring to people with intellectual disabilities, it still hurts to hear the word since it's generally used to mean stupid. I have been hearing this word a lot lately—sometimes from younger people, other times from people my age (mid-'30s) or older who throw this word around. When I am in my own home, I just tell the person, "We do not use that word in this house." When I am at another person's home, I don't know what to say, so I keep quiet (even though it doesn't feel right) or leave. And what about when I'm in a neutral place? By the way, my son is almost always with me and everyone I associate with knows he has autism, but that doesn't stop people from using the R-word. Please tell me how I can respond when I hear this word used in everyday conversation.
A: You need to say something in as neutral a way as possible. If the word is being used to describe someone with an intellectual disability, you need to say something like, "I'm sure you didn't mean to be insulting. But retarded is an outmoded word that many people find offensive." Then offer what you prefer as a better term. If it's being used as a general insult, you should also speak up and explain that word is so hurtful that you'd prefer not to hear it.
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Color me confused. Is she saying people call her kid retarded? Because who the fuck calls an autistic kid a retard? That's retarded. In that case, she should say, hey, my kid's not retarded, he's autistic. I would. And I'd toss in, he's a shit load smarter than you, asshole. And if she's offended by people using the word retarded to mean stupid that's kind of stupid and retarded which is redundant.
20 comments:
How's about NOT hanging around these people?
that woman and prudence are retarded....
no, it is just some PC bullshit again.
Don't say 'retarded' it makes some people feel bad.
So they invent another word - which will be insulting in a short time.
If someone/something is retarded you have to call it retarded - everything else is lying.
eh, the word is the word. it says what we mean it to say. I would never call a retarded child/person a "retard", they are mentally handicapped, disabled or any other term. A "retard" is a f'g idiot in my book. It has almost come to mean that. Autism does not = retarded and if his mom thinks he's retarded, then SHE'S the one thats reatrded, retarded means "slow", "to hold back" or "delay" and to "retard" something is to slow it down. That said a "ratardate" is a mentally reatarded person. I have never & would never call someone that. That sounds worse! Maybe thats a new word for Palin & her followers? "Retardates"?
rox
PS: Does it mean I am retarded because I can't spell retarded 1/2 the time??? LOL
anon, come out come out whoever you are!!
I agree with all of you.
You don't say retard, you say mentally-challenged. For instance, if someone runs over your foot with their shopping cart, you say to them, "What the fuck is the matter with you, you bleeding-cunted, hatched-faced, elephant-assed, dog-pound-smelling mentally-challenged bitch-whore Gorgon sea creature?"
Actually people call autistics "retarded" all the time, sadly. Some of my doctors think I might have Asperger's (a very high-functioning form of autism) and I've had people think I am retarded due to this. My own grandma told me she thinks I don't have Asperger's because "You don't drool and bang your head against a wall." Thanks Grandma, I appreciate that.
I agree with everyone too. There was a time when people needed to be more sensitive but the pendulum has swung way too far the other way. Picking apart what people say and hiding behind the PC defense is retarded.
I had a friend who had a nervous breakdown - whatever that means, or whatever it's called now - and she took exception to my using the expression "driving me nuts!".
I never thought of her as nuts. She thought of herself that way. So who has the problem?
The expression "window licker on the short bus" to describe a mentally challenged person is SO not PC but it makes me laugh anyway. I'm going to hell for it, I know.
How does Larry the Cable Guy get away with songs like "Donny the Retard"?
OMG obviously this woman is a retard.....if she thinks every time someone in her presence says retard she takes it to be an insult toward her child who is Autistic...this lady needs to lighten up a little...Seems to me she isn't able to come to terms with her childs disability...By her making an issue of it in front of her child she is teaching him he is a 'retard'
I use the word retard all the time when someone (or myself sometimes) does something or says something stupid. never would i say it to a handicapped person....
Funny story....my son Zach who is mentally handicapped did something the other day and when he realized what he did he started laughing and said I am such a retard....and no he wasn't referring to his handicap
he was talking about the stupid thing he did...the only time any one should take offense is when it is used in a derogatory manner....
just my opinion....
Jenna
OMG Frimmy, I never thought about that one....I say all the time that its driving me insane....maybe I should be a little more sensitive to insane people.....LOL
Jenna
Jenna, I agree with you. The woman has not come to grips with her child's issues.
I love the story about your little guy laughing at himself and calling himself a retard for what he just did. That makes me smile just thinking of it. It also makes a real case for the word being completely separate from any handicap (other than stupidity) anymore.
PC is past the point of being helpful or useful, if it ever really was. Time for the pendulum to shift back a little.
Alison, my sister & mother and probably my brother, all have/had Aspergers. It's hard to cope with if you don't understand it. I never knew what was wrong with all of them even had a name till a few years ago. I always knew they were "different" but could still work, graduate from any regular school, but rarely had friends and things like that. Never did what normal kids would do, very much kept to themselves. & then I come along last and I am thins big jolly big mouth laughing at all the stuff kids laugh at and had lots of friends. My sister would pass me in the hall at school and acted like I was a stranger. She never had any friends & was not understood and didnt even seem regular to me and she was MY sister. I hated that she never had what kids should have. She did eventually marry & had 4 kids and her husband was a young career student-college professor. He eventually left her for one of his students. Anyways, long story short, I have nothing to do with any of them anymore, I am not going to get specific but I do know at one time she & my brother were involved in an incestious relationship and that sickened me. She finally got a restraining order against him but they still to this day live together and my mom did too till she died 2 years ago. I just never could get close to her. It was not even possible.
rox
And he's not even 100% "black!" I'm so sick of racial shit!!!!
Rox-I'm sorry about the situationw ith your siblings. My own sister is a nutcase. Except I am the one with Asperger's, not her! She is fond of sending me e-mails telling me to go to hell and all the ways I have screwed up. :( I think she has borderline personality disorder. Or else maybe she's just a bitch.
I think there was definitely more to your brother and sister than having Asperger's. I would NEVER get involved sexually with my brother, that sickens me just thinking about it. I want to point out that that's not typical of Asperger's at all! That is a whole other kind of sickness.
Also it's not fun having no close friends but I don't know how to make them. Ugh I suck.
speaking of brother-sister incest....i thought my insane neighbor got a new boyfriend cuz she's been sucking face with a guy over there and dry humping him outside and then they go inside and i just found it's her brother!!!!
what shocks me the most is that i wasn't shocked about this....
fuck off anon 6:58....go somewhere else as you obviously hate it here....
Alison I know the relationship my brother & sister had was not anything to do with Aspergers. I know they have it but thats not what caused the situation. My sister lost her kids to her husband years ago when they were little, back in the 80's. after a social worker found out they had been being molested. She was also living with my mother & brother at that time. I do believe the Aspergers does make her rather oblivious to some things tho. She knows right from wrong but cannot connect socially in a normal way at all. No one was ever charged with molesting the kids but my money has always been on my brother. He has always been a pervert. I think he being so big and my sister being rather small made the situation where she was actually the victim. She took him to court to file restraining orders against him more than once but he continued to live under the same roof. She wasn't aware or didnt want to be aware of what happened to her kids. The only one that wont have anything to do with her now is her daughter, who is married. Her sons do speak to her. You do not sound like you have Aspergers. My sister could sound rather normal at times, but is very very nervous and unaware of her surroundings. Like she's out in space. She totally looks like a victim to anyone seeking one. Aspergers is something you can live with and get thru life, but its not easy, not for them. She also suffers with Addisons disease and has to take steriods for that, forever. I cannot explain them to anybody w/o sounding mean. I lived it and I know what I am trying to say, but making others "get it" is often too difficult. To most people they are just "weirdo's" and thats all they see. It's hard to explain. It was pure hell being in the same house with all of them tho. I felt like I was the lone sane person in an insane asylym!! (sp). Sounds like you dont have it too bad. I know there are levels of severity.
rox
uuh, I am socially awkward and I have a hard time making friends - must be Aspergers.
He has a hard time sitting down at school. Must fill him up with Ritalin.
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all the same stupid crap.
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