Nanny Jo on temper tantrums

THIS article on toddler temper tantrums is worth a read and I'll bet Super Nanny, Jo Frost's book "Toddler Rules" is too. I always liked her, she's firm, but, kind and fair. Being fair is super important when dealing with children. The Super Nanny shows don't convince me you can cure an entire family of their chaos in an hour, but, you can learn something. Even someone as old and kid experienced as me can learn a few new tricks from watching her. Toddlers can be a real mystery to most inexperienced people, their brains don't work like ours.

Someone came up with that drawing, it's supposed to be funny, I guess. But, it's not that far off, really. Toddlers live in the moment, they are not capable of much planning ahead, they can not delay gratification and they have no sense of danger. You have to accept that about them. There are behaviors they can't learn yet because their brains aren't developed to that point. If you can't accept that, then your life becomes hell and your kid is in danger...and also a real pain in the ass for you and everyone around you.

 Jo says every child is an individual and you must access the situation and make a decision based on that knowledge. I think that's very good advice. Every child is different and what works for one, will not work on another. She also says there are three kinds of tantrums..mock, situational and emotional. You can read more about that on there. I say, there is one more. Medical. It's extreme and rare, but, should always be considered.

I've seen my share of toddler tantrums. They were all different. My daughter never threw tantrums. Even as a toddler, she was more concerned with the feelings of the people around her. I've come to learn how rare that is. My son threw a few normal toddler tantrums, usually when he couldn't understand why he couldn't have something 'right now'. They were handled by putting him in his room and ignoring him. It worked and he outgrew it. My nephew was a whole 'nother ball game. I started taking care of him shortly before he was two. He threw such epic tantrums that his own grandmother (who adored him) wouldn't watch him for any length of time. The first time I saw one, it was triggered by his mother leaving for work. The clear emotional pain on his face broke my heart. His tears were so real. I handled it by getting down on the floor with him, hugging him tight and telling him I would take care of him and that it would be alright. Soon, I could anticipate a tantrum by the look on his face and stop it before it started.  Within a month, he stopped having them. It was just a question of giving him what he really needed. These aren't things you can plan for, just things you do based on what you feel, I guess.

My granddaughter gave new meaning to the word 'tantrum'. To claim they were epic is an understatement. Also, she could sustain a tantrum for hours. It was not normal. Her tantrums could ruin you emotionally. Unable to communicate, it was my son who caught the fact that she would point to her eye during a tantrum. He said, he thought she was in pain. We took her to doctors, but, she never obliged us by throwing a tantrum during a doctor visit. The results were that she was healthy and 'spoiled'. We never accepted that, but, what can you do? She finally threw a hissy fit in the pharmacy and a pharmacist witnessed it. He knew something was wrong and got us an appointment with a rather famous children's neurologist. Two days later, she was having her first major brain surgery.

I've always had such an empathy for babies, toddlers and children. I'm not sure why, but, my feelings about their pain has always outweighed any irritation they may cause. So, even when their shrieking nearly breaks my eardrums, I am incapable of getting mad at them. It doesn't matter what caused the tantrum, it only matters how you handle it and what they really need.  And every one is different. I know a lot now that I'm old, but, I still learn a few things from people like Nanny Jo. You can't cure a family's chaos in an hour, that's true, but, you might pick up one trick that can help you and your child. It's always worth trying.