Still swollen and sore

source

Courtney Love is recovering from cosmetic surgery, she had her lips reduced and her nose widened. She just had it all redone by a Paris surgeon who specializes in repairing botched surgery. Us asked Love if it was true that she’d gotten more work done. “I'm not going to comment on that tonight,” she said. “I just think me looking human is cool."

Courtney Love used to have the perfect face before she decided it wasn't good enough and started whittling it and botoxing.



Seriously, what was wrong with her old face?? It's all in your head Courtney, and your head is a strange place to live.

Name game

source

Porn star, Mary Carey, can't use her own name anymore because Mariah Carey has expensive lawyers. Mary retaliates by showing us the best photo of Mariah we've ever seen. The only way that could be better is if Mary was wiping her twat with it.

Lindsay's out

Seems Blohan got out of the hospital the same day she went in for her "appendectomy." She does NOT move like a person who's just had surgery and since when is an appendectomy an out patient procedure? Sources claim she had visitors and they weren't just bringing her flowers, if ya know what I mean. Judge for yourself. Video.

New wheels

video <--click ParAss Hilton just bought this 2007 Bentley Continental GTC Convertible. The car has a one year waiting list. The cap says "lemon" because TMZ didn't realize the car has low density lights that stay on so it can be seen at night. I was more surprised that anyone would waste thier time filming Hiltons car when she's not even in it. Cars bore me..I'd rather see her hand bag. Or, tell me who really paid for that car, because ParAss never buys her own cars.

Updade..she ran out of gas the next night and got stranded. She can spend 200 grand for a car and still doesn't know E means empty?? And guess who came to her rescue?...the paparazzi. As usual.

'07 it girl

source

BONGO fashions has dumped Kristin Cavallari ('cause no one knows who the skank is) and has signed Vanessa Minnillo as thier new "face." Hey, Jessica Simpson, you want some BONGO jeans?? Heh heh heh.

Let's hit the beach!

source

America's favorite home grown poon tang was out at the clubs again last night. I can't believe she drives herself. Her and Kevin have reached an agreement about custody..for the month of January.

"Britney will have the lion's share of physical custody. Kevin's physical custody is extremely limited. He will be allowed to be with the children from noon to 4:00 on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at Spears' residence. Under the agreement, Spears can be present, but no one may interfere with Federline's right to be with the children.
Also under the terms of the stipulation, Federline is allowing Spears to take the children to Miami for a week, starting today through the 11th."

How lame. She's never there, so why not let him have the kids more? On the upside, I can't wait 'till she hits Miami. She's probably picking out her gold lame' too small crotchless bikinis right now.



The Post reports that "as a disheveled Brit left L.A.'s hip Italian eatery Dolce, she was overheard mumbling, "I love myself, I love myself." When a gawker told her she looked "beautiful," the party girl screeched, "I love you for saying that!"

Psycho. Too many self help books unread on the coffee table?

When I'm wrong, I admit it

Carly Simon's new CD "Into White" is.....too old for me. She should have called it "Into Old White Ladies." Uhh uuu, I can't deal with that old poo. If you wanna be depressed, listen to it HERE. I'm gonna put on some Lily Allen.

Her kids were with her on QVC though, and they're good looking. Carly's still a nice looking old lady, but, geeeeeez. What happened to Vengance??? I felt like Simone' in Cow Town. I just wanted out.

Two of a kind?

A sharp eyed reader sent me this pic of Tattoo to compare with Victoria Principal. I can totally see the resembance, but, Herve Villachez commited suicide in 1993 and I guarantee if you dug his little ass up he'd STILL look more human than Victoria Principal. (TY Peg for that giggle.)

Red Carpet Poon

source

Jessica Simpson has a new Pizza Hut commercial coming out, where she trips on the red carpet. Oh, I believe she could trip on her own fractured thoughts, but, red carpet? Pffft, the only red carpet in her future is that indoor outdoor Pizza Hut variety. Daddys probably got a woody now that she's working again.

Dear morons,

Britney to fans...
"I noticed today that one of my biggest fansites is shutting down soon and I want you all to know that I do understand all the reasons that went behind making that decision, and I am sad to see it closing. If I were you I'd be unhappy too if I had to read what I've been reading every day. But trust me, I get it. I know I've been far from perfect and the media has had a lot of fun exaggerating my every move, but I want you all to know that I love my fans so much, and I appreciate everything you have done for me, so Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! Love, Britney" (source..Britneys website.)

You can read the rest of her "Dear Fans," crap there. Her fansite shut down because she's a drunk. She just noticed. I don't know anyone in the evil media who showed her bare spread drunken cooter to the world, but, her. Not once, but, 4 times in one month. I'm getting bored with her, she's just a washed up bar slag and her teeny bopper lip sincing never was good anyhow. BTW, the owner of the former fan site is starting a celeb blog. Welcome to the blog world, whatever your name is, it's got to be better than the world of brain dead drunks.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

source

This just ruined my day. Dita Von Teese has filed for divorce from Marilyn Manson. I don't give a crap how much people make fun of me, I am a HUGE fan of both of these people and this bummed me right the fuck out.

"A source told the New York Post newspaper: "She really tried to make this work but he's not been responsive. She loved him so much, but he has too many demons. He can't even communicate with her at this point. She tried to tell him she was divorcing him, but she can't even get him on the phone. She moved out of the house and he hasn't even noticed."

Oh, he's noticed. "Manson has demons" is an understatement of biblical proportions, but, considering his upbringing, it's not surprising. I was sure Dita could handle him, but, it seems I was wrong. I know it's goofy..but, I feel like crying.

Beauty secrets of the beast

source

Cameron Diaz tells us these wonderful tips for looking as great as she does..

"I don't know if these are beauty secrets, but what I do to feel my best is just exercise regularly, laugh and play often, and make love every moment I can. Oh, yeah, and lots of water."

Eeeeeee gads, it aint working, Cameron. It's hard to belive you lost your fug girly boy friend. I think you should call in Nicole Richie's shaman, 'cause someone put a curse on your face, girl. She's another one that's living in delusions. She actually thinks she's hot. Check the blogs, bitch, you haven't been hot since The Mask, and that was all smoke and mirrors.

The many MANY men of Blohan

source

Before she went into the hospital (scroll down) Lindsay Blohan was rumored to be sleeping with this guy, Joe Francis. Joe is that scumbag who produces those pukeable "Girls Gone Wild" vids. Maybe it's the next step into porn for The Blow, seems reasonable to me.


Poor Scott Storch, who was actually dating The Blow, but, seems to be the one man on Earth that she hasn't slept with, has been left out in the cold. He was so into her, he gave her a diamond necklace, earrings and a ring worth one million dollars in the hope that she'd have sex with him. Ohhhh, Scott, why all the expense? Just give her a line. It doesn't even have to be the good stash.

Dumbest news of the week

source

ParAss Hilton was fired by Club Paris owner Fred Khalilian, who says the hieress will no longer represent his clubs. ParAss showed up six hours late for he scheduled appearance at one of the Club Paris's and she only has to be there three times a year. Khalilain says..

"She's created a circus for herself," he said. "It's all about: How has she screwed up now?"

Let me count the ways, Fred. No, let's not or I'd be here all day. Fred bought ParAss a car worth nearly half a million dollars as part of his promo deal. Not only did ParAss not even say thanks, but, she only drove the car once then left it in a parking lot somewhere in Hollywood when she couldn't figure out how the door worked. It was later retrieved by one of her flunkies and disappeared. Her rep Elliot Mintz says..

"I'm certainly disappointed to learn of Fred's unfortunate comments." Mintz said. "We shall address his statements at the appropriate time."

This is a standard Elliot response and means ParAss is in deep shit and will be yelled at later. Then ParAss will text LOLOL to all her groupies. This chick can't even remember what country she's in, let alone that she represents nightclubs. She probably thinks the name ALREADY represents a city somewhere in Germany or her ex boy friend. Cripes, she thinks she has a hit album..need I say more?



Club Paris....hmmm, for a rich guy he doesn't have much taste or imagination. When was the Eiffel Tower a whorehouse?

Baby shoe shopping

source

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott check out baby shoes at Babies R' Us. Note the color they're looking at. Lets see, I'll venture a guess this is a boy and his middle name will be Aaron. That was easy.

Man poon

source

ParAss Hilton and BFF Kim Kardashian, hang out with Justin Timberlake after his Alpha Dog premier. Justin looks bored and confused, but, ParAss would consider bedding Justin a great notch in her headboard. Her headboard is so notched now it's caused a weakness in the structural integrity of the bed. ParAss has no integrity. Justin has no Cameron Diaz. This coud get interesting if Justin gets real drunk. Kim just looks bogged down trying to hold up all the fake jewelry and that bag that doesn't fit, which ParAss probably told her was hot. Stavros be damned..let's hump Timberlake! I told you she was gay.

Jessica at LAX

source

Jessica arrives at LAX airport looking better than I've seen her look in a year. Having a real (read public and can't be denied) date with John Mayer and defying daddy seems to agree with her. I could live without the hooker boots and jacket, but, she's young, she can pull it off. I'm a leggings kind of gal myself, so that part looks good to me. But, that purse. Ohhhh, Jess. I know it's LV, I can read, but, I've seen you carry that same purse for the last TWO years. Time for something new. Just because LV looks good aged, doesn't mean you have to carry it everyday UNTIL it ages. I know that's petty, but, if you're rich, get some new bags. You know?

Britney back on the rampage

'
source
Out of the "spa" and back to the party at Le Duece. Britney's record company has leaked the word that her new album will have to be re-done or they have to git rid of her. Brit, mean time, is convinced she's got a hot hit in the bag and nothing to worry about. "Hey, bartender, we need a round here!" She's looking alot like WC Fields, and the kids are still missing. But, who gives a crap?! Lets party!!!!

Nicole cleanses her surroundings

"Nicole Richie thinks someone in her social circle has put a spell on her and she's determined to break the spell. Nicole had a witch doctor perform a $1,000 spiritual cleansing of her West Hollywood apartment, according to Life & Style magazine. Sources claim the shaman chanted, danced and burned sage in every room of her home for two hours . “She's very superstitious and believes in this stuff. It's a very personal thing for Nicole. "Nicole believes in curses but would never put one on anyone, not even her worst enemy."

There is nothing wrong with this, except paying a grand for it. Please, I'd have done it for free. 'Course, it'd cost her 50 bucks for me to tell her the curse came from Hilary Duff. You KNOW it did.

Lindasy had appendicitis

source

The Blow underwent surgery today to remove her appendix. I told you she looked sick. Okay, I said sick and preg, but, I still think it's possible. Besides, her reps have lied to us so much, it's possible she was just trying to isolate and remove the whore gene.

Half a rumor

source

Text messages between The Blow and the Fed, sometime near New Years...

K-Fed: Let’s hang out

Lindsay: Why would I hang out with you!

Let's ignore his lack of punctuation and her lack of correct punctuation. I'm surprised either of them has found a cap key. But, the real rumor here is much more interesting. The Blow showed this message to friends or it wouldn't have leaked out. What she doesn't tell is that she most likely ran to the can and texted Kevin back offering him any kind of sex she could think of. She already threatened Britney that she planned on bedding her ex. The Blow will sleep with anyone, so why wouldn't she "hang out" with Kevin? People who believe this was all there was to this rumor are just not dwelling enough. Concentrate bloggers! The Blow is a vindictive whore!

Begging..Hollywood style

source
Vince Vaughn went to Jennifer Aniston's house on Christmas to ask her to take him back. Jen told him it was "too little, too late", and hopes they'll be friends. Owch, the kiss of death.."just friends." Vince should try plastic surgery to turn himself into a Brad Pitt clone, OR, just offer Jen Angelina Jolies head on a stake. Like Vaughn the Impaler, that might be a turn on.




Ryan Phillippe wants Reese Witherspoon back real bad. He's been calling her telling her how he's never loved anyone as much as her. Ummmmm, except that sorority girl you were caught screwing, right, Ryan? Anyhow, Reese is liking her some Jake Gyllenhaal. And Jake probably dreams of Ryan Phillippe. It's a tangled web.


source
Britney Spears cried and told Kevin Federline she missed him on Christmas day, that was right before she diddled herself for the paparazzi, puked on her dress, and hid the kids.

QVC whore

source

Victoria Principal has divorced plastic surgeon, Harry Glassman, and is very hurt that we think she's had plastic surgery. She attributes her "youthful" look to her skin care line which she hawks on QVC and snooze fest late night infomercials.

This old bitch needs to stuff it. She thinks we're all stupid and her lips look like someone shoved a giant coat hanger into an inflatable raft. Careful, Victoria, smiling could pop your face like a garage sale balloon. This is the only expression she has now, her facial muscles move slower than GW's plan for peace. She wants to start astronaut training this year. Good. Take your old lying plastic ass into space. May the force be with you and non-gravity reverse this mess.

Speaking of QVC, guess who's debuting thier new album there???


source

Carly Simon. The album is called "Into White" and will be a hell of alot more fun than Victoria Principal's ventriloquist act.

His weener is huge in japan

If that was true, Brandon Davis would be living in Japan.

Halle pregnant?

source
Halle Berry has been running around doing all the things a person does when they're planning a wedding. Speculation is she's also pregnant, at last. I don't really care, I just wanted to post a photo of her boy friend, Gabriel Aubry. Isn't he that guy from the Nicole Kidman perfume commercial that's always playing??? I think he is..I never forget a pretty face. He's yummy. Probably dumber than a box of rocks, but, worth a picture on here. The only thing about Halle I've ever been curious about, is why there's no "i" in her name.

Trump's wife naked

Donald Trump forgave Miss USA and I have to wonder if these photos of his wife, Melania, had anything to do with that act of "kindness." Melania gets nude and does some lesbianish things..see the photos ..HERE.

Donald claims these photos are NOT his wife, but, the name on them is Melania Knauss , which just happens to be Melania Trumps maiden name. Besides, they look just like her..doh. Donald continues his tirade on Rosie O'Donnell and frankly, it bores me stupid. But, now Donalds bringing Barbara Walters into it and revealing things she told him privately, as a friend. That's low and makes Donald the real loser. But, who cares about that? Enjoy Melania naked, she has a great plastic surgeon.

Daddy's mad at the second fav sister

source

Joe Simpson is fit to be tied because Jessica told him she didn't want to work on New Years eve. When Joe found out Jess's idea of a "mellow" holiday meant partying and making out with John Mayer he was livid. Not because she was out with John, but, because it was free. Jess spent 15 grand getting dolled up for the Kennedy Honors fiasco, then pulled her own part in it and can't recoup the money. Joe thinks she's become a disaster, and has let everyone know it. BTW, when you see a photo of her now labled "wire image" that means it was taken by Joe, who follows her every move with his Nikon, trying to get "sexy" photos. He is not only her manager, but, her paprazzi as well. Kind of makes YOUR family seem normal now, eh?

SMACK, right in the eye

ParAss was lip sincing to one of her own lame songs and someone belted her in the eye with an ice cube. SpyOnVegas caught it in a photo and everyone is loving it. I refuse to even entertain the idea that she can sing and I hate the record labels for letting people make records when thier idea of "touring" is to get on some nightclub stage, drunk, flipping thier skirt over thier head and lip sincing to some DJ'd pop muzac, but, I still do not advocate throwing ice cubes in thier eyes. Use acid for cripes sake. Be a man!

The big break up

source

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are done. I still don't understand how two people who always said they were NOT together can break up. I'll have to call Jen Aniston and Vince Vaughn to find out how this all works, I don't know Kate and Owen that well. Maybe I should call Kates husband, Chris Robinson, and he could explain it. >rolls eyes<

Kate is now dating Damian Rice, some singer dude. Yeah, I dunno who he is either, but, if Kate Hudson has more than two dates with him, the world will know all about him and his preferences in underwear, soft drinks and sexual positions.

Recovering

source

Best wishes to Teri Garr, who is recovering from surgery to treat a brain aneurysm. Teri was diagnosed with MS a few years ago, and was found unconscious on Dec . 21st by her 13 year old daughter Mollly and a woman who works for her. But, her reps gave People mag the good news that Teri is now awake.."She's alert. She's sitting up. She's talking. The prognosis is very, very good." So, good luck, and get well, Teri, you have always been a favorite of mine..and millions of others.

Is "spa" Hollywierd for insane asylum?

source

Britney Spears checked in to a fancy "spa" in Arizona on New Years day. Seems she was so sleepy from sleeping, she needed to get some professional sleep. Uhhh hu..sounds like rehab to me. Words out she hasn't seen her kids in a couple of weeks. Kevin can't find them, they aren't at Britneys Hollywood home. Sigh..go look in the Kentwood, Louisiana masion, K-Fed. I'll betcha she left them with her mom...nannies and all. This is all gonna look great in court, bud.

Kid Rock tries to kick ass..fails

source


Kid Rock got crazy mad on New Years eve when he heard Tommy Lee was boinking Pam Anderson again. Seems Tommy Lee's been calling Kid and taunting him about his ex. Well, both thier ex's, if you wanna get technical, but, most recently Kids ex. Kid was at Jet, and Pam and Tommy Lee were right across the street at Tao. So, about 6 am, Kid gets a pisser on and decides to kick Tommy's ass once and for all. He goes across the street and starts yelling and kicking down a hotel room door and it turned out he had the wrong room. It was some poor couple and thier children in town to celebrate. He talked his way out of the ruckas and gave the startled couple an autograph. Then right as security was arriving, Kid high tails it outta there and over to Paradise, a strip joint. Meanwhile Tommy Lee and Pam were on another floor, probably doing it on film so they can send it to Kid for Valentines day.

Wack crack for sale

source

Whitney Houstons having an Ebay sale of all her nastified clothes to try and raise money to save her house. Her reps say she's just cleaning house, but, we all know that's a friggin' big ass lie, because we all saw her house in the Enqurier and there's no way in hell anyone cleans there or has cleaned there since before she stole that Dolly Parton song and made us all want to kill her.

This is the ugliest collection of polyester fried poop I have ever seen and it probably smells like crank, crack, small dog poop, and tired old diva snatch. AND, you'd have to boil it before you put it in your closet because...IT'S WHITNEYS.

According to her sister, Whitney spent most of her time in the house, holed up in her bedroom, playing with herself and her massive collection of sex toys. That's when she wasn't making Bobby Brown relieve her constipation problems with his bare hands. Good times in that house, worth saving, huu Whitney?

You think I'm kidding about her poo problem? Nope. Bobby called it a "doodie bubble." Click HERE to see them talking about it. Later Whitney admitted it was true and called it "black love."



There's an old photo of Whitney's decorating style. It just screams "homey", doesn't it? Does anyone really want something that's been IN that house??

Perez New Years

Perez has been so happy for two days now posting his pics of him and stars he's met. This could go on for a long time. Jessica Simpson "tastes like candy!" Uhhhhh hu, she tastes like icky girl, Perez, but, D-listed tastes almost like A-listed in blogger world, which probably all tastes like ass. It made me smile. I wonder who his dentist is?

Obligatory Blogger Bikini pics

source

Katherine Zeta Jones lets it all hang out. She spent New Years on a yacht with hubby Michael Douglas and thier kids. I like that pic. It's just the right amount of grossness, real without being disgusting. I'm glad there was no photo of Michael Douglas in his swimwear. The only nice thing I can ever say about him, is, he looks like he smells good.


source

There's Ashlee Simpson in Hawaii last weekend. Daddy Joe needs to learn how to photoshop. Too bad I'm not a lesbian, because I could probably trade him lessons for sleeping with his daughters. He's such a low life pimp.




There's a freebie for ya, Joe, you know you love it. Next time it'll be $59.50 for a wank shot of your daughter, you old pervert pimp.