Jessica Alba is One Sexy Mama

Love the bangs Jessica. Oh and I just adore those shoes. They match the baby's pacifier! That's so creative! You are the sexiest mama in Hollywood girl!

Get it out of your system right now

So, crabbie....sigh. Here's a post where you can tell me how much you love him or how much he sucks. Get it out of your system and move on. Stop telling me in every post why I should or should not keep him here. Crabbie has a life, he doesn't post 24/7 because he's busy. You probably read him at other places. 'Specially you hetro men, that's all I'll say about that. His mother didn't actually name him crabbie, for cripes sake..though the sizzling zingers are pretty much the real crab. Sometimes I read a crabbie post and wince..then I shake my head and smile. He loves stirring you up. He lives for it.

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I'd like to know who you think keeps this blog up (for free) when I'm out sick, working, raising a kid? It aint you. But, I do respect most of your opinions. It's still my blog. So I'm giving you a chance at a crabbie rant here. Please say something insightful, not just "I love crabbie! Or, crabbie sucks! Then can we just move along?

Zuma doesn't like tennis

Gwen Stefani and her family were at a friends tennis match when baby Zuma started pitching a hissy. Gwen didn't snap her diva fingers at some nanny. She picked up Zuma herself and moved with him to the back of the stands where he wouldn't disturb anyone. Things like this make me like Gwen. She does what we all do, maybe on a grander scale, but, I think she knows the score. From the back, doesn't that kid look like a cabbage patch? Heh.

Queen Oprah condesends to Ellen

I don't know why Ellen's kissing Oprah's fat ass, she's 100 times better that bigot, Oprah. The only times I've seen that stupid O was in the doctors office and it's full of big ads for expensive shit. I pass it up for Field And Stream. The Ellen cover should be titled "Oprah allows a white person on cover!"

Nicole blogs

Nicole Richie shares her secret of great hair, the Brazilian blow dry! Of course it's superficial, but, there's nothing condescending on her blog. I don't get the feeling she thinks she's better than anyone. She's just excited about life and it's cute. Are you taking notes Gwyneth Paltrow? She's probably way too snotty to click Nicole's site. Paltrow would pretend she's never heard of Nicole. She's never met anyone who doesn't own a private Greek island or a Pulitzer.

The new Posh and Becks?

Reggie Bush and Kim KardashieWhore in various stages of undress for GQ. Give me a break. Maybe if he was peeing on her, I'd buy it for a laugh.

It's all a circus

K-Fed may be on his ex wife's tour, but, he had his girl friend, Victoria Prince with him in NYC for his birthday bash. He just turned 31.

Blow hole and her bag

I don't care what this twat has to say, I want to know where she got that nostalgic looking fold over clutch bag and where I can get a knock off? Anyone know? I'm assuming the zipper is in the top and it's like one big pocket that folds. If I lived in LA, I could just follow her stupid ass around and pick it up when she misplaces it. That happens to her all the time. I probably wouldn't want to see what she keeps in it though.

Natasha's family without her

Vanessa Redgrave hugging someone at Natasha's memorial service and Liam Neeson heading home after they dimmed the lights on Broadway in memory of his wife. I'm just thinking of them now and wishing them healing. It's such a difficult time and being in the public eye right now has to be so hard. Every one's watching how they handle this. It's human nature, curiosity..but, so difficult. I find them all in my thoughts, though I've never met them. I think a lot of people around the world are thinking of them now. Wishing them peace.

Mommy? Where do babies come from?

Why, Junior! The baby comes from Mummy's bung hole. Then you used your widdel hands to claw Mummy's bung hole into a giant cave. Then you stepped out with a pacifier...and that's why Mummy calls you her little turd. Isn't that a shitty story, Junior?

I love Cake Wrecks.

Michelle makes a kitchen garden

"Twenty-six elementary schoolchildren wielded shovels, rakes, pitchforks and wheelbarrows to help first lady Michelle Obama break ground for a produce and herb garden on the White House grounds."
I thought it was very cool to do this when so many of us are doing it right now. I know life in the White House is different than our house, for sure, but, at least it's a nod to rising grocery costs and everday life. When I started posting, I thought about all those kids and I was typing, wow, I wish I had 26 little slaves working on my fence garden! Then I remembered that the Obama's are black. Then I thought, no, fuck politically correct BS. Can you imagine what's going though the minds of antiquated bigots right now? Ha ha. Black chick is First Lady and has someone growing her collard greens (and spinach, broccoli, kale, herbs and berries.) I hope they were all white kids. LMAO! I hope the racist's tiny pea brains exploded. I've decided I like Michelle, she's a smart cookie. And she grows White House tomatoes. She also dyed the White House fountains green for St. Paddys Day. No one ever thought of that before. It was purdy.

Richardson Update

Still dead...but there are new details coming out about what happened in the immediate aftermath of her accident. According to the New York Times, the original reports that she "seemed fine" right after clonking her head were not entirely accurate. It's true that Richardson did initially refuse treatment...but paramedics who arrived shortly after the fall say she was sitting on a stretcher, not "laughing and walking" like the resort originally tried to claim. Then the stunner: Turns out Richardson was not admitted to the hospital an hour after the accident as first claimed - in fact, it took three to four hours for her to receive treatment. An eminent brain surgeon tells the Times that, had Richardson received immediate treatment for the hematoma she suffered, she probably would've been fine. Sounds like the whole thing was handled badly by the resort and then they tried to cover it up. Fucking Canadians.

Jacket made of blow up dolls

I found this shit on Kanyes site. Just what I'd want, nipples on my arms and fat pink pussy lips on my chest. Yezzie probably ordered a dozen of these. That way if he gets lonely, he can just blow up his coat.

OctoMom's at it again, after the hospital warned her

You have to see THIS. Nadya Suleman has some book learnin'..it allows her to string a few big words together in her psychobabble world. As opposed to that other famous multiple mom, Kate Gosselin, who is just ignorant and can't even pronounce words, let alone know what they mean. But, Nadya talks about making the madness stop while she's giving an interview to Radar in her home. She even ends it with "See you tomorrow." When are we going to stop taking advice from people who have no clue? Make her go away! And Kate Greedass too! Pack up all your 400 kids you wanted so badly and get ta gettin'. Assholes.

The President makes a retard joke

You know why he said it? Because retards are funny. I know because my whole family is retarded, so save your emails.

Obama Makes Fun Of Special Olympics

Barack Obama is taking a lot of heat for making fun of the Special Olympics while trying to be funny about his lack of bowling skill on Leno last night. Well, everyone needs to calm down. Barack did nothing wrong...in fact, I would call him a kind of hero. Political correctness is a plague and last night Barack struck a blow for all us dickheads who don't want to have to be careful about what we say/write. Of course, Barack felt the need to apologize effusively in a phone call to the head of the Special Olympics, but that's just cause he had no choice. Thankfully, us asshole bloggers can say whatever we want and never have to apologize for it ever ever ever. So, fuck the Special Olympics. Fuck all retards and spazzes. Fuck people who get to park closer to the building than me just because they're a little crippled. Fuck that dude who goes around in his wheelchair collecting cans. Fuck that guy who takes ten minutes to limp past my building every morning and makes me want to scream shit at him out the window. This feels good. Thank you Barack. You truly are a magic negro.

Octo and the hospital

Nadya Suleman says the hospital severely reprimanded her for that pap feeding frenzy the other night when she took two of her babies home. They won't release more babies if she doesn't stop the PR shit. The hospital does not have the right to decide not to release Nadya's kids unless there is a medical reason...and there isn't. They're playing parent and it's illegal. If they have a problem with her, they need to take it before a judge, not pull this all knowing, do as we say shit.

Nadya is ridiculous, but, so is the hospital. She's going to pimp those kids any way she can and they can't do a damn thing. I'm not saying it's right..I'm saying give her her kids and stop acting like you control the world. It's just stupid and I don't know how they can get away with it. Nadya will win. I just wish she'd spend some of the pimp cash on some body guards. The kid's need some protection, but, not the kind the gestapo hospital is offering. I hope she sues them. I'd love to see that.

The Blow does Nylon

source
“We’re trying to get Seth Rogen for this project, but Seth won’t call us back,” Lindsay complains to the mag. “So call us back, Seth, if you’re reading this!”
Lindsay on having her picture taken: “I love doing photo shoots… I mean, if I could just sign with IMG and do ad campaigns and model more, I’d do that… because that’s fun for me. That’s not work.”

Lindsay on her one Mean Girls reference: “There’s not much I can do about the fact that I’ve become a kind of tabloid obsession. I can’t change that. And yes, the websites, the gossip pages, and all of that stuff have hurt my career – they’re like the Burn Books of Hollywood… but I really don’t feel like I should have to prove myself to anyone because of living out my college years in the public eye. I’m glad everything happened the way it did.”

Lindsay on Britney Spears: “She’s marketed as an entertainer, which is what she is. Not necessarily as, like, an artist. And I respect that about her, cause she doesn’t want to pretend.”
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Jesus, where do I start with this girl?? Seth Rogen isn't calling you. If he wanted to call you, he would have done so by now and begging in a magazine is not going to help. Your "college years?" Really? Most people spend their college years IN college not in Hyde's bathroom with no panties on. I find it insulting that you even use the term "college years." Britney? She has no idea she's not an "artist." It figures that you would respect her. You are a mess. Stop talking. You'll have plenty of time to talk while you're in jail and rehab. Should be..oh, a month at most.

Burial at sea for Pete's cat

Pete Doherty on his dead cat: "The cat got run over so I thought I'd give it a burial at sea - well, the pond," he said. "But it didn't sink, it floated and then froze over. So there was this dead cat under the ice looking up at me. It was terrible"
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It's been awhile since I had a Pete post. Pete always has cats. He dearly loves the critters, but, he needs some lessons in pet ownership. He blows crack smoke in their faces and doesn't understand that it's animal abuse. He thinks he's doing them a favor. I wonder what the frick made him think a dead cat would sink in a pond? Or why that was a good idea? I think Pete needs a better handler, someone who could explain things to him. He seems like such a sweet person, but, he's just continually fucked up and no one in his life points out the obvious.

Madonna and Jesus fighting over cell phones

That's a title I never thought I'd type. Madonna and Jesus are having a little war and it's all over his use of his cell phone. Gristle thinks it's terribly rude of him to use the phone in front of her, yet she uses hers anytime she wants.
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DM.."Tensions came to a head a few days ago, after the singer walked in on Jesus chatting on the phone to his family.
'And she just turned on him,’ a source said. ‘She told him it was rude for him to take a phone call in front of her.’
But Luz stood his ground and told Madonna she was being unreasonable.
‘He stood up for himself and they had quite a heated argument,’ the source added. ‘Madonna agreed to let him answer the mobile when she’s around, but only in emergencies."
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Gristle controls everything. She's just absurd. If you have a boy friend you have to treat like a child, what's the point? Just get another kid. Jesus, everyone knows your damn name now, it's time to get out.

Breaking News! Winerun took a bath!

Wow! Someone gave Amy a bath and cleaned her fingernails. And those are not crotch crickets, they're polka dots. It's all uphill from here, Winerun.

Chris Brown might have a Rihanna sex tape

I wondered how long it would be until this started. In this new digital age we live in, many young women are making the mistake of letting themselves be filmed having sex with the men they're so in love with. They think they're going to be with him forever and no one will ever see it..then something goes wrong, as is apt to in these immature relationships. Does Chris Brown really have Rihanna on video? It looks as if he might. Friends say she's desperate to never let it see the light of day. Is this why she went running back to him? Is this why she changed her numbers so even her parents can't get hold of her? She should call her parents..they have her best interests at heart. Her handlers are only concerned with career and money.

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Rihanna's bruises have healed up and she's been out in public, but, not with Chris. He was seen on his little bicycle like the spoiled man child he is. Seriously, RiRi, enough of this fool. Take care of it.

Charles Manson Today

I found that at Gossip Bunny. Load a mercy, he still looks insane. I never understood the "family's" claim that he was charismatic. I always thought he sounded scary and nuts. It would be interesting to see a new interview and see if he's changed any...or at least calmed down a little in his old age.

Japanese National Robot HRP-4C

Well, isn't she just.......creepy. The face looks like the ones on the Real Doll pedo edition. Look at me! I have the face of a child and great huge metallic boobies! I love how she manages to give her creator a dirty look.

Baby bump

I wonder when Nicole Richie's due? She's farther along than I thought.

JLH shows mom what she bought

JLH shows mommy, Patricia the new car. Jennifer, or "Love" as she likes to be called, bought her mom a home across the street from hers. The two are very close and Mom is involved in every aspect of her life, including her pathetic love life. Seems like Mom spends a lot of time writing blogs about how Love has a very nice skinny ass. There must have been a sale on polyester wigs this week.

More eating out. Yeah, I said it

Fishy picks at Gristle's salad. Why is she picking at Madge's salad when she has the same GD thing on her own plate? She probably saved it in a baggie labeled "My good friend, Madonna's salad" and locked it in a vault. Gristle can't eat in restaurants anyhow, they don't serve hay. I wonder what that sign on the table says? Twat table? Reserved for Assholes? If you are what you eat, then these two eat ass.

Johnson and Johnson tampon ad

That sucks.

I think I now love Kristen Stewart

This is hilarious. The interviewer calls her a bitch, behind her back, of course, and says he's just doing his job. Only if his job is to be a douche and ask her the same GD questions she's heard a million times. Why don't you do your fucking job and ask her something we all haven't heard over and over, you stupid little fuck wad.

Britney turns down 3 million to tell her life story

Poontang turned down 3 million for an autobiography. She wants more money. Meanwhile, some rag is offering John Mayer 10 million to tell how Aniston called him Brad while they were humping. Priorities. Think about it, Brit..it's 1 million per word because the whole book would read "I is sad." Then she'd throw in a burp and a fart for free. She probably thinks autobiography means you write it in your car.

Assault with a deadly......cat?

Project Runway loser, Kenley Collins was arrested in Brooklyn for assault. She threw a number of items at her fiance during a domestic fight, including the couples cat. LMAO! I'm sorry, I think that's the funniest thing I've heard all month. I never liked her, I thought she was a whiny, pretentious asshole, but, I don't think you could hurt a full grown cat by throwing it at someone, unless they were on the sidewalk and you were on the roof. I should have thought of it, there's enough cats around here to start a war.

PS, I'm tired of the pussy jokes. It takes an idiot to go there.

Gretchen and Slade????

Orange County gold digger, Gretchen Rossi has a new boyfriend and it's Slade. Are you kidding me? What happened to that harsh looking Jo Ho skank he was always slopping after? Gretchen had to replace Jeff, who had the nerve to die and not leave her 10 million. Slade better have a great insurance policy with Gretchen's name on it..I think he's about to fall off the rented yacht. Or into a big giant stinky hole.

And it's starting again..

The Blow convinced her buddy Jack Nicholson to let her into his compound last Monday night because she was being chased by paps. Boo hoo. Linds ended up smashing her Mercedes into his gatepost. Maybe if she'd take the bear rug off her head and those ridiculous sun glasses at night, she would have spotted the giant cement gatepost. Maybe not.

Matilda get some flowers

Michelle got her coffee (thank goodness) and Matilda scored some flowers. I think they're Pansys or Johnny Jump Ups. It reminded me that Spring is coming and Lis and I have been digging in the garden. It's so stress free, there's nothing they can do wrong with a little spade and a plot of dirt.

Rod Stewart has two big problems

A personal trainer took Sean Stewart to court for an unpaid bill. It was reality TV court and Sean's defense for not paying his bill was "My dad’s very cheap." The stunned judge asked: "Your dad has a lot of money, why is he cheap?"
Sean, 28, replied: "I don’t know."

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Why did the little fucker even bring up his dad in court? Why did the retarded judge even allow it, let alone ask that question? Sean and his worthless sister, Kim are two of a kind. I'm sure Dad gets tired of paying their bills when all they do is party. Half naked/wasted on a beach is not an occupation.

I should have said three problems, because Rod has another grown daughter that lives with him. He says all she does with her life is drive around in an expensive SUV all day. Rod seems puzzled about his children's lack of ambition.

Gristle and Fish do dinner

I'd just like to point out that these two cunts are still alive. That's how unfair the Universe is.

Rest In Peace, Natasha Richardson

It's just so sad. My heart goes out to her family. Rest in peace, Natasha.

Richardson's Family Pulls The Plug

Liz Smith says Natasha Richardson was removed from life support this afternoon around 1:30 pm ET. Two days ago she was alive, healthy, fit and apparently happy. That's how fast it can happen. Nothing to be said about it.

Gosselin weapon of choice for morons

Red spoon, meet small quarter Asian ass. I finally saw the famous red spoon in a Greedin episode. Kate's mentioned before. Once when she told a kid to go to time out and they hesitated, she asked "Do I need to get the red spoon?" The kid couldn't get to the corner fast enough. On a rerun I spotted it in Jon's hand as he bossed kids around. He wasn't cooking and wasn't mixing anything. It wasn't a pretend drumstick. I can only assume it was a weapon. And that's what it is, don't kid yourself by saying it's a disciplinary tool. Have you ever been beaten with a belt, a switch or a spoon? I have. I learned nothing from it except how to run fast from some psycho adult who couldn't control their temper. I DO get it when a parent has had it up to their eyeballs and hand meets ass once in awhile. It's not right, but, I get it. But, people who use weapons (Jesus!) and it's premeditated (Double Jesus!) are really stupid piss poor parents who don't deserve kids..let alone eight of them. The Gosselins give parenting advice and people eat it up. I wonder if that advice is how to get a free ass whippin' spoon of high quality heavy construction? I wouldn't want to be hit with that thing by someone who's three times my size. I'd kick their ass. I'd wait until they were sleeping and set them on fire. My name isn't Rihanna .....and neither are the Gosselin kids.

Leann Rimes Lives On The Cheatin' Side Of Town

Leann Rimes has been caught cheating on her husband with Eddie Cibrian, her costar in the Lifetime movie Northern Lights. Us Magazine presents as evidence some security camera video of them kissing and an eyewitness account of their three-hour hook up at a Malibu hotel. The betrayed hubby,
Dean Sheremet, posted the following "supportive" message on Twitter:

"I Love My Wife!!!"

All the words are capitalized and there are three exclamation points...so you know he must mean it.

He had to know what he was in for when he married Leann, right? I mean look at her. I've seen truck-stop hos with more class.

Judge Throws Obstacle in Way of Adnan-Britney Reunion

Former pap Adnan Ghalib has been ordered by a judge to keep himself and his idiot facial hair completely away from Britney Spears for the next three years. This judge obviously doesn't understand the power of true love. Somehow, someway, Adnan and Britney will be reunited. I still believe.

Tall, dark and handsome?

Christina Ricci and her boyfriend, Owen Benjamin ....I'd make fun of them, but, I'm only an inch taller than her. Ehh, why let that stop me? If she marries him we can all chip in and get her a booster seat so she can see him at dinner. I'm not lending her mine, I need to reach the keyboard.

Octo gets two of her eight

Nadya brought two babies home, Noah and Isaiah. The hospital finally started to release them after Nadya complied with all of their requests, right down to how many smoke alarms and CO2 detectors she had in her house. Which if you ask me, is totally nuts. Give the crazy woman her kids and make her go away.

Vanessa is at Natasha's bedside

Natasha Richardson has been moved to Lenox Hill hospital in NYC and her mother, legend Vanessa Redgrave is there, along with Natasha's husband, Liam Neeson, and other family members. He condition is still critical and she was said to be unresponsive in the ambulance. I was hoping to hear better news today, but, we'll keep watching. No word from her reps yet. Get well, Natasha.

Kim K sticks up for The Blow

Kim Kardashian is sticking up for Lindsay now..I guess someone should be on her side. Kim to People: “I mean, when have you not thrown something when you’re mad?. Everyone has to admit that at one time in their life, they’ve gotten so mad that they’ve thrown something, but maybe not necessarily breaking a window.”
Adds Kim: “Can’t people have an argument without everyone watching? Just because she had an argument, I don’t think it means that she’s off track and that everything is crazy. It’s really just messed up that everyone blames her.”
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Snorting, partying, fighting in public, drinking and driving, not attending DUI classes, arrest warrents, ....umm, who's fault is that then? I don't know why Kim's sucking up to Linds, she doesn't even have a reality show.

A-Rod kissing A-Rod

He had to know that was stupid. If Details told you to set your nutsack on fire, would you do it? Duuur. Nice background.

Natasha Richardson in critical condition

Natasha Richardson suffered a severe head injury in a skiing accident in Canada. The NY Post is reporting that she is brain dead, but, that has not been confirmed. I hope it's not true. She is in critical condition. My thoughts go out to Natasha and her family.

The creepy Gosselins

This crap was on last night and I turned it to the Food Network, but, Lissa screamed that she wanted "Them Kids", so I turned it back and read a book. I did catch that he was on a ski trip with Cara and she was stuck watching the rest of them. They must have gone to Sesame Street because Lis yelled "I want that!" And it was Elmo or some shit. Dream on, kid, I'll buy you an Elmo coloring book. Both the parents were purple-ish. I thought my color had gone off, but, no..they were fake and baked purple-ish. Hard looking..so weird. Kind of like aliens, but, without brains or super powers.
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I'll have to watch it later because they had promos insinuating the Greedlins would address their marital problems next week..but, I'll bet you a hair transplant and two tummy tucks they won't. I think it's creepy that he takes ONE kid on a ski trip when she has a twin. And no, I don't think it's amazing that she has to watch her own children for one night with a bunch of expensive free stuff thrown in again. Besides, I don't believe it. She's never watched those kids alone in her life.

More from the Elvis auction

Jesus Christ, that's ugly. And there's an eye missing. Elvis was retarded.