The Devil made me do it!

The other night I was watching some mindless movie on Hulu, I do that when sleep evades me. I just pick a movie with an interesting title that I've never heard of and sit trance like. I never know what they're about and they're never something I wanted to see. I found a lot of good shit that way, and a lot of bad shit that wasted my time. This particular one had an effect on me though. I wish I'd never clicked it.

The story revolved around a girl with a terrible childhood who through, no real fault of her own, was sent to her death in prison. The tag line should have been 'The Devil made me do it.' That was also the tag line of Flip Wilson's 'Geraldine' character back in the day. I just looked up his act, and it's HERE if you want to hear it. I now know one thing, Flip Wilson WAS funny, his stuff holds up. Good to know, since we (my cousins, friends and I) thought Flip was hilarious in our childhood and were big fans. The first 'celeb' thing I ever owned was a Flip Wilson sweat shirt that said, 'Here come de judge!' that I wore constantly for a year. My cousin had the same one and we thought we really made a statement in those discount irregular shirts. We were fourteen.

The thing we found most hilarious about Flip was the 'Devil made me do it' routine. It meant a lot to us. Because we knew, first hand, how powerful the Devil was and how he impacted families and lives. Not that I believed in him, or god, by that time. But, anything could be blamed on the Devil by those ruled by the church. We, and this whole town, were ruled by churches. The most oppressive of them was the Pentecosts, or Holy Rollers. That's the one my grandma followed and the one all the relatives followed. A scary bunch, let me tell you. Talking in tongues, trances, laying on of hands, fainting, screaming, renouncing Satan and tithing 20% of your income to fight the Debil. Church was mandatory every Wednesday night and twice on Sunday. Get thee away, Debil, for I am a child of gowd!

I stayed all night with my cousin once and her dad cornered me outside the bathroom in the middle of the night. By that age, I had been fucked with quite enough and I threw a hissy and fought him. I threatened to kill him and I meant it. I was banned from their house and her life. But, we still found ways to get together and later she admitted to me that he'd done things to her too. He'd been sneaking into her bed since she was little and her mom knew it! It really fucked up her head. Every time he got caught, instead of calling the law, the mom would call the preacher.  The preacher would explain that the Devil had him in that moment and he was making him do bad things. Things that were not in his character and they must fight the Devil. The dad would cry and repent, admitting it, but, claiming to have no memory of the event. Because it wasn't him, you see, it was the Devil. Soon they'd organize a prayer vigil and a laying on of hands to rid him of his Demon. All the other men in the church, who had experienced this Demon, would come and help. All the women would moan and talk in tongues provided by god to dispel this unholy godless being. Humbled, the man would return to normal, cured by god in his power and mercy, and life would go back to normal. The whole thing swept under a biblical rug.

I always thought it was such bullshit, but, now I finally understand what my grandma tried to tell me about it. She knew about these men. And I don't for one minute think she bought into 'The Devil made me do it' story, but, she understood it was a way for women to keep their families and homes together. I still think it's bullshit, of course, and I think women should have the balls to grab their kids and leave. Even with no job skills or work experience. There's always welfare. Sure, you won't have a decent house or matching furniture on welfare, but, your damn husband won't be in your child's bed. I hope things are a little different now, but, I know this still goes on in the church here.

Anyway, the movie was called The Execution Of Julie Ann Mabry and it's HERE. I wouldn't recommend it though, it's not that good and it's depressing as hell. There is no hope for some children caught in the web of these religions.

As for me, that whole experience was not traumatizing at all, I was just really pissed that they banned me from my cousin's life. The reason they gave was that I had the Devil inside me or I would have been a good Christian and reached out to him that night to 'pray away' his demons instead of hitting him in the head. I decked him good. I broke his glasses too. When I told my grandma what happened, she wasn't surprised, but, she did stop going to that church when they came and talked to her about 'the Devil in me'. They wanted to have a laying on of hands with me and she knew I wouldn't go to their stupid church. She never made me do that. I always felt kind of bad about the decision she made to leave her church. But, the god thing still pisses me off. Maybe that's why I never capitalize his name. Even when spell check lights up to remind me. I aint doin it. I can cap Satan though. That imaginary Demon has never bothered me at all. It's weird, isn't it? Fuck it. And fuck churches. All of them.

I've had this in drafts for awhile. I think I'm gonna go ahead and push publish. That stupid movie brought it all back for me and it really bothered me. I hate unfairness. And I hate god. Which makes no sense, I know, but, I do. I hate something that I believe does not exist. That's retarded. I guess what I really hate is how mindless people follow the preachers of this crap and let it rule their world. And they aren't satisfied with that, they have to try and shove it onto everyone else. It's their mission and it's fucked up.