You know how to tame a wild animal? You ignore them. Oh, I used to work so hard at it when I was young, and I always got it done, but, it took so much time and effort. If only I had known the secrets you figure out with age. I just ignore the fuck out of them. But, you let them hear your voice. Like, you just go out in the yard and do what you need to do, go about your business, but, talk in their general direction. Like, 'Hey, looks like rain? You like rain? Me too.' You might get some strange looks and feel stupid, but, the animal is listening to see if you're a threat. You do that for a few days and start letting it see you leave a little food out. Don't push. Don't call it. Don't try and get close. The animal will figure it out. He did, see? He's quite tame now. He is almost tame enough to get into a carry case to go for his first vet visit. No need to traumatize him more than he already is.
He answers to the name 'Key' now, short for kitty and it stuck. He is the nicest boy and my mother is deluded in thinking he picks the fights with her fat, fugly, spoiled cats. He is so mellow. He puts up with more shit from them than I ever would. I'm out there all the time, so I see what they do. She doesn't and she thinks they're perfect. Puuuurrr-fect. Okay, that was lame. Anyway, I laid down the law with her. She will not send religious items to my house again and she will stop being mean and yelling at this poor old cat. He needs medical treatment. He has open wounds, a skin..thing, ear mites and he needs neutering. Then I can find him a real home, or he can hang here. What the fuck is one more cat around here anyway? I don't know what her problem is.
Lissa plays him "Stray Cat Strut" on her phone and he climbs in her lap to listen. What can I say? I always root for the underdog.
If you don't like this, you are not living right. I get my dinner from a garbage can, yeah!
8 comments:
omg! We saw Bryan Setser at the Mariott we were staying at once, he was staying there too. He was good looking, normal looking. Caused a bit of minor excitement. Love him! And in 16 Candles, Sam had a big poster of the Stray Cats above her bed. I love that poster! So, my daughter did the "talking" trick, even singing the songs along with "Frozen" to one of our rescue dogs and she decided to like my daughter after all. She sang to her, talked to her and then the dog ended up following her all over the house, instead of hiding in the corner, snarling at anybody that came close. Small tiny dog, but still. Anyways, this does work. Just dispaly a very open, kind enviroment and a kind voice, sing if you can. They like that. Now she can pick her up, pet her, hand feed her and hold her. Just be patient. They are just afraid.
Stray Cats on her phone? See, awesomeness abides with Lis. That cat knows where it's at. I bet you dimes to doughnuts that cat will tune into the cool frequencies that run through your home and will choose you. Kick ass kitty!
If you want him, I will pay postage. :)
The cat, I meant, not Bryan. But, I wonder how much postage would be for...oh nevermind.
He and I have the same birth date - 4/10 - Bryan, not the cat.
PS -
Brett has that Stray Cats logo tattooed on his forearm with the words, "Wild Cat" underneath it. He was a wee 18 when he got it - pretty scandalous to be tattooed back then. Only the most rebellious Rockabillies had them. Now he is a tamer cat, in his 50's. Love him, I do.
OMG, I love the stray cat posts here.
"shoes thrown at me by a mean old man..."
Yeah kitty, I can relate....
Speaking of that...
Pat,
Is that weird old "preacher" still watching you?
I'm fidnah hex his ass.
Also, there is another matter, when you get your email fixed.
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