Britney needs to hire ME

Brits new assistant is named Brett, according to Perez..nice drawing Perez. I can't figure out how come a guy who likes dick so much can't even draw a dick (or antenne) , but, that's another post. What I want to know is where Poontang finds these people? Does she, like, pull up to a gas station and yell "I need help, y'all?" And how come she can't keep any help when all they do is kiss her ass and tell her lies? How hard is that?

No, Britney needs to hire me. Seriously. I would so straighten her out. I'd check her for panties everytime she left the door. No panties, no car keys. I would steal all her stash and throw it out, except for the downers which I'd hide for my own use later and then say "Sit your dimpled ass down, we are not going out today." Then I would teach her how to make coffee and get me a cup while she's at it. She might not leave the house for three days, but, she wouldn't be bored. I'd show her QVC and we'd order support bras and new boots and skirts that covered her butt. Then we could clean out her closets and donate all her clothes to Hookers Anon and call Jessica Simpson for some Proactive. That dog would get housetrained and I'd teach her how to heat up fish sticks and mac n cheese for those kids. I'd explain why ketchup is not really a vegetable. Finally, I'd keep her busy writing apology notes to everyone she's encountered in the last year. No spell check either. She needs to hire me. I'm brutal.

You know that housekeeper on Two And A Half Men? Picture that, only I'm not cleaning jack. Oh, Perez..call me, I'll teach you how to draw dick.