I don't know why package makers assume we are all addle brained mindless morons with the IQ of a moldy cucumber. Lather, rinse, repeat? No shit? I was going to slop shampoo all over my head and wait for the miracle. Not for human consumption? What? Oh, no, and I was dying for a big bowl of batteries with milk and sugar. But, I'm human so I guess it's okay to feed them to dogs, right? Yeah, batteries at 4 am..they were for the remote, you pervs.
*
I don't know why all the TV stations at 4 am are filled with ministers and infomercials. Like I'm suddenly going to be struck by the need for Jesus or Cubic Zirconia at 4 am. You TV programing fucks, insomniacs like TV too. I don't know why THIS hideous pimple faced perverted sick fuck is always talking about his massive bowel movements. You scat freak, I know what you're into. "My bowel movements are now as thick and long as my forearm!" You sick fuck, shut up. Creepy poop freak.
*
I don't know why people send me emails that say "so and so wants to ask you a question, click here" and you have to go to some dumbass site to answer. If you were really my friend you'd know I aint doing that shit, just ask me in the fucking email. Dildo. Stop sending me jokes too. I worked as a bartender for years, plus I've had the net for quite awhile. I'm fairly certain I know what happens when the ugly dude walks into the tavern with a parrot on his shoulder. You may be my friends in real life, but, sometimes I think you're retarded.
*
I don't know why the science channel for kids said hot water freezes faster than cold water. Thats not even bright and I tried it at 4 am. It does not, you bean heads. Go cure cancer and shut up.
*
I don't know why the early morning food network has these egg heads on who make recipes with things that only exist in major cities or Asia. Mother fucker, we only have one grocery store and I guarantee you there aint no ox tail, rice wine, vinaigrette capers or friggin' spicy goat cheese in the aisles. I'm lucky if I can get 3 kinds of canned soup. Just make some gowddam meatloaf and stop boring me with your pretentious crap. Oh, and saying "no?" after every mouthful of horseshit you spout does not make you French or interesting. Baby.
*
Todays bitching brought to you by....lack of sleep. LackOfSleep, a patented product by Ronco. $19.99 Order now!
11 comments:
i don't get the chinese sign about how to use a toilet. I mean, by the time a person could read f'g chinese I think they'd have mastered that simple task? Right? I mean, am I right?
It's Japanese, actually. There are characters and kana.
Thsi is too funny, I think I love you.
Glad somebody does.
I call all that shiz Chinese, excuuuuse me!! It looks all the same to me, no pun intended.
I feel your pain DD. At least you have FREE cable tv and you can switch to the animal channel and find real monkey sex which it's at least more entertaining. I still have only the choice of the preacher's networks or the turd guy. Shoot me already and put me out of my misery.
you sound like me when i have PMS. EVERYTHING annoys me. but you have valid points on everything!
LOL!! Ronco, "set it and forget it!! hahahhahaheehe
Ron Popiel's spray on hair!!! Remember that??? LMFAO!!! I think Travolta uses that stuff still!!!!
& PS: I still have my Veg-O-Matic
Hehe, I love you, DD! I sent this to Nathan, b/c we're always up watching Klee (yes, we are on a 1st name basis w/ that asshole b/c Nathan makes me watch it EVERY time it comes on) and those preachers who want to send you your FREE prosperity prayer cloth and Holy water! Just send in all the money you have, and God will bless you with inheritance money! Hooray, one of my relatives will die and leave me some money! And, I'm so happy Klee's daughter's shit is larger than his! I can't believe someone actually made a baby with that sick John Waters-wannabe.
Post a Comment