Thank you all so much for your messages of hope. You know, you really wouldn't think people you just know on the computer could help so much, but, you have. I read every word and it made me feel better. Thank you. It's Sunday, I can blog what I want, right? I found some photos of his that I'd never seen before. I was glad to get them, there are many. I went through some of his things today and I have to tell you it baffled me and made me smile at how immaculate his house is. I am not kidding, even his canned goods are organized in alphabetical order. There is not a spot in his sink or a hair in any drain. He sure didn't get that from me. Anyway, with his sisters help we found the right clothes for him. Clothes were really important to him. I know I'm kind of babbling, but, when I opened his perfectly folded dressers I thought to myself...why would a person who's planning on taking themselves out buy tons of new socks and designer underwear? A silly thing, but, that's what I thought. The answer has come through people who care. The coroners report has not been released, but, through friends in that department, I now know what it will say. It was an accident. That's why there is no note, no real planning, etc. He died of accidental alcohol poisoning. He had a down night, and decided to tie one on..in a major way. His choice of poison was Coors Lite and Jack Daniels. Eric was not an alcoholic or a big drinker..only when he felt depressed which wasn't that often. So he died from a bout of binge drinking and it sounds crazy, but, it is a HUGE relief to know it was an unfortunate accident. He died talking on MSN and I have now closed that for him. But, I left the song he had looped on..Shooting Star by Bad Company. Hey, I give him props for the choice. Meaningful and just damn good rock and roll.
*
So anyway, I have lots to do..I had no idea the amount of thought and planning that goes into something like this, not to mention checking his accounts, and car titles and so on and so on. And of course his internet sites, which I'm working on. I'd want someone to do that for me. It is a new age of death, isnt it? Oh, dang, you would not believe the musical stuff I have to deal with. It all has to be put away for his daughter so I have to figure out the best ways to store and preserve. I found Telecasters, Stratocasters, Ovations, Gibsons and much more. Much more. A legacy for his daughter. Anyway, I'm busy, I'm hanging in there, I am heartbroken but I will be back in a few days. I have to, I am still alive.
*
I loved my son and he was a good person. He fucked up and I have told him there is nothing to forgive. We all fuck up. It makes it easier to know he didn't do this to us on purpose. And all of your messages help more than you will ever know. Thank you.
*
PS...Alissa is doing well too.
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Note: Eric died of natural causes. The toxicology report said there was nothing in his system but some caffine. Rest In Peace, I miss you.
28 comments:
I wasn't online all weekend and I just came on and read all 75 posts and messages to you Pat, and I know how much they all mean to you and will help you through your darkess hours.
I am sitting here dazed and tears running down my cheeks, for so many reasons, but right now my heart goes out to you.
Being a mother, I just can't comprehend the agony and saddness you must being going through.
I know your a strong woman, you are one of the strongest women I know in my life, and you tackle everything that is sent your way with a zest for life, with courage and with hope and I know you will get through this too.
If I can be of any help, I am just an email away, a buzz in MSN or a phone call away.
You, Allisa, Krystal and Casey will be in my thoughts and I will send you thoughtful vibes, caring vibes, and helpful vibes to help you all through this very sad time.
crystal/Judy
Thank you for posting these pictures and writing more, even though this is the most difficult thing for any parent to do.
I hope the good energy from everyone helps you and your family.
Im so sorry to hear about your son Pais.My thoughts are with you and your family xxxx
From Kimmy
Pat, I know that posting the pics of Eric is good for you... to share him with us, the faceless (well not all)internet friends who care for you and feel your pain.
Hearing your voice today made me want to cry, but you held back and were strong, so who am I to lose it.
I'm with you in thoughts Pat, hang in there, Eric expects you to take care of Lissa for him.
Nads
aw man....what a weekend this has been....what else can I say...just that we ALL love you and want to comfort you in any possible way.....I wish I could be there with you and with my aunt in England who lost her 20 yr old son (my cousin) a couple of days ago in similar circumstances.....man what the fuck is going on....
I don't really know you, but I am thinking about you during this time. I always read yours and Crabbie's blogs every couple of days for a good chuckle. I am so sorry. You may not or may not be the religious sort, but I sort of am, and I am praying that everything gets better for you and your granddaughter very soon. Peace.
Heather
Looking at those photos you can tell that he was somebody who really, truly felt loved. His face looks so sweet and peaceful. The love that you all felt for each other will continue always.
Big hugs to you DD.
Thinking of you and wishing you all the best from over here in New Zealand. My heart goes out to you.
Dear DD,
If every word of us helps you, please know that we're here to leave messages for you and waiting on everything that you might want to share. I truely admire your strenght in all of this. You are in our thoughts right now, definitely in mine. Please continue to be strong.
Thank you for sharing with us during this difficult time. I know it is an outlet for you and I'm glad that you are holding up well. I know that what we may see it differently than what's inside you. I'm glad to know that Lissa is doing well. You need her just as much as she needs you right now. Please know that you are thought of right now.
I just got chills and tears in my eyes from reading your post. It is weird to feel so connected to someone you don't know. Thanks for sharing all this, I am sure it will help you heal. Hold on tight to your sweet Allisa...
sounds like he was one of the few decent people in the world. i didnt know him but i am sure you will get some relief to know you raised such a wonderful son & that he is now in God's comfortable arms. i am not much of a religious person but i do believe in God. as painful as it is, when i lost my grandfather in october, it was easier to know that he was with my grandmother up in Heaven. that made us feel much better about it. you will see him again one day, until then you have your memories & his daughter there to keep him alive in your heart. again, i am just so sorry for your loss & my thoughts are with you.
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with all the family and friends who will miss Eric and keep him close - in your hearts - forever.
DD... I haven't been on in a long time. I just read about your son. I am so sorry. But just hearing the way you talk about him, I know you two had a wonderful relationship and understanding of each other. I hope your family can overcome this hardship. My prayers are with you.
-Finley
DD I want to send you all of my love at this difficult time. I usually don't check on you during the weekend so you can imagine the shock I was in when I saw your blogs. I honestly feel like I know you because I've been a fan of yours for some time and I really appreciate how open you are about your personal life...one of the reasons I've always loved this site.
You are an amazingly strong woman and I hope you know that your fans love you very much! Take all the time you need to do what you have to do. We aren't going anywhere! Lots of love to Lissa too!
All my love,
Boston Jess
i'm so sorry for your loss.i see the boundless love you felt for your son, and my thoughts are with you.
Thank you for sharing your Eric with us.
CapriciousCat
DD,
I still don't know what to say, but thank you for sharing more tidbits into your son's life. I'm glad Lissa is doing okay through this and wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, but I don't. My heart breaks for you during this time...all the E-hugs in the world! xoxo Jessica
I hope you find peace soon. I cried when I read that post. What passion you have. I'm sorry that your heart is broken. But someday you will feel better.
Very sorry to visit you online today and hear about your son. You have always impressed me as a strong and positive woman and even more so now. Your love and personal light shine through even in writing about such a difficult time for you. My heart and energy go out to you, your beautiful granddaughter and family. Peace.
Do you have any picyures of him with Lissa? I can see the strong resemblence.
Thanks for keeping us updated.It is such a releif to you that it was an accident. Except that now you know that he is NOT in the place he hoped to be today!!
Sitting down and going through all his pictures ,music and so forth should be much comfort to you to see his happiness and the normalcy of his life that made him who he was and now is a good collection of memories and things that will enable others to learn who he was as the years go by.
You are one fantastic lady to affect so many of us who are basically strangers. I know that I had a lot of company reading your words and crying.
Take care of yourself and Lissa. She should help your healing greatly. God (or whoever is your higher power) be with you and bless you.
DD,
I'm not usually here everyday but when I do drop in I like to post a snarky comment or twelve as 'passionate_spirit' but today, I would like to say as myself (Shawn), that I am truly sorry for your loss. It is unimaginable.
I wish you peace...
-Shawn
i haven't been on here for a week or so. then tonight i see a song and pictures of your son. please don't tell me he died i am thinking. please don't say that. but he has, hasn't he? i am so very, very, very sorry for you, how can words describe the pain you must be going through, how can words help? i can only say i am so terribly, terribly sorry. all my love and so much sadness. words just aren't enough.
Hope all is going as well as it possibly can. I've blinked back tears more than once, reading so many lovely tributes. You really do have support from fans and friends, the world over. Wishing you the best from Florida...
N.
Dear Pat:
I am so incredibly saddened to hear about the loss of your lovely, incredibly talented son!! I hope that your happy memories give you comfort during this incredibly difficult time.
My heart is with you.
Linda
I am so incredibly sorry...I cannot imagine what it must be like to lose a child...but keep on being your amazing self and you will be more than fine. God bless you and your family.
I haven't been online in a while. Was shocked to read that your son passed. I'm so sorry. I'm not a mom; wasn't that fortunate. But I do think that on some level I can understand what you must be going through right now. The people that have died in my life that I loved so much, well, the enormity of it bogs you down at first. But time helps dull the pain as the months and then years pass. Just know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you. God Bless.
Oh Pat..I'm so very sorry. I was told to check here and I couldn't find what was posted at first. I won't even say that I can imagine what you're going through because I can't.
I'm just so sorry.
I know you're a strong person, I can hear it in the words you typed just telling us about it.
I'm here for you..now and anytime you want to chat.
Take care of yourself and know that we are here for you.
Big Hugs
Eliza
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