Everyone keeps asking me how Lissa is doing. She has her bad times and her good times. She cut her own bangs, as you can see. She didn't do that out of emotional problems..she's just proud that she's mastered scissors. She understands death pretty well. I didn't think she would, but, she does. She's not the kind of kid you can bullshit, it makes her mad. You have to tell her truths. She has many questions that I try and answer. Half of her world has dropped away and she's pissed off and heartbroken. She worshiped her father. But she's also young, so she gets happily distracted too.
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Well meaning (but, assuming) people have told her that her Daddy has gone to Heaven. (What about Gnomesville, bitches?) Sigh. People have good hearts but sometimes they assume stuff that's not comforting to others. Lissa has not been raised in religion and had never heard of Heaven. It confused her. She thought it was a place you could hop in the car and go to, like Wal-Mart. She demanded I take her to this Heaven place RIGHT NOW! I had to gently explain to her what people think Heaven is and we also talked about Pagan Summerland and other after life places. I told her all I know is that I believe people don't just stop being just because they die. I think they still are..someplace. It's the best I can do. She seemed to like that and agree.
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Her Aunt Casey played with her one on one for days and brought the dog, her Great Gram bought her a gigantic swing set, her mom is getting her professional counseling. Me? I take her to McDonalds and listen to her talk. She talks on her toy phone to her dad a lot. I told her I think that's cool. There are still Spaghettio's to cook, kites to fly and pink Dora crocs on the wrong feet. Normal life keeps creeping in, sure, but, steady.
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But, this is not your average kid. Even though she's not even 4 yet, her fav movies right now are Watership Down and The Black Cauldron. If that gives you a hint. Oh, and Lion King. When Simba loses his Dad, she yells that it wasn't Simba's fault. I say "Of course not, Simba is a sweet little boy lion, none of this is his fault." Yeah, I'm so friggin' smart. Rolls eyes. Whoever made that "Keep On Truckin" bumper sticker, was fairly bright.
15 comments:
Lissa sounds like she's very resiliant. Very good to hear! You 2 will help each other. She's so lucky to have you in her life!
I totally believe that people's energy and souls just go to another form of existence...what form? i do not quite know....but i know you can still feel people in your presense or even see them....it's not an allusion, they ARE there...
Lissa is just gorgeous and sounds like she has a fantastic family looking out for her.
Totally agree that there is a lifeforce, it is the only common feature of all religious beliefs, even the new agey cult types and since I don't believe in coincidence... ;)
Thanks for sharing with us DD. Hugs.
I was young when my father passed away. I was 7 years old and now im 22 frankly im still a mess for it! I was told he was in heaven and raised with religion that just made me angry, i am no longer religious. The best you can do is just let her talk..take her to his grave ( i think you said he has one?) and just let her sit there and talk to him. Thats what my mom did for me i would sit there for hours and hours and talk to my dad.
Theres also an amazing song thats helped me deal with it. that i have found on my own, here is the lyrics to it.
If I'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry.
And if I'm gone when you wake up, it's not goodbye.
Don't look back at this time
As a time of heartbreak and distress.
Remember me, remember me.
'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams.
Oh, I'll be with you, Oh
but if I'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry.
And if I'm gone when you wake up, don't ask why.
Don't look back at this time
As a time of heartbreak and distress.
Remember me, remember me.
'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams.
Oh Oh
don't cry, I'm with you.
Don't cry, I'm by your side.
Don't cry, I'm with you.
Don't cry, I'm by your side.
And though my flesh is gone, whoa
I'll still be with you at all times.
And though my body's gone, whoa
I'll be there to comfort you at all times.
Oh, oh.
But if I'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry.
And if I'm gone when you wake up, it's not goodbye.
Don't look back at this time
As a time of heartbreak and distress.
Remember me, remember me
'Cause I'll be with you,
Oh...
I'll be with you
I don't want you to cry and weep. Oh, oh.
I want you to go on living your life.
I'm not sleeping an endless sleep. Oh, oh.
It's in your heart you'll have all of our good times.
Oh,oh, all of our good times, Oh, oh..... you have.
Cuz if I'm gone when you wake up, please don't cry.
And if I'm gone when you wake up, it's not goodbye.
Don't look back at this time
As a time of heartbreak and distress.
Remember me, remember me.
'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams.
Oh
I'll be with you in your dreams...
I wonder too why I can't talk to my grandfather anymore and I am 33. It sounds like she is really smart. We should all learn from her how to deal with death!
Watership down?
I'm impressed.
Also, is it just me or does Lissa look like she's grown a lot since you've last showed photos of her? She looks prettier though. Please don't get me wrong, she was always a cutie, but there seems to be something new there...
Maybe I am imagining stuff, based on your stories about her. I guess there is only ever so much you can deduct from a still photograph. Which is why I am very thankful that you share her development with us. I will continue to think of this special little lady (and you too, of course, DD) and send the two of you (oh, make that three, Casey J. comes across pretty lovable too) all the positive thoughts I can come up with.
yeah it's really taken me a long time to skip the letdown of my grandmother's missing birthday cards and stopping myself from buying her a huge flowery V-Day card every yr
Lissa is so beautiful. She looks at least 2 years lder than in her last published picture.
Why are people who don't know her extremely well talking to her about death and heaven?? I think that is very presumptuious. One can NEVER assume that another person has the same religious beleifs that they do. I use "Higher power", but even that assumes that one beleives in something. Oh well. Sounds like Lissa handled it all quite well. She sounds like a remarkable kid. And, very lucky to have you in her life!! Wish I had a little one in my life. My kids just aren't interested in having kids.
Wow Lissa looks about 6 years old in that first picture!
Your doing the best thing @ listening to her, allowing her to talk and encouraging her to talk to her daddy on the phone. In time, years down the road shell thank you for it.
Unless theres other things happening, she doesnt necessarily need to see a child therapist. She just needs to be comforted and express, exactly as gets it and does with you.
Your a "grand"mother, eric will thank you himself in time too :)
beautiful pic's of Alissa. She will do just fine and that is great you are answering any questions she has the best way you know how.
Who knows what the right answers are DD, all we can do is do the best we can under the circumstances put upon us.
The most important thing for her is to know she has people that love her and she has that.
She forever makes me smile with her intelligence and wisdom beyond her years.
crystal
Well one of my neice's fav movies around that age was also Watership Down. So that leads me to believe Lissa is just as briliant as my neice. (just ask bedbugs) You are very lucky to have Lissa around, we can learn so much from our kids, if we just pay attention. This is a day late but Happy Mother's Day DD!!
Lissa is very, very pretty DD. Even wit' those cute bangin' bangs! I love that child. I once cut my own hair 'cuz I had washed it with bar soap & it looked ugly and all stiff. Little did I know that I coulda just washed it out! Duh! But get this...I was 10 years old. I really looked awful then & heard about from all the kids. How crazy is that? Oh well...So, girls just always gotta do their own thang. Right? Lissa is my girl! Go Lissa!
"Watership Down" is an amazing book & the movie is intense. I have loved that forever. It's really deep, I cannot believe that Lissa likes it so much. Wow...she's a thinker.
She also likes Moulin Rouge. When Satine dies she says "It's too soon for her, isn't it, Dawma?" I agree.
you can only do what you are already doing. be in her life, love her, accept her "Even wit' those cute bangin' bangs".
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