Hey, Buddy, Put Your Clothes On..Fri Jun 13, 2:00 AM ET
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DEAR MARGO: I have been dating a man for a year. He's been divorced for two years. He has a daughter who will be turning 7 in about four months. The concern I have about his relationship with his daughter is that he has to sleep with her because she insists on it. But a bigger concern is that he allows her to see him naked at all times. I have told him I don't think this is appropriate, and he accuses me of being jealous of their relationship. He has also slept in the nude with her. That has finally stopped, but he continues to dress in front of her and lets her in the bathroom as he showers and finishes his business. Please let me know if I am overreacting or if there is harm in this.
--- GETTING A HEADACHE
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DEAR GET: Whether or not this man understands it, his behavior with a daughter that age is both inappropriate and seductive. Your problem with him, however, goes beyond this. His defensiveness -- saying you are jealous of the "relationship" -- suggests he believes that whatever he thinks is the truth; a form of disordered thinking. While there may be nothing overtly sexual between him and the child, he is obviously insensitive to the effect his exhibitionist behavior has on his daughter. One course of action, prior to bailing out of the romance, would be to propose seeing a sophisticated child therapist, as a couple, to talk about his practices and your concerns. That might be immediately clarifying because I'm betting he would either refuse to go, or blow up at the idea of going to an expert when he is the only expert he recognizes.
--- MARGO, CORROBORATIVELY
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No, Dear Margo, fuck that noise. You got yourself a bony fried pervert child molester on you hands, lady. You get the Hail away from that sicko and you go to the kids Granny or Mom or Social Services and you tell 'em that wanker slept naked with his 6 year old daughter. If all else fails, poison him and make it look like an accident. Get that child out of there! Gawd..people are killing me today.
17 comments:
The things that some women try to find any justification, and or, excuse for, in order to keep a relationship going, never ceases to amaze me.
That poor, poor little girl. You know he's been doing shit to her. And she is the one insisting on sleeping with him? Yeah, right. That ain't normal, it's wrong & immoral & damned illegal! and by the time Margo got the letter & replied in print, the kid was already in high school or in jail for some crime that would be clearly related to her own sexual abuse. That guy needs to be shot between the legs and I'd help! Turn him from a rooster to hen in 1 shot! That poor child. I hope that woman did get help for the girl and he went to jail and he lost custody forever. This sickens me. I was feeling so bad because I love Tim Russert died, I wanted to see if DD poasted about it and I saw this! Friday the 13th really does suck ass!
I love Tim Russert died, I wanted to see if DD poasted about it and I saw this! Friday the 13th really does suck ass!
Correction: I don't love that he died. I loved that guy and he died. It's almost time to go home & I was in a hurry. Sorry. It really upsets me tho. RIP Tim Russert. Dammit to hell.
I have seen my parents naked, dress, undress, bath, shower from my first up to my... hm.. 16th? 18th? year.
Maybe some people are just too prude. There is nothing wrong with nakedness.
Oh, and I saw my sisters naked too! Wow.
and to add something else - as a kid I really wanted to sleep in my parents bed. There was even a rule who was allowed to sleep in daddy's bed when he was away.
And nobody was molested ....
I know just being naked isn't all that bad and doesn't necessarily mean anything, BUT....
The fact that he calls her JEALOUS is a tipoff to the way he looks at his relationship with his daughter. Why would a woman compete with a little girl??? They should be two very different relationships, not very similar ones. He shouldn't assume a woman is jealous if she objects to certain practices of his, he should question them and try to see it from another viewpoint.
Why would he sleep naked with her? Lots of parents sleep with their kids, there's nothing wrong with that, it's completely natural and comfortable. But they HAVE to cover up!!! Otherwise it's perverted.
why not calling her 'jealous'?
A lot of women are jealous of the kids of their partner. No matter what relationship. They are just jealous that there is somebody else loved too.
just lately there has been a lot on the news about 'child sexual abuse' and i get so PISSED when i hear that term. WHY is society being so delicate and politically correct about what is really CHILD RAPE? why are we, as a society, so confused? applying the label abuse to what is really rape is so LAME. pedophiles RAPE children, abuse is too tame and broad a description for what pedophiles do to children. is it going to take society as long to recognise and acknowledge child rape as it took us to accept adult rape? we all know that in the past it was commonly accepted that adult rape was generally the victims own stupid fault. women 'asked' for it because of their dress or behavior. similarly pedophiles maintain that they are being 'seduced' by children. 'child sexual abuse'? yeah right! lets call a spade a spade its CHILD RAPE!!!!
completely innapropriate!!!!
helllllllooooooo??? what is the matter with people in this world today.
that woman needs to dump him & call the authorities immediately!!!
so there is nothing happening and you people already cry 'rape', 'abuse' and 'get the authorities'?
What is wrong with you?
Oh and about 'jealous' women:
the bad stepmother from the fairytales?
She is real. A statistically proven fact. This woman is jealous because the man loves his daughter - and tries to destroy it.
And you help her. Well done.
Btw, 'innocent until proven guilty'
think about it.
Goddamn, what is wrong with anonymous - and I really do think the couple of defensive ones are all the same person -to say there is nothing wrong with it - what the hell could EVER be right about it? That is grooming a kid for sexual abuse plain and simple. It is a twisted mind that could find jealousy in "um honey why don't you wear some pants when you're sleeping in bed with a little girl?" People seem to think it is ok if it's "their" kid, as oppossed to scarring the neighbours kid for life, but people are not property. This woman ought to find the mother of that kid and have a good chat about why she left this pervert.
I agree with you lia. It isn't even acceptable now to call oneself a victim of child rape, you are suppossed to think of and refer to yourself as a survivor. To hell with that, why should anyone's experience be defined by how they react to what was done to them? Everyone else is a victim of crime but child rape victims aren't even encouraged to be honest about what happened to them. Talk about shifting the blame to where it does not belong.
While some families are more open about nakedness, there definitely ARE boundries, and sleeping naked with any child is inappropriate. And especially one of the opposite sex.
I agree with the writer who picked up on the word "jealous". That definitely applies a relationship...and I would be very suspicious of that man.
I think she should report him if she thinks for one second that the little daughter could be in danger.
i would definitely feel jealous if my lover was sleeping naked with his 7 year old daughter. we are all aware of incest and sleeping naked with your 7 year old child is, without a doubt, INCESTUOUS. i was a female single parent and slept with my son when he was young but never naked. never, never, never. his wanting to sleep in my bed ended well before he turned 7. by the time he'd started school he began to see a big difference between girls and boys, this made him increasingly reluctant to be seen naked. i never tried to make him feel ashamed of being naked but i did respect his desire for physical privacy. i also knew that he certainly did not want to be confronted by my private parts. it is easy for single parents to turn their opposite sex children into their 'little man' or 'little woman' and doing so is just another form of child abuse. kids are physically and emotionally unable to fill that role for their parents. if i was that woman i'd be sticking around... just to protect the girl.
This is just wrong on all levels. Look I understand people have open door policies with their kids, i do, but i also have a daughter and i am also a woman. just recently my ex was not allowed to see his daughter for 2 weeks due to the fact her making a comment at school saying she saw her father naked. i had to go thru interviews and in front of the police and child services, all was unfounded but still. the dhs man had told me, he knew of a guy that had his daughter every other weekend, at the time she was 6, well she told people that he bathed her, again this went thru child services, the police and he was not allowed to be around his daughter. yes he did bath her but the problem now was she is a little girl he is NOT ALLOWED to do this. after this happened he had to have his mother or someone else bath her. this society really sucks today.
It's all about how you were raised, my daughters caught their Dad taking off his swimming trunks in the laundry room, he freaked out and ran into the garage, locking himself out of the house. I didn't think it was a big deal but he did. They are 6 and have never seen him completely nude, he won't allow it. I think this makes them more "eager to bust him".
Social Services may be different wherever you are writing from anon 4:56 but I have NEVER known them to be so vigilant. There are stories about kids dying that were reported many many times and nothing was done. I wasn't taken away from home for any amount of time and I told social services more than once what was going on. I think these people are in general criminally incompetent.
It was unfair, Drina, that no one protected you as a child. You were brave to have spoken up then. Your only job now is to heal from past hurts, and if you help anyone else along the way, that's just a bonus.
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