Sunday, June 1, 2008

Bitching about the all holy weather men (and women)


I know many of you know about tornado's. You live in tornado alley, like I do. For those of you who don't, here's some cool pics and info. The information is NOT based on anything scientific. I am not an all holy meteorologist. I do not know the names of all the clouds or the proper terms that bring on tornado's. What I know is what I've seen from living in tornado alley most of my life.
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This is called a wall cloud. We see them during nearly ever storm. We have frequent storms and it's common here to pass the time by watching the wall cloud for funnel activity. But, people only watch the edges, where they can see them clearly. They don't seem to understand that the funnel will drop from any place in the cloud and can be directly over you. You can see some small funnel tails starting to form there. They may or may not form or drop. It's fun to watch if you're near a basement. Unfortunatly, people just don't get that the damn things are forming right over you too. Unless lightening lights the sky and you happen to be looking ..you are in the dark.
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That's a good shot of a white tornado forming over some farm land. Many people wouldn't even know that's a funnel and would drive right into it. It could be harmless or it could drop and turn deadly in minutes.
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An awesome shot of a white funnel cloud in a rainbow. This one is definitly dangerous, but, it's tail end is small and it's still white. When they're white it usually means they haven't touched down yet. It's the debris the spinning funnel picks up that turns them dark..usually. It's also far enough away to watch if you pay attention to the direction and have an exit plan. They are friggin' cool as Hell to watch. Amazing power.
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This one has not only touched down, it's awesomely evil. It destroyed everything in it's path for miles and lasted a long time, moving slowly across the countryside and finally right into a town, which it leveled. Some tornado's can be over a mile wide!
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Every Spring some little town around here is destroyed by a twister. No one calls them twisters around here, that's only in the movies. But, every friggin' year a whole town is completely leveled. There's NOTHING left. We're kind of used to it, we're the kind of people that just clean the shit up and get on with it. Why'd I post this? What's my bitch? I'll tell you what. It's the goddamned high handed smart assed fucking meter-fucking-ologists who cum in thier pannies everytime it rains here. They shut off our TV for a rainstorm and I'm not kidding. We get a black screen on all channels and a warning that THERE'S A THUNDERSTORM COMING! Shut the fuck up, you smart ass's, it thunderstorms constantly here in the spring. And with every THUNDERSTORM!!! comes the tornado sirens. A bleeting one as a warning, a solid ear splitting migraine inducing one for a sighting. The damn storm people get so excited they've made everyone placid about the sirens. NO ONE pays any attention to it. In fact, they go off so often and for so long, it just means "Hey, ma, no TV, lets go sit on the porch and watch the sky!" And that's what almost everyone does. Tornado sightings somewhere in buttfuck Egypt make neighbors visit out in yards like in the old days. Kids play in the streets. No one or their fucking dog knows why they blow the siren everytime some big college boy in the city news room calls them with a doppler report! The result is that we will one day get hit...hard. People will be killed because they didn't take cover because all the big wigs with sirens are fucking morons who fuck with our heads over a THUNDERSTORM. Hope you're happy asshole siren blower. Blow me.
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I'm gonna take some heat for this post. I now know many people in my tiny town have found me and read here. (Waves at all the small town Iowans!) I'll be up shit creek. But, it's true and the town council can suck me off. I listened to that gowd awful siren for 2 solid hours the other night. There was NO tornado!!! Then three days later I saw 7 white ones at once right over my damn head..guess what? The City (the word city is a joke) never noticed. No siren. Gone fishin', boys? Hope you caught a big one, with big teeth..because you're on my last nerve. Get a job. Morons! We need a new dog catcher, why don't you apply for that?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dishy, I don't think you should catch heat at all. I think you're absolutely right. I'd probably be saying the same things if I lived in tornado alley...and all I can say is thank god I don't (not that we haven't had the occasional one touch down in Montreal). Tornadoes scare me silly. I just hope to hell you and your family have a good cellar to hide in.

CapriciousCat

Anonymous said...

this country spends BILLIONS on weapons to destroy other countries, etc and yet no one has figured out how to prevent a tornado, hurricane, etc....

Corina said...

You are so right. While I've never even seen a tornado i understand what your saying and someday it's gonna come back and bite them in the ass. BTW- what do you guys call them??

Anonymous said...

@misstia because it is very hard to figure out a chaotic system.

Also, that 'system's have a little bit more power than we have to spent on one place.

But how about building houses that aren't blown up easily?

Dirty Disher said...

We just call 'em HOLY SHIT TOOOOORNADO!

Anonymous said...

holy shit! i can't even begin to imagine what that must be like. here in melbourne we only have 4 climates in one day. you need summer gear, a coat and an umbrella. its so tame. we are so lucky, really. the sirens sound like over-kill but our society has become like that. everything is preventable and so we are all scared shitless of all kinds of dangers, take cancer for example, we having all kinds of medical tests to stop us getting it and dying from it. but thats one of the ways we are SUPPOSED to die. people have forgotten that we all die. and here, in australia, when you go out into nature... when i was young we slid down hills on our bums, but not now, we have designated paths and stairs with rope handrails in even the remotest countryside. soon we will have an elevator going up mount everest.

Anonymous said...

You are in trouble.

Dirty Disher said...

You're the Mayor, aren't you? I didn't vote for you.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting this info. I live in Northern Europe so there is no risk of even the slightest tornado here. It is really fascinating to watch (on you tube for my part) and read about. I think if I ever saw one for real I would absolutely freak out. I suppose when you are used to them it is different. And yes, agree with you on the siren thing. I mean, I think they should exist but at the right times and not every friggin rainstorm.