Is it cold there??

We had a nice little snow last night..I would have taken a photo, but, the camera's batteries are dead, ditto all the clock batteries...so that's a painting by David G. Paul, yeah, I don't know who he is either, but, I hope he's warm. The heat went out last night around 9 pm and it wasn't too cold out. It was like, 37 degrees, not terrible. I figured I could wait until today to get a repair person here, no sense bothering anyone so late when the pipes are wrapped with heat tape. So, I get ready for bed, in sweats, two pairs of socks, and a quilt and I'm watching MTV Cribs. You ever watch that? Geez, they were showing homes of rappers..honest to cripes, these are genius's who can rhyme smack with whack and have more money than God. This one guy had a garage ten times bigger than my house with imported tile floors and a big screen tv, so you can watch your shows as you're pulling in. I'm looking around here and seeing my own breath and thinking, something is fucking off. I wanna smack Kimora Lee right in her perfect kisser. That could be a song, if I knew what to rhyme with kisser. I guess that's why I don't have a fly crib.

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I fell asleep and woke up to a light dusting of snow... and an extreme temperature drop. Nice. After you sleep in your clothes, wrapped up like some homeless person under a bridge, you need a shower. Really. So I took one, ohhhhhhhh, so hot and nice, then I stepped out and realized that might have been a mistake. Fuck me! Woooo, that's chilly. I can't tell my nips from the goosebumps. It's like I have nips on my ass..and everywhere else. I decided I could take the chill off the room by turning on the oven and opening the door. I push some buttons while jumping on one foot, then the other and blowing on my fingers...which have started to lose sensation. POP! There's a mini explosion and the ovens digital display goes dark. Really? Are you fucking kidding me?

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So, here I sit, the only things in my house that seem to be working are the coffee pot and the the computer. Oh, and the new fridge..the old one blew up last week after walking across the floor and taking the outlet with it as a casualty. I'm thinking I could possibly heat this place with cigarettes and coffee. I have Bee tucked into my bra so she doesn't catch cold, but, her tail keeps getting in my mouth. I think she's mooning me. I look foreword to work today, the old building is cavernous, but, it has a new furnace. I wonder if I can sneak Bee in with me? Glena is deathly afraid of rats and it IS her shop. Hmm.. what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right? I made Bee a coat out of an old sock. Did you ever do that for Barbie clothes? You just cut off the elastic part and add two arm holes..it looks like a little turtle neck. Anyway, it works the same for rats. Quite stylish, really.

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My hair feels stiff..oh, it's ice crystals..hmm. I gotta go see if the blow dryer works, I'm not counting on it. I just noticed my plant died, it's frozen. Ha! Quitter. Ya gotta be tougher than that in Iowa. Stupid plant. I wonder if Gwyneth Paltrow has any advice for me..let's see, oh yeah, here it is...I need to hire a macrobiotic chef for my yacht. Thank you Gwyneth! Life is so simple if you just think it out!