Saturday, March 28, 2009
I'm thinking about putting this in the local paper
Dear, (insert name of funeral director here), I want our money back. By "our" I mean the many generous people in this town who donated to Eric's memorial fund. How about you make it right? How about giving us the headstone we ordered a year ago and you promised would be here in August. Not going to happen? Okay, then give us back the donations and the concert money that was raised by his band.
Also, how about a burial? I was under the silly impression that a burial fee and a grave opening fee meant a person would be buried. No? Oh, I guess I didn't understand when you said it was $500 dollars JUST to open a grave and then the grave was never opened. I told you, I was shocked to be unceremoniously handed my son's remains by your assistant who was busy getting ready for the next money making funeral. He told me it was just flowers I was picking up. I explained this to you in person and on the phone. You said you were so sorry. My son is still in my china cabinet which is not where he wanted to rest. I'm pretty sure of that, he left instructions and he has a plot. Which has never been opened!
*
So how about we drop the concerned act and just settle this. How about you give me the thousands of dollars you owe Eric for a burial and stone which never happened. If you can do this, we won't talk about that crazy beer kegger funeral his ex wife planned. The ex wife who was living with her boy friend at the time. She took time out from ransacking his house to con you. Not entirely your fault, but, bottom line is..you screwed up. I want Eric's money back and I will re-order the stone elsewhere. You know damn well I am in charge of that, and he will have a proper burial and a decent headstone. Oh, and not that piece of used brown junk you tried to pawn off on his ex. I handed you all the money, not anyone else, and you know that. And I can prove that. What a disappointment you turned out to be. One more time. I want our money back. RIP does not mean rip someone off.
Pat Jones, (Eric's mother)
So, what do you guys think? I'm going to put it in the local paper if this isn't resolved by the one year anniversary of Eric's death, which is in April. Are there any lawyers out there? I can prove everything I said. I have receipts and witness's.
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35 comments:
Take him to court Pat. I had to do a similar thing regarding my fathers funeral screw ups. Send a copy of the letter and explain the other proofs you have to their head offices, file a complaint with everyone from city officials to the better business bureau and haul them into court, threaten a civil case as well, anguish never being able to find some closure constant aggravation & getting no where talking with them about their breaking contractual obligations etc.
I'm sorry you've had to deal with this heartless needless bull.
Thank you. I need advice. I want to make it right for my son. I hate this, but, I have to fight.
Dear Pat,
I am a lawyer licensed to practice in VA, MD and the District of Columbia. I also read your blog every day. My advice to you, aside from printing this really great letter in your local paper, would be to contact the BBB in your area with a copy of this and your other proof, and to contact, if you have one, a local TV station that investigates shams and scams. If there is anything else I can do for you, please let me know.
Barbara
Hi Disher,
I agree with Barbara and the first poster. Definitely contact the BBB, with copies of all your receipts and correspondence etc. Do you have any attorney friends who could write a letter to the funeral home on their company letter head? Sometimes it just takes a small push like that to show you mean business.
Mags
Do it. Get the bastards. You paid money for services you did not receive. Hit 'em where it hurts.
That is a GREAT letter. Totally agree with everyone else. Make their life miserable, these people deserve NO sympathy. Amazing how there are people out there profiting and ripping off everyone else's pain. Amazing.
3:09 again. If you want letters of shame directed towards the funeral home (written respectfully of course, not the tone of a blog reply lol)in a show of support & demanding they make right their wrongs, i'm sure there are some of us who would be more then willing to help. I am. If you need it (or other help) let me know here and i'll email you.
You do this for you, for eric, and for lis. Your in the right and deserve to be treated better then this. Eric deserves better.
Hugs.
You could probably call up the paper and ask to speak to a journalist and get them to do a story for free.
I did it this to a school I was going to that ripped me off and got a refund really quick after that. One thing for sure with assholes they don't mind treating people in the shameful way you have been treated, but they don't like being found out.
Funeral homes like this deserve to be exposed. I am sorry that you have had to go through this and I hope it works out soon.
I'm so sorry to hear about it, Dishy. Publish that letter and do everything it takes to have your son rest in peace. That's just horrible what was done. :S I see here are so many good people offering practical advice. *hugs*
How awful that you've had to deal with that crap while grieving for your boy. I'm the one who lost my 14 year old boy last summer. Those bastards are delaying and denying your right to properly grieve and eventually move on, but how the hell can you even begin to when you've got this garbage to deal with?
Yes, most definitely have that excellent letter published. And I agree with the BBB and local paper ideas, too. I'd take it a step farther...contact your local TV station and have a chat with one of their corespondents about the possibility of doing an exposure feature on your situation. It couldn't hurt to try.
Pursue this with all your might, for yourself, and your son.
DD I'm with everyone else here. Do whatever helps you to get the things done that need to be done for you and Lissa . . . and I will definitely write something if it comes to that.
You rock and stay strong.
Take him to court Pat.
Make a complaint with the BBB so that others are warned.
Peggy
do it, DD.
Would you upload a photo of Eric?
And am sorry you have to go through any of this.
from: a devoted fan
Oh DD, how horrible. Like everyone else has stated, these people deserve to be exposed. I am so sorry you have had to go through all of this.
Two words...Judge Judy.
What an outrage DD! Definitely send that letter out! As if burying a loved one, let alone your son, is at all easy on someone, but to go and screw with someone's burial plans is one of the most terrible things I've ever heard! Best of luck in resolving this.
DO IT!!! Sue the bastards! I am sooo sorry about you having to deal with all this bullshit tho. I would take it away for you if I could. Those fuckers!
I'd just like to say that the guy, the funeral director,who is also the owner of the funeral home, is not a thief. I've never thought he was a thief or trying to scam me. At least I don't think so. He just made several mistakes and hasn't made it right. They were big mistakes. He has to take care of this or give the money back. I've been very patient and all I get is the run around.
We don't have a local TV station.
I told Eric's band how the funeral guy had offered to hold the concert fund money..to be used for a memorial stone. It seemed like a good idea. Eric knew him, he's a fan of the band and went to many of their concerts. I'd never heard of any problems with him or his business. This was seperate from the money people send directly to me, though I turned all that over to him too. For the stone I designed and ordered. The actual funeral costs were seperate and I have no beef about that. It makes me sick that my son is in an urn in my china cabinet. I've had enough. And I've waited enough.
I put a vid of Eric on for someone who asked.
Nice or unmeaning to make such mistakes, the bottom line is, he is still very much in the wrong, legally and ethically.
In defference to him having been a friend and fan of Eric, i'd tell him one last time what you plan to do and your giving him one last chance to make good or hand over the money. Give it 48 hr (and tell him so) to receive it and when he doesn't i can't urge you enough to take action.
IF he's a stand up guy (or had been at some point) if he's not handing over the cash my guess would be he's spent it and doesn't have it to give you and hopes that you'll get tired of the run around and let it go.
But don't! Your in the right, the law is on your side and so is mass support, because everyone who hears this story will be just as outraged and upset as all of us have been on your behalf.
The other video started me sniffling and this one pushed me over the edge. He was a beautiful guitarist.
Thank you. He was pretty amazing and these are the only vids I have..and he was just fucking around here. There's more on his MySpace. One is a mock Croce tune that was a joke between him and me. We ended up working at the same bar once. He was really funny.
Ice House Blues!
Yep. Ice House Blues. I started that when I worked there. Mine went "Shakin' my tits for a few lousy tips..etc." Eric found it hilarious and did his version when he worked there. He taught me to play all Croce's stuff. Croce isnt easy. But, Eric had patience.
DD---funeral homes are licensed by the state...they also have a national association....not only should you contact the BBB, and local media about this, you should file complaints with the state licensing board....
giving you the run around is NOT making this right....
i am so sorry you're going thru this...i wonder how many other people they've done this too?
:hugs:
Jim Croce was an amazing writer, guitar player and he had such a good vibe about him. Eric probably totally "got him". You don't hear much about Jim Croce from new artists. I wonder if they even know who he is? Nobody, well, almost nobody makes actual music anymore. I saw a "Behind the Music" about him once. It was so good. He lived a simple life, was about to blow up huge when he was killed. I loved his music too and had his LP's. Thank you for reminding us about him, with Eric. I commented y'day about the bastards that are trying to screw you. So, I wanted to mention the music today. Eric was awesome, he had whatever he needed to be anything he wanted to be. Thank be to the greater powers, whoever they may be,that you have videos of Eric. We love him too, now. Thank you Pat. I cannot believe it's coming up on a year! Play his music, thats ALL he would want from everyone. And about his residing in your china cabinet...thats not a bad thing. Just think about the music!!
You know what Winston Churchill said..."When you are going through hell...keep going".
We love you guys. XO
Roxanne
First off, I am so sorry for your loss. That said funeral directors belong to a national association. They have a code of conduct which must be adhered to. One part of interest is:
II. CARE OF THE DECEDENT
Ethical Principle: Members have an ethical obligation to care for each deceased person with the highest respect and dignity, and to transport, prepare and shelter the remains in a professional, caring and conscientious manner.
Certainly doesn't sound like that was done in your son's case. I agree, for your own sense of any closure, you need to have a proper resting place for him. You certainly have been patient enough. I agree with all the advice you have been given. I would contact this man one last time. Lay it on the line. Give him a deadline as others have suggested, to make things right. Tell him you are contacting the "media" with your story if amends are not made. Then follow through. Perhaps if you have not "threatened" him yet, that may be all it takes for this man to comply. Good luck, I hope he chooses to do right by you.
I have not threatened him or been rude. I have called around 30 times, sent 20 emails and gone in personally several times. About 7 or 8 times, I think. Usually he's not there and it's assistants or secretarys. I'm getting very tired and I feel like it's unfinished. I feel bad all the time and can't sleep because it's unfinished.
My mother has also called many times.
Disher,
First off, I'm sorry for your loss and for the fact that you haven't had the closure that you, your family and Eric's friends deserve in the matter of his resting place.
You've been given excellent advice here today. The only thing I would add would be to suggest that rather than phone or email, send him a hard-copy *letter* CMRRR (certified mail return receipt requested) briefly outlining the facts of the case in simple and concise language.
Make your expectations clear and set a deadline. If by that date your demands have not been satisfied, follow through with your plan to take this matter to the media.
Good Luck, and hang in there. We're all pulling for you.
i agree with anon@3:31 about local tv news scam stories.they love that stuff. imagine that funeral director being chased by a reporter and camera. i haven't seen many of those that turn out bad for the person that was scammed. good luck. OOOH! judge judy! she would love that shit.
Hi DD. I'm sorry you have to go thru this right now and I know how hard it is also to be coming up on the anniversary of a sudden death. I want to echo everyone's thoughts about using the media to pressure the person responsible however I would urge you to call a lawyer first to word the letter properly so you do not end up in any trouble yourself. Good luck.
Dishy, decent people or not a FLAKE is a FLAKE and needs to be smacked upside the head. Do what you have to do, and get what you are entitled to. Sometimes it takes a good smack for a FLAKE to react. And this time YOU are entitled to smack the flake.
its definitely time to kick the funeral directors ass. there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for his behavior. if he is treating you like this he will be doing it to other people as well. anyone responsible for other peoples funerals needs to learn and know the meaning of the word RESPECT for both the people who have passed on and the people who are left behind and grieving. this does not help you through your grief nor does it show you nor eric or any of his friends respect AT ALL. sock it to him DD.
that piece by eric is so beautiful, comforting and uplifting. he must be in a beautiful place. you will all be there too, just a few more decades. life is short, too short, but maybe, just maybe, we do all meet up again somewhere. what eric plays suggests that.
Thank you all so much, I took your advice and it seems to have worked. Thank you and I'll post about it again.
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