Maybe I shouldn't post these. Maybe I should be embarrassed. But, I'm not..I'm just disgusted. That top picture represents 8 months of back breaking labor. Truckloads and truckloads of old crap hauled to the dump. I've cut full grown trees down by myself and hacked my way through 50 years of undergrowth. I saved her stupid angel, so don't cry for her. The rest of it's at the town dump. Too bad it's only the side yard. There's 1000 more tons of it, but I was too repulsed to post it.
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There is something wrong with my mother. I love her, everyone in town loves her because she's sweet. But, she has hoarding disorder. She was so upset by this cleaning and clearing. I could tell. Does anyone out there have a parent like this????? There must be someone else who has a parent with hoarding disorder. I would so love to hear how you handle it.
There is something wrong with my mother. I love her, everyone in town loves her because she's sweet. But, she has hoarding disorder. She was so upset by this cleaning and clearing. I could tell. Does anyone out there have a parent like this????? There must be someone else who has a parent with hoarding disorder. I would so love to hear how you handle it.
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She even hoards tulip bulbs. She plants them willy nilly all over with cement pieces that mark them. There must be 1000's of them. The yard couldn't be mowed for over 40 years because she loves tulips. There are barns and sheds galore all full of junk and cats. Not my business you say? My house is kind of in back of hers. We share lots. So yes. It is now my business. I hate upsetting my mother, but, this has to stop. Lissa has to have a safe place to play. Mom's oddball eccentricities are no longer amusing. PLEASE tell me you have a parent like this.
She even hoards tulip bulbs. She plants them willy nilly all over with cement pieces that mark them. There must be 1000's of them. The yard couldn't be mowed for over 40 years because she loves tulips. There are barns and sheds galore all full of junk and cats. Not my business you say? My house is kind of in back of hers. We share lots. So yes. It is now my business. I hate upsetting my mother, but, this has to stop. Lissa has to have a safe place to play. Mom's oddball eccentricities are no longer amusing. PLEASE tell me you have a parent like this.
48 comments:
Note, as soon as I cleared that pine tree, she ran out there and drug half an old sewer pipe into it and set that ancient ceramic chicken feeder on it. She called it a bird bath. I threw that nasty pipe out, but I let her keep it on that base of a broken statue.
I also found a rusted pick axe which came in handy when I found a giant rotted stump a few minutes later. My back hurt today.
And don't say it's useful or creative. Please. We have dozens of real bird baths.
So many older people grew up in the depression when they didn't have anything and kept everything for fear that they "might need it one day". I feel your pain.
DD, my late paternal grandfather hoarded canned goods, junk and porn. They had to have a garbage truck come to his house to clear the attic and secret porn collection. (I wished my dad had told me, we could have made a butt load on the vintage nudie mags!--my grandfather was awesome, not a creepy old man, so the porn closet is hysterical.)
My aunt also hoards (other side of the family). You can hardly walk thru her house. She has animals that peed on the carpet and padding. Her oven is where she stores more shit, she's never even used it. She leads a productive life and is very successful. We were going to stay with her when we visited but the smell was too much. And I am an old nurse, it's hard to make me gag.
People do it and they can't help it. I've seen Discovery shows about it.
Sprite
Thanks. It's good to know I'm not the only one dealing with this disorder. It's so hard.
BTW, I grew up this way. It was humiliating and I got my own apartment at 14 and never went back. Now I'm back. Karma is a whore.
what a dump
I agree.
I can't compete with that ( and I know you didn't show us much, certainly not the worst of it).
But at the end of April I'll be moving into my boyfriend's house. It's in an upscale neighbourhood, and though not on one of the nicest streets, it still stands out as an eyesore. If you didn't know what a clean-living sweet guy he was, you'd think the unibomber lived there. The house siding and trim are unfinished and full of gaps, moss, etc. The whole property is littered with building materials of every type, some covered with tarps. He has 4 outbuildings and several strange house additions and EVERY SINGLE ROOF LEAKS.
But the interior is tidy. Though musty. (sigh)
I do and i know exactly the back breaking kind of work you've had to endure since you started tackling it.
They can't make decisions about wether or not to keep an object so to avoid making the wrong decision they keep every damn little thing that stikes their fancy.To them holding onto things means not having to miss out on an opportunity or guarantees that an item will be there if it's needed down the road. But then the overwhelming amount of crap makes the whole idea of making choices & where to start even worse.
Hoarders often have difficulty dealing with certain kinds of emotions, or more once it reaches a certain level something just shuts off short circuts, like intense anger greif anxeity and since these are the same feelings that get triggered when they are faced with having to start throwing out their precious possessions it keeps them in the vicious circle of avoidance. Aquiring things is a flush of positive emotions like pleasure & excitment so they keep gathering more and more crap. Well it's crap to me and you who have to sort through the mountains of it.
I went through my mothers kitchen cupboards & closets 6 months ago,had no choice because there was no room in them for the normal dishes and things, it was a 3 day event. Just cupboards & closets 3 days!
A collection of paper & plastic containers that were as old or older then i am. I swear to you i threw out food coloring from 1977, countless cases of mason jars filled with everything from soup to nuts, (literally) Boxes and boxes of things for "just incase she needed to give a gift". Magazines in languages she doesn't even speak, patterns & bolts of materical for hanious 60's & 70's fashions, don't get me started on footwear (even a stunning selection single shoes & boots incase a match was ever found 'cause you never know!)Then theres the hats purses & every imaginable material & style of coat sweater shrug worn in the past 200 years.
A collection of tools worthy of 18th century work shop, this from a woman whos tool box must haves are duct tape twine and elmers glue. Light fixtures and door handles, folded up paper & plastic shopping bags like they used to hand out years ago (if you know what i mean) Shoebox after shoebox of pictures, people we don't know and she doesn't remember. 3 trunks full of wrapping paper ribbons cards that span the decades.
I could go on and on but i'm sure you get all too well the gist. I had to sit down and point out that alot of this piled up stuff was a firehazzard, if it ever caught fire the house would go up like the 4th of july.
That she had no room to see and use the nice things she has and would like to have around her. That its unhealthy & why (don't ask). I tried to make light of some things i came across, because like your mother i could tell she was really upset with everything that was being gone through, thrown out and packed up to donate. She was shocked at the amount that went straight to the garbage.
They can't tell you whats in every box or even what closet something might be in, how can you in such a jumble? So i tried to reason with her that you can't miss what you don't even know you have & that it really can't be that important if it's been burried for 4 decades and all but forgotten about.
I also found that you can't let her handle the items your trying to sort, it keeps her emotionally attached to them and making a choice is then impossible, it's got to be a quick 1 2 3 keep toss give away, just seconds per item. (I snuck as much in the bags without her notice as i could).
She's been independant professional woman, graduated at 15 years old, the house was always just so, but what lurked under & in things, behind cupboard & closet doors would shock the pants off a preist.
DD,
My aunt's clothes and car have the odor from her house. We want to help, but it's a no win situation. We cross our fingers that someone doesn't report her.
My grandfather was so bad he didn't want to throw away rice with weavels in it. He was making paella. My dad ordered pizza...he too grew up with it, with no mom.
Sprite
LOL My ol' Dad's the same way. Mom passed away a few years ago and me and the sibblings are dreading the inevitable day when we'll have to don our hazmat suits and shovels and get working. It's almost epidemic based on what I hear from most people I know. Gawd I hope I don't ever get like that. I shall remain forever, a clean freak.
5:20:00 PM, I know exactly what you're talking about. Crazy built on additions, rotted siding patched with shit. No, I didn't show the worst. But, guess what? A truck just arrived with roofing and other supplies for the front porch. (The only porch she gets to keep.) I can tell she's upset.
5:23:00 PM, thank you so much for that. It IS interesting what they keep. They don't even remember why.. You're advice was good to. No, you can't let them handle it. They get all sad and weird. I wish she had a vacation coming up. LOL!
Jeez, there are more of you than I thought.
What a dump is right. What a dump!
Oh, boo hoo. I may kill myself because some anonomous person on a computer thinks it's a dump. You're probably typing that from your mom basement laundry room in your sticky underpants.
my mom (single, mid 50s) moved in with my grandmother a few years ago after her divorce to help take care of her. over the course of the past few years, her 3 rooms upstairs have become overrun with the biggest collection of mom jeans ,clarks shoes and longaberger baskets that ive ever seen. God forbid she dies man. my brother aka "the sponge in their basement " can clean that shit out.
don't you wish you could call clean house? i think you have to live in cali for them to come out. that would be nice.
"the sponge in their basement " LMFAO! Oh, we all have family problems, don't we?
DD:
I can totally relate - in my case, it's my MIL. She was 'kind' enough to make my DH the executor of her estate - we are now dreading her future passing not only for the obvious reasons but also b/c we'll be in charge of taking apart a 2000 sq ft toxic waste dump. Just to make things sporting, she's also warned us many times that when that day comes we are not to get rid of any books b/c she hides money in them. Which ones? Who knows!
OMG. I never thought of where she hides money. Thanks. And poor you. Man o man.
You live in da getto?
It's pretty ghetto. I live in a small town in Iowa surrounded by farming. Our part of town is called Guntown. It's old, poor, rough. But, moms house is paid for, and so is mine. It doesn't make sense to me to move somewhere and struggle with a mortgage or rent when I can just clean the place up.
Don't worry about the comments DD - if more people lived in houses they are calling Dumps - the govamint wouldn't be spending us into oblivion.
Thanks Terry. I had all the "stuff" once. Stressful job, fancy house, mortgage, professional womens league..it's not worth to me.
I hoard money. I don't like one dollar bill, so I have a one dollar bill drawer. lol
It was really funny. My oldest son was having probs paying his insur. So of course he comes to mommy. I told him to get the money out of the writing desk. He opened it and started cursing. One dollar bills flew everywhere. I told him to tell the clerk at the insur. company that those were his tips for pole dancing. evil mommy
My mom doesn't have a hoarding problem, she has a spending problem. But that's another story.
I just wanted to say your mom is lucky to have you, DD.
Ty, but, my mom has a lot of good qualities. She'd give you the shirt off her back..if she could find it in all this crap.
Why don't you like dollar bills? I hate pennies.
Hey DD,
I am lazy...don't like to stand at the counter and make change so I just shove a 10 or 20 or whatever and stuff the change into my handbag. My youngest son gets to "clean" out my handbag about once a month, he keeps the change and puts the ones in the writing desk drawer....
Your mom is not as bad as my husband. He has three storage units full of junk from auctions.
We just bought a house and he had a huge shop built just to fill with more junk. This is going to be the kids inheritance!! lol
My dad is a hoarder. A few years back it was time to move him out of the apartment he lived in for almost 20 years. He had truckloads of crap that he'd saved from his mother, who was also a hoarder. He thought throwing her stuff out was disrespectful.
My sister and I threw most of it out behind his back but he managed to keep a huge closet full of stuff. Busted old stuff. He actually cried over losing busted, dusty, sometimes filthy old crap and junk.
It's a mental illness IMO. Thank god I didn't inherit it. I couldn't stand to live like that.
My mother had compulsive hoarding disorder. For years she held a full-time job, which she did well, and always dressed beautifully. But her three-bedroom house was so packed full of crap that she had just narrow paths between the front door, the bathroom, and the living room (where she slept on the sofa because she couldn't get into her bedroom). When I had a key, I went in once while she was at work and cleaned out her refrigerator and as much of the kitchen as I could; she demanded her key back and didn't speak to me for six months. For the next 20 years, no one, including my sister and me, was allowed in her house.
In her eighties, she moved to a one-bedroom apartment but did not sell the house. She brought carloads from the house to the apartment, all by herself, and continued to acquire "new" stuff. When she had a stroke and had to go into a nursing home, it took me 8 days to clean out her apartment. (I was afraid to just have someone haul it all away for fear she had hidden money or jewelry somewhere.) After the first day I went to Walgreen's and bought a pack of surgical masks to wear, the dust and rotten paper smell were so bad.
The things I hauled to the Dumpster included old girdles, 40-year-old Christmas cards from people she later stopped speaking to, receipts and houseshoes from my grandmother's last few months in a nursing home 25 years earlier, and at least 4 dozen pairs of rusted scissors and garden shears. The things I took to Purple Heart included an entire dishwasher full of cheap, mismatched flatware that she had purchased at Purple Heart, as well as cupboards full of mismatched plates and glasses she never used. (For several years she had been using only styrofoam cups and plastic utensils at home.)
The things I rescued from their filthy surroundings, cleaned, and took to her included a conch shell her father had carved into a basket for her when she was a little girl, along with as much of her seashell collection as I could carry; 3 boxes of family photos, some from the 1800s; 3 diamond rings, which I found in bags full of newspaper clippings and old magazines; and letters Daddy wrote
to her when he was in the Army. She was furious. She told me I had "taken everything away from her" and "gotten rid of all her precious things."
It's a real sickness, DD, and I don't think a person in her 70s or 80s can be cured of it.
--Perdita
My Mum did that. She passed on the gene, and all the junk, to my 2 younger sisters.
When my Mum sold her house, I went to clear it out. There was one room stacked from floor to ceiling with boxes and paper. You literally could not walk in this room. Much of it was my younger sister's papers from kindergarten to college graduation. Every. Single. Paper.
I took them all to the dump. I got yelled at. I couldn't care less.
My youngest sister "inherited" all the mess. I hate to visit her house because the hallways are littered with unusable computers from the 1990's and various articles of clothing and periodicals.
I swear I feel like I am living the movie "Unstrung Heroes" when I visit her.
I, on the other hand, throw everything unusable away.
Wow. That was therapeutic! (and free of charge)
DD - My mother in law is a hoarder...she has soooo much shit/junk/half-assed decent stuff STUFFED into 2 old assed trailers in the back of her property...her defense: Well, that was my great great great grandmas clothes and her bed, I want to save it for ya'll - We have told her REPEATEDLY that WE are NOT interested in HAVING any of that shit (we did not say shit to her of course) that we have 5 kids and have waaaay too much shit our own selves...doesn't matter to her...what's bad is I know that that shit will stay there until the day she dies and then WE will have to haul ALL that shit off! Thanks a fuckin heap! It's bat shit crazy and I know she can't help it but DAMN!
I have a grandmother like that. LOL
Casey J.
I'll bet you do, Casey J.
I hear ya DD. When my parents both died and my sisters and I had to go sell their house - yikes. We had so many trips to the dump. 32 years of living in the house.
The attic was full of stuff. Stupid stuff, figurines where the head was off and you didn't even know who/what or why.
They say the kept stuff cuz they went through the depression when things were very sparce - but I don't know, just know your not alone in this.
Nice swing set.
crystal
It is very sad to see a parent who hoards, lives in clutter, etc. That is my mother. Her home is a disaster - little pathways that wade through all the junk, not a clear surface in sight, doggie doo on the carpet, decaying food, unopened boxes and boxes of QVC “treasures”. I never used to understand the concept of shopping to fill a void. Now I do. Maybe it is the same with hoarding. You can try to help, but until a person wants to change your efforts may be in vain. I once spent an entire day just cleaning off her kitchen counters and clearing the refrigerator of science projects. Shortly after that it was back to the chaos. This is how she lives, and it doesn’t seem to faze her. Obviously, there are issues here, but until she can deal with them all I can do is love and support her and try to not let it make me crazy.
hoarding is an actual disorder. she will do it until she passes unless she gets mental help. each of those pieces of 'junk' is a prized possesion to her & probably even cried some when you threw it out, especially if she saw you do it.
my sisters mother in law is a huge hoarder. she keeps everything including clothes from the 70's. she just keeps buying dressers to fit all the clothes because she wont throw them out. several years ago, she gave us 2 junk end tables & then had a fit not long after & made my sister come get them. when she goes to florida over the winter, my sister goes over (the house actually belongs to my sister) & throws out stuff. they have thrown out empty plastic containers, foam meat trays, egg cartons, etc. you couldnt even walk in the breezeway or garage. when she comes back, she has a cow & starts filling it up again with more crap.
I am going to be cleaning out my attic this spring. We are insulating it and it has to be empty. So, we have no choice. I am glad but am dreading it. We have lived in this house for 16+ yrs and been married for 30+. Elemtary school papers from my kids in boxes, art work, books, broken picture frames, papers, papers, papers, clothes from the last few decades. Gawd, thats only the beginning. I am gonna open a window & just start pitching it. I will feel like a new woman. Bad thing is, my grown have left their belongings behind that they still want but don't want to have to store. My son owns every Star Wars, Star Trek, Batman, Robin Hood(Kevin Costner),Ghost Busters, Hook, action figure & vehicle & toy ever made & has it stored here. They are very valuable and he wants to save them. My husband is a filthy hoarder and I have to bitch him every time he drags home someones discarded shit. He even let his friends dump their old motors, bed springs etc here at my house in MY fucking barn. He thinks he can sell it. Damn! Sell that shit! So, he has been. But not all of it. Its all getting hauled off this summer. My nerves cannot take it. Thanks DD for the reminder to just throw shit out. Don't save it. It's heart breaking to have to make yourself go back & sort thru all of it. Nobody wants to have to do that. Esp after so many years. So, it never gets done. Thanks DD.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! You've let me know I'm not alone. It's so bad. I won't touch her house, but, the outside has to be cleaned up and she has to just face it. The city is sending letters. It's overwhelming. She actually drags peoples old pissy carpets home and uses them for mulch! Then they get burried and grow weeds as big as your thighs through them. OMG, I had to wear a mask. It's taken almost a year to get this far by myself. I'm half done. Thank you all so much for telling me your dirty secrets.
I call my family the "Bumpuses!" you know from the Christmas Story. I love them but no one needs 6 broken ladders, a cement lighthouse/castle water fountain?, old camper, rusted shed, titling swingset, rundown lawnmower,dog poop, rotatiller, a metal clothes wardrobe, flowerpots, and herd of saw-horses, a heap of rust 10 feet high against the fence, any kind of tool you can imagine and a clothesline full of stained underwear and a portal to the gates of hell-where my brother frequently hangs out and learns the dark ways. It also looks like the Beaches of Normandy, dying G.I.Joe's, Harry Potter's, and soliders, missing legs, arms, heads, and their pride.But it would not be complete without the Spongebob bathmat that has
Spongebob and Patrick in a bathtub.I am thankful I never lived at this house with them. Even though, it is the nicest house they have owned...I am now trying to give my own house a certain "vibe", I am thinking "the griswolds".
I forgot to tell you how she plants "touch-me-nots" everywhere, those flowers, NEVER go away and she complaines about them every season, but I know she plants more every season, they are the only think that can like in that kind of environment besides crab-apple grass...
You should have seen some of the older people after Hurricane Katrina. At my in-laws house (it had 6' of saltwater and bayou mud), we just told them to stand back and we throw everything out the window. Tons of junk. Papers, flowerpots, and stuff I don't what would have been used for. All kinds of old tools. They even tried to plug one in and received quite a shock!
Another relative (a great aunt) was 97 years old. On her kitchen table was every prescription bottle that she had ever got. It completely covered the table. On the back enclosed porch was newspapers (tons of them) and valentine boxes and empty boxes. She died not too long ago and she had boxes of china, hats, old clothes. Every christmas present was still in the boxes she received them in. You could see where the rats were burrowing in. She also had money stuck in books.
One of the neighbors had her grown kids helping her move all of the ruined furniture and stuff out. At night when the kids went home, she would be go out to the curb and take stuff back inside. I guess it's hard for people to accept change even when it is forced on you by the weather.
This was Mississippi not New Orleans so people did't see how it affected the older people since it didn't receive the attention that Louisana got.
My mom was not a hoarder but had a hard time getting rid of things. Lots of clutter around the house. I think that is why I get rid of or donate things as soon as I don't have a use for them. Good luck with your mom. She's fortunate to have you there to help.
My mom doesn't hoard, she throws things away or sells them at garage sales, but my mother-in-law hoards nice things. Multiple fur coats, clothes (I counted approx. sixty sweaters folded on her shelves last summer) along with as many purses, shoes, etc. All very neat, but so much stuff!!!
My husband has the hoarder gene, and packs crap away all over the place. He also has an old vehicle that doesn't run anymore sitting out front, loaded with his disgusting crap. He also gets very sad, or agitated when I try to get rid of things.
My sister tends toward hoarding, but her husband is the major problem in their household. He brings every scrap of crap--broken machines, parts of motors, old boards, etc. home from work, and loads the house, the outbuildings, the other vehicles, etc. with this. She almost threw him out, last week, due to this problem.
My brother is not quite a neat freak, but I guess you could say he is a minimalist. He was married to a hoarder, and the hoarding is part of the reason they broke up.
I work with a very intelligent person, who started hoarding all the stuff she could get her hands on at the goodwill buy by the pound center. Her house was neat, but packed to the roof with nice clothing, toys, etc. that she had rescued. She actually bought department store racks to store items on. Eventually her family wised up, came to her place and did some sort of an intervention. They conducted a tag sale, and though she was happy with the money, she couldn't be around when the sale was going on, as she couldn't stand to see people touching her things.
For whatever reason, it's everywhere in our culture. You are not alone, and what you are doing is a great thing for your grandchild. Your mom will reap the benefits, too, though she may not realize it.
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