Friday, July 17, 2009

Classy lunch

So much for the good china, I'm eating Missouri Muskmelon out of the bag. Hey, they put in in a plastic bag, I'm just reusing it. That's called living green, baby. I'm hip. Mo Muskies are the best, yummy. You can see where I splattered all over the screen. Tough. Computers are meant to be used! I once thought my 'enter' button broke, but, it was just a cigarette butt lodged in the keys. The letters are worn off, so I've sort of learned to real type. I clean it up once in awhile. It is getting pretty skanky now though, maybe tonight I'll clean. I am out of cigarettes and I know no one has sympathy, I don't expect any either, but, I'd be going insane except I found an old pack of stale menthols in a forgotten purse. I don't clean them out either. Good thing. My Mom left town for the first time in years and took my checkbook with her. Not kidding. She went out of town with her little Chinese friend and I am very happy for her, but, she accidentally took my checkbook. She's done this before. A couple of months ago she mistook it for hers and wrote bad checks on me all over town. LMAO! It was quite funny. She doesn't do it on purpose, she just has brain farts, sees a checkbook on the table or desk and her brain tells her to put it in her purse. I'm not mad at all. But, I do want cigs. Oh, well. I checked my cash stash and I have a three dollars in change. I'll just have to wait. D-List says Phyllis Diller is 92! Happy birthday, PD, you are so cute. She's so cute and she isn't a mean bitch like old rag Joan Rivers. Phyllis is sweet and funny.
*
Oh, and most people who will claim to be grossed out by my photo and lack of class are just liars...or anal. Who cares? I DO have dishes, I really do. You can even take me out in public without embarrassment. That's a true fact. Why is it that everytime I hear the word "hip" I think of Dean Martin?

67 comments:

Nina said...

YUMMMMM, mellon. I have been on a tomato and mellon binge for 2 weeks now. I can't get enough and I have even dreamed of walking through fields of them. The farmers market loves me.

LOL about mom's heist of the CB...Hopefully no rubber checks get bouncing this time.

I'd be proud to take you ANYWHERE, ANYTIME!

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain on being out of smokes, I have one left in my pack and am having half a panic attack about making it to the store. lol. BTW...the melon looks like it was yummy!!!

Daphne

Dirty Disher said...

It is good. Mo is famous for them and we got some in the market. Mo is 10 miles away, big trip..lol. Smoking sucks, but, I love smoking. I gave up everything else bad, geez. I love me a good cig. Marlboro Ultra lights. That's my brand now that they passed that asshole paper law. VG's are okay, but, not menthol. They must have been my DIL's.

Anonymous said...

i must be anal, that pic did gross me out, sorry =/

Roxanne said...

'cuz Dino was the man! How cool was his TV show? he was "fake" drunk every week on there. He actually was drinking all the time when he wasn't on the air! Thursday nights at 9, dammit! I was too little to stay up that late. He had sexy dancer bunny type chicks all over the place, lighting his cigs , pouring his 'tinis. He was a sex god to women of the 60's. He was funny, beautiful & could sing, tall, dark & handsome. Nothing wrong with that!
PS: I dont like melon. But I respect your right to eat one in any way you choose. I couldnt care less if you eat it from a bag or a silver tray. Whats the big deal?

Cut On The Diagonal said...

DD;
When you show pics of your food I always get hungry. Even a melon rind!! I've been eating tomatoes like crazy every since you posted that pic of your supper. It looked like the perfect meal to me.
I am also a smoker. I wish I weren't, but like you, it's all I have left!! ;^)
PS (I had a huge crush on Dean Martin when I was a kid)

Clarabel said...

Ha ha, my first thought when I saw the picture was "those look like virginia slims, menthol?" I always took you for more of a marlboro type, and never a menthol.

escrowmama said...

I thought I was the only one left in the world who luvs Dino!

a whole carton of cigs coming your way....Marlboro Mediums....beggars can't be choosers LOL

Dirty Disher said...

LOL. I used to love GPC ultras, but, they made that paper law. That law makes the paper more expensive and they stopped making my brand. The paper goes out if you leave it now. I guess it's good, I don't know, it makes cigs harder to stay lit. If everyone thinks cigs are so evil why don't they just make them illegal instead of fucking with us? Oh, yeah, taxes. The government is such suck. They don't give a rats ass about smoking, they just want our money. Rip off sunsabiches.

Dirty Disher said...

I was a small child when Dean was really popular. I thought he was pretty cool and funny, with his drink and cig.

Anonymous said...

Dean Martin was alright...but my ultimate is Jack Lord! That's the Lord i praise! :P

i like Diller too...Joan Rivers has become disgusting and she wasn't really funny to begin with, but now she's just become the type of person she use to make fun of...

Dirty Disher said...

5:58:00 PM, if that grosses you out, you should see my moms house. Shudder.

Anonymous said...

Thank goodness for Congestive Heart Failure??? Thats what I was diagnosed with 2 yrs ago when I quit smoking and I didn't quit because of the CHF, I quit because I couldn't cough, and breath at the same time...I don't think I am a rude non-smoker which most smokers turned non-smokers turn into, although now the smell of cigarrete smoke makes me feel like I am breathing through 1 coffee stirring straw, I simply either wait or go where there are no smoking....I do have a question though not meaning to be rude, why do some smokers stand right in front of a store/restaraunt entrance to smoke, even when I did smoke I couldn't figure that one out.

Connie

SM@L ( Joanne) said...

No worse than my breakfast of Champs: a Diet Coke with a Krispy Kreme.

Maureen said...

I swear to you I have NEVER ran out of cigs! My husband buys them for me by the carton in DE, much cheaper there. Cigs are 8.13 per pack in NJ. It's a disgusting,self-destructive and expensive habit. It is probably what will kill me, but I don't see myself ever quitting.
I don't drink anymore mainly because you can't smoke in bars. Who can drink and not have a smoke?

Roxanne said...

MissTia: Jack Lord was super cool! His eyes looking down/up! That frown. Like he suspects you! haha...and he did! Fab looking man. He had cool suits too.

Right-on about Joan Rivers too.

Miss Tia said...

Jack Lord was SUAVE, COOL, SOPHISTICATED! THE MAN!! :D

a friend made me a whole bunch of jack lord icons!! i use one on dlisted, topix, lj, etc...and i signed into my google account so one will show here! :D

Dirty Disher said...

Connie, I don't know. I don't know why some people push you out of line in a grocery store. Because they're rude assholes? There are always asshole who smoke and assholes who don't smoke. Just assholes.

Dirty Disher said...

Maureen, I never was a drinker. It made me a great bartender...lol. Na, I just never liked the taste of booze.

Nina said...

I've never smoked...(reg ciggs)...but I've been around so many smokers I'll probably go out with lung cancer anyway. I really don't mind the smell.

Dirty Disher said...

I am so sorry you guys, but Jack Lord grosses me out worse than corn tumors. SOOO not my type. Please don't hit me.

Dirty Disher said...

Sorry, Nina..I am blowing it away from you! See? All gone.

Dan Zinski said...

At least you don't have cookie crumbs and sweaty, wax-encrusted foam ear plugs all over the place like moi.

Melissa said...

You have my sympathy about running out of cigs. Am probably one of the last smokers around here...

Dirty Disher said...

What are the ear plugs for? Neighbors?

Dan Zinski said...

The earplugs are for sanity.

Melissa said...

I wrote my comment before reading the others... I am apparently not one of the last smokers around here.

Heidi said...

I am in love with this place now. We can talk about cigarettes and not get crucified for it.
I smoke Newports. Always have. I will not smoke the cheaper brands. When I can no longer afford them, I will try again.

I even tried that stop smoking medication..cant remember name of it right now. OMG! It was awful. I was having wickedly weird dreams. It stopped me smoking for about a week. You do not get the satisfaction of the nicotine but I needed something in my mouth and hands. So I still smoked. So I stopped the pills.
I have done cold turkey a long time ago. That worked. I was a non smoker for five years. I do not think I have the constitution to do cold turkey again. I might commit a murder.

Tonya said...

I'm an ex-smoker but I'm on your side. Shit, 20% of the adult population smokes..... that's a major group if you would all band together.

P.S. I'm sorry you're out of smokes, that sucks. Don't you have anybody to bum a few bucks off of?

J said...

A geek friend of mine actually puts his keyboards in the dishwasher when they get dirty (ewww...). I would not recommend it but I thought it was pretty cool.

Cut On The Diagonal said...

DD;
I am blowing you a hit right now.
(Marlboro Light shorts).

Vicki said...

I am a smoker...and am so grateful no one on here is coming down on those of us who smoke. Thanks.

Miss Tia said...

nah, i won't hit ya! you do appreciate the TPB though! :D

Dirty Disher said...

I am sympathetic to ALL addictions. Even the ones I don't have. Addictions suck...but, AHHHH. (Just came from the store.)

Dirty Disher said...

Miss Tia, I had a sex dream about Julian. I know, I know..Julian!

Anonymous said...

I had doughnuts for breakfast today and now I feel freaking sick.

Should have had a melon instead.

Miss Tia said...

that comment of yours DD made me wonder---does julian keep holding his glass during sex? XD

Heidi said...

Yay! You are back in business!

I have a question. How much do you all pay for your cigarettes in your state?
List carton price or by the pack. And what brand. I wanted to know how much MORE i pay in my state.

Here in CT a pack of Newport 100s goes for $6.66. We will be getting another bump in the cig tax soon. It will surpass $7.
When i was a teen, I swore I would never pay more then $1.25 a pack.
Rut Roh. I lied.

Heidi said...

You can put your keyboard in the dishwasher. If you do not want to do that, you can pop out each of the keys and clean the inside that way. Just remember where they went when you put them back..ROFL

Dirt Don't Hurt said...

I watched this show on germs and they said that cellphones, mouses, keyboards and tv remotes were had more germs on them than the toilet seat.

Dirt Don't Hurt said...

I watched this show on germs and they said that cellphones, mouses, keyboards and tv remotes were had more germs on them than the toilet seat.

Anonymous said...

OMG, that's the grosses post I've ever seen on here. Eww. I didn't realize you were such a trailer trash DD.
Sig butt in the keyboard? wtf? That black wrist support thing looks just disgusting. I can just picture your yellow fingers and teeth and nasty breath. I dunno, eww, eww, eww. No wonder Lissa's mom doesn't like you, you probably just gross the hell out of her. And you have a rat too? Nasty.

frimmy said...

"When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fazool That's amore"

I swear it, That's Amore is on my current playlist right between Whiskey Hangover and Lunatic Fringe

frimmy said...

I never have/never will smoke but I would never judge anyone for doing so. I can't be self righteous about it, if I didn't get an instant pain in my head the moment I smell cig smoke from the very first time I smelled it, I might very well be a smoker. I love cigar smoke and pipe smoke and the smell cigs before they're lit up.

I am addicted to melons though. And avacados. And big dicks. ahahahaha! just kidding. I hate avacados. (Kidding again)

Melissa said...

Please fuck off, Anon 9:10.

Dirty Disher said...

MIss Tia..he did have the drink! It must be a part of him in my sub-brain. LMAO!

Dirty Disher said...

Heidi, not sure, I never pay attention to exact ammounts, but, a carton of Marlboro goes fro about $55.50 And a pack runs about $5.50..and of course, it's nearly all tax.

Dirty Disher said...

9:10:00 PM. You are a troll living in a mouldy stinking mess of cat shit and pissing yourself. I care not.

Dirty Disher said...

" No wonder Lissa's mom doesn't like you, you probably just gross the hell out of her. And you have a rat too? Nasty."
**************

LMAO! I am betty crocker and martha stewart compared to her.

Anonymous said...

frimmy..."I am addicted to melons though. And avacados. And big dicks. ahahahaha! just kidding. I hate avacados. (Kidding again)"

LMGDFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roxanne

Dirty Disher said...

frimmy is hilarous.

frimmy said...

From AFRMA General Care of Pet Rats and Mice (http://www.afrma.org/rminfo1.htm)

"Both rats and mice will WASH themselves like cats do and you will see them CONSTANTLY grooming themselves and each other. They’re also CLEAN in their housekeeping, usually urinating in one corner of the cage"

Just sayin' some people need to educate themselves. Ignorant fucks

bella said...

Pat - I go bonkers when I open the last pack. Hubby knows not to let me get too low and usually hides a couple of packs so I don't run out.

Heidi - Eclipse Menthol. I think they're low tar or something but they also emit very little smoke. They're goofy and hard to light but I love'm. I think its close to $7/pack now. Hubby picks them up so I'm not really sure.

Dirty Disher said...

BeeBee is very clean and cage corner potty trained. She is never stinky.

frimmy said...

Just wanted to say I love this blog and, Pat, you're an awesome one in a million person. Thanks for letting me hang here.

Dirty Disher said...

I'm very glad you're here. Don't ya get tired of the fuckers who have to pretend? It's so exhautingish.

Heidi said...

I bought a Honey Dew yesterday. I was thinking of you Pat.

There was this really old lady smoking a cigarette in front of Dunkin Donuts yesterday. She had to have been in her 80s. This young bitch said something to her about it. Since I am not feeling well, I butted in..LOL
I told the girl to leave her the fuck alone. If she is living to her wonderfully ripe old age, she deserves to do what she wants to her body.
The older woman winked at me. The girl called me a bitch. I said Sorry about this to the older lady and called the young girl the dreaded C word. My hubby was in the car laughing his ass off.

Dirty Disher said...

You are the heroine of the day. No doubt!

Saint James said...

I quit smoking 15 years ago, but when I'm on vacay I'll smoke like crazy for the duration and yet for some inexplicable reason I'm able to put them down without so much as a backward glance- till next time. Go figure!

My favorite place to indulge is Las Vegas. A freekin' smoker's paradise. Even in the best hotels there are smokers evvvverywhere so you never have to contend with dirty looks or rude comments. I'm in SoCal so I get there a few times a year. When I'm in the trip planning phase and know I'll be smoking soon, I get really into it and it becomes a ritual. Not unlike a drug addict preparing the 'fix'. Heart racing, I'll open a fresh pack (Marlboro Lights/$5.95/CA) take a big whiff and carefully load my treasured little antique cig case-- and once I arrive at my hotel I'll head for the bar so that I can enjoy my first cig with a cocktail. There's nothing like it.
I seriously think I enjoy the 'anticipatory jones' every bit as much as that first drag! lol

Anyone else an "occasional" smoker? Not just an occasional ciggy, but a full-on smoking binge that continues for days and then you just--- stop?

Dirty Disher said...

That's pretty odd, Saint James. I once layed them down for a year and never missed them. Then one day I saw one and wanted them again.

Anonymous said...

SM@L ( Joanne) said...

No worse than my breakfast of Champs: a Diet Coke with a Krispy Kreme.


lorl

Jen said...

Rats are really smart and clean. I want one, but have to get rid of my husband first :)

My middle school students read a class set book called Stargirl, where a non-conforming girl has a pet rat and takes him around all over. She doesn't give a shit what other people say either. Hmmm... maybe I should get one and husband be damned!

10doll said...

Anonymous said...
OMG, that's the grosses post I've ever seen on here. Eww. I didn't realize you were such a trailer trash DD.
Sig butt in the keyboard? wtf? That black wrist support thing looks just disgusting. I can just picture your yellow fingers and teeth and nasty breath. I dunno, eww, eww, eww. No wonder Lissa's mom doesn't like you, you probably just gross the hell out of her. And you have a rat too? Nasty.

9:10:00- Do folks like you just live for those moments that you can tear someone down? Is that what gets you off? Does she insist that you come stay with her? Do you pay her bills? No on all,I believe. Shut the hell up! You're a real prize to your family I bet. I personaaly have never seen pics of you or your home,but I can tell you're a bitch!

10doll said...

Not the best spelling on my last post. DD I love ya,but I can't do the rat thing,but if you love BeBe than I love BeBe(from a distance if that's ok). And the 9:10 comments don't mean jack shit! Don't let fungus like that get to you. They have no life & evil comments make them happy.

Anonymous said...

I smoke Marlboro Ultra Lights 100's (or air, as my Marlboro Red smoking boyfriend calls them), I went to Marlboro.com and signed up for coupons and get 3 to 4 dollars off a carton, so I pay about 34 a carton now. If I smoked Marlboro mediums, I could get them for about 25 because they are 10 dollars off a carton, but I just can't smoke them. lol. I'll stick with my "air".

Daphne

Anonymous said...

10Doll....Hope all is well with ya Puddin. You're on my mind.

Daphne

10doll said...

1:05 Daphne
Thank you,I appreciate your kind words.I'm trodging onward.