Hello, 3 Am...can't sleep again. Lissa is sleeping. We came back inside it's just too hot out there. The tent is like a steam room. I know why I can't sleep. I am full of rage. The rage inside me is so large I can't describe it. I made a mistake moving here. I made a huge mistake and now I can't reverse it. My mother knew I was upset about that dog and instead of leaving me alone, she threw the door open and hour later and said "Get ready, you have company coming!" Then she smiled her fake sweet little old lady smile and I said, WTF do you mean? She said she invited company over...to my house! She does that shit every week. I don't even know some of these weirdos she finds. Some of them are HER relatives. She parades them through my house like I'm a side show. I have actually come home from work to find her entertaining in my house. I think she's not only stupid, but, nuts.
*
I said "I don't want any fucking company." She says "Oh, you'll like this one, he's good looking." You can guess what happened next. I'd had it. I threw the bitch hissy from hell and blasted her. Here I am in my own home, I am a very private person, I don't have company, I like it that way...so, here I am, home from work, setting up a tent with Lis, changed into my grubbies and she thinks she'll just invite some man over here? And she thinks I'll like it?
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She actually said "Don't worry, there's a bunch of them coming, but, this guy wants to meet YOU." I said you'd better march your crazy ass over to whatever nuthouse you found this guy in and tell him to fuck the fuck off. You take your crazy relatives and your retarded friends and shove them up your no boundary ass, you stupid crazy twat. They are not allowed in my house anymore!! YOU are fucking nuts!
*
I actually said that. To my mother. OMG. She stormed off and later come over to the tent and said "I am sorry you hate everyone. I guess I should die so I won't be such a bother." She's pulled that line out of her ass since I was a kid. I told her it was ignorant and pathetic. She ran over to her sisters house (where she found this guy, whoever the fuck he is) and the last I heard (from my other aunt) they are staging a Christian intervention for me. They think I may be possessed by Satan. If they come near me I may actually go off. I can only hope it blows over and they just STOP. Why do ignorant people think it's a crime to want to be left alone in my own home? I am so mad, I may never sleep again.
57 comments:
Jebus Pat, is there no way you can move elsewhere. I know you have invested aot in the garden & house but sometimes it is just easier to walk away, for the sake of sanity & to stop you doing something you might regret. If that fails then get a really good high fence & secure gate & new lock on the house.
I can't move right now. No lock is going to stop her. I hate her right now. I hate her so much.
Then i think you did the right thing by just losing it with her. It stopped her from coming over with her crowd proving a real telling off has the desired effect.
And I don't think you have anything to feel guilty or bad about you doing it either, you put up with more than anyone needs to & do plenty for them, so start showing her the ass kicking Pat we get to see here. You never know, it might mark a new chapter where they finally learn to leave you alone (I know, ever the optimist)
I hate them all. I hate my whole insane family except Lis and Casey. The rest of them need to go fuck themselves in their stupid asssssssss.
Thanks bubble..I don;t feel guilty at all. Just mad.
Changed my picture. I felt the need for protection.
oh. my. god. :-o
I'm just shocked at how she keeps doing this shit. my family at least KNOWS by now not to fuck with me. I mean she can't be that stupid can she?? (I'm sorry, she is your mother, but still.)
i REALLY sympathize with you. i really, really DO. it sounds like you are going through a really difficult time in your life.
probably life has never been more difficult, especially because you are going through the deepest grief over the loss of your son eric and that weakens you emotionally already.
you are the one who needs all the love and support and instead all these relatives are sucking you dry and leaving you with only one emotion.... anger.
as if you aren't feeling enough anger already just trying to get through each day without eric. its like they are all doing what people seem to do best. kick a dog when its down.
it happens in my life with my family too and today i got all emotional and upset about stuff but compared to you i am laughing. my mother lives an hours drive away from here and all i have to do is get in my car once a week and visit her.
i know its just a stage i'm going through because sooner or later one of us is going to outlive the other, and either way, then i'll be FREE. and that's the way it will be for you too. sometimes i despair at the thought that she will outlive me and i will NEVER enjoy some freedom, but i live in the hope that i will outlive my mother and get to enjoy some freedom.
i sincerely HOPE the same will happen to you because when you do get your freedom you will also be able to offload some of this anger. i don't know what to do about anger, i really don't. its just an overwhelming emotion, like pain, that we simply have to endure.
its all well and good to go all Buddhist about it, but we are mere pedestrians, not people who have spent most of our lives in a cave meditating.
all i can say is that i think you are very, very BRAVE to take your mother on like that. i hope you managed to get through to her. but in all likleyhood she will make you angry again, and again, and again.
i did read somewhere that anger is guilt turned against yourself, but you said you don't feel guilty about talking to her like that. she sure did try to emotionally blackmail you with her comment about dying, and if she has been saying that to you since you were a kid, then she has been doing you over with emotional blackmail all your life.
but i think you are just plain angry because she is invading your privacy and stomping on your rights to some boundaries, pure and simply white hot RAGE at the very thought of someone having the gall to do that to you. its completely understandable.
i think this blog is a good way for you to help you stay sane, so at least you are on the right path. plus you have lissa to help keep you together. i can only wish you all the strength it needs to get you through the next few years of caring for your aging mother and her cronies.
Hi Pat,
That's what you get for being decent; "No good deed goes unpunished".
My dad had a brain hemorrage over 15 years ago, and lost movement of his left side, some speech skill, and all of his common sense and also became noticeably more selfish as time went on.
He also invites people, calls and arranges for lawn service to show up at my house whenever he feels I ned a mow (I mow my own, but on his terms it seems). I get calls from old friends telling me that he called and asked about someone they knew years prior.
Anyway, it sounds a lot like my dad and your Mom could entertain each other every day and feel as if they just met for the first time; every time. ha,ha g
My Mom, who has been by his side every day and puts-up-with-it until 4 in the afternoon, when the dinner and medicine tray put him to sleep and then she goes outside and curses, kicks and vents her frustrations.
She means well DD, and sweet reason will never reason her from her unreason.
E
Pat,
I was going to suggest the same things Bubble did but if they are not options then all that's left is to send you all my compassion and hope that you continue to find the strength to endure this.
I agree that this blog is probably a good outlet.
I don't have company, I like it that way
I can totally relate to THAT!!
Oh know, tell them you want to be Jewish and change your locks.
anybody would have lost it under these circumstances.
you were so justified in what you said to your mom. when you don't jump crazy shit, it creates a culture of impunity, and they just keep escalating.
hopefully she got it.
i wish you a better day today.
Pat, I hate to say it, but i actually think your mother knows exactly what she is doing, and does it to torment you.
Liz
When my dad starting riding the dementia train, we got him to a geriatric psychiatrist. This doc worked wonders on helping us see the forest thru the trees. He got him on some medications, and they work!! He also attends a day care program, do they have something like that where you live? Just a thought, it would get her away from you for chunks at a time. Tricia
ROFL Snark!
I only like company that gives me a heads up that they are coming. It has to be like hours in advance so that I can prepare for it.
My inlaws are notorious for just showing up. No call. No email. No text message. I hate it!!!
OR they say they are coming and then do not show up.
That super pisses me off because I have mentally prepared, cleaned up, got snacks and drinks, and put a bra on!
Grrr!
I would have lost it too Pat. My Mom used to pull the guilt too. One day I asked her if she was taking me on a trip. She was like Huh? I said a big long Guilt Trip.
She was not happy. LOL
argh!!! i feel your rage! i would have went off too!
if she keeps that up, tell you won't be able to drive her anywhere on old lady check day! THAT might sink in!!!
:hugs:
Around the time I turned 45, I fantasized for several years about poisoning my mother. She's a poisonous narcissist with no boundaries. I KNOW the rage you're talking about. She seems so quiet and sweet and innocent in her demeanor so she fools EVERYONE.
Then I finally realized the truth:
She's a lower being who does doing her best: a coward who could never face her faults and apologize for them. Now I'm finally getting some sense of separation but it's taken 2-3 years of repeating the truth to myself. I've had countless bouts of screaming rages and people think I'm the crazy one. That's just how I felt and it seethed and tore me apart inside. My bf and my kids know how I feel about her and never try to change that. They respect my feelings.
I REALLY understand mother-hate. Now how the fuck are you going to keep some boundaries for yourself?
Ooh, I just read what Tricia said. A friend of mine had a doctor explain her elderly mother's dementia to her and would up feeling a lot better about her behaviour.
It does help to know that they can't change. A lot of my rage was about expecting my fuck-up of a mother to know better.
Pat, I think your mom has fast advancing dementia and it will only get worse as time goes by. Don't move out of your house, you have put so much effort and energy (physical and mental) into making it "your home" that it would hurt your soul to move out because of negative feelings.
Now I'm going to send you an email with a few comments, maybe they will help.
If your feeling really pissy you could call up your mom and tell her you want to take her for a drive. Then when you get her in your car take her to all the senior citizens homes and tell her you've decided its time for her to move into one. When she gets home have a FOR SALE sign placed in front of her house. Tell her she's been acting 'crazy lately and your very concerned about her.
She'll never bother you again.
LOL at that last one. I guess people DO understand. I thought everyone whould say it was me, like they always do here. I really liked the comments. They helped. I think she knows too. She's not rocket scientist, but, she's coherent. She's not suffering dementia. She's crazy though. I just have't figured it all out. Thank you all for what you said.
I guess you can all figure out why I hate god and religion too. I pure hate that stuff. I still think it killed my cousin Sandy and it fucked up my whole family. It's evil, just like they are. They use their god for evil.
DD, although she may not have 'dementia', she may have other cognitive deficits/psychiatric disorders that the doctors can see right away. We have a locked ward at our hospital here, just for the elderly who exhibit unusual/unsafe behaviors ie: overmedicating, suicide atttempts, aggressive behaviors, sudden cognitve changes, etc.
On a side note, I find ATIVAN to be a godsend for me. Two teenage sons...:)
I can't believe this is happening to you. I hate to say this, but I was a bit relieved when my mother died. I decided right then and there I wasn't going to do "obligations" any more. No more family bullshit that I always dread, and no more holding my tongue. First order of business was to confront my mothers cousin who for some reason singled me out for inappropriate behavior and comments. I think it was because I was single and older than his children, but anyway I stood up in front of my whole family and said: " what the fuck makes you think that's an appropriate thing to say to me?" ( he made some crack about my body) That was the LAST time I attended a family gathering.
I answer to no one now. I'm sorry you are STILL dealing with the bullshit of mother issues. It's a bullshit waste of energy.
.
Thank you both. My mother has always been like this. It's nothing new. But, I avoided confrontations by moving out at 14 and not going back. Now I am back. Shelly I am so glad you told that cousin off. It makes my heart happy.
And there is no way she is seeing a head doctor for MY problem. You understand? I am the crazy one and I am posessed by Satan.
i hate religion too...it's all about conformity and control...do like we say or you're a "sinner"...think of all the world conflicts the past 2000+ years based on religion...and it is still ongoing...
and what gets me is the HATRED that other religions have for one another...'oh ours is the TRUE religion' 'no ours is' and on and on...and then we have some government nutjobs justifying killing and destroying other countries based on religion...and we have rogue nutjobs attacking other countries based on religion....
larry flynt said one time that he had become a christian but then he started to take lithium and got sorted out....he said that religion was a mental illness (paraphrasing here)....i concur...
it makes zero sense to me...everything is 'god's will' and yet people constantly pray to god for things thereby wanting to change 'his' will...
Tia. she's not even religious. Her sister is. It's all a game.
My first post wouldn't go through, said something was wrong with blogger, hum!
Now it did! Sorry, must have been something I did wrong.
i got the blogger error too, but my comment still posted....
No, blogger is fucked today, it's fucking with me too.
I have been debating to post about the time my mother and aunts stole my house. I don't think anyone would belive it. But, they did. They stole my farm.
Anywho, I am sorry you and your Mother don't get along. Some people are just that way and there is no changing them. It must have been really bad if you had to leave at age 14. I hate it when some people try and shove religion down your throat. I am not a religious person at all, and hate it when some family members think they are right about he whole thing and I am wrong. I hate it!
I hate it too. I just want to live alone in peace. That's all I ask for.
i sometimes think living in peace is a delusion....even without having anything to do with my family, i always have strange neighbors and have weird things happen to me....
Me too, but when it's family there is no escape umtil death.
Maybe you could use the whole possessed with Satan thing to your advantage. Act like you really are and give them looks with Charlie Manson eyes and basically scare them shitless. When they tell others deny it all and act like their losing it. Whiich they are...Shady and dishonest but these two need to get backed up and taught boundries. Even if it is through pure fear...
Pat,
been thinking about this some more...the reason i dont think it's dementia is because everything she does seems to be designed to push YOUR buttons.
If she was doing things like...wandering off....going out in her pjs etc..just 'general' crazy stuff then yeah maybe dementia. But it seems interesting that all the instances are centred around you, to upset you.
just my two cents worth.
Liz
I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing your anger when there is a perfectly good reason to be angry. And you have a perfectly good 500 reasons to be angry. I think it's healthier for you to have gone off on her than to suppress it. It's not like a friendly conversation to resolve things would have worked since your mom is incapable. Ya gotta use what works.
I agree with Liz, she knows exactly what she's doing and does it torment you. She knows your buttons and she pushes them.
Christian intervention lmao!
I don't even think they're big believers, I think it's just like a weird social club. They use it.Always have.
Liz, you're right. I am convinced she doesn't have dementia. She's clean and sweet looking. She does her hair and talks to everyone so nice and saves cats. She fools the world. Everyone just loves her. It kills me. They'd never believe she is like this to me.
next time she starts with you, video tape her! does your camera have a video option? most digitals do...just video tape her...i bet that might make her stop and if it doesn't, tell her you're going to put it on youtube for the world to see what she's really like!! (whether you really do that or not is up to you...)
I am changing that header to read "Dirty Dishers Dysfunctional Garden." For real.
OMG Tia!!!! I do have vid on this..I don;t know how it works though.
when you get to the folder where your pix are they'll be a different icon for the vids...go to youtube and 'upload' a video...then it directs you to your computer and you locate the folder where the pix/video is....you select the vid and hit upload...viola! on youtube!!!
how about dirty disher's garden of dysfunction?
I cherish my privacy, do not like unexpected company, only company on my terms. I have become very hermitish(?)as I've gotten older. Used to be a social butterfly, can't stand anything social now. It probaly has something to do with my job. I would KILL someone who imposed their friends on me, no kidding!
Where's the gratitude from her? I mean you do way above and beyond for the woman. Perhaps you should remind her where most 80 year olds live. In assisted care and nursing homes. I would be kissing my daughters ass if she did half of what you do.
Shame on her.
She needs a taste of "a week without Pat".
Damn! Been gone all day, oddly enough it's been thundering in my area and I was thinking about you.
Wow that is fucked up. Pat, you know, my grand parents used to pull religious shit on my dad when he was young. He bailed at 17. They used to hit him when he didn't want to go to church, and my grnadfather has always been rather, um, special. You know, for me it's just natural to respect the elderly, and to take care of one's parents when they are of age, heaven knows I would do anything for my parents. But, respect is something you have to earn, whether you are young or old. I was never forced to do anything that should be a choice, like going to church. I was lucky enough to have parents who minded their own business and never butt in my life or my brother's. Ever. I never heard a cuss word growing up. I only saw love between my parents, never saw any attacks or belittlement between them. We were never spanked or hit, never humiliated. Both my parents came from dysfunctional families, my dad's parents acted out of ignorance, my mom's dad (RIP) was an alcoholic who hit his kids when under the influence, and cheated big time, until my grandmother decided she wasn't gonna put up with his shit and kicked him out of the house 9 children later. My dad's parents are better now, luckily. Sadly, your mother has no respect for your boundaries, and I would have probably gone off the deep end too if that shit happened to me on a regular basis. I was lucky enough to have a set of parents who taught us to be respectful of other people's boundaries, and I expect the same. Unless I am willingly allowing it, don't butt into my business.
I hope you can work things out and have at least some peace. You have a lot of support here. :hugs:
I agree with taking her for a little tour of a senior facility. But some people just don't get it, even if you're a huge bitch to her-she probably will continue on. Maybe you need to arrange a benadryl cocktail for around 5ish daily so your evenings will at least be peaceful. lol
I am angry for you just reading what she does. I have no doubt she's a narcissist and she's messing with you. Even the religious thing fits. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this crap.
I know how You Tube works. I can no longer log in there. I don;t know how the camera works yet and tonight it's not working at all.
that sucks! probably your energy is making your camera whack out...
you can always start a new youtube account...i have several of 'em...
Nina,
We think alike.
When I was married, my mom took my entire family (brother and sister's families) on a cruise. It would be the first time (and the last, go figure!) my brother and sister would be spending any quality time with my husband.
I had this plan. My sister is a bitch and for the life of us we can't get along. She's rich and perfect, I'm not. she married a doctor, I marry a high-school drop-out. Because it was so important that I marry somebody Jewish, I didn't. Meanwhile, my ex is JUST LIKE MY SISTER and it took me years to realize that I married him to resolve problems with her. Whatever, I digress . . .
I had this idea on the cruise that X would but a small swastika looking tattoo on his ankle. He will sit next to my sister and make sure only she sees it. Then he will go out our cabin and wash it off.
My sister would have gone INSANE and there would be no tattoo there. X wouldn't do it. I loved the idea.
DD- What I love in regards to my mom is when she's talking to my grandma & she's driving my mom crazy,my mom will say "Tell me if I get like that". Umm ok...."Mom you're like that". My mom doesn't see it,but she's a carbon copy of my grandma. I've gotta say all in all I've got a pretty good mom & dad & a top of the line hubs & kids. I'm the one that usually brings the drama,because I've got a syndrome called "Big Mouth,Small Brain,No Edit Button". Big surprise,huh?
DD- You're the only person that can decide what your future is gonna be. We're supposed to love & honor our parents,but not when you're getting treated this way. You've got to put a stop to all this & just lay out for her the way things are going to be from here on out. Her being your mom doesn't give her a license to treat you like shit.It's wrong. If you don't put her in her place now,then this will be your future from here on out.You MUST do this,for the sake of your sanity & the happiness of Lissa.
6:05 Nina- That's a good idea! DD go "Linda Blair" on her & I bet she'd back off then.
Tell your mom the Jehovahs Witnesses are going to be coming to your house to bring back religion to your life and you wont be celebrating anymore or birthdays anymore FYI. And you will be joining them going from house to house all over the county sharing the Watchower with everyone she knows. Or better yet, tell her they are looking for her. She will leave town!
I'm a Pagan and she knows that. They don't respect it, but, I'd never pretend to be something else and they know it. She's laying low today, she spyed on Peggy and me, but, that's all. Very quiet. She knows when I've had my limit.
10 Doll..I thought I did go Linda Blair on her??
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