I knew it. Three days of relative peacefulness is unheard of around here..relative being the key word. Also three days of Bite-A-Weener barking. So I got tired of yelling "Shut the fuck up!" and I wrote the neighbors a note and put it on their door. They're at work. I wasn't mean, I just explained to them why they can't leave the dog out all day and I'm sure they'll take care of it. They're pretty decent. I met Mom coming back and she had this letter in her hand and was heading for the mailbox. I didn't ask..I never do..but, she volunteered: "I wrote them about that dog on the back of the garbage bill!" I was, like, what?? So I took the bill from her and sure enough, on the back of the envelope she had written "Dan, take care of your dogs!! They are barking and driving me crazy!!!!" Jesus Christ on a crutch. Now, the way she's going to tell this later, I just went off on her with foul language, but, that's not true. I tried being nice. I gently said "Mom, that's not appropriate. You can't send that because the bill goes to Dan's boss, not him. And it's not a company problem." She got mad and said he works for his relatives, they're all the same bunch, they'll take care of it! I explained it again and also how the mail carrier would read it, the people at the post office, the whole neighborhood (we live in a small town, we all know each other)..I said "That's inappropriate." She acted like that was a big college word I was throwing around to be a smart ass and put the letter in the box. That's when I took it out, removed her check and tore the envelope up, then I said "Listen up, old lady, you do not fuck with the guy at his job, that's FUCKED UP. GOT IT?" Now she's all pissed off. But, she's a box of rocks sometimes, I have to get that way to make her understand she can't do certain things.*
Trying to help nutty old people is really tiresome. They don't know their ass from a hole in the ground and I always look like the bad guy. You guys are the only ones that know the truth.
*
Oh, nice, Dan's home from work and taking the dog in, he must have gotten my note. But, Mom's out there by the fence telling him how much we love his cute little dog. Jesus fucking christ on a cracker. That two faced shit is something her and her sisters do in abundance, I'll never change that. It used to confuse me when I was little and I'd contradict her in front of people. I'd get my mouth slapped or be whipped bloody and I never knew why she was so mad, because she said it! Now she's old and pathetic, but, I don't have all that much sympathy. I probably do look like a bitch to other people. It can't be helped. The neighbor has no idea he escaped a public embarrassment. And she has no idea what she tried to do was wrong. I am so fucked.
33 comments:
Gwad DD! My mother would show up at my elementary with bobbie pins curls all over her entire GD head. Like a f'g helmet of bobbie pins, a big red plaid wool pencil skirt, she had no biznaz wearing a slim skirt either!! And she'd talk about the most embarrassing shit to my teachers, starngers that would listen. I wanted to die. I was a kid. What would my little friends think of my crazy mom. She'd lug me & my sisters matching raincoats, hats & boots and umbrellas to our school 30 minutes from home if it rained. Then she gave me my big sisters set and gave my sister my little set. It was hell. Gawd, I remember that like it was today. Can a kid melt from embarrassment? I am sure I did. I have too many embarrassing stories about my mom. I should write them all down. Man, I would die again!! I think thats why I try to be a better mom and not an embarrassment. My mom was mean as hell, beat the shit outta me, hit me with skillets from across the room. Don't think I am picking on my old dead mom. She did it 1st!!
Pat,
Your a strong woman to cope with this. I don't know how I would fare in the same situation.
WOW Pat that is fucked up. You are fucked indeed, there's no other way to put it. I am always grateful to have the sweet AND classy mom I have. No horror stories from me :) I have the most awesome set of parents and in-laws anybody could ask for.
Is that sarcasm? I hope not. I think you totally understand my issues. It was the same time period you grew up in and it was bad. And good. The music was great. Parents were not!! I could write a horror book about my crazy mom too! I once caught her having sex in the bushes behind our house when I was 11. WTH? And we lived in town, neighbors right next to us on all sides!! She said they were looking for the cat. Riiight!!! She was nuts, those minor stories are nothing!!!
"I am the thinker, the thinking, the thought. I am the seeker, the seeking, the sought. I am the dewdrop, the sunshine, the storm. I am the desert, the ocean, the sky. I am the Primeval Self in you and I."
MJ. I love these words.
If we could all think like this and be peaceful this world wouldnt be the shit can that it is.
The first comment made me laugh. My mother STILL does things like that. She offers up personal embarassing info about me to sales clerks and anyone who'll listen. Jesus.
5:43:00 PM ..lolol at your mom having sex in the bushes. I have those stories too, ukkkk, gag. PUKE.
I'm so glad you're back!!! I missed your smart mouth :)
Ok eNough with this talking. Lets eat!!!!!
KING RANCH CASSEROLE
Saute 1 stick of butter in a sauce pan
Saute 1 meduim onion cut up chopped- in the butter until clear
Add 2 or 3 cans of Cream of Chicken soup & 1 1/2 - 2 cans milk. It makes more sauce and goes further if you use 3 cans soup & more milk. haha leftovers! Add milk if too thick. It's easy!!
Add 1/4 c chopped jalepeno or a small can green chiles (add less if this is too spicy)
Stir together
Add 2 or 3 chopped up cooked & seasoned to taste chicken breasts into sauce.
This sauce burns easily so remove from heat after it's hot. Stir & watch it so it doesnt burn on the bottom.
Butter or spray a 13 x9 baking dish.
Tear or cut up about 15 -18 corn tortillas and layer on the bottom of dish (I use scissors & cut them up)
Pour 1/2 of the chicken sauce over this
Layer shredded cheddar cheese (your choice) over this, as much as you like
repeat the layers again. Ending with cheese.
Bake at 350 for 30-40 mins.
Take out and add dollops of sour cream over the top
Return to oven and bake about 10 minutes till brown.
Suggestion:
Serve with spanish rice or yellow rice & Refried beans
Yea, they were looking for GD cat with their clothes off at night! In the fucking bushes. While laying horizontally.Who was that guy anyway? My friends parents used to say my mom was a whore. Again, I could have died of shame. She had a good job at a factory. She just dated alot & thought sex was not a crime.She once told me when I was eight & my parents were getting divorced, this was about 1965, that one day people wont get married, they will just live together. I will never forget that statement. She was so right! She was nuts but she was not stupid. If that makes any sense. Her in her bobbie pin helmet and looking for the cat. I can laugh & cry at the same time. Thanks for listening. Sometimes I don't log in 'cuz I am still embarrassed. So I go anon.
I am a mom to adult kids. They are starting to tell me that I am losing it. I can't be in the car with them w/o them going off at me about my driving! I have never had an accident, unlike them. No ticket for over 20 years! Unlike them. Yet they always pick on my driving. I dont know how to follow directions well but I always get where I need to go. I think Moms are doomed to be crazy eventually. It just happens when we get tired of the kids.
I embarassed my kid once on purpose to prove a point. I should blog about that and let her put in her comments. That way you can hear it from both sides. I'm pretty sure it was the only day she could have killed me. Poor Casey.
"I think Moms are doomed to be crazy eventually. It just happens when we get tired of the kids."
LMFAOOOOOO! That was classic.
Roxanne, I just had rice with spectacles (white rice with two overmedium eggs, one egg is rice with sun :) ) for lunch. I call it the poor man's meal. In Ecuador, where I come from, that's what broke young high school boys eat when mom is not home, or when they are crashing on someone else's place on a roadtrip. Anyone can make rice and eggs, and it's cheap. Another popular eat is rice and tuna mixed with butter and lime. Very common and cheap pantry items!!
Sounds odd to me, but, it's probably good. We grew up on poor food. Not a lot of rice though, we had grits with eggs. Ever try that?
I remember bobbie pin helmets real well..mom and all the aunts wore them. Us girls had rag curls where you used actual strips of rags for rollers. Then in the 60's everybody used juice cans to get it "mod"..'member that? It's hard to picture a world without curling irons and blow dryers.
It's yummy. Back in the day (and even today) lots of low income families raise their own livestock, especially chicken. So eggs are always available, through your own chicken or your neighbor's. Rice is cheap, and is a staple just like in Asian food, but, because it's cheap, yummy and a filler. Tuna is more of a modern addition, not so cheap, but if you are a kid and have enough spare for a can of tuna it is a real treat.
Ohhhh and plantains....mmmmmmmm I love plantains......green or yellow....
Never had em. I see them once in a great while here, but, no one knows what to do with them.
I know what rice is, fer cripes sake. LOL. I guess you and I were the only kids on here who saved our money to buy food. I liked pork and beans. I'd collect bottles until I got enough to buy pork and beans for me and my brother.
And that just brought back memories. My brother is 3 years younger than me and we fought all the time. We'd get real mean, push each other off the roof, beat each other with dog chains..but, when mom was gone and food was scarce, I'd always find a way to feed him. I wonder if he remembers that?
Never had rice and eggs together until I went to Hawaii. Boy, did I get hooked on that combo! Brown rice is the best, so chewy and crunchy, umm!
Remember the can of pork and beans had a big chunk of pork in it? My husband said he and his brothers would fight big time over that. They didn't have much money, so that piece of pork was something special.
My Mom was bipolar..enough said.
I embarrassed my 15 yr old today. *snicker*.
She and I went to my friend`s house after friend got off of work. She had a delivery. Two weeks ago she had the adult toy party (penis cookies) and I was there to pick up my purchase. My kid was bugging me cause she wanted to know what was i the bag. It was in a discreet bag so the kid could not see. I told the kid that it was a Pandora`s box that she did not want to open. So we (another friend was there) were sitting around talking for a bit but then it was time to go. My friends told me to have a good time tonight. I said *You bet your ass I will!*
Totally forgot the 15 yr old darling daughter was standing right there. She left mortified.
hehehehe I think I cracked the box open a bit too much.
Now hubby can leave me alone..he keeps asking when the package was coming. LOL
Pat, next time you see plantains, do one of the following:
If they are green, peel them, slice them and fry them till golden/light brown. Sprinkle salt, and smother with butter, have a cup of coffee with them. That's my mom's favorite mid-afternoon snack. I like them with a side of queso fresco, a heaping mound of natural PB, hot sauce and lime. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Or, you can mash them after frying them, roll them into a ball with real bacon crumbs (you may need to add a little butter or bacon grease to keep them moist) and you have yourself another meal. Also with a cup of coffee, this is a favorite breakfast in Ecuador. Ohhhhh yummy!!!
If they are yellow/ripe, peel them, slice them, fry them. Good as a side with rice and beans dishes, or, topped with honey as a dessert. I like both green and yellow with "queso fresco" that I get from the mexican store, which is very close to our ecuadorian queso. Plantains are another staple in Ecuador. (10 cents each!!)
There's a lot of yummy stuff I'd love to share with everyone. I'll take pictures of every ecuadorian meal I make and send them to you with the recipes.
Fried plantains are to die for. Yummm!
Yucca and onions is really good too..Now I am hungry.
Jesus Christ on crutches and a cracker. You're always a great read but those two nuggets cracked me right up in spite of the subject!
Okay, I will try plantains and your instructions, you can bet I'll blog it. 'Specially if they suck..lol.
Heidi, I think you owe your poor daughter something for today. Possible therapy bill there. LMAO! You should have stuck a plantain in the bag.
Frimmy, sometimes I don't know who's crazier on here, me or my commenters. My mom amd aunts are certified lunafuckingticks, that I know.
I will write that check!
She kept bugging me. I am open and honest on majority of things with my girls. But I do not want them to know what I bought at a adult toy party. Ugh! Shivers.
Another yummy thing to eat that is made with plantains is Mofongo They serve it in a couple Puerto Rican eateries here in my area.
http://recipes.epicurean.com/recipe/1078/puerto-rico-mofongo.html
Thanks. I don't eat much usually. To look at me you'd think I eat all the time, but, I don't have much of an appetite anymore so I rarely cook. I'd try plantains though, you made it sound easy.
Grits?! Grits!!! When I was a kid in Biloxi, Miss. My mom started letting us put food coloring in our grits. We all loved them but it made it more fun. Butter, salt & pepper & any color you wanted! I'd crunch up my bacon and eat it in little tiny bites and call it crab meat! I was 6. In Biloxi thats what kids did back in the 60's. Then we'd step out our back door crack off a piece of sugar cane & we'd have something to chew on all day! We once found a set of dentures near that house. We took them threw them on the road & made them go into a jillion pieces! How mean was that!? Then we ran inside & watched The Nelsons. haha...loooong time ago.
Biloxi, huu? Just the name conjurs up images. You be a Southerner fer sure. I like the South, it's steeped in traditions and folklore. The South played a part in my upbringing too.
DD- You're not fucked in any way shape or form. My parents have been married 38 years & could have benefited from some parenting classes,but our childhoods are our childhoods & we can't change them. Just because she's your mom,doesn't mean that if you strongly disagree with her on something that you've got to keep quiet & not do anything. Do you slap your kids or whip them til their bloody? I'm thinking you don't. If I'm right about that, then you my dear are giving a good example of what it's like to not be fucked,but your mom may be.(no pun intended lol)It seems you're not like your mom,in turn you're not fucked. Breathe in,breathe out,now let it roll off your back & move on to bigger & better.
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