I just took my Mother to a yard sale, I know..I should know better, but, she loves them. It took me two minutes to decide there was nothing there anyone in their right mind would want and I waited a half hour in the sun for her to toddle around ohh-ing and aww-ing. Yawn. She came out to the car and told me to go load a table lamp she'd bought. I thought she meant..a lamp...that sits on a ..table. Wrong. The lamp IS the table. Done in that peculiar 70's style reminiscent of Early American, which is sad and ugly enough when it's real. This thing must be wood, it's heavy as hell and has plastic laminate over the top. The GD lamp grows out the middle of it. It looks like the furniture that came free with a new trailer house, back in, oh, 1979? I struggled it into the car and she had this smug grin on her face and I asked what was up with that and she said "I have a surprise when we get home, you'll see. " I sighed and told her the surprise better not be that she bought that butt ugly thing for me because she was NOT putting it in my house. Her face fell and I knew she DID buy it for me. WTF does she think? She doesn't know anything about me to think I'd have this piece of dog shit. I wouldn't have wanted it back in 1979!*
I swear to crap the woman has no idea who I am. She decided to put it in my brothers room and gave me a pair of beaded moccasins she bought. I told her they'd look better on her. Jesus. Have I ever worn beaded moccasins? No. Never in my life. I blurred out some of her gross house there and then gave up. That's not a dead dog on the floor, it's an old towel someone wiped up dog pee with and then kicked it next to the fridge. Lovely. I WILL say this for her, this time she picked something that matches the rest of her decor.
23 comments:
Maybe the lamp could be painted different colors like bright red, yellow and blue.. with a different lamp shade.. then it could be like a piece of art or something? I know its a reach.. just thought I would try and help;)
The burning question of the day is: "how much did she pay" for that lovely home decorating accessory?
Is your mother a pack rat or just a collector of objects of art? Mine was a certified pack rat with pathways in the basement, garage and several of the bedrooms. Took me almost a year to clean out that house.
Pat - My sympathy to you
My mother has hoarding disorder. It's awful and there are rooms in her house no one can even get into for all the junk. She found an upright piano once in the dining room, that's how bad it is. Now the cats sleep on it. And she tries to put her junk in my house when she runs out of room.
I just looked at a close up of that picture. The cord has been spliced with black electrical tape. Maybe the house will burn down.
I hate it when people give you stuff you don't want or need and there's obviously no real thought behind it in the first place.
For my birthday, my brother and sister in law gave me a picture of my extremely adorable niece in a plastic frame from Walgreen's. I love my niece but they couldn't come up with some tacky "I love my Aunt" frame or something? I pride myself on being an excellent gift giver and I personally thought this one sucked. I sound like an ungrateful bitch now.
Being that the wiring is shot maybe the lamp portion could be cut off and the bottom could be refinished into a cute little pedestal table. She probably just wants to pack it away with the rest of her hoarded items.
If you could prod her into some refinishing and craft projects she might be able to take some of the stuff and gussy it up and resell it to some other poor hoarding soul...Maybe not...
Ick. You could sand and paint 'till the cows come home, it would still make me puke. She doesn't do crafts, she does irritation.
Alanna, you could put it in another frame, at least you like the photo. My DIL is the queen of giving her kids photos as "presents." She's my only grand kid and I love her, but, wtf am I supposed to do with all these huge studio portraits of her? They aren't even good. I take better pics with my Kodak.
You take awesome pics of Lis!
As to the table/lamp abortion, go tell your mom you changed your mind and go burn the mofo. Might get some of your aggression out.
Beaded mocs are so in fashion right now....and they are comfortable...just saying :)
Alanna,
I don't know you, but your comment jumped out at me...I am a great gift giver too, and a grand wrapper! I think about the gifts I give, and truly put my heart into it. Members of my family are always pleased, one can tell.
I hate, hate to receive a crappy gift. If there is not thought behind it, other than a last minute token thought, I would rather have a mere greeting, or a thoughtful card...or nothing at all. I understand your feeling about sounding bitchy, but if you can't give time and thought into a gift, don't waste your money!
Oh, Fiona, you're new, you just wait awile and you'll know..nothing she gives me is in fashion. These were dirty and they stunk.
I don't care about gifts, it's the thought and there is none. Her gifts say "Gee, I don't know you or give a fuck too."
Oh, and I have nothing against hardly worn second hand shoes. What's the difference between that and shoes in department stores everyone tried on without socks? Some Lysol and you're good to go. But, greasy stained moccasins from yuky people? No thanks.
I feel ya DD. Like the song kinda says, if she doesn't know you by now, she will never never never know you. Is there a certain feeling of...I don't know what to call it, it's not hurt, she's done too much for you to feel hurt by her anymore obviously and you're fortified against that by now, maybe bleak resignation? Do you feel disappointed or surprised in spite of already having her actions show you time in and time out that she doesn't know you or care? Or have you been able to truly let it run off your back and not have it affect you? I hope you can. In any case, it's her loss. She's missing out on one of her best legacies - you. Right under her nose and too blinded to see it.
Damn, I must be suffering from pre-Alzheimer. Knew the lamp looked familar, but figured it was because I grew up during that era. My Ex-inlaws had almost the identical lamp, only the table part was round. It sat beside my FIL's lazyboy. MIL thought it was 'modern'. Yeah, Modern Ugly.
We had this lamp when I was little. I remember one time when I was very young, going to take a drink of my dad's Coke which was on the table part and finding out it wasn't JUST Coke. It was Jack & Coke. Mainly just Jack. LOL.
While I do feel for you, at least your irritation with your mother provides us with entertainment. It's always funnier on the outside.
I've found through the years that some people give gifts to others that THEY would like to have for themselves. No thought as to if the receiver will like it.
Oh how I wish it wasn't rude to say "No thanks, you keep it!"
I hate to say it, but my husband bought me one of these table lamps for Christmas when we were first married. Ugh! When he redid the basement, I moved it down there. I convinced him it looked better in the new room. Fast
Forward to my eldest going to college and needing furniture for her off campus housing. I practically paid her to take it (much to my husband's dissapointment). 4 years later, it comes home to roost. Next 2 are off to college in subsequent years, and the lamp is STILL in my home. No takers. We are planning a yard sale. Somehow, someway, I just KNOW that this thing will be with me for the rest of my life.
PS. 32 years later, my husband still likes it! Pat, I feel your pain.
'nuff said
A picture of my sweet little niece I can understand. I would have preferred a little more personalization with the frame but whatever. What killed me was one of my oldest friends have me the same thing, just a different frame with a picture of her newborn. Again, love my friend and am thrilled for her but seriously... WHY?
I don't have kids so I guess I don't get it. I think I'm going to track down a Glamour Shots and give everyone I know a tacky picture of me for Christmas.
I will bet you anything that the original owner got that thing with S&H Green Stamps.
Here's a thought. Prom Girl will need a date for the coming year. Why not use the "thing" as the body. The table part could be a big butt. You can be on the look out for a cheap tux (or just mention it to your mom)or a suit--maybe a Halloween Pimp suit. With your imagination you can make them the King and Queen of the prom. We would all be so proud!
My MIL cleaned out her house and gave us that god awful ugly thing a few years ago. The table part was round. I put up with it for a couple of years. It burned a hole through my stomach every time I looked at it. I have a fully furnished house that I bought and paid for before I ever met her son. (She is very jealous of this.) How rude to think I would want or need her garbage. Anyway, the thing finally ended up getting broken. Do you have any idea how hard it is to break those things?? Back then, things were made to last! (Damn!)
Bayou Jane;
I like your idea. Very creative.
Oh DD....I am so sorry! That thing is God awful! I really feel for you. When will she realize that you don't want any of her ugly stuff? Just put that icky thing out of it's misery and fast! LOL.
Post a Comment