I was going to do a nostalgic food post, but, I don't remember much food. We never had any god damned food unless Grandma was there. And then never any store bought kind of fun food. I remember Funny Face drink mixes, we didn't get them. We got Kool Aid, but, there usually wasn't any sugar. It was all unsweetened back then. I thought Tony The Tiger was Grrrreat..we didn't get that either. We got Shredded Wheat sometimes because my mom heard it was good for her diet. Did you ever try to eat shredded wheat with no milk? I have. It wasn't frosted back then. Trying to make a meal of that will kill your soul.
*
I DO remember the Morton's salt girl and I remember when she got modernized. There a cute site on the history of the Morton's salt girl HERE. All I knew was that I'd get my ass kicked good if I ever poured it out in the rain, like her. Now I buy it buy the cartload and let Lissa pour it out.
I wish I hadn't started this, it just made me angry inside. The more I searched the more I realized. We never had any god dammed food. What the hell was wrong with my mother? Kids need food. Even poor people have food! You have to feed kids, they shouldn't have to go find their own food. Kids shouldn't have to beg their mother to buy bread and peanut butter. I have to take a pill now, I am so angry.
59 comments:
Pat..I am sorry it was so hard in your childhood. I can empathize; we would have bean soup for 2 days, then baked beans alot..hate htem now. ((HUG)) is all I can say.
I decided to put the rest of my thoughts in here. I don't like this bullshit, but, I feel the need to put it down. Never any food. My brother and I were so hungry, I'd go collect bottles to buy a can of pork and beans for us. When my mom went grocery shopping she'd come home with these sacks of weird shit, like 6 dented cans of green beans (all spoiled and stinking), a box of slow cook oatmeal, packages of dried beans, vienna sausages in a can (which she loved and thought were dainty), sardines (what kid doesn't love those, right?) and nail polish, and nail polish remover, magazines, and a half gallon of milk that was supposed to last us a month.
We were the skinniest starving kids, we'd steal from gardens and eat green tomatos and green buggy apples for dinner. While SHE sat around polishing her nails in her fake channel suit (like Jackie Kennedy, who she swore she looked like) and ate dainty pink wormy looking vienna sausage with her pinky out saying "You kids don't know what's good."
Corina, sometimes she cooked a pot of beans and I loved them. I'd eat out of it until it spoiled. Sometimes after it spoiled.
She always worked..she said she needed time away from us. We annoyed her and made her nerves act up. I need to write another memory story, if I can laugh I'm not so angry.
I'm speechless! I don't know what to say except I feel so sorry for you, Pat. I really, really do! And you're right - it does help to write this stuff down. I've started writing about my childhood and couldn't believe how much better I felt just getting it off my chest.
My dad wouldn't work if he could help it..but regardless, he always got the butter, while we have margarine (maybe), he got Wonder bread, while my mom used to look through the furnace registers to find money for our bread. I have to say, my dad would at least go to public Aid, so for while we had food stamps. Believe me, I hope I am never that broke again..the looks on people's faces..blech.
I compliment you on your restraint in not literally killing your mother. It took me years of therapy to finally accept my ma did the best she could..looking back now, I can see she was just so depressed and overwhelmed with 4 kids, she couldn't function. I just hate to think of people hungry, in this country, whether thorough neglect like you and your bro, or no jobs, what have you. pat if you need ot vent more, I am here, and I understand.
I am blown away at how you can relate with your mother today and take care of her the way you do with all the memories swirling inside you. I could not. I have, after years, reached a level of love and compassion for my father and we enjoy a good relationship. But this is after YEARS of screaming, fighting, not talking, anger, rage, etc... Have you ever been able to tell your mom any of these things?
I'm sad this brings back awful memories
of my childhood. My grandmother was the
one who babysat us and made soup with
pasta and chicken with some diced up
carrots and tomatoes it was delishous.
We were poor too and my mom didn't care
if we ate she get into fights with her mom
and grandma would tell her that we need to
have home cooked food and take us all over
to her house. My grandma has a garden still
today at 90 years she's partially blind and lives
with her youngest son my uncle helps her with
it but she still goes out and picks a few bits
out of the tiny yard and can turn it into dinner.
She is still poor but it never stopped her. She
has 11 kids 0utlived her oldest son now 10
left my mom being her eldest daughter and
has resented grandma because we all say
that grandma was the one who raised us.
It's true I know it angers her but the truth is
just that it is what it is. Hard to share this
with my kids even now they don't know the
half of it. Why hurt them it serves no purpose.
But I'm glad I'm able to recognize where I came
from and how well I've adapted to my circumstances.
It didn't let it define me or stop me I'm just glad
some one cared enuf to take care of me &
my sisters. I'm not mad at mother but I do feel
she missed out and I feel sorry for her and us all.
Thank you for sharing your story DD. Kiki :)
there was food in my house, but i wasn't allowed to eat that much because i hadn't "done anything to deserve to eat".....of course i wasn't ALLOWED to do anything....so i wouldn't get that much food....
i remember always dreaming about food and what i would love to eat....
bah....this stuff makes me angry time!
Gawd, lots of people with anger and food issues. Lack of food, men who had to eat the good food and children who were put last. It's so awful.
Food dreams..yep. All the time when I was a kid. All the time.
Well, Jesus said on the cross after being tortured and ridiculed, "Father forgive them, they know not what they do." One of the reasons I believe he's the only person in history who knew what the hell was really going on.
People are CRAZY! Except you and me of course. ;)
When I lived with my father I thought a feast was a bag of cheezepuffs. Me and my brother used to steal soda and candy from the drug store a couple of blocks from our house and that was our "dinner." Looking back, I think the owner knew we were stealing that stuff and never said a thing.
We can acknowledge our hurt and voice forgiveness until the cows come home (which I have worked on ENORMOUSLY)- but it seems there's always that lingering resentment and anger because what these people did to us colored our whole perception of life and ourselves in such a negative way. It's now hardwired into the brain - and how do you change that?
And no, I can't talk to my mother about anything like this. She's dumb as dirt, for one thing, and she lies. She'd deny it. I have to play this game with her where she pretends she was normal. Her imaginary recollections. It confuses my brother. He's so damaged.
I don't know how you change it anon..I don't know how to stop the anger. I am so full of anger.
And now the crazy bitch will be talking to someone and Lissa will be standing there with a soda and she'll say "Well, I never let my kids eat junk." And I'm like, fuck. No, you just didn't buy any food.
And (I can't shut up on this) I am the biggest buyer of kid aimed food. If the kid sees it on TV..I say, yep. We're getting it. And we do.
My mom does the same thing. She lies about what a perfect childhood we had, and if confronted will start crying and say how ungrateful us kids are. It led to be not talking to my mother at all, going on 9 years now. I think it shows even more what a wonderful person you are that you are able to still have somewhat of a relationship with her, even at the detriment of your happiness time and time again. I'm glad you turned out the way you did, wonderful and compassionate towards humans and animals. Your granddaughter is very very lucky to have you in her life. I like to think of her stumbling across this blog when she's older and being able to read and appreciate how truly awesome you are, in a whole new way.
Well, we have another thing in common. I wrote a post on here earlier about me also waiting in the car as my father drank in the bar... then my mother was shamed by her brother into coming to get us from my father who was an alcoholic. And she did.
Only it turns out her husband, my stepfather, was a pedofile. She was so sick over him that she blamed me for his advances, even tho I was only child - blah, blah blah... and when I became old enough to tell the truth - she had already told everyone that I was sick so no one would believe me.
And as I said in my earlier post, she still tries to stay in contact with me like everything is normal on her part and I'm the one who has a problem. There is no way that I could ever have a truthful conversation or relationship with her because she is so lost in her lies and delusion. I don't think she could face the truth. That's why I decided to drop her. I don't think I owe her anything anymore.
Well, what she's done to me is done. I am what I am. All I can do is be kind to other people, because you never know where they came from, and be kind and forgiving to yourself, because you've had a LOT to overcome.
oh my mom would lie too...she thinks she was the perfect mother and it was all my fault!
to THIS DAY, whenever i get really stressed or anxious i will not eat thinking to myself that i don't deserve to eat...no amount of therapy can 'cure' you...it's an ongoing thing...
i did disperse my anger though for the most part as it was toxic to me and it was letting the fucking cunt win...not happening...
in better happier news, i got a 4.0 in my summer classes! :D 3 A's! i am pleased about that....
My dad bet on the horses. My Mom had to make due with the money that he gave her every week. We had a roof, electricity, cable, and clothing but there was no extras. Including in the food department. My Mom was bipolar and when she was well she was functioning. There was food but there was never anything good. How do I say this without sounding spoiled rotten?
She would make pork chops but they would be bland as hell. She seasoned nothing. So there was food but it was gross. You looked in the cabinets and there was nothing there but stuff you had to cook. So I learned. On my own with the help of Betty Crocker.
I had major food issues as a preteen and to this day. I do not like the look of an empty (to my eyes) fridge.
So yes, I had food growing up. But I wanted the name brand stuff too Pat. We did not even have Kool aid. Water out of the tap. That is what you drank.
Every day in elementary school, my lunch was two slices of white bread with a warm piece of bologna(no cheese, no mustard, no nothing) and an macintosh apple with a dent in it. Always a fucking dent! and she always tossed that apple in on top of my sandwich. That was the most depressing lunch. Five days a week, no fail for nine years.
So I get what you are saying on a certain level Pat. I really do.
I'm so sorry for what you all went through. I was pissed once because my mom wouldn't take me to a carnival. That's my strongest angry memory. We were not rich but we were definitely not poor. I will call my mommy and tell her I love her tonight.
So many sad stories out there! I used to watch "Father Knows Best" and all those other sugar-coated sitcoms from the 60s and wish my family was like that. I feel bad for all of you. I've finally come to the point in my life where I've realized that what didn't kill me only made me stronger.
i got father knows best season 3 disc 5 yesterday and was watching it last night and will continue to watch it tonight! that's funny you mentioned that matilda!!
i loved watching (well i still love watching them) those shows....i'd envision i lived in a world where people loved their children and everyone was nice...
if i ever get a lot of money (pipe dream i know) i wanna buy ACRES and build a house that looks like the father knows best house (which was also the outside of the i dream of genie house) and have it set it up like the father knows best house inside....and i'd build the bewitched house kitty korner.....
Yep, this makes me appreciate my Mom! DD, now I have deep anger and resentment for your Mother, and I don't even know her. I would let her starve, but you are the better person and help her. No wonder you are angry! You have every right to be.
Now I can't shut up about this, I am angry as hell towards her myself. I hate neglectful parents and child abusers...hate them! People don't even treat dogs that way, you were just a little kid. I would have hide that damn nail polish. Serves her right she is crazy as a loon!!!
My mother had a similar experience. All the good food went to her step dad and then trickled down to the boys. There were six boys & three girls in the family. Girls were expendable. The boys got the milk. She had rickets. Her usual meal was Jello and Puffs, which she tells me was a kind of puffed wheat cereal. He ate steak while they ate that. Her mother was an alcoholic and extra cash went to her bootleg booze. I know my mother was reduced to scrounging like you have described. It's a painful thing to read how much you suffered because it shouldn't have happened to you or anyone else. It has painted a picture I haven't seen before because my mother doesn't talk much about her past. It had to have been similar to yours. And it's different when a family is just poor due to circumstance and scrounge together for food. This is about starving children because parents chose other priorities for their money. It's evil.
The upside to this for me is my mom, who is guilty of a lot of nasty things, vowed her children would eat well and we did.
Not repeating the things done to you is a way fix things a little. Indulging Lis is fun and healing and why not? You're creating good memories and a broad palate with her.
I wish I had a tip to help you release the anger. You seem to be able to come to terms with a lot of things many can't. Maybe you just don't want to let go of this specific anger right now. Maybe there's a reason for that. I hope you can some day when the time is right. ((hugs))
I know exactly where you're coming from.
And I answered your question. ;)
We got shredded wheat because it was deemed healthy. I used to break mine up, put a little veggie oil and salt on my shredded wheat and eat it that way. It tasted like Triscuit. I'd rather have it that way than the alternative. Boiled water poured on it. My mom was a good cook elsewhere but breakfasts were supposed to be uberhealthy and therefore were gagfests at my house. Vita-B, Cream of Wheat. Remember Red River Cereal? When you put milk in it the flax floated around making it look like bugs were in there doing the breast stroke. I'm not complaining, it was good for us but...I'm gagging just thinking about it.
DD, is there any way you can get away from your mother? I suspect that every time you see her, you get angry about the past again. I'm not saying that is wrong, I'm saying I think it would help you enormously if you got her out of your life for good.
My sister is crazy in the head (I don't even want to go into details about the awful things she's said to me) and I can't tell you how relieved I was when she moved out of town. It made things so, so much better when she was gone and I didn't have to think about her.
I know your mother is not going to move, but could you simply cut her off?
I was never hungry, but food was definately an issue in our house. Everything that could be generic was (staples/cereal/condiments). No snacks allowed - chips, cookies, twinkies, etc. My stepmom would buy diet soda but mark the bottle so she'd know if I had any. My dad cooked but we were limited to mealtimes to eat and had to eat what was on our plate or sit there (even overnight) until it was done. My babysitter served us spam on white bread - no mayo or mustard. The food in the fridge was definately off-limits. Had to wait to be served something. We were upper middle class in a lowerish middle class neighborhood but my dad was insane when it came to spending money. I don't remember kool-aid except at friend's houses. Otherwise I drank water or sun tea. So I guess I wasn't hungry but definately recognized major control issues.
I remember when my dad came to school and ordered the milk lady to never serve me chocolate milk, only white milk (this was in the days before hot lunches where you bagged a lunch and only had milk available at school)...yeah, that wasn't embarassing AT ALL.
Result - stress over grocery shopping on a weekly basis and not really knowing what I'm supposed to serve my family. We get into mini-obsessions where we'll do Rice-a-Roni and chicken strips or Stove-top and chicken or anything that feels nostalgic to hubs and me. American cheese /bologna /wonder bread and kool-aid has been the norm for this summer.
Pat - I had friends that dealt with the same things you described and I couldn't understand it. It seemed like there was food everywhere but only certain people were entitled to receive it and choose what they received. At least that's how it broke down in my adolescent mind...
I'm real sorry that you had to live like that. We didn't get a lot of store bought food, but we had food. We raised our own veggies and meat. If my mom did buy cereal it was in the bag...you know the kind. And when I was little the only thing in a bag was "puffed rice"...gag. All the sugar in the world wouldn't make that crap taste good. Sometimes when it was real bad, we would have to use milk made from powder to put on it...lol I have to say that I was pretty lucky as a kid though. What I wouldn't give for that homemade cookin' now. I guess I didn't realize how good I had it. I know my mom would have gone without to give us the last bread crumb if it ever came to that. I can imagine the hate inside of you aimed at your mother for not giving a damn.
My mom had a similar childhood. Her and her 3 sisters and 3 bothers were beaten something terrible by my alcoholic grandfather. My grandmother was beaten also. My mom said she can still remember my grandmother sliding across the kitchen floor in her own blood. She said they were so hungry that they would fight over the scraps from my grandfathers plate. He always ate well. Or they would steal a jar of mayonaise from the store and all of them scooping it out with their hands and eating it.
When she was 7, my grandmother walked into the courts with all the kids in tow and gave them off to foster care. My mom remembers all of them crying as my grandmother turned her back and walked out.
From 7 -12 years of age she lived in foster homes where again she was beaten and abused by some horrible foster parents and separated from her brothers and sisters. She was constantly sent home from school for being infested with lice. At age 12 she got very sick and ran away from the foster home to find her mother. She found her shacking up with some man. My grandmother said her boyfriend didn't want my mom there and stuck her across the street in a bedbug infested hotel. She had rheumatic fever. My aunt who ran away at 15 and got married to escape the foster homes found my mom and took her in. I could go on for hours with some horrible stories. Things that no child should ever have to experience.
My mom never turned her back on my grandmother even after the horrific childhood she gave her. Of course my grandmother would never talk about it or admit to any of it. I think mom was still seeking acceptance and love after all those years. I'm amazed she survived her childhood.
My mom never told us any of this while we were really young. I loved my grandma and she loved us grandkids and treated us very well. It all seems very bizarre.
I don't think I would ever have been able to be that forgiving.
Karla - I'm probably the only one in the world who absolutely loves puffed rice. Dry, out of the bag.
Haven't had in over 20 years. I always look for it but never see any.
Yeah,
I lived in a clean your plate house. If you did not eat it, you sat there at the table until you did. I think that is one of the reasons I HATE string beans. HATE THEM! Of course my hubby loves the them.
{{{Pat}}}} (((to everyone else who's suffered))))) HUGS
It seems so grossly unfair that some folks have to suffer through hellish conditions while others skip through life on a breeze. If there is a God or some other Deity watching over humanity, why the F--k do they let stuff like this happen?
Questions like this. Lives suffered through, like some of the descriptions here are what keep me a confirmed atheist.
If I discover there is a God when I die, long before I walk through any gates, this entity needs to do some serious explaining before I join the, "eternity club."
I am a firm believer in reincarnation. And our souls keep coming back again and again because we have lessons to learn. If we didn't "get it" in our past life then we have to go back to school and relearn it until we can progress to the next grade. Evidently I was a real bitch in some other past life and didn't hold my fellow man in very high regard cause I sure as hell have had a lot of bad shit come down on me during this lifetime. What have I learned? Complete and total empathy for the suffering of others. Maybe next time I won't have it so bad. I know a lot of people don't agree with this philosophy and say that my belief system puts the blame on individuals and it's not fair that young innocent children are abused and murdered every day. I agree that it's a tragedy and my heart cries out for those souls. But if you believe in an afterlife then you can take solace in the knowledge that this body we inhabit is only a temporary condition and the soul never dies. I hope I haven't offended anyone. It's not my intention to sound "preachy". I just have very strong feelings about this and sometimes I just have to open up and share my views.
I feel so bad for you all. But I know its made all of you much stronger.
My mother was never allowed in a kitchen when she was yonger because she was a chubby kid. So she never learned how to cook. She turned out to be a really good cook. She also cooked alot for all the kids that came over. Specially the one's who didnt have much. She also gave me extra pocket cash and extra food in my luch for others.
One time we saw this hobo with a sign that said $$ please hungry. So we stopped at burger king and drop off a meal to him. We didn't have tons of $$$. But when someone was in need we tryed to help others out. I did this once in the city. I gave a homeless woman a can of cat food and a sanw drink. I rather gave them food than $$$$.
I've done this with my hub lunch to. He use to work with a man who didn't have much. I gave him extra food to share with him.
No one should go hungry.
ps. Sorry so long I hope you all dont mind that I shared my story.
So many people on here with food stories! I think this is a blog for the broken. But we're taping ourselves back up..with brand name tape! LOL!
Heidi, I will not touch a bruised apple to this day. I know what you're saying.
And powdered milk is one of my worst memories. That shit is evil and lumpy. FOUL.
Matilda, I looked for your blog, didn't see any. Do you have one?
Matilda,
I am interested and like to read what others believe. I've spent most of my life trying to decide if we are all simply a chance encounter between carbon and oxygen or if there is something more behind animated life.
I'm 51 years into the project and still have no solid conclusions.
Ava's mommy, you sound sweet..I hope the homeless lady had a cat though.
wow, these stories are heatbreaking! One thing i can say is, i never went hungry. we may have lived solely on donations from the church and food bank, but it was always good.. sorry you had to deal with that on top of all the other crap.
dirtydisher said...
And no, I can't talk to my mother about anything like this. She's dumb as dirt, for one thing, and she lies. She'd deny it. I have to play this game with her where she pretends she was normal. Her imaginary recollections. It confuses my brother. He's so damaged.
Because she's a big fat Narcissist. You can't get them to say ANYTHING true about themselves, though they'll freely point out everyone else's faults and embellish and misinterpret them for you.
I always wondered why you were so into junk food. Now I know. I would be too.
Matilida, your words could have come out of my mouth. I musta been a really nasty piece of work because I have a lot of problems this time around. Admitting that took many years. Now I let things go more easily but anger is still pretty present in my thoughts. I try to understand others, which prevents my judging them. Or I avoid them.
we never had food issues, my mom liked to eat ! but man was she a grouchy bitch. constant bitch. the kind where your friends would want you to ask her if you could have a sleepover .At their house of course, no one wants to stay at your house, not even you.You would be scared to even ask her for anything or if you could do anything because more than anything you HATE to be yelled at ,scolded, degraded, criticized.So I spend alot of time not at my house, until she would be jealous that I had a social life, and would find ridiculous things to punish me for.You're 5 minutes late? you are punished for 2 weeks.If I asked if i could go out when I was punished and she said yes, I would be punished when I got back because she forgot i was punished and let me go out. Seriously.Crazy.Now that I'm older she wants to be close.And I don't.Every once in a while I see her try to cop that fucking attitude with my kids and I nip that shit right in the bud.Not my kids bitch.They are smart, well mannered, beautfiul sweet children and she WILL NOT make them feel the way about themselves that I do. Man, your childhood can really fuck your life up.I don't tell my husband about when I have a problem he won't be happy about because I can't stand when someone bitches about anything. I have such a defense mechanism.I am ready to defend myself all the time. Ha! Sometimes it's like I married my mother.
I did marry my mother. Four fucking times!!!!
Escrowmom -- I married my sister.
I hate my sister. I have had issues with my sister my entire life so why the fuck did I marry her??
Pat... I don't have a blog. My life isn't interesting enough to talk about. That's why I live vicariously through the lives of people like dirty disher.
After I sent that last post I instantly regretted it. I was so afraid readers would take it the wrong way and feel insulted. I don't know what type of religious affiliation any of you subscribe to and certainly wouldn't want anyone to think I was thumbing my nose at their beliefs. My own personal opinion is that there's a certain grain of truth in all religions. My belief system makes me feel both humble and empowered.
TV-I have no flippen idea why we do this to ourselves. Got divorced from #4 in 2000 and am done with men! It's nice being alone and in charge of the remote :)
Matilda, saying what YOU believe isn't offensive or preachy. Others were looking for your blog too, you are more interesting than you think. I'm a Pagan. I don't know many Pagans.
Snark, if you married your sister, your sister is an asshole.
I AM a big buyer of junk food, but, I don't eat it much. We try it all and throw most of it out, then buy some more. I'm a fruit addict.
My mother is bipolar and married 14 times for short durations. In between husbands, we were incredibly poor. I recall the time she fed us a lot of cow's tongue because she could get it free from somebody who worked in a slaughterhouse; I'm just glad she never brought home any brains or testicles! At one point she was feeding us boiled lettuce with a dab of butter. She had us so convinced this was a delicacy that we fought over who got to drink the buttery water it was boiled in. I've eaten my share of dry Shredded Wheat and Cheerios, and dreamed of Lucky Charms. Then she'd get married again and things would be better, food-wise. To this day I don't know how she got men to take her on, but they figured out fast she was "not right" and lit out quick.
Wow. I am baffled at all your stories. I come from a household where generosity was the first thing we were taught. My parents also came from dysfuncional households, being beaten for any reason by their fathers.
In my house even if the fridge wasn't 'full' there would be no rationing, no conditions, no boundaries. My parents have inherited the generosity gene from their mothers. I swear, my dad's mom, when she wants to feed people that pot keeps on giving like Jesus' fish and bread even if she doesn't start with much. It grows, it's amazing.
My father has always been generous with people who have less than he does. It makes me sick when I go to someone's house and they keep that refrigerator marked with what was left before, and would throw a fit when the kids eat what 'they are not supposed to'. Some people I know lock their refrigerators. It's sick. No one should go hungry, no one should beg for food. When I have guests, the fridge is open. If you are my guest at my house, you don't ask if it's ok. Go, grab, eat, enjoy.
A jug of milk for a whole month.....wow, that's bogus. Un freaking real.
a few years ago, when my kids were really small. They are 23 & 25 now. I remember we went to the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses in a town about 20 miles away. I didnt work outside the home when they were little, I sewed and sold things at festivals. But in the winter I would be pretty broke. A few times I had to dig around in my purse & the car just to find maybe 22 cents or once I found 17 cents, so I could get a little gas to get us back home after Sunday services. I cannot imagine why I kept going all the way over there! 17 cents worth of gas. My kids still remember that too. Needless to say, their father has never been one to work too hard. If he can help it. Thank god, my kids are like me. They are not afraid of work.
rox
I remember taking those large shredded wheat biscuits and grinding them against each other to make cereal, adding some sugar & milk and eating that mushy crap. I was a kid, that was yucky, but I think the fun was grinding them together, then we had to eat it! haha.
Matilda -
I believe in every word you wrote.
I am a firm believer in learning lessons in each lifetime, too.
And evidently I was a real bitch in another lifetime, as well, because nothing seems to be going right for me this time around!
It's baffling, especially when I think I'm a nice person and try to help other people, yet I keep getting pooped on!
It's a mystery, that's for sure.
hey, ya'll. I was almost killed by a train this morning. My fault. I didnt even look, I just followed a truck & backhoe across the tracks & didnt even notice the flashers. I am 1/2 way across the tracks & i look out & see f'g train engine about to hit me. I was so upset by the time I got to work that alot of sh** didnt matter anymore. I was thinking "what if...?" for a long time. I'm getting over it now. Made a mistake of telling my daughter. Your life can change & be gone in an instant. So, "what do I remember?" To be sure to check the RR crossing before driving on!!! I have never, ever done that before. I dont know what was going on in my head. Ironically, MJ's "Remember The Time" was blasting on my CD player. Gawd, the irony. I'm sorry. But I had to tell this. Be good people and be nice to each other & leave something nice for people to talk about. At least leave them something to talk about. LOL...gawd, I certainly would have. I saw a girl get hit by a train when I was little. That memory will never leave me. And you guys would never had known about me being dead. That bothers me too. :( I love you guys.
rox
oh Roxane! That's not cool. I can only imagine how startled you were today. ((((hugs))))
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