October you say? Then why am I being assaulted by the endless flashing Christmas junk already? And most of it IS junk and it's loud. Fa la la la..fuck you. Stores are greedy corporations plying their trade like desperate hookers and turning the shoppers into insecure bundles of crud, quaking in their boots about how they will get "it" all done in time. No time to buy your fully decorated branch lit artificial Balsam like..October? One guy who went in the door ahead of me actually looked confused. He took off his hat and swung his head back at the door, I suppose waiting for Rod Serling to step out and tell him he was in the Twilight Zone. Nope, buddy, you're in flashing holy holiday land, happy baby Jesus!*
And since Christmas is a, cough, holy day, there is the baby Jesus and his virgin mother and his slightly bewildered looking, umm, step dad in cast resin (the holiest of mediums, I assure you) being serenaded by jolly elves and smiling plastic snowmen. Hark the herald angels siiiiiing, glory toooooooo the newborn king!!!! 30% off!!! Baby Jesus is a bargain. And he's lit from within, as he should be, uhh huu, and he has a flash option.
*
I asked a clerk where the Halloween stuff was and she laughed and said "you're a little late with that, huu?" Oh, har de har. They moved it to the back so they'd have room for CHRISTMAS! (Exclamation is hers, not mine.) As I headed for the back of the store this same clerk yelled "Hey, are you wearing a hair piece?" My hair was still damp and I'd clipped it up. WTF, is that an acceptable question from a stranger now? I said, no, are you wearing the J-Lo butt pad, $9.99, just in time for Christmas, from Ronco??! No answer. Shock. My my. Then I tried "Hey, are those your real tits?" Hmm. Some people are just not suited for work with the public. I guess I won't expect a "Merry Christmas" from her.
*
I really dislike "Merry Christmas"..and I hear it all season. Happy holidays would be acceptable, but, you learn to deal with it. Most people mean no harm. I get my kicks from knowing they are celebrating a Pagan holiday. It's Pagan, you can look it up. I'm not into explaining that to the ignorant and I'm glad we don't have an abundance of the ignorant on here. Thank you for that. To the rest..you...can...look...it...up. You..can...Google...it.
25 comments:
Halloween is just a scam to prop up the pumpkin industry.
Do your part, as usual, and don't get any.
Oh, and thank you for the email. Your advice to me to stop blogging was apprecitated as usual.
I hate that Halloween gets the shaft every year. I don't want to buy my decorations on the 4th of July, thank you very much.
Boy does the "buy this fully decorated tree for the bargain price of $XXXX" hack me off. If you're so fucking lazy that you can't decorate your own tree then don't put one up. The flashing Jesus won't mind ; )
I hate that they start early too. I also hate that everyone is made to feel their worst at Christmas trying to get "it" done in time. Christmas is my favorite holiday and should be savored, not minimilized by stupid stores and getting your Christmas shopping done on time. It seems like nobody even understands what the holiday is about anymore.
Okay. I'm done. I agree with you on the earliness, but i am as obsessed with Christmas as you are with Halloween so it's a draw. LOL. :)
Thanksgiving gets the shaft, too.
You are my Hero. All my witty comebacks come to me in the car after I've already left the premises. WHY haven't you been designated a national treasure yet?
-- Maggie Cupcakes
LMAO! Others ask why am I not in prison yet.
In the spirit of the upcoming holiday, I would suggest you check out my email and my freak city pic.
When I was a kid x-mas season got started up right after thanksgiving. Now you would be a bit late to wait that long. Some people didnt even put up their tree till x-mas eve back in the day. Drag it out, make people pay, fifty dollars every day!
rox
Oh my Kids are so confused. They think Mary and Joesph rode a reindeer. Frosty was a one of the wise men. It is getting nuts wouldn't be surprised if we find conversation hearts and chocolate bunnies in our trick or treat bags.
As for the clerk. She deserved it, but probably to ignorant to realize what was happening. No I.Q. test for that job, always check your change always check the receipt.
You can love Jesus or burn in Hell. Your choice, bitch.
I once fell in Love with a dude named Jesus Gonzalez maybe it was because he didn't speak english that we were able to communicate so well...and I wish you all a Happy Valentine Day!!!!!
Connie
love jesus or burn in hell ahahahahahah!!!!! Whew I needed that ^.^
Thank you for my Friday afternoon laugh. You say everything that I would never have the nerve to say out loud but always wish I did.
Erin
Anon @ 7:23;
You're hurting baby Jesus.
love baby jesus or burn? are those really the only two options? cause im sorry to say i don't think much about jesus unless something's really wrong and i start praying "please god oh please god blah blah blah". Maybe i won't love baby jesus and i'll just simmer a little.........
I grew up in a Griswold-esque house. Every Halloween and Christmas we were decorated to the millionth degree. I loved it . Now I do the same and my kids love it. No silver tinsel though. It's no fun chasing the cat around trying to step on the tinsel hanging out of her butthole.
Anon 7:23:
That's not very Christian-like. Thank you for making us look like complete ignorant assholes. :)
I wrote a post on the halloween stuff stores put out earlier and earlier every year. Lowe's has their Christmas displays up already. It takes away from the whole Christmas experience when it's not even Thanksgiving yet.
Do you think the Christian Troll is the same one or a new one? I see this one with green hair!
I looked out my window one day and saw that a sign had been stuck in my yard. It said, "Do you need Jesus? Call 629-5000." I was feeling low so I did. The next morning a Mexican was outside cutting my grass. He did a good job and it DID make me feel better.
Old joke, but I had to do it!!!!!
Valle, you've killed my love of tinsel. Bawaaaa ha.
I like Christmas again, but will never get into it like I did when my kids were little (or when I was).
I'm disgusted with having to pretend the long-held custom of Christmas isn't important now that half of Communist and free China slithers through our streets, debasing and dumbing down everything from the English language to driving conditions, buying their driver's licenses and causing unnecessary frustration on the road by all decent drivers, cheating on university exams so they can get double doctorates despite being unemployable because they don't know how to actually DO anything, huge illegal domination of the drug/sex trade/gambling culture, and lying every time they open their mouths.
So I will say Merry Christmas to the rest of the population, because whatever religion/beliefs they have, they don't gape stupidly at you when talk to them.
-from the West Coast of BC
stores around here---walmart especially---now wait until AFTER halloween to put up the xmas trees....a few years ago they put them up in AUGUST!!! WTF?!?!?
but they have out christmas cards now! yeah, mail your cards NOW....wtf?!
it's ridiculous....totally ridiculous.....all this rush rush hurry hurry is one of the problems with the world (this country especially)....
a friend of mine online in the UK said that they don't decorate until halloween eve or on halloween! can you imagine?
and thanksgiving is totally overlooked and that's the only 'true' american holiday.....but alas, companies can't make much money off of it, that's why it's not pushed.....greedy grubs....
12:37:00 PM, I'm not sure who you're mad at? The world in general?
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