I'm happy! Hubby made it safely home from Texas although he saw lots of vehicles in the ditch between Kansas City and Des Moines. First thing we did was go get some groceries. I was out of food... and cigs. Yeah, I know, I was going to quit. That'll be my New Year's resolution.
I'm sad that you've had to start moderating comments. I seriously don't 'get' trolls. If someone pisses you off that badly then why do you go to their blog? Why are some people so zealous about making you agree with them? Why can't everyone mind their own damned business?
I have a confession to make, don't think I am total freak, but I named my dog BeeBee after your pet rat BeeBee. But it wasn't until I got home and read your blog that I realized it! Your beebee must have got stuck in my heart! I'm not sorry! I love my mutt and I love this place to post thoughts and meet lots of fine people! bimaxxoo
Well since you offered....I actually thought about emailing you about this one Pat. But I slept on it and the next morning I decided I was being silly, but I don't know. A few weeks ago we had that meteor shower, remember? It was late and I stuck my head out the back door to see if the sky was clear enough to make me want to bundle up and go out and take a look. When I opened the door my cat bolted out into the dark yard. It was a clear night, but very dark. I somehow blindly found my way out into the middle of the yard and took a quick glimpse skyward, began to freeze my ass off and shuffled back into the house. I got into the house and held the door open as I stuck my head out to call the cat who was still outside. This is where things got weird. I stood with the back door wide open and my hand on the door knob so the cat could pass in front of me when he entered the house. Paco my cat is white with a dark gray head and a gray strip across his shoulders. He is quite a large cat. In the darkness I saw Paco's form pass in front of me and head directly past me and into the kitchen. I was about to close the door after himwhen another form passed by me. Then another and then another. Five in all including Paco. It scared the shit out of me. I reached across and flipped on the light and quickly closed the door. I looked towards the kitchen and there was Paco sitting in the doorway like the kid from The Omen. It was very dark and forms were the same height as Paco. They did not have cat forms, they were more like bleach marks against the blackness of the room. The way the forms went by they looked just the way Paco looked when he passed with his light and dark coloring. I told my husband about it and he said both of our cats have been acting strangly by sitting in the basement and looking at the same empty spot. It creeps him out..lol. Now we wonder if we have ghost cats in the house. Even though they appeared to go up into the kitchen, it is not the kitchen that bothers me. The basement suddenly makes me feel quite uneasy. I am not accustomed to such things. Anybody ever have anything like this happen to them? I'm pretty sure I'm not nuts.
Biz, it is an old wive's tale, that if the babay is giving you heartburn, and you have to take tums and rolaids, the baby will be born with a lot of hair. I actualy have seen it happen a few times. Mabel, I haven't had a group sighting, but I think I did see the spirt of the cat of my heart, who left me 5 years ago. He was very similar in coloring to a cat I have now. The other night, I thought I saw current cat run into the big flower pot, and take off in the side yard. It was dark out, but enough light from the house I could make him out..but then, I go into the house, and there is the cat I thought I had just seen outside! I miss him very very much.
Anybody have advice for raising a teenage girl? Mine is out of her head all of a suddden...I dont remember being like her, are they all this difficult?
I haven't seen cats here, I don't think, but I have been seeing a creepy old man in a wife beater, suspenders, and baggy pants. One night I saw him appear to either fall down forward or crouch down forward and get up, and do the same thing two more times in succession on his way through the dining room and around into the kitchen. This was sort-of out of the corner of my eye. I have uneasy feelings here, more at night than in the day, but I feel as if I need to be on guard, or watchful. We have lived here for fifteen years, but never saw this guy until the last six or eight months. I occasionally see someone's arms like white/transparent mist near the stove in the kitchen, but I think that is a woman. She doesn't bother me a bit, but lately I have been telling myself this is nothing to be afraid of, and I have almost felt resentful towards whomever the man is. I don't know what to make of it. Why did he appear here, and why is he staying?
Sexual rights group renames female hymen December 09, 2009 • 11:44 am By Diana Fasanella A Swedish sexual rights group has proclaimed a new English term for what they say is “one of the most misunderstood parts of the female anatomy” … the hymen.
You mean it's not called a pookie? The Swedish Association for Sexuality Education has renamed the hymen the “vaginal corona” because of its “mythical status” that “has caused far too much harm for far too long,” the Local reports.
The linguistic declaration follows the group’s campaign aimed at dispelling the myths that the hymen is a membrane covering the vaginal opening that needs to be broken when, in fact, it consists of folds of mucous membranes which form a crown around the vaginal opening that stays with a woman all her life.
The groups says it wants to dispel the mythology of the hymen and virginity that is used to control women’s freedom and sexuality, and often becomes a major focus of a girl’s life. In short, it ends up giving men the right to control her body, they say.
Renaming the hymen the “vaginal corona” is meant as a starting point to educate both young women and men around the world.
also...have a final monday, one tuesday and one friday....(one class has no final)...trying to transcribe 2 months of notes i took in short hand....getting a bad cold....bah! one more week of school!!!
will be applying to grad school next month--have to take the GRE....and a professor i have this semester invited me to attend a class she's teaching next semester...i can't pay to take it for credit (no financial aid until i get accepted to grad school) but i can go and participate and do the readings and writings and improve there....
my shins have been fucking killing me the past few days....i think it's the weather? i dunno....feels like someone is taking a razor to my shin bones---best way to describe it....
alright...there's my rant/vent/whatever...
OH!!! poli and pan's picture---the one where they're running together holding a stick is in the Save Ohio Strays calendar!! just a little pix in the month of march...but still!! that's the rescue i got both those hooligans from....
must get back to studying! ARGH! also have to send out cards, and wrap gifts for the 'hood kids.....
Snowbunnie, I don't have any experience with teenage girls, but if it's anything like teenage boys, my heart goes out to you, and I wish you luck. We have struggled for years to send our son to parochial schools because they are better (here) than the public schools. My son is in his senior year, and he decides to drop soccer, which he has played every year since he was tiny and he would have been certain to be with his old buddies on varsity this year, doesn't want to go to the school he is in, wants to move out before the end of the school year, and is flunking out in three classes. We have had to have a group meeting with administration, all his teachers and his counselor present, yesterday. I just hope he is able to pull out all the stops and redeem himself so he can graduate. This particular school does not allow kids to graduate if there is an F anywhere as a final grade in any class. I have been sweating bullets. Good luck with your daughter.
Oh Christina, thank you for your kind words....my daughter too went to Catholic school until 7th grade, and I let her try public school for jr high....now she is in high school and involed in some scary stuff and I am at a loss...I am hoping it is a phase and it passes quickly....good luck with your son.
Biz if the heartburn really bothers you say something to your doctor. When I was pregnant with my son I had horrible heartburn. They can give you something and it really helps.
Corina, my step mother told me that. Turned out to be nowhere near true for me. I had terrible heartburn and even after 14 months, my son has barely any hair to speak of.
Since you opened it up, I will complain about being tired. Can any mothers tell me when you get to sleep again. Since I gave birth I feel like I am in a sleep deprived haze. My luck you will tell me not until my son goes to college!
Biz, when I had that while preggers,I found sipping water relieved it pretty much any time it came on. I had to sip for hours till it went away the first time, then I started to outsmart it by sipping water before eating - it worked. Anyway good luck with it, it sucks.
Biz, it is an old wive's tale, that if the babay is giving you heartburn, and you have to take tums and rolaids, the baby will be born with a lot of hair.
So true! I had the worst heartburn when I was pregnant - I was always carrying around a bottle of Tums. You could hear me clinking a mile away. My daughter was born with the fullest head of hair I've ever seen on a baby. The night nurses used to style it - every morning she had a new hairdo. One morning they even put it in a mohawk.
Thanks for the suggestions! I had the same problem with my first born, it was so bad I slept with gum in because it helped. It just like creeps up my throat ya know? Yuck.
Oh and Corina 1.0 my daughter was born with a full head of thick brown hair, so I believe ya! Unfortunately it all fell out and she's currently struggling to be considered a blonde (20 months) LOL
I feel your pain! Two pregnancies, no heartburn, then one more where the reflux was so bad that I finally agreed to take Prevacid (usually I avoid all meds when pregnant) - it helped quite a bit.
First two were boys, last was a girl, if that means anything (all had a full head of hair!).
Biz...I took Pepcid...my Dr. recommended it and it changed my life during my pregnancy with Audrey.
Snowbunnie...I have two teenagers and although things aren't perfect, the best advice I can give is to talk to her A LOT. Share your own struggles and be honest about your own past. I know this isn't for everyone, but with our 17-year-old, we're going with the "honesty" policy...which basically means he's promised to tell us what he's considering and we've promised to evaluate scenarios on a case by case basis. It's working for us so far...he's waaaay more honest with us than I ever was with my parents...by a long shot! Raising teenagers feels like the final exam in our parenting course, doesn't it?
Yeah that's what I was going to recommend- talking and staying neutral in her presence. You can go postal when she can't see you, but don't let it get back to her. Stay strong, but not authoritarian. Authoritarian just sets the pendulum swinging the other way. It's a long road during those years and you can win the war, so be prepared to lose some battles by backing down quietly, like it didn't matter to you anyway because you trust her. Even though you don't.
I'm so pround of myself that i made gingerbread men from scratch last night :) I have finals next week too - my art history proffessor is batshit crazy though. She gave us a study guide one week before the final and we never went over anything on it, ugh! I can't even read the textbook becuase i sold them to get a new lens for my DSLR, haha!
Snowbunnie and Christina---I teach 7th grade and all I can tell you is at this time the girls or roaring with hormones and ATTITUDE. I find it also has a lot to do with the people they choose for friends. And if you try to encourage them to make new friends, it will probably make it worse. Christina, be very careful with your son. Last year we had a conference on teenage suicide. A lot of what you said are some of the signs they told us. Stopping something he has enjoyed all his life (soccer), wanting to leave their friends--going to a new school (because they know him to well), and dropping grades (which is an unusal thing for them--giving up). Has he given away any of his personal things? Have the counselors even thought about this? Does he dwell on things? Or does he talk about going to college or what he might do in the future---this is a good sign. It's not an easy subject to think about when you have a child, but I didn't realize the problem it has become throughout the country. My eyes have really been opened since then and it really scares me. This year I have looked at each child differently than I used to. I'm not sure I like this feeling of always being on the look out. I would much rather think that all kids are happy, but they are not. Today is a different world. I only hope this helps and I hope like hell that I am wrong!!! But I had to say what I know! Good luck with the future--better safe than sorry!
I just wanted to ask for positive healing thoughts and prayers for my Rissa. She was in a bad car accident 3 weeks ago Saturday. I thought she was dead. A 1st responder found my number in her phone and told me to go to the ER she had been in an accident. I got there before the squad. I heard level 1 trauma ETA 3 mins. I saw the police bring out her coat and clothes that had been cut off and asked me to identify them. I screamed that I wanted to see her but it took 10 more minutes for them to let me see her. She took a very bad blow to the head, so concussion, bruised pelvis, and femur. She still has head pain and short term memory problems. She was staying at a friends house, they got in the car with her friends boyfriend who had been drinking. The girls had not been. She survived Thyroid cancer at the beginning of 2009, why would she make such a stupid decision? She knows how precious life is. I panic when she is out of my sight. I feel better having wrote this out.
Nissa, you got it. I'm so sorry about it. I can't believe when a drunk driver causes an accident nothing happens to them, but everyone else suffers. Wishing a proper and speedy recovery for her, no mother should EVER go through that situation.((((hugs))))
On Wednesday I was watching the memorial for the 4 Lakewood officers slain last week, well actually I was trying to watch while doing other things, I would feel my eyes water if I paid attention for more than 2 minutes. It was all too emotional. I cannot believe the nerve of some people who think they are above the law.
But there was one thing that gave me hope, and it was seeing how the community comes together in times of hardship and suffering. It is amazing the support these families have been receiving from everyone. Often times our police officers are under-estimated because we hate being subjected to the law, and we don't understand that they put their lives on the line for US every day of the year. Seeing how people have come together for them, makes me very very proud of being part of this community, of our law enforcement officers, our troops, our firefighters, our people. Ok my eyes are getting watery now.
OMG, Nissa your beautiful sweet Risa! I am so thankful she's alive. Please keep us all updated, that story is horrific. She just went along with her friends. She's so young. Drunk drivers...what can I say? OMG, teenagers think they're immortal.
Bayou Jane----I have thought about that, and I don't think that is where he is going. I hope I'm right. He gave up soccer because they got a new coach last year who is a jerk. If you haven't played classic soccer for years, you are simply not on his radar. We couldn't afford that expense in addition to parochial school tuition. I saw the coach yelling at my son and making him clean up everyone's mess after a game, even though my son did nothing to offend anyone. It happened right in front of me, there were other kids present from my son's team who were not directed to clean up---they play classic soccer---and my son was never out of my sight. My son became convinced that he could not succeed and might not even make the team this year, even though the coach called me and repeatedly asked why my son didn't go out for soccer, and that they missed him. He totally lost confidence, and refused to even try. He wants to go to school in a neighboring town because that is where his friends from work go. He no longer hangs out with his previous friends because of his dissociation with soccer, and other friends quit going to this school because of expense, and in another case, distance. They live approximately 30-35 miles away from the school and another 12 away from us. In order for him to visit them, he has to go through a major metropolitan area, cross the Columbia, and go North of Vancouver. So, he lost friends to attrition, and while he still has friends, they are not the really close ones he had before. However, in the last week or two he has seemed to refer to them more often as buddies. He told me he did not respect some of his teachers and did not want to work for them. That's his reason for not doing homework. Having met the teacher he feels most strongly this way about in our meeting, I can tell you I feel the same way. She doesn't teach so much as give a packet of problems to do with little instruction, and some of the elements needed to solve the problems may be found in chapters of the book not covered at this time. It was an eye-opener listening to her. We discussed having him drop one or two of the classes he finds most stressful or bothersome (Most of his classes are advanced placement with his biology college level course starting last June.) My husband and I are in agreement that we just want to help him through this, and make school more tolerable to him. I made it plain he should not take Spanish 5 for me or anyone else but himself, and if he doesn't like this math course (one of the calculus courses) that could wait until college, too. It doesn't matter to us. Add to this, his grandfather, the only grandfather he has ever known as my father passed away before he was born, is dying of liver cancer. No possible further treatment. He is in and out of hospice, and rallies, and then gets worse. We have all said our goodbyes a number of times. Grandpa's world revolves around our son (his only grandchild). This has truly been a tough row to hoe. I appreciate your concern and don't think that is what is happening, but I am very watchful as I recently learned that a friend from nursing school lost her son to suicide when he started college. I think I'm going to get him some counseling and see where we go from there.
Nissa---I'm so sorry your daughter is hurt. It was probably just a spontaneous teenage thing to do, getting in the car with him, I mean. I'm sure she regrets it. I'm sending my prayers your way for your daughter, and hope she recovers very quickly.
I know I'll be slammed for saying this, but I think Tiger is trying to come to grips with what he's been doing. I don't think it's just pr motivating him to make changes. Maybe I'm duped. But it's hard to believe he wouldn't try to get along with Elin. HOw could he be thought of as a good father, considering he'd never have had time to schedule them in? Maybe he's nice to them when they pass in the halls.
I was in the hospital again on Wednesday and I'm tired and pissed off. Needed two shots from an IV because my heart rate went bonkers and wouldn't slow down. This was my 32nd time getting heart meds through an IV and I am so over it. I wish they'd give me open heart surgery. Everyone says I shouldn't wish that because it's risky. Well I do wish it because this shit SUCKS! Blah!
I am reading a book titled "Born to Run", by Christopher McDougall.
Secretive indian tribe in the Copper Canyons of Mexico called the Tarahumaras. They trade corn brew and favors as currency, no lying, no jealousy, no theft. Best runners in the world. Larry Mc Murtry wrote in "Streets of Laredo" which is the end of Lonesome Dove, a top notch Western, about these indians and their ability to run for days without stopping, and the fact that there is no disease in their tribe. No diabetes, no heart or feet problems, etc. They run in canyons!.
They eat a cabbage and dead rattlesnake broth called "lechuguilla", as well as bbq mouse. So there you go; the secret to a healthy life is living all around us.
Biggest irony of life is that none of us gets out alive.
My sister-in-law, whom I despise, is on my mind right now.
I don't want to spend another Christmas with my family. My mom and dad are good people and so is my brother but my SIL is a high-maintenance bitch.
Each year when the holidays roll around I think, "what is she going to do this year?" For the past 8 years she always manages to be so completely controlling with Christmas that it becomes unpleasant. Christmas is when SHE says it is.
And then there are the gifts.
My parents spend A LOT of money on them and they turn around and RE-GIFT us. WTF??? Last year she gave me a washcloth and my mom got a puzzle that had been opened and several pieces were missing. It was so tacky that I actually felt sorry for them.
Comment above was me posted under wrong blog sorry:
Thanks Ladies I appreciate your comments. Sometimes being a nurse is not a good thing. I am not ashamed to admit I totally fucking lost it on the cop in the ER. That was the longest 10 minutes of my life. I thought they wouldn't let me see her because she was dead. Thanks to the universe that my friend Celia was able to come with me. Jim had to stay home with Ralphie. I have never been a religious person, my beliefs tend toward a higher power, not necessarily God, but Celia prayed with me and told me she knew she would be fine. I wish I could say that brought me peace(it didn't) but it did distract me enough that I didn't get arrested LOL I have really been retreated kinda licking my emotional wounds. It took me a long time to even tell extended family because I was afraid if I said she was going to be fine that somehow I would jinx it. I thought I was doing ok until the police came to take her statement and brought me her glasses all mangled and with her blood on them. The thought those were on my baby's head was just too much. She was the only one wearing her seatbelt and the only one hurt. She was hurt by the other 3 kids slamming into her when the car flipped. Her face is still pretty bruised and her short term memory is screwed up but she will finally go back to school on Monday. Some normalcy will do us all good I think. I just hope that she learned from this but she is a teen so who knows. Thanks again, you all are great people:)
Mabel Leaf and Christina, your ghostly experiences freaked me out.
Nissa, So sorry to hear about Rissa. Please keep us updated on her recovery. I can't imagine what you are going through.
Iambriezy, I couldn't agree more. My 2 daughters are well beyond the teenage years and looking back I wish I had used the honesty policy with them. I didn't want them to make the same mistakes I had made at their age. So I used iron control instead of talking things out. Despite my mistakes they both turned out to be good people and we have a great relationship.
i put up my tree yesterday and finally feel a little better about this season. times are tough for us just like everybody else, and I feel like i don't have shit to give my kids. they're not spoiled and only asked for a few things. i think i always go overboard and i can't this year. i'm glad we did the tree. my 9 year old Hayley has been waiting. She's the last one to "believe".
Valle. I am glad you got your tree up. Christmas is not about what we can get our children but the togetherness we can spend as family's. I know that is so cliche but many years ago I beat myself up as a single parent who couldn't afford a tree much less the presents to put under said tree. I remember I bought a strand of lights and taped them to the wall in the shape of a Christmas tree. I still look back at those pictures fondly.Please be easy on yourself!
Well Ive know you ladies for awhile. So I believe I can open up to all of you. Ive been sick alot lately.. Alot of acid. I thought it was the flu both ways. It comes and goes. Well with all the stress Ive been under, the moving, work, stress at home etc. I though wtf.. were is my period.. I swear I had it about a month ago. NO.. I swear I havent had it since oct.. Its dec and its about that time. I have the same symptoms like im going to get it. But No.. I'm scared to take a test. Im scared to go to the Dr. 1. I have high blood pressure with my first child. ( my mom said dont get pg again you will DIE DIE DIE) because the dr said I was close to or go into kidney failure. I just dont know if I can do this.. One time in my life im scared..Of the outcomes...I told my hub if my period is not here by the 12 im going to the clinic. I need to know. I cant just shuffle my feet.
Open Post Day. Nice. Snowbunnie My boys are still little. Haven't raised any teenagers yet. I was an awful one just awful, from that perspective I have only this advice. Try not to overreact, (at least in front of her) When it goes to the point you can't control try to have this attitude. (This looks like a poor choice and a bad path. Your a smart girl and I have confidence you will do the right thing.) Then try not to ring your hands off with worry. I got my self in a myriad of not so o.k. situations lots of luck and some brains. I made it. Now I have a B.A. and B.S. despite missing a great deal of high school. Didn't have my first baby or pregnancy till I was 33. And have been with my kids Dad for almost 21 years. (wow) Married for 8. It's scary I'm sure. find something you like to do together and try to maintain connection.
Sending healthy thoughts several have themselves or loved ones ill. Get healthy everyone!
Oh, Nissa, my heart goes out to you. I remember when my kids started to drive, it seemed as though my heart spent its time in my throat. I'm hoping for a full recovery for Rissa. It seems, with teenagers, a lot that goes bad happens in spur of the moment decisions. Unfortunately, when they reach their teen years we can't be with them all the time, we have to let them go and hope that they will be okay. I hope you can get some rest after your terrible ordeal.
Thanks for that perspective....I have tried to be really open and honest with both of my kids, and it seemed to be ok until recently, she is making such bad decisions, has been suspended from school for 2 1/2 months....It is so hard because you just want the best for them and they think you are the enemy...I wasnt a hard teenager, so I cant understand all of this, but my friends who struggled have told me that there is nothing anybody could have said to them to make them change their behavior. She is a good girl, and smart and hilarious (at times) and I am keeping my fingers crossed that she finds her way...snowbunnie
Alison, I hope they find a permanent solution for your health problems. I'm sure it's not only painful, but very frustrating for you. They've come such a long way with heart surgery (if they say that's what would help you), that it's not as scary as it was 20-30 years ago. I wish you well.
That kicking kids out of school makes the battle all that harder. What are they supposed? to get a job? Look for and present more choices maybe one will trip her trigger. Don't beat yourself up after all when we raise independent thinkers that is exactly what they do. Wash the guilt off everyday in the shower like dead skin and take one day at a time. Good luck keep us posted.
I have a bitch! I am really disgusted at the number of criminals they are letting out of jail to commit more crimes. The violent crime offenders, like the man who shot those police officers, the rapist murderer in Ohio where they have found multiple bodies in and around his house. There are numerous others. Keep the bad guys in jail!! I am opposed to capital punishment. I am starting to rethink my stance. Particularly if we could kill these guys in a timely fashion. (gawd can't believe I am thinking that!)
Ava's Mommy...I was in your exact predicament last month. I can so relate to your fear of taking the test. You just don't wanna know, right? I got the courage by calling my best friend and she talked me through it...highly recommend this...she was able to keep me calm and distracted for what seemed like an eternal 3 minutes. Hoping for good results for you!
Matilda, sounds like your policy worked out too! That's the end result we all hope for...having adult children that are good, likable people. Glad you have that.
To all you Dishers with teenage problems, I am living with a 31 yr. old man(my son), who still seems to be a teenager. He has put us through the wringer for 18 years. I could write about these troubles forever, but I won't. We, my husband and I, have given and forgiven too much and for this I am truly sorry. Obviously, we have never made it clear that there are consequences to bad behavior, this is a major mistake, and one that I hope all you who are reading make clear to your teenagers. Put your foot down and DO NOT pick it back up until your child totally understands this. Let your child think your are evil, mean,etc. The outcome will be a much more stable adult,one that you can be proud of. This is going to sound terrible to all of you but, I'll say it anyway. It's a thought that I have, always in my heart; If my son was to die tomorrow, I wonder if I would have anything good to say at his funeral. That is terrible, isn't it? Dishers,please don't make the same mistakes that I've made with your children.
To Maureen: It's not too late to put your foot down, you know? He's 31 years old? He's a man. Kick his ass OUT! He is not your problem any longer and hasn't been for years! If you really believe that being too soft on him has made him how he is, then you should have no problem with being tough on him now.
Kick him OUT. Pack his shit for him if you have to, put it outside, change the locks and tell him to call you when he has his shit together. If he never does get his shit together, guess what? Not your fault, it'll be HIS - just like it's ultimately his own fault he is the way he is now.
MabelLeaf, chilling story. Just because it's small does not mean it's an animal. You know that. If they were cat ghosts, you wouldn't have been afraid like that. You wouldn't be afraid now. But, you are. Take your house back.
But what are we here for? It can't be just to live for ourselves. Doing a 180 on him might be too hard for everyone to do. Just one or two changes might be more realistic, and getting some outside help to do that - not necessarily 'experts' (grunt). If you just don't like him, and/or he's just not likeable, he almost certainly has personality disorders. Have you ever looked through the dsm-iv?
Anon 3:43 is right. The youngest made some very bad decisions and ended up preggers at an early age with a man who was 10 years older than her. I had warned her about this low life (he didn't have a job or a car and was living with his parents). She didn't listen to me and moved in with him and his parents. To make a long story short she went through 5 years of absolute hell with this man. Whenever she'd call me to bitch and moan about her plight I'd give her advice about what she needed to do to get away from him. But she didn't want my words of wisdom... she wanted me to give her money... which I wouldn't do. It was hard to see her suffer but I knew she had to learn from her mistakes. She's stubborn and hard-headed just like me and the only way she was going to learn anything was in the school of hard knocks. After 5 years she finally wised up, took my grandchild and got away from the SOB. She has a good job now, has her head on straight, and tells me all the time that she should have listened to me.
I have read all this now. I am sorry I was slow to respond, but, Lissa was dropped off unexpectedly yesterday and she just left. She was in one of her troubled moods, I am not feeling good and debating weather I need the ER or not. Still thinking that out.
Anyhow, all I have to say about teenagers and young adults is..we get what we get in the big life draw. I got one calm one that never ever got in trouble and I got one highly dramatic one that caused me hell. I loved them both dearly. And I hope I made it clear to both of them that they were equal in my heart, though very different. I really hope that, because only one of them is alive today. Stick by your kids, even when they fuck up and drive you out of your mind. No matter what.
Maureen, I know how you feel. I know how you could say the things you do. Believe me, I do. It just gets to be too much some times. But, trust me on this one, make sure your boy knows you love him now, do that because you know deep in your heart you do. Death can happen to any of us, none of us are immune. I will cherish the last conversation I had with my dramatic son and I will forever be greatful that for some reason I hugged him tight and told him I loved him. I did. And that is unlike me. I am not a hugger and he and I were not "love you" kind of people. But, he knew at the end, how I felt. It has helped save my sanity in the wake of his death.
Thier problems ARE our problems, because they're part of us and we raised them. I am flawed, my son was raised by....me. How can I not be responsible for at least part of his problems? I like knowing I was also part of his awesome humor, intelligence, imense unique talent and his capacity to love. We are our children.
I shut myself off to the world three years ago. I haven't left this house in the last 3 years. I guess I'm mentally ill but I'm not the insane, crazy type. I keep to myself and hide away from everyone. I don't know how to live.
It's always just once more chance with him. This is what it is now with him living with me after over a year of not speaking to him much. I guess we'll see. He talks a great talk, but doesn't walk it for long. If I'm screwed again, I promise each and everyone that this is it. Yes, a personality disorder it is. he makes Kate Gosselin look like an amateur. Narciccism(sp.) is the name and he uses it as a game. Yes, we've seen professionals and he is able to fool them. Yes, I do have two daughters who are "normal" I am not a huggy kissy person either, but is that a neccessary trait to have to be able to show love? I don't think so.
Tia, I woke up with no feeling in my entire left side and pain. Now it's back, I feel tingly (that asleep feeling)..we have shit for medical here. I'm drinking coffee and deciding what to do.
Maureen, my kid wasn't like that. Your kid is awful..I can tell. But, he's yours and your stuck with him. I'm not saying let him walk on you, not at all. I'm saying when you kick his ass, tell him you're kicking his ass because you love him. He can't go through life being a dick.
I agree, it's not crazy to want to withdraw into your own world. Some of us have had too much trouble having people in our lives, so why the hell should we keep putting ourselves out there? I'm also wondering who the fuck decided Normal was a good thing? Most of the great things in the world have happened because of abnormal people. So WTF?
Maureen if he's a Narcissist, you have no hope to change him. It will never happen. Just try to think of him as having a incurable disease that you have to handle at arms length, still caring, but never being drawn into. I think my daughter has it too, but I keep trying to show her my care and not let it upset me. My mother is the biggest fake I've ever seen, any politician would grovel at her feet to have a little of it rub off. I still don't know how to handle her and still feel a horrible rage I need to deal with. After all, I can make MY life good, even if I'm surrounded by N's.
I looked up the numbness\tingling. One of the possible causes is diabetes. Other causes range from carpal tunnel to stroke.
Here is the link to what i found.
http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/sym/numbness.htm
Form what I read on several sites this can be difficult to diagnose if it is something minor, But IMO you ought to go get checked out to rule out stroke.
Please let your Faithful Readers know what is happening.
Miss Tia..., I saw that over there and I know that wasn't you. I also saw the others and know those are fake. They are only grasping at straws at this point. They are pathetic and I guess we should pity the insane.
DD, I hope you get to feeling better. That all sounds really serious.
Pat Please get your ass to the ER! Do you have high blood pressure? Any visual changes? Is your speech feeling thick at all? Half assed medical care is better then none.
"Kick him out" anon here. I never said it would be easy to kick him out, DD. I said it's what she has to do and I stand by that. It's done out of love. Because, think about it, if you really fucked your kid up somehow, then how can you claim to love them if you keep doing the EXACT THING that fucked them up in the first place? It's irrational to keep doing the same thing and hope for a different result.
It's right and natural that people grow up and take full responsibility for themselves. If you keep doing it for them then you are literally HURTING them, holding them back. That is not a good parent that is a parent working out of guilt, fear or in some cases even laziness - because it's easier to do it for them than to stand by and watch them fuck it up. But that's how we all learn, by our mistakes. It's the only way and deep down you know that.
Furthermore, just as you set boundaries for your mother, this mother has every right to do the same for her son. Every right. She has the right to some peace and enjoyment out of life too, whatever her mistakes in the past.
Nissa, no, high blood pressure is not one of my problems. I have many though, that I won't go into on here. I am going to have to get a plan to see a specialist. I know something is wrong.
* Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body * Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding * Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes * Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination * Sudden, severe headache with no known cause
If you have any of these...get medical help fast!!! there is a small window for treating stroke before you get brain damage.
Pat, I trust you will make the right decision on when to get to the DR/ER. We just care and are concerned for a dear friend. Healing thoughts everyone's way...
Pat, I trust you will make the right decision on when to get to the DR/ER. We just care and are concerned for a dear friend. Healing thoughts everyone's way...
DD, I really think you need to go to the ER. Even if you have crappy medical where you are, you really need to check into these symptoms. I am very concerned for you.
Anon 4:47---I suffered terribly from anxiety attacks years ago, and got to the point where I had the beginnings of agoraphobia and didn't want to leave home. At my worst, I was no longer able to function at work, at all. I had to leave the operating room suddenly, with no warning, when they were counting on me to receive a cesarean section baby. I couldn't breathe at all, my heart rate was through the roof, and I felt complete panic and failure. I thought I was going to die before I got out of the room. I didn't feel any better until they released me to go home for the day, either. I had to run from absolute fear. It is very real. Home does feel like the only safe place. Eventually, with counseling and medication, I was able to overcome the worst of my symptoms, though I continue to be medicated for depression. With extreme stress in my life recently, I have been teetering on the brink of panic attacks/anxiety attacks again, but I am able to calm myself before it becomes full-blown. It is something that can get better. It is possible to get help and learn to manage this so that you can have a better life. It just takes small steps at first. Please continue to post and let others know how you are.
Thank you Coyote. :) I'm not really scared of having heart surgery but my doctors don't want to do it until I'm on the verge of heart failure since it surgery has to keep being repeated every 5-10 years after the first operation (the docs have to keep going in and replacing a valve...yuck). What a pain!
Maureen-your son sounds EXACTLY like my sister. Total and complete case of narcissism, thinks everyone is just being mean to her when they put their foot down...my mom is always saying she is sorry she wasn't harder on my sister. Parents who want to be their child's "best friend" have the WRONG idea...I wish they would figure that out before it's too late. I feel sorry for my mom, she tried to stand up to my sister and sister responded with a 5-page letter telling her all the ways she (my mom) ruined her (my sister)'s life...UGH. I wish I could help you but all I can say is, stand up to him, whatever the consequences, it's better than what's going on now..kick him out if that's all that's left to try. My mom feels bad about my sister but she actually feels better now that she finally stood up to her, even with sis's reaction. She was tired of being passive. So was I! Sis is mad at me too but I don't care anymore!
Okay, the house is in order, my overnight is packed and I have a list of meds, etc..just in case I do have to hit the ER tonight. I know ya'll think I'm nuts, but, all we have is a small town hick hospital. We have no fancy stuff and only GP.s And few of them. So, my plan is to call my doctor Monday, ask to be seen as soon as possible and I will NOT take his lame explanations again for these symptoms. I know there is something wrong and I am pretty sure it's fixable.
Thanks to everyone who addressed my problem, it is very hard for me to talk about this, pride, maybe? I know what needs to be done and everyone is absolutely right in saying i screwed up and am continuing to do so. This is the last and final straw, God as my witness, it is. I did it once, but time has a way of letting you forget a little or maybe it just hope. I need my husband's help, as he is worse than I am in the forgiveness dept. If/when he fails us again and hubby doesn't cooperate, well that may be a whole other story.
Pat, please get some med. help and put yourself and us at ease. You are important to so many people in so many ways, especially this time of year. You wouldn't want to be totally out of commission.
Pat, get thyself to the ER. I still think what you're describing sounds very much like the symptoms I had from my neck before they finally did surgery. They may want to give you a muscle relaxer. Tell them you want Valium. It's the only thing that would ease my symptoms. They also may want to put you in traction. The time I couldn't move anything, I was in the hospital in traction for a week. It got me through that awful period, but I hit others until they finally did the surgery which is no big deal. Now, go.
Coyote, I have gone. I have complained for 6 months now. I have been to the ER several times. I just don't post medical things usually. I have heard more bullshit than you can imagine. Now, I'm done listening because I know what I know. By that, I mean, they are wrong. I have a problem that has to be fixed.
Pat, I am very sorry if I sounded preachy, I just don't want you to let something that is fixable become not fixable, if that makes sense. I had a patient last week. He is 35 years old and needs a kidney transplant and dialysis because he let his high blood pressure go untreated. It sounds as if maybe you are having issues with a herniated disc in your neck perhaps? Just a guess with the numbness and tingling and the lack of cardiovascular issues. If you are having some type of nerve compression and irritation the numbness can become permanent if you allow it to go untreated. I know Doctors are a big pain in the ass especially those that are placating and patronizing. I see all kinds. It is your job as a patient to be the squeaky wheel until you get the referrals that you need. It is bullshit that you are not being taken seriously but since you aren't you have to be your own advocate! I wish I lived closer I would draw labs and give you an assessment myself LOL I would put you on my home visit rotation. Sorry if this came off pushy and preachy but I just don't want to see anything happen to you, especially something preventable! PS You made me cry when you said you were lighting a candle for my Rissa.
Nissa, I AM trying to get help. I've been trying for months. I wish you lived closer too. The Rissa candle is still going, I'm watching it and every time I look over at it, I send out a "beam" and say, get well, get well. She has her whole life ahead. Yep.
i'm glad to hear you'll avoid iowa city, it was a joke 20+ years ago....they killed a friend of the family, about the only person who really knew what the hell my mother was doing to me and tried to help (though help was limited in iowa in the 70s/early 80s)...she made sure i got 2 lunches at school and extra attention....
but anyway....she had some weird form of diabetes and they decided to take her kidney out....why? dunno...then they took out half her liver....she died a horrible painful death.....now she was really sick and might have died anyway....but i always blamed them....
Pat, I know you are and I read through the replies again and saw how long this has been going on. I am sorry that the medical profession is failing you, it is truly bullshit. I hope that you can get help soon. I also remember the VA hospital in Iowa City. My Dad used to have to go there. I grew up about 40 miles East of Burlington Iowa on the Illinois side. I remember my Dad having to go there all the time. That place was a nightmare! If there is anything I can do please let me know.
Nissa, i feel bad for not having posted before. I am burning a candle for your Rissa too. Your post really struck fear in my heart. I also have a teen daughter, she lives in another city going to school, and rides in cars with all sorts of kids, as well as driving herself all over Houston.I put myself in your place and just panicked for a few minutes.
Yeah, Iowa City is a "teaching" hospital. They just use you up like a rat in a lab. Last time I stayed there they put me in this awful place, awful. You think you're going to be in a hospital, but, not all of it is. It's creepy and weird, like somethig from a horror movie. And then..they lost my cat scans.
Yeah they do. And I wonder if it's still the home of Westlawn maternity home? It was when I was a teenager. It was a filthy work camp for bad girls. Abusive mess.
i remember that every pregnant teen who received welfare HAD to go to iowa city to deliver....it was like a 3 hour drive....but they HAD to go there! WTF?! i hope that has changed....but i doubt it, cuz it's iowa....
I wasn't getting welfare. I was underage and my mom sent me there. On a bus. Alone. And I had my baby all alone, miles from home, and I brought him home on a Trailways bus in a snow storm, alone. These are not happy memories. But, I remember how beautiful he was and how scared I was..I am so glad I kept him.
i never heard of the work farm....i just knew that if a teen got medicaid, they had to drive to iowa city to deliver...there was a girl once in high school who's water broke in the hallway and the principal drove her to iowa city as her parents couldn't be found.....
DD, if you can make it to Monday--demand to see a specialist. If you have to go to an ER, please don't wait. I remember the time you passed out on the floor of your apartment and all I could think of was that you were alone all that time. If you decide to wait--call or have someone call you at least every 2 hours to check on you. I'm being perfectly greedy by saying this----I don't think I could be without you and your readers at this time in my life. DD, we have learned to care about you very much. To me, you are like a modern Mark Twain---with tales to tell and thoughts to share!
Which brings me to the next subject. Maureen, never give up on your son. Tell him you love him every time you can. My son sounds like he could be your sons twin. It has taken a tradgedy to change him even a little. I hope you won't need something bad to happen for him to change but something really dramatic will have to slap him in the face. My son is really coming through for me now that I really need him---both emotionally and financially. Never give up hope! And let him know that whatever you do--you still love him and you are hoping that it will help him. Remember, like it or not, our children are what we make them! Yea, I didn't like that thought either!!!
Nissa, my warmest thoughts and hope go out to Rissa. Your being a nurse is going to help her a lot, but it won't help with all your worrying.
Snowbunnie---it sounds like you have a good plan. Why couldn't kids come with a manuel? I know that's cliche, but someone really needs to write one for the modern kid.
Christina---explaining the reasons for your sons changing clears up a lot of questions. The teenage suicide conference was very eye opening, but you have to know your child and it sounds like you do. The only thing I can see is he might need a little ego boosting, but he sounds like he (and you) have everything under control. For someone really close to his grandfather, that alone could explain his problems. Sounds like you really know your son and he is very lucky. (I just feel that more parents should be aware of the suicide problem in the U.S. today. Economy worries have an affect on them too.)
I'm sending out what we used to call good "vibes" to everyone in hopes that all your problems become little ones.
DD, it took me seven years to get doctors to take my pain seriously. It was terribly frustrating because I'd see people with broken arms getting attention and they would look at me like I was a "complainer", "a bored housewife". You might have a mix of fibromyalgia along with a disk problem in your neck. I don't know about, today, but I know that a big hurdle was to get a diagnosis with my neck, won't even go into what it took for the fibromyalgia. They chalked it up to being in my head--hypochondria, if you will. It was only when the MRI came along that they had me in the hospital within two days for surgery. The fibro was somewhat managed with medication--and though it acts up upon occasion, now, I can deal with it, but I'm still on medication. The neck was impossible for me to deal with--had I not had small children and a wonderful, supportive husband who believed me, I think (without trying to sound dramatic) suicide would have been my only option. Either that or I would have gone stark raving mad.
This is the kind of pain, especially in women, that is hard to get diagnosed. Find a PAIN specialist.
Wishing you the best. I've worried all night about you.
I have a mentally, physically emotionally and spiritually abusive boyfriend that I've had for 12 years now. I don't know why I stay with him and he just told me he hates me and he doesn't know why he stays with me. My life is so screwed up man, and I don't know how to fix it. The obvious answer is just to leave but years of abuse, neglect and cheating have messed with my mind so bad. I almost feel numb. I've never told anyone this.
1:52 DD, I may not always agree with everything you say or do, but you are a damn good friend and underneath that tough exterior is a heart of gold and a kindness unlimited. Anon, do email DD. I believe she really can/will help you.
The Sunday before Thanksgiving a friend of mine in Austin who is only 38 had a massive stroke. He was perfectly healthy and it just happened out of the blue. It was pretty touch and go for a while but he is now on the road to recovery. They are hopeful he will make a full recovery but he has a long road ahead of him.
I know you live in a small town but are there any larger cities around you that has a decent medical center? I wish you were here we have a wonderful medical center.
To the poster who is having anxiety attacks. I had them for years or so I thought. My heart would feel like it would pound right out of my chest and I would get all shakey and sweaty. I never told any of my docs about it because they didn't happen very often. The about 4 years ago they started happening more often. I had one at work one day and it lasted for hours and it would not stop. They called the ambulance and took me to the hospital. Turns out it was not anxiety but a heart problem. I had some sort of electrical problem. they went in and fixed it and I have been fine since. Please don't ignore this and have it checked out.
Pat, I showed my husband your response to my ghost cat story.The part where you said "Just because it's small does not mean it's an animal" really got his attention. He is Native Canadian. He is not into the whole spiritual side of that culture, but his sister is. We are going to talk to her about having somebody come in to smudge our house. ps...hope you are feeling better..but you still need to see a doctor...a real doctor, not the kind that us small town dwellers get saddled with.
Mabel, your story scared me. That is NOT right. Even in my world and I talk to the dead for a living. I had these things in my last apartment I called "wash rag" ghosts. Many people saw them, they hugged the baseboards, sneaky like, I have photos of them. They were NOT animals. But, they were harmless and loved following Lissa. Yours..I don't know..but, they don't sound nice. You need help.
You really need to go to the doctor's and have everything checked out. We had an all day meeting at the office yesterday. One of the girls called in, her legs were really hurting and she wasn't coming in, lots of pain. She's terribly over weight, has RA and some other problems, was scheduled to have a hysterectomy on Wednesday. We just figured it was her RA acting up or stress. Got a call this morning from our office manager. She died from a heart attack. Go. Get. Some. Tests. Done. (she was in her mid forties)
Do it for Lis. Lisa leaves behind a husband, two grown daughters & two step daughters AND a four y.o. grandson, who she lived for. She loved him & he loved his gam-ma.
dang...I saw "open post" yesterday so I posted a complaint about the freezing temps hit publish and didn't get a chance to read anything here until today.
Anon, I went through a time where I had trouble leaving the house. I don't think you're crazy in the bad sense and if you're crazy in the good sense welcome to the club. Being crazy is what helps me stay sane.
Nissa, I hope your daughter returns to good form as soon as possible. I can't imagine how you must have felt.
DD, if you haven't got yourself checked out please do so. You live a long time with regret.
To everyone who posted with pained worried hearts, a big hug and positive energy to help you along.
(It's still cold, but everything is beautiful and white.)
135 comments:
I'm happy! Hubby made it safely home from Texas although he saw lots of vehicles in the ditch between Kansas City and Des Moines. First thing we did was go get some groceries. I was out of food... and cigs. Yeah, I know, I was going to quit. That'll be my New Year's resolution.
I'm sad that you've had to start moderating comments. I seriously don't 'get' trolls. If someone pisses you off that badly then why do you go to their blog? Why are some people so zealous about making you agree with them? Why can't everyone mind their own damned business?
Matilda, I am so glad he made it home. I'm glad you're safe and warm.
I have a confession to make, don't think I am total freak, but I named my dog BeeBee after your pet rat BeeBee. But it wasn't until I got home and read your blog that I realized it! Your beebee must have got stuck in my heart! I'm not sorry! I love my mutt and I love this place to post thoughts and meet lots of fine people!
bimaxxoo
Tonya, they didn't piss me off they made me see what kind of coward they are sitting behind a screen harping on a sick baby's post. It's inhuman.
And 10, doll..sorry, really. You know I adore you, but, that comment was in the wrong place. I should have moved it.
(No, 10 doll is not a troll.)
LOL, Bim. Awesome. Her full name is BeeBee LaRue. She's French. Bwaaaaa.
I don't have anything serious to bitch about.. but this damn acid reflux that this baby is giving me is driving me crazy!!
It wanted me to have that garlic laden pizza earlier - 2 pieces, and now I'm being punished!
My self medication of ginger ale and gum can only do so much!!
Well since you offered....I actually thought about emailing you about this one Pat. But I slept on it and the next morning I decided I was being silly, but I don't know. A few weeks ago we had that meteor shower, remember? It was late and I stuck my head out the back door to see if the sky was clear enough to make me want to bundle up and go out and take a look. When I opened the door my cat bolted out into the dark yard. It was a clear night, but very dark. I somehow blindly found my way out into the middle of the yard and took a quick glimpse skyward, began to freeze my ass off and shuffled back into the house. I got into the house and held the door open as I stuck my head out to call the cat who was still outside. This is where things got weird. I stood with the back door wide open and my hand on the door knob so the cat could pass in front of me when he entered the house. Paco my cat is white with a dark gray head and a gray strip across his shoulders. He is quite a large cat. In the darkness I saw Paco's form pass in front of me and head directly past me and into the kitchen. I was about to close the door after himwhen another form passed by me. Then another and then another. Five in all including Paco. It scared the shit out of me. I reached across and flipped on the light and quickly closed the door. I looked towards the kitchen and there was Paco sitting in the doorway like the kid from The Omen. It was very dark and forms were the same height as Paco. They did not have cat forms, they were more like bleach marks against the blackness of the room. The way the forms went by they looked just the way Paco looked when he passed with his light and dark coloring.
I told my husband about it and he said both of our cats have been acting strangly by sitting in the basement and looking at the same empty spot. It creeps him out..lol.
Now we wonder if we have ghost cats in the house. Even though they appeared to go up into the kitchen, it is not the kitchen that bothers me. The basement suddenly makes me feel quite uneasy. I am not accustomed to such things. Anybody ever have anything like this happen to them? I'm pretty sure I'm not nuts.
Biz, it is an old wive's tale, that if the babay is giving you heartburn, and you have to take tums and rolaids, the baby will be born with a lot of hair. I actualy have seen it happen a few times. Mabel, I haven't had a group sighting, but I think I did see the spirt of the cat of my heart, who left me 5 years ago. He was very similar in coloring to a cat I have now. The other night, I thought I saw current cat run into the big flower pot, and take off in the side yard. It was dark out, but enough light from the house I could make him out..but then, I go into the house, and there is the cat I thought I had just seen outside! I miss him very very much.
Anybody have advice for raising a teenage girl? Mine is out of her head all of a suddden...I dont remember being like her, are they all this difficult?
snowbunnie
I haven't seen cats here, I don't think, but I have been seeing a creepy old man in a wife beater, suspenders, and baggy pants. One night I saw him appear to either fall down forward or crouch down forward and get up, and do the same thing two more times in succession on his way through the dining room and around into the kitchen. This was sort-of out of the corner of my eye. I have uneasy feelings here, more at night than in the day, but I feel as if I need to be on guard, or watchful. We have lived here for fifteen years, but never saw this guy until the last six or eight months. I occasionally see someone's arms like white/transparent mist near the stove in the kitchen, but I think that is a woman. She doesn't bother me a bit, but lately I have been telling myself this is nothing to be afraid of, and I have almost felt resentful towards whomever the man is. I don't know what to make of it. Why did he appear here, and why is he staying?
Christina
Sexual rights group renames female hymen
December 09, 2009 • 11:44 am
By Diana Fasanella
A Swedish sexual rights group has proclaimed a new English term for what they say is “one of the most misunderstood parts of the female anatomy” … the hymen.
You mean it's not called a pookie?
The Swedish Association for Sexuality Education has renamed the hymen the “vaginal corona” because of its “mythical status” that “has caused far too much harm for far too long,” the Local reports.
The linguistic declaration follows the group’s campaign aimed at dispelling the myths that the hymen is a membrane covering the vaginal opening that needs to be broken when, in fact, it consists of folds of mucous membranes which form a crown around the vaginal opening that stays with a woman all her life.
The groups says it wants to dispel the mythology of the hymen and virginity that is used to control women’s freedom and sexuality, and often becomes a major focus of a girl’s life. In short, it ends up giving men the right to control her body, they say.
Renaming the hymen the “vaginal corona” is meant as a starting point to educate both young women and men around the world.
Words escape me.
just found this site...why the fuck you have a kid
also...have a final monday, one tuesday and one friday....(one class has no final)...trying to transcribe 2 months of notes i took in short hand....getting a bad cold....bah! one more week of school!!!
will be applying to grad school next month--have to take the GRE....and a professor i have this semester invited me to attend a class she's teaching next semester...i can't pay to take it for credit (no financial aid until i get accepted to grad school) but i can go and participate and do the readings and writings and improve there....
my shins have been fucking killing me the past few days....i think it's the weather? i dunno....feels like someone is taking a razor to my shin bones---best way to describe it....
alright...there's my rant/vent/whatever...
OH!!! poli and pan's picture---the one where they're running together holding a stick is in the Save Ohio Strays calendar!! just a little pix in the month of march...but still!! that's the rescue i got both those hooligans from....
must get back to studying! ARGH! also have to send out cards, and wrap gifts for the 'hood kids.....
Snowbunnie, I don't have any experience with teenage girls, but if it's anything like teenage boys, my heart goes out to you, and I wish you luck.
We have struggled for years to send our son to parochial schools because they are better (here) than the public schools. My son is in his senior year, and he decides to drop soccer, which he has played every year since he was tiny and he would have been certain to be with his old buddies on varsity this year, doesn't want to go to the school he is in, wants to move out before the end of the school year, and is flunking out in three classes. We have had to have a group meeting with administration, all his teachers and his counselor present, yesterday.
I just hope he is able to pull out all the stops and redeem himself so he can graduate. This particular school does not allow kids to graduate if there is an F anywhere as a final grade in any class. I have been sweating bullets.
Good luck with your daughter.
Christina
Oh Christina, thank you for your kind words....my daughter too went to Catholic school until 7th grade, and I let her try public school for jr high....now she is in high school and involed in some scary stuff and I am at a loss...I am hoping it is a phase and it passes quickly....good luck with your son.
snowbunnie
Biz if the heartburn really bothers you say something to your doctor. When I was pregnant with my son I had horrible heartburn. They can give you something and it really helps.
Corina, my step mother told me that. Turned out to be nowhere near true for me. I had terrible heartburn and even after 14 months, my son has barely any hair to speak of.
Since you opened it up, I will complain about being tired. Can any mothers tell me when you get to sleep again. Since I gave birth I feel like I am in a sleep deprived haze. My luck you will tell me not until my son goes to college!
Biz, when I had that while preggers,I found sipping water relieved it pretty much any time it came on. I had to sip for hours till it went away the first time, then I started to outsmart it by sipping water before eating - it worked. Anyway good luck with it, it sucks.
-J
Biz, it is an old wive's tale, that if the babay is giving you heartburn, and you have to take tums and rolaids, the baby will be born with a lot of hair.
So true! I had the worst heartburn when I was pregnant - I was always carrying around a bottle of Tums. You could hear me clinking a mile away. My daughter was born with the fullest head of hair I've ever seen on a baby. The night nurses used to style it - every morning she had a new hairdo. One morning they even put it in a mohawk.
Thanks for the suggestions! I had the same problem with my first born, it was so bad I slept with gum in because it helped. It just like creeps up my throat ya know? Yuck.
Oh and Corina 1.0 my daughter was born with a full head of thick brown hair, so I believe ya! Unfortunately it all fell out and she's currently struggling to be considered a blonde (20 months) LOL
Biz,
I feel your pain! Two pregnancies, no heartburn, then one more where the reflux was so bad that I finally agreed to take Prevacid (usually I avoid all meds when pregnant) - it helped quite a bit.
First two were boys, last was a girl, if that means anything (all had a full head of hair!).
Biz...I took Pepcid...my Dr. recommended it and it changed my life during my pregnancy with Audrey.
Snowbunnie...I have two teenagers and although things aren't perfect, the best advice I can give is to talk to her A LOT. Share your own struggles and be honest about your own past. I know this isn't for everyone, but with our 17-year-old, we're going with the "honesty" policy...which basically means he's promised to tell us what he's considering and we've promised to evaluate scenarios on a case by case basis. It's working for us so far...he's waaaay more honest with us than I ever was with my parents...by a long shot! Raising teenagers feels like the final exam in our parenting course, doesn't it?
Yeah that's what I was going to recommend- talking and staying neutral in her presence. You can go postal when she can't see you, but don't let it get back to her. Stay strong, but not authoritarian. Authoritarian just sets the pendulum swinging the other way. It's a long road during those years and you can win the war, so be prepared to lose some battles by backing down quietly, like it didn't matter to you anyway because you trust her. Even though you don't.
@Iambriezy~
I agree. This is the strategy I took with my son and it worked out well for the most part.
I'm so pround of myself that i made gingerbread men from scratch last night :) I have finals next week too - my art history proffessor is batshit crazy though. She gave us a study guide one week before the final and we never went over anything on it, ugh! I can't even read the textbook becuase i sold them to get a new lens for my DSLR, haha!
Snowbunnie and Christina---I teach 7th grade and all I can tell you is at this time the girls or roaring with hormones and ATTITUDE. I find it also has a lot to do with the people they choose for friends. And if you try to encourage them to make new friends, it will probably make it worse.
Christina, be very careful with your son. Last year we had a conference on teenage suicide. A lot of what you said are some of the signs they told us. Stopping something he has enjoyed all his life (soccer), wanting to leave their friends--going to a new school (because they know him to well), and dropping grades (which is an unusal thing for them--giving up). Has he given away any of his personal things? Have the counselors even thought about this? Does he dwell on things? Or does he talk about going to college or what he might do in the future---this is a good sign. It's not an easy subject to think about when you have a child, but I didn't realize the problem it has become throughout the country. My eyes have really been opened since then and it really scares me. This year I have looked at each child differently than I used to. I'm not sure I like this feeling of always being on the look out. I would much rather think that all kids are happy, but they are not. Today is a different world. I only hope this helps and I hope like hell that I am wrong!!! But I had to say what I know! Good luck with the future--better safe than sorry!
I just wanted to ask for positive healing thoughts and prayers for my Rissa. She was in a bad car accident 3 weeks ago Saturday. I thought she was dead. A 1st responder found my number in her phone and told me to go to the ER she had been in an accident. I got there before the squad. I heard level 1 trauma ETA 3 mins. I saw the police bring out her coat and clothes that had been cut off and asked me to identify them. I screamed that I wanted to see her but it took 10 more minutes for them to let me see her. She took a very bad blow to the head, so concussion, bruised pelvis, and femur. She still has head pain and short term memory problems. She was staying at a friends house, they got in the car with her friends boyfriend who had been drinking. The girls had not been. She survived Thyroid cancer at the beginning of 2009, why would she make such a stupid decision? She knows how precious life is. I panic when she is out of my sight. I feel better having wrote this out.
Nissa, you got it. I'm so sorry about it. I can't believe when a drunk driver causes an accident nothing happens to them, but everyone else suffers. Wishing a proper and speedy recovery for her, no mother should EVER go through that situation.((((hugs))))
On Wednesday I was watching the memorial for the 4 Lakewood officers slain last week, well actually I was trying to watch while doing other things, I would feel my eyes water if I paid attention for more than 2 minutes. It was all too emotional. I cannot believe the nerve of some people who think they are above the law.
But there was one thing that gave me hope, and it was seeing how the community comes together in times of hardship and suffering. It is amazing the support these families have been receiving from everyone. Often times our police officers are under-estimated because we hate being subjected to the law, and we don't understand that they put their lives on the line for US every day of the year. Seeing how people have come together for them, makes me very very proud of being part of this community, of our law enforcement officers, our troops, our firefighters, our people. Ok my eyes are getting watery now.
OMG, Nissa your beautiful sweet Risa! I am so thankful she's alive. Please keep us all updated, that story is horrific. She just went along with her friends. She's so young. Drunk drivers...what can I say? OMG, teenagers think they're immortal.
Bayou Jane----I have thought about that, and I don't think that is where he is going. I hope I'm right. He gave up soccer because they got a new coach last year who is a jerk. If you haven't played classic soccer for years, you are simply not on his radar. We couldn't afford that expense in addition to parochial school tuition. I saw the coach yelling at my son and making him clean up everyone's mess after a game, even though my son did nothing to offend anyone. It happened right in front of me, there were other kids present from my son's team who were not directed to clean up---they play classic soccer---and my son was never out of my sight. My son became convinced that he could not succeed and might not even make the team this year, even though the coach called me and repeatedly asked why my son didn't go out for soccer, and that they missed him. He totally lost confidence, and refused to even try.
He wants to go to school in a neighboring town because that is where his friends from work go. He no longer hangs out with his previous friends because of his dissociation with soccer, and other friends quit going to this school because of expense, and in another case, distance. They live approximately 30-35 miles away from the school and another 12 away from us. In order for him to visit them, he has to go through a major metropolitan area, cross the Columbia, and go North of Vancouver. So, he lost friends to attrition, and while he still has friends, they are not the really close ones he had before. However, in the last week or two he has seemed to refer to them more often as buddies.
He told me he did not respect some of his teachers and did not want to work for them. That's his reason for not doing homework. Having met the teacher he feels most strongly this way about in our meeting, I can tell you I feel the same way. She doesn't teach so much as give a packet of problems to do with little instruction, and some of the elements needed to solve the problems may be found in chapters of the book not covered at this time. It was an eye-opener listening to her. We discussed having him drop one or two of the classes he finds most stressful or bothersome (Most of his classes are advanced placement with his biology college level course starting last June.) My husband and I are in agreement that we just want to help him through this, and make school more tolerable to him. I made it plain he should not take Spanish 5 for me or anyone else but himself, and if he doesn't like this math course (one of the calculus courses) that could wait until college, too. It doesn't matter to us.
Add to this, his grandfather, the only grandfather he has ever known as my father passed away before he was born, is dying of liver cancer. No possible further treatment. He is in and out of hospice, and rallies, and then gets worse. We have all said our goodbyes a number of times. Grandpa's world revolves around our son (his only grandchild).
This has truly been a tough row to hoe.
I appreciate your concern and don't think that is what is happening, but I am very watchful as I recently learned that a friend from nursing school lost her son to suicide when he started college.
I think I'm going to get him some counseling and see where we go from there.
Christina
Nissa---I'm so sorry your daughter is hurt. It was probably just a spontaneous teenage thing to do, getting in the car with him, I mean. I'm sure she regrets it. I'm sending my prayers your way for your daughter, and hope she recovers very quickly.
Christina
Oh Nissa, my heart breaks for you and the terror you must have felt. Sending good healing energy...physically for Rissa and emotionally for you...
I know I'll be slammed for saying this, but I think Tiger is trying to come to grips with what he's been doing. I don't think it's just pr motivating him to make changes. Maybe I'm duped. But it's hard to believe he wouldn't try to get along with Elin. HOw could he be thought of as a good father, considering he'd never have had time to schedule them in? Maybe he's nice to them when they pass in the halls.
I was in the hospital again on Wednesday and I'm tired and pissed off. Needed two shots from an IV because my heart rate went bonkers and wouldn't slow down. This was my 32nd time getting heart meds through an IV and I am so over it. I wish they'd give me open heart surgery. Everyone says I shouldn't wish that because it's risky. Well I do wish it because this shit SUCKS! Blah!
Sending out positive energy for young Rissa.
I am reading a book titled "Born to Run", by Christopher McDougall.
Secretive indian tribe in the Copper Canyons of Mexico called the Tarahumaras. They trade corn brew and favors as currency, no lying, no jealousy, no theft. Best runners in the world. Larry Mc Murtry wrote in "Streets of Laredo" which is the end of Lonesome Dove, a top notch Western, about these indians and their ability to run for days without stopping, and the fact that there is no disease in their tribe. No diabetes, no heart or feet problems, etc. They run in canyons!.
They eat a cabbage and dead rattlesnake broth called "lechuguilla", as well as bbq mouse. So there you go; the secret to a healthy life is living all around us.
Biggest irony of life is that none of us gets out alive.
Jarhead
My sister-in-law, whom I despise, is on my mind right now.
I don't want to spend another Christmas with my family. My mom and dad are good people and so is my brother but my SIL is a high-maintenance bitch.
Each year when the holidays roll around I think, "what is she going to do this year?" For the past 8 years she always manages to be so completely controlling with Christmas that it becomes unpleasant. Christmas is when SHE says it is.
And then there are the gifts.
My parents spend A LOT of money on them and they turn around and RE-GIFT us. WTF??? Last year she gave me a washcloth and my mom got a puzzle that had been opened and several pieces were missing. It was so tacky that I actually felt sorry for them.
That's my bitch...Can I boycott Christmas????
Comment above was me posted under wrong blog sorry:
Thanks Ladies I appreciate your comments. Sometimes being a nurse is not a good thing. I am not ashamed to admit I totally fucking lost it on the cop in the ER. That was the longest 10 minutes of my life. I thought they wouldn't let me see her because she was dead. Thanks to the universe that my friend Celia was able to come with me. Jim had to stay home with Ralphie. I have never been a religious person, my beliefs tend toward a higher power, not necessarily God, but Celia prayed with me and told me she knew she would be fine. I wish I could say that brought me peace(it didn't) but it did distract me enough that I didn't get arrested LOL I have really been retreated kinda licking my emotional wounds. It took me a long time to even tell extended family because I was afraid if I said she was going to be fine that somehow I would jinx it. I thought I was doing ok until the police came to take her statement and brought me her glasses all mangled and with her blood on them. The thought those were on my baby's head was just too much. She was the only one wearing her seatbelt and the only one hurt. She was hurt by the other 3 kids slamming into her when the car flipped. Her face is still pretty bruised and her short term memory is screwed up but she will finally go back to school on Monday. Some normalcy will do us all good I think. I just hope that she learned from this but she is a teen so who knows. Thanks again, you all are great people:)
Mabel Leaf and Christina, your ghostly experiences freaked me out.
Nissa, So sorry to hear about Rissa. Please keep us updated on her recovery. I can't imagine what you are going through.
Iambriezy, I couldn't agree more. My 2 daughters are well beyond the teenage years and looking back I wish I had used the honesty policy with them. I didn't want them to make the same mistakes I had made at their age. So I used iron control instead of talking things out. Despite my mistakes they both turned out to be good people and we have a great relationship.
i put up my tree yesterday and finally feel a little better about this season. times are tough for us just like everybody else, and I feel like i don't have shit to give my kids. they're not spoiled and only asked for a few things. i think i always go overboard and i can't this year. i'm glad we did the tree. my 9 year old Hayley has been waiting. She's the last one to "believe".
Valle.
I am glad you got your tree up. Christmas is not about what we can get our children but the togetherness we can spend as family's. I know that is so cliche but many years ago I beat myself up as a single parent who couldn't afford a tree much less the presents to put under said tree. I remember I bought a strand of lights and taped them to the wall in the shape of a Christmas tree. I still look back at those pictures fondly.Please be easy on yourself!
Well Ive know you ladies for awhile. So I believe I can open up to all of you. Ive been sick alot lately.. Alot of acid. I thought it was the flu both ways. It comes and goes. Well with all the stress Ive been under, the moving, work, stress at home etc. I though wtf.. were is my period.. I swear I had it about a month ago. NO.. I swear I havent had it since oct.. Its dec and its about that time. I have the same symptoms like im going to get it. But No.. I'm scared to take a test. Im scared to go to the Dr. 1. I have high blood pressure with my first child. ( my mom said dont get pg again you will DIE DIE DIE) because the dr said I was close to or go into kidney failure. I just dont know if I can do this.. One time in my life im scared..Of the outcomes...I told my hub if my period is not here by the 12 im going to the clinic. I need to know. I cant just shuffle my feet.
sending healing thoughts to your daughter Nissa!!!
just was told by someone that SOMEONE is posting comments under MY name at the troll's blog!!!
WTF?!?!?!??!?!
that really pisses me off....
Open Post Day. Nice.
Snowbunnie
My boys are still little. Haven't raised any teenagers yet. I was an awful one just awful, from that perspective I have only this advice. Try not to overreact, (at least in front of her) When it goes to the point you can't control try to have this attitude. (This looks like a poor choice and a bad path. Your a smart girl and I have confidence you will do the right thing.) Then try not to ring your hands off with worry. I got my self in a myriad of not so o.k. situations lots of luck and some brains. I made it. Now I have a B.A. and B.S. despite missing a great deal of high school. Didn't have my first baby or pregnancy till I was 33. And have been with my kids Dad for almost 21 years. (wow) Married for 8. It's scary I'm sure. find something you like to do together and try to maintain connection.
Sending healthy thoughts several have themselves or loved ones ill. Get healthy everyone!
Oh, Nissa, my heart goes out to you. I remember when my kids started to drive, it seemed as though my heart spent its time in my throat. I'm hoping for a full recovery for Rissa. It seems, with teenagers, a lot that goes bad happens in spur of the moment decisions. Unfortunately, when they reach their teen years we can't be with them all the time, we have to let them go and hope that they will be okay. I hope you can get some rest after your terrible ordeal.
Miss Tia, DD, I saw one clip that was such a visual of DD's orange Christmas.
Noelle,
Thanks for that perspective....I have tried to be really open and honest with both of my kids, and it seemed to be ok until recently, she is making such bad decisions, has been suspended from school for 2 1/2 months....It is so hard because you just want the best for them and they think you are the enemy...I wasnt a hard teenager, so I cant understand all of this, but my friends who struggled have told me that there is nothing anybody could have said to them to make them change their behavior. She is a good girl, and smart and hilarious (at times) and I am keeping my fingers crossed that she finds her way...snowbunnie
Alison, I hope they find a permanent solution for your health problems. I'm sure it's not only painful, but very frustrating for you. They've come such a long way with heart surgery (if they say that's what would help you), that it's not as scary as it was 20-30 years ago. I wish you well.
That kicking kids out of school makes the battle all that harder. What are they supposed? to get a job? Look for and present more choices maybe one will trip her trigger. Don't beat yourself up after all when we raise independent thinkers that is exactly what they do. Wash the guilt off everyday in the shower like dead skin and take one day at a time. Good luck keep us posted.
I have a bitch! I am really disgusted at the number of criminals they are letting out of jail to commit more crimes. The violent crime offenders, like the man who shot those police officers, the rapist murderer in Ohio where they have found multiple bodies in and around his house. There are numerous others. Keep the bad guys in jail!! I am opposed to capital punishment. I am starting to rethink my stance. Particularly if we could kill these guys in a timely fashion. (gawd can't believe I am thinking that!)
Ava's Mommy...I was in your exact predicament last month. I can so relate to your fear of taking the test. You just don't wanna know, right? I got the courage by calling my best friend and she talked me through it...highly recommend this...she was able to keep me calm and distracted for what seemed like an eternal 3 minutes. Hoping for good results for you!
Matilda, sounds like your policy worked out too! That's the end result we all hope for...having adult children that are good, likable people. Glad you have that.
To all you Dishers with teenage problems, I am living with a 31 yr. old man(my son), who still seems to be a teenager. He has put us through the wringer for 18 years. I could write about these troubles forever, but I won't.
We, my husband and I, have given and forgiven too much and for this I am truly sorry. Obviously, we have never made it clear that there are consequences to bad behavior, this is a major mistake, and one that I hope all you who are reading make clear to your teenagers. Put your foot down and DO NOT pick it back up until your child totally understands this. Let your child think your are evil, mean,etc. The outcome will be a much more stable adult,one that you can be proud of.
This is going to sound terrible to all of you but, I'll say it anyway. It's a thought that I have, always in my heart; If my son was to die tomorrow, I wonder if I would have anything good to say at his funeral.
That is terrible, isn't it?
Dishers,please don't make the same mistakes that I've made with your children.
...someone is using my name also
Tia on the troll site. Too bad
they are such cowards and will not
even own up to their own real name.
Thank you iambriezy that means alot to me ( big hug).. We all have a purpose I guess. We will all just have to see on the outcomes that will come.
To Maureen: It's not too late to put your foot down, you know? He's 31 years old? He's a man. Kick his ass OUT! He is not your problem any longer and hasn't been for years! If you really believe that being too soft on him has made him how he is, then you should have no problem with being tough on him now.
Kick him OUT. Pack his shit for him if you have to, put it outside, change the locks and tell him to call you when he has his shit together. If he never does get his shit together, guess what? Not your fault, it'll be HIS - just like it's ultimately his own fault he is the way he is now.
It's never too late.
MabelLeaf, chilling story. Just because it's small does not mean it's an animal. You know that. If they were cat ghosts, you wouldn't have been afraid like that. You wouldn't be afraid now. But, you are. Take your house back.
But what are we here for? It can't be just to live for ourselves. Doing a 180 on him might be too hard for everyone to do. Just one or two changes might be more realistic, and getting some outside help to do that - not necessarily 'experts' (grunt). If you just don't like him, and/or he's just not likeable, he almost certainly has personality disorders. Have you ever looked through the dsm-iv?
http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/_misc/complete_tables.htm
Anon 3:43 is right. The youngest made some very bad decisions and ended up preggers at an early age with a man who was 10 years older than her. I had warned her about this low life (he didn't have a job or a car and was living with his parents). She didn't listen to me and moved in with him and his parents. To make a long story short she went through 5 years of absolute hell with this man. Whenever she'd call me to bitch and moan about her plight I'd give her advice about what she needed to do to get away from him. But she didn't want my words of wisdom... she wanted me to give her money... which I wouldn't do. It was hard to see her suffer but I knew she had to learn from her mistakes. She's stubborn and hard-headed just like me and the only way she was going to learn anything was in the school of hard knocks. After 5 years she finally wised up, took my grandchild and got away from the SOB. She has a good job now, has her head on straight, and tells me all the time that she should have listened to me.
I have read all this now. I am sorry I was slow to respond, but, Lissa was dropped off unexpectedly yesterday and she just left. She was in one of her troubled moods, I am not feeling good and debating weather I need the ER or not. Still thinking that out.
Anyhow, all I have to say about teenagers and young adults is..we get what we get in the big life draw. I got one calm one that never ever got in trouble and I got one highly dramatic one that caused me hell. I loved them both dearly. And I hope I made it clear to both of them that they were equal in my heart, though very different. I really hope that, because only one of them is alive today. Stick by your kids, even when they fuck up and drive you out of your mind. No matter what.
Maureen, I know how you feel. I know how you could say the things you do. Believe me, I do. It just gets to be too much some times. But, trust me on this one, make sure your boy knows you love him now, do that because you know deep in your heart you do. Death can happen to any of us, none of us are immune. I will cherish the last conversation I had with my dramatic son and I will forever be greatful that for some reason I hugged him tight and told him I loved him. I did. And that is unlike me. I am not a hugger and he and I were not "love you" kind of people. But, he knew at the end, how I felt. It has helped save my sanity in the wake of his death.
Thier problems ARE our problems, because they're part of us and we raised them. I am flawed, my son was raised by....me. How can I not be responsible for at least part of his problems? I like knowing I was also part of his awesome humor, intelligence, imense unique talent and his capacity to love. We are our children.
And I now have the candle for Josie Duggar going and a candle for beautiful Rissa.
go to the ER DD!
I shut myself off to the world three years ago. I haven't left this house in the last 3 years. I guess I'm mentally ill but I'm not the insane, crazy type. I keep to myself and hide away from everyone. I don't know how to live.
Just thought I'd get that off my chest.
It's always just once more chance with him. This is what it is now with him living with me after over a year of not speaking to him much. I guess we'll see. He talks a great talk, but doesn't walk it for long. If I'm screwed again, I promise each and everyone that this is it.
Yes, a personality disorder it is. he makes Kate Gosselin look like an amateur. Narciccism(sp.) is the name and he uses it as a game.
Yes, we've seen professionals and he is able to fool them.
Yes, I do have two daughters who are "normal"
I am not a huggy kissy person either, but is that a neccessary trait to have to be able to show love? I don't think so.
4:47:00 PM, I get you. You are NOT crazy.
Tia, I woke up with no feeling in my entire left side and pain. Now it's back, I feel tingly (that asleep feeling)..we have shit for medical here. I'm drinking coffee and deciding what to do.
Maureen, my kid wasn't like that. Your kid is awful..I can tell. But, he's yours and your stuck with him. I'm not saying let him walk on you, not at all. I'm saying when you kick his ass, tell him you're kicking his ass because you love him. He can't go through life being a dick.
I agree, it's not crazy to want to withdraw into your own world. Some of us have had too much trouble having people in our lives, so why the hell should we keep putting ourselves out there?
I'm also wondering who the fuck decided Normal was a good thing? Most of the great things in the world have happened because of abnormal people. So WTF?
Maureen if he's a Narcissist, you have no hope to change him. It will never happen. Just try to think of him as having a incurable disease that you have to handle at arms length, still caring, but never being drawn into. I think my daughter has it too, but I keep trying to show her my care and not let it upset me. My mother is the biggest fake I've ever seen, any politician would grovel at her feet to have a little of it rub off. I still don't know how to handle her and still feel a horrible rage I need to deal with. After all, I can make MY life good, even if I'm surrounded by N's.
I like you, Nattie, you're smart.
It's so easy to type on here and tell someone to "kick them out!" It's not so easy in real life.
I looked up the numbness\tingling. One of the possible causes is diabetes. Other causes range from carpal tunnel to stroke.
Here is the link to what i found.
http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/sym/numbness.htm
Form what I read on several sites this can be difficult to diagnose if it is something minor, But IMO you ought to go get checked out to rule out stroke.
Please let your Faithful Readers know what is happening.
sending kind/ healing/ comfort energy your way.
Thanks. That's what they keep telling me, that's why I hesitate to go out there again. But, I'm telling you, this is bizarre. It's LOUD too.
Miss Tia...,
I saw that over there and I know that wasn't you. I also saw the others and know those are fake. They are only grasping at straws at this point. They are pathetic and I guess we should pity the insane.
DD,
I hope you get to feeling better. That all sounds really serious.
Pat
Please get your ass to the ER! Do you have high blood pressure? Any visual changes? Is your speech feeling thick at all? Half assed medical care is better then none.
Anon 4:47
I am thinking-i hope correctly-that you would not have posted if you didn't want a comment or two.
I totally get where you are coming from. I have had feelings of wanting to be "safe at home" too.
I remember Kim Bassinger mentioning in her Oscar speech that at one point- while married to Alec Baldwin-she had not left the house for several years.
I don't think you are crazy either.Or even mentally ill. Being anxious is so common it's almost normal!
Here is a link that has a lot of info and "talks" about not wanting to leave the house :
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/agoraphobia/DS00894
Please let us hear from you again.
"Kick him out" anon here. I never said it would be easy to kick him out, DD. I said it's what she has to do and I stand by that. It's done out of love. Because, think about it, if you really fucked your kid up somehow, then how can you claim to love them if you keep doing the EXACT THING that fucked them up in the first place? It's irrational to keep doing the same thing and hope for a different result.
It's right and natural that people grow up and take full responsibility for themselves. If you keep doing it for them then you are literally HURTING them, holding them back. That is not a good parent that is a parent working out of guilt, fear or in some cases even laziness - because it's easier to do it for them than to stand by and watch them fuck it up. But that's how we all learn, by our mistakes. It's the only way and deep down you know that.
Furthermore, just as you set boundaries for your mother, this mother has every right to do the same for her son. Every right. She has the right to some peace and enjoyment out of life too, whatever her mistakes in the past.
remember that dream you had recently DD? please just get checked out....also mention if it's a herniated disc in your neck?
lisa k....thanks....i figured would know it's not me, but still...fucking pisses me off....
Nissa, no, high blood pressure is not one of my problems. I have many though, that I won't go into on here. I am going to have to get a plan to see a specialist. I know something is wrong.
Yep, Nissa is right (as usual).
stroke symptoms:
* Sudden numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body
* Sudden confusion, trouble speaking or understanding
* Sudden trouble seeing in one or both eyes
* Sudden trouble walking, dizziness, loss of balance or coordination
* Sudden, severe headache with no known cause
If you have any of these...get medical help fast!!! there is a small window for treating stroke before you get brain damage.
IMO..go to the ER even if it sucks.
Tia, I slept briefly last night and I had a similar dream. Again.
ALL the more reason to go to the ER! even if they are shitty, they can check your vitals and run some blood work!!!!
Pat, I trust you will make the right decision on when to get to the DR/ER. We just care and are concerned for a dear friend.
Healing thoughts everyone's way...
Pat, I trust you will make the right decision on when to get to the DR/ER. We just care and are concerned for a dear friend.
Healing thoughts everyone's way...
DD, I really think you need to go to the ER.
Even if you have crappy medical where you are, you really need to check into these symptoms.
I am very concerned for you.
Christina
Anon 4:47---I suffered terribly from anxiety attacks years ago, and got to the point where I had the beginnings of agoraphobia and didn't want to leave home. At my worst, I was no longer able to function at work, at all. I had to leave the operating room suddenly, with no warning, when they were counting on me to receive a cesarean section baby. I couldn't breathe at all, my heart rate was through the roof, and I felt complete panic and failure. I thought I was going to die before I got out of the room. I didn't feel any better until they released me to go home for the day, either. I had to run from absolute fear. It is very real. Home does feel like the only safe place. Eventually, with counseling and medication, I was able to overcome the worst of my symptoms, though I continue to be medicated for depression. With extreme stress in my life recently, I have been teetering on the brink of panic attacks/anxiety attacks again, but I am able to calm myself before it becomes full-blown. It is something that can get better. It is possible to get help and learn to manage this so that you can have a better life. It just takes small steps at first.
Please continue to post and let others know how you are.
Christina
Rub some Vicks on it Dish.
Will do, crabs.
Thank you Coyote. :) I'm not really scared of having heart surgery but my doctors don't want to do it until I'm on the verge of heart failure since it surgery has to keep being repeated every 5-10 years after the first operation (the docs have to keep going in and replacing a valve...yuck). What a pain!
Maureen-your son sounds EXACTLY like my sister. Total and complete case of narcissism, thinks everyone is just being mean to her when they put their foot down...my mom is always saying she is sorry she wasn't harder on my sister. Parents who want to be their child's "best friend" have the WRONG idea...I wish they would figure that out before it's too late. I feel sorry for my mom, she tried to stand up to my sister and sister responded with a 5-page letter telling her all the ways she (my mom) ruined her (my sister)'s life...UGH. I wish I could help you but all I can say is, stand up to him, whatever the consequences, it's better than what's going on now..kick him out if that's all that's left to try. My mom feels bad about my sister but she actually feels better now that she finally stood up to her, even with sis's reaction. She was tired of being passive. So was I! Sis is mad at me too but I don't care anymore!
Okay, the house is in order, my overnight is packed and I have a list of meds, etc..just in case I do have to hit the ER tonight. I know ya'll think I'm nuts, but, all we have is a small town hick hospital. We have no fancy stuff and only GP.s And few of them. So, my plan is to call my doctor Monday, ask to be seen as soon as possible and I will NOT take his lame explanations again for these symptoms. I know there is something wrong and I am pretty sure it's fixable.
Thanks to everyone who addressed my problem, it is very hard for me to talk about this, pride, maybe? I know what needs to be done and everyone is absolutely right in saying i screwed up and am continuing to do so.
This is the last and final straw, God as my witness, it is. I did it once, but time has a way of letting you forget a little or maybe it just hope.
I need my husband's help, as he is worse than I am in the forgiveness dept. If/when he fails us again and hubby doesn't cooperate, well that may be a whole other story.
Pat, please get some med. help and put yourself and us at ease. You are important to so many people in so many ways, especially this time of year. You wouldn't want to be totally out of commission.
5:49:00 PM, I wasn't pickin on you. Actually I was thinking about past posts about me and my mom.
Pat, get thyself to the ER. I still think what you're describing sounds very much like the symptoms I had from my neck before they finally did surgery. They may want to give you a muscle relaxer. Tell them you want Valium. It's the only thing that would ease my symptoms. They also may want to put you in traction. The time I couldn't move anything, I was in the hospital in traction for a week. It got me through that awful period, but I hit others until they finally did the surgery which is no big deal. Now, go.
flexeril is a good muscle relaxer too.....
but you go into a hospital asking for a certain pill they sort of red flag you....
i'd send ya some of both (flexeril and valium) but it would take a few days til you got 'em....
Coyote, I have gone. I have complained for 6 months now. I have been to the ER several times. I just don't post medical things usually. I have heard more bullshit than you can imagine. Now, I'm done listening because I know what I know. By that, I mean, they are wrong. I have a problem that has to be fixed.
BTW, you can make of this what you want, but the aura on my left side is fucked up. It looks really weird around my chest and upper arm.
Thanks, Tia. I have pain meds and I am taking them today.
DD, let us know anything. We are thinking about you.
I will Meissa. If I'm not here posting, you'll know something happened. If it does, my daughter will let you guys know.
DD, where do people in your area go if they need further/more critical treatment than what is offered at your local ER/doctor's office?
don't you end up at iowa city? that's how it was like 20 years....anything beyond basic medical stuff was always referred to iowa city....
Pat,
I am very sorry if I sounded preachy, I just don't want you to let something that is fixable become not fixable, if that makes sense. I had a patient last week. He is 35 years old and needs a kidney transplant and dialysis because he let his high blood pressure go untreated. It sounds as if maybe you are having issues with a herniated disc in your neck perhaps? Just a guess with the numbness and tingling and the lack of cardiovascular issues. If you are having some type of nerve compression and irritation the numbness can become permanent if you allow it to go untreated. I know Doctors are a big pain in the ass especially those that are placating and patronizing. I see all kinds. It is your job as a patient to be the squeaky wheel until you get the referrals that you need. It is bullshit that you are not being taken seriously but since you aren't you have to be your own advocate! I wish I lived closer I would draw labs and give you an assessment myself LOL I would put you on my home visit rotation. Sorry if this came off pushy and preachy but I just don't want to see anything happen to you, especially something preventable!
PS You made me cry when you said you were lighting a candle for my Rissa.
Miss Tia, I am not ever going to Iowa City again. I want to go to Omaha this time. Iowa city is a fucking joke.
Nissa, I AM trying to get help. I've been trying for months. I wish you lived closer too. The Rissa candle is still going, I'm watching it and every time I look over at it, I send out a "beam" and say, get well, get well. She has her whole life ahead. Yep.
i'm glad to hear you'll avoid iowa city, it was a joke 20+ years ago....they killed a friend of the family, about the only person who really knew what the hell my mother was doing to me and tried to help (though help was limited in iowa in the 70s/early 80s)...she made sure i got 2 lunches at school and extra attention....
but anyway....she had some weird form of diabetes and they decided to take her kidney out....why? dunno...then they took out half her liver....she died a horrible painful death.....now she was really sick and might have died anyway....but i always blamed them....
Pat, I really like your new header! Good idea to get a close up of that tree. The softness of the lights gives the pic an interesting perspective.
I'm worried about you! Please keep us informed.
Pat,
I know you are and I read through the replies again and saw how long this has been going on. I am sorry that the medical profession is failing you, it is truly bullshit. I hope that you can get help soon. I also remember the VA hospital in Iowa City. My Dad used to have to go there. I grew up about 40 miles East of Burlington Iowa on the Illinois side. I remember my Dad having to go there all the time. That place was a nightmare! If there is anything I can do please let me know.
Nissa I'm lighting a candle with my wishes for Rissa, too. It's a homemade beeswax candle that I've been saving for something important.
Nissa, i feel bad for not having posted before. I am burning a candle for your Rissa too. Your post really struck fear in my heart. I also have a teen daughter, she lives in another city going to school, and rides in cars with all sorts of kids, as well as driving herself all over Houston.I put myself in your place and just panicked for a few minutes.
Please keep us posted on Rissa's progress.
Yeah, Iowa City is a "teaching" hospital. They just use you up like a rat in a lab. Last time I stayed there they put me in this awful place, awful. You think you're going to be in a hospital, but, not all of it is. It's creepy and weird, like somethig from a horror movie. And then..they lost my cat scans.
i think instead of going to s. america, mengele went to iowa city and set up shop....
not PC, but that place is BAD.....they torture people just because they can....
Yeah they do. And I wonder if it's still the home of Westlawn maternity home? It was when I was a teenager. It was a filthy work camp for bad girls. Abusive mess.
Thank You B and Nattie, I am honored, for Rissa and myself.
i remember that every pregnant teen who received welfare HAD to go to iowa city to deliver....it was like a 3 hour drive....but they HAD to go there! WTF?! i hope that has changed....but i doubt it, cuz it's iowa....
I wasn't getting welfare. I was underage and my mom sent me there. On a bus. Alone. And I had my baby all alone, miles from home, and I brought him home on a Trailways bus in a snow storm, alone. These are not happy memories. But, I remember how beautiful he was and how scared I was..I am so glad I kept him.
i never heard of the work farm....i just knew that if a teen got medicaid, they had to drive to iowa city to deliver...there was a girl once in high school who's water broke in the hallway and the principal drove her to iowa city as her parents couldn't be found.....
if I had a candle to light for you DD i would! Instead I'm thinking of you . You make everyone feel good every day and I wish the same for you.
It is currently Minus. Ffffffricken. Ssssssseventeen. Ddddddegrees. Feels like -37F. Yeah.
Just throwing my hat into the ring and sending good thoughts and hope for a quick and treatable diagnosis your way, DD. Please keep us posted.
DD, if you can make it to Monday--demand to see a specialist. If you have to go to an ER, please don't wait. I remember the time you passed out on the floor of your apartment and all I could think of was that you were alone all that time. If you decide to wait--call or have someone call you at least every 2 hours to check on you. I'm being perfectly greedy by saying this----I don't think I could be without you and your readers at this time in my life. DD, we have learned to care about you very much. To me, you are like a modern Mark Twain---with tales to tell and thoughts to share!
Which brings me to the next subject. Maureen, never give up on your son. Tell him you love him every time you can. My son sounds like he could be your sons twin. It has taken a tradgedy to change him even a little. I hope you won't need something bad to happen for him to change but something really dramatic will have to slap him in the face. My son is really coming through for me now that I really need him---both emotionally and financially. Never give up hope! And let him know that whatever you do--you still love him and you are hoping that it will help him. Remember, like it or not, our children are what we make them! Yea, I didn't like that thought either!!!
Nissa, my warmest thoughts and hope go out to Rissa. Your being a nurse is going to help her a lot, but it won't help with all your worrying.
Snowbunnie---it sounds like you have a good plan. Why couldn't kids come with a manuel? I know that's cliche, but someone really needs to write one for the modern kid.
Christina---explaining the reasons for your sons changing clears up a lot of questions. The teenage suicide conference was very eye opening, but you have to know your child and it sounds like you do. The only thing I can see is he might need a little ego boosting, but he sounds like he (and you) have everything under control. For someone really close to his grandfather, that alone could explain his problems. Sounds like you really know your son and he is very lucky. (I just feel that more parents should be aware of the suicide problem in the U.S. today. Economy worries have an affect on them too.)
I'm sending out what we used to call good "vibes" to everyone in hopes that all your problems become little ones.
Wishing the best for everyone!!
here here, Bayou Jane! Good vibes sounds good to me!
DD, it took me seven years to get doctors to take my pain seriously. It was terribly frustrating because I'd see people with broken arms getting attention and they would look at me like I was a "complainer", "a bored housewife". You might have a mix of fibromyalgia along with a disk problem in your neck. I don't know about, today, but I know that a big hurdle was to get a diagnosis with my neck, won't even go into what it took for the fibromyalgia. They chalked it up to being in my head--hypochondria, if you will. It was only when the MRI came along that they had me in the hospital within two days for surgery. The fibro was somewhat managed with medication--and though it acts up upon occasion, now, I can deal with it, but I'm still on medication. The neck was impossible for me to deal with--had I not had small children and a wonderful, supportive husband who believed me, I think (without trying to sound dramatic) suicide would have been my only option. Either that or I would have gone stark raving mad.
This is the kind of pain, especially in women, that is hard to get diagnosed. Find a PAIN specialist.
Wishing you the best. I've worried all night about you.
I have a mentally, physically emotionally and spiritually abusive boyfriend that I've had for 12 years now. I don't know why I stay with him and he just told me he hates me and he doesn't know why he stays with me. My life is so screwed up man, and I don't know how to fix it. The obvious answer is just to leave but years of abuse, neglect and cheating have messed with my mind so bad. I almost feel numb. I've never told anyone this.
1:47:00 PM, please write to me. The addy is on the front. Put DD in the title. You need a friend.
1:52 DD, I may not always agree with everything you say or do, but you are a damn good friend and underneath that tough exterior is a heart of gold and a kindness unlimited. Anon, do email DD. I believe she really can/will help you.
DD are you feeling any better this morning?
The Sunday before Thanksgiving a friend of mine in Austin who is only 38 had a massive stroke. He was perfectly healthy and it just happened out of the blue. It was pretty touch and go for a while but he is now on the road to recovery. They are hopeful he will make a full recovery but he has a long road ahead of him.
I know you live in a small town but are there any larger cities around you that has a decent medical center? I wish you were here we have a wonderful medical center.
To the poster who is having anxiety attacks. I had them for years or so I thought. My heart would feel like it would pound right out of my chest and I would get all shakey and sweaty. I never told any of my docs about it because they didn't happen very often. The about 4 years ago they started happening more often. I had one at work one day and it lasted for hours and it would not stop. They called the ambulance and took me to the hospital. Turns out it was not anxiety but a heart problem. I had some sort of electrical problem. they went in and fixed it and I have been fine since. Please don't ignore this and have it checked out.
I was stupid for waiting so long.
I am sending good thoughts for DD and Risa.
Pat, I showed my husband your response to my ghost cat story.The part where you said "Just because it's small does not mean it's an animal" really got his attention. He is Native Canadian. He is not into the whole spiritual side of that culture, but his sister is.
We are going to talk to her about having somebody come in to smudge our house.
ps...hope you are feeling better..but you still need to see a doctor...a real doctor, not the kind that us small town dwellers get saddled with.
Mabel, your story scared me. That is NOT right. Even in my world and I talk to the dead for a living. I had these things in my last apartment I called "wash rag" ghosts. Many people saw them, they hugged the baseboards, sneaky like, I have photos of them. They were NOT animals. But, they were harmless and loved following Lissa. Yours..I don't know..but, they don't sound nice. You need help.
And yeah, I feel better today, but, still not right. I want anwers now before I go through that again. It was very bizarre.
Pat ~
You really need to go to the doctor's and have everything checked out. We had an all day meeting at the office yesterday. One of the girls called in, her legs were really hurting and she wasn't coming in, lots of pain. She's terribly over weight, has RA and some other problems, was scheduled to have a hysterectomy on Wednesday. We just figured it was her RA acting up or stress. Got a call this morning from our office manager. She died from a heart attack. Go. Get. Some. Tests. Done. (she was in her mid forties)
Sorry, hit submit too soon.
Do it for Lis.
Lisa leaves behind a husband, two grown daughters & two step daughters AND a four y.o. grandson, who she lived for. She loved him & he loved his gam-ma.
dang...I saw "open post" yesterday so I posted a complaint about the freezing temps hit publish and didn't get a chance to read anything here until today.
Anon, I went through a time where I had trouble leaving the house. I don't think you're crazy in the bad sense and if you're crazy in the good sense welcome to the club. Being crazy is what helps me stay sane.
Nissa, I hope your daughter returns to good form as soon as possible. I can't imagine how you must have felt.
DD, if you haven't got yourself checked out please do so. You live a long time with regret.
To everyone who posted with pained worried hearts, a big hug and positive energy to help you along.
(It's still cold, but everything is beautiful and white.)
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