Santa lost control there, huu? Well, so has my mother. When I made it clear that she was no longer in charge of my life, the big sobbing drama went down. Shrugs. Not moved. I knocked on her door Tuesday and asked if she wanted to go to the store. That's her day. In protest of my "terrible" behavior she said she didn't need anything. My old senile aunt, who doesn't even have a clue to what's going on, jumped up off the couch and yelled "She don't need nuthin' from the likes of YOU!" I left. Obviously, this punishment they're dolling out is killing me. (Laughing) Yeah, PLEASE, PLEASE, make me give up a day to run your old ass's around. It's been peaceful here.*
The thing no one seems to understand..and trust me..I don't understand it myself..is that I worry about them. I just want to do the right thing by them and have peace. They're older than dirt, they don't drive and there is no public transportation here. They need me if they want to continue living on their own. The problem is, they're mad as hell that I only give them check day and Tuesdays. They really think I should be at their beck and call 24/7. I did that when I first moved here and it was all day every day. And then came the ridiculous "rules", like I'm 10 years old. There's just nuts. Anyway, I guess they saw their predicament (they were runing out of cat food) and relented. The old ladies have decided I am worthy to run them around on check day.
*
And now I'm back. It was snowing like a bitch today, and you know what that means in Guntown. Oh, maybe I need to explain that. If it snows, the old ladies figure it's the end of the world and buy 60 loaves of bread, 4,000 pounds of stray cat food, 1,200 pounds of house cat food, 74 roasting chickens, well you get the idea. The car was so full I had to go home, unload, and go back for the rest. Or take the groceries and leave them there..hey, there's a thought. Anyway, we got 'er done. (And I carried all of it to thier greasy kitchens, dodging cats.) They kept bitching all the way, but, I was not abused directly , so fuck it. I'm okay with it. "OMG, Louie, how will we get food if it snows a blizzard? Can't no body get out!" I sighed. I've been driving in the snow for 40 years, I always get out. They've never missed a store day in 20 years. Seriously. Why do they always think it's the end of civilization? They're so crazy and weird. My aunt was in the store making an employee get her oranges for her. "Pick them good ones an put 'em in a bag for me! I don't want them things from India, did you know they come from India?" I pretended I didn't know her. At the check out, she bitched about prices and complained that the store "stole" all her money and now she can't go "a gamblin." I just shake my head. I heard her an aisle over asking someone to help her find "farts in a can." Beans. She slaps her knees when she pulls this one, convinced she's Henny Youngman. Soooo crazy. I'm telling you, you just can not understand how crazy they are.
*
Well, done now until Tuesday. They're finally catching on, I think. I mean, I know I can't trust my mother, but, I think she's figured out I'm serious and she is no longer in control. It freaked her out, but, now she almost seems harmless. Almost. That's the trick there. I have to watch her with my eyes narrowed. I have to keep my door locked too. That's just the way it is. We've called a truce for now.
37 comments:
Good deal. And good deeds never go unpunished. You can't win. But you did the right thing. Your conscience seems to have gotten to you about helping them out. My gawd, it sounds like you almost had to force yourself on them this time. It's too bad there isn't someone that could share the load & trade off with you in hauling them around. I know how it is. It makes your life come to a screeching hault the day they need you. You don't wanna be the bad guy. When all is said & done you will know you helped your mom out. And tried to not let her make you crazy at the same time. I appreciate what you did. I couldn't be around my mom. Very long story. You are a better person than I am.
rox
I really do want to help out, but, my mother has to be made to understand I am not 12. I will not tell her where I go, with who, what time I'll be back, etc. She has to realize that shit is insane.
AND, I have to be aware that everything she tells me is probably a lie. Compulsive liar control freak. She can't change..so I have to.
I think you have solidly made your point. Your plan is working. You seem to be back in control now. I bet she wouldn't tear down yur trees now!!!! You still need her to replace them next spring with new ones, something. That was nearly unforgivable. But not as bad as having your home removed from you when you are sick. You are such a forgiving person. I don't think I would do that. Nope. I think Miss Tia would say Nope too! We both seemed to dislike & disassociated ourselves from our mothers. It's hard for you with her right there. You are a good daughter Pat. Do you have a good mom? Maybe back in the day, sometime there if you think about it. I just couldn't. You kinda have me in shock. :)
rox
rox
why is it signing me off as rox rox all the time? LOL...I swear I am not doing it.
rox
help me! my mother in law wants to visit for xmas, she is pure unbridled evil!!!!
bima
Comments on blogger are fucked up, we just have to wait for them to fix it. Mine disappear and show up later. And I can't delete any right now..shhh don't tell the Chinese bot.
Bima, call her and cough pitiously, tell her you all have the swine flu. Quick!
No, Rox, my childhood was a nightmare. A terrible time.
Not even one good birthday or holiday? Not one good 1st day of school memory? My life was ok, even pretty good, but not great till I was 8. Then I had a nervous breakdown, had to see a psychologist for an entire year at Purdue. My moms fault. After that I coasted till I was 14, survived many beatings, hot candle wax and iron skillets thrown at me, I thot my mom was never gonna run out of iron skillets!!! Then all hell broke loose when my mom brought home a convict she picked up on the road one night!!! He turned out to be a child molester and went back to prison when she divorced him. I moved out the same time he moved in. I never went back. Life is a bitch for a kid trying to figure out where they are going to live!!! I totally understand Pat. I just couldn't go back. Ever. I don't know how you do it girl.
xo
roxy
"farts in a can?" If I worked at a grocery store and some old bitty asked me for that I would call security. While working at a restaurant as a hostess a man did ask me if I had a vibrator...he meant a light-up beeping "your table is ready" vibrator, but...it was funny looking back but we were both embarrased for a while.
Bima, tell her something. Keep her away. If she must come, make sure she stays at a hotel. If she stays with you it won't be healthy for your family. Pat has a good idea. You need to not be around bad ju-ju. Negative energy saps your will to live!!! It does. When I am at home around my husband, I can barely move off the couch! It's an eveil ju-ju. Bad, negative energy. When he's gone. I'm up cleaning,cooking,organizing. I have my own positive energy driving me.
rox
DD, thanks! that would give her more reason to come, she would really like to see me die, so she can (read with a smokers voice) "BE WITH MY BAHHBYYY" wheres the chenin blanc, I need a drinky now!!
bima
No, birthdays were the worst. I can't even blog about them.
Sole: Your vibrator story reminds me of the embarrassing show Paula Deen had with her son. She kept saying she "always rubs her meat", and you "gotta really rub your meat" etc. On & on....Her son appeared to be mortified. Did DD post that???? Sometimes ppl say things & do things w/o thinking. I think everybody just has their mind in the gutter w/o even realizing. It's funny.
rox
Bima, seriously, you have to tell her you have something contagious. NOW. Oh, wait, tell her you won a free trip and won't be home. Sorry, what a bummer mom. Bye.
Rox, I saw that episode. It's on You Tube, oh, crap it grossed me out. Thats her SON. Ew.
Bima, she wants you to die??? WTF??? Yet she expects you to welcome her with open arms? No way. I take back what I said. Tell her you did die. She gets her wish & you get a holiday w/o her spoiling it. I don't associate with my family. Once in a while they will call a relative & say they heard I died. WTF? I wish they'd tell them I did!!! LOl...end of that.
rox
Paula's not easily embarrassed.
oh goodness, Rox and DD! Thanks so much for the great ideas, but she is a wiley one and won't take no for an answer! Really it's about keeping the peace here at home too. my husband has seen her 5 times in the last 23 years we've been together, so I guess he's due again. It usually takes about 5 years for him to forget what a witch she is. She comes, she destroys and 5 more years go by! Kind of like the plague, but she still hasn't bought her ticket, so I may still be in the clear! Keep the good thoughts comin! I will keep you ladies updated! xxoo bima
I'm glad you two have made a truce for now. I know she is WAY crazy and does lie alot, but she is still my grandma and the only one I have left. I'm on your side mom, I hope you know that. It just makes me a little sad when I see you two argue, but I will ALWAYS be on your side! Love you
You are a great person to put up with this crap. I don't know if I could do it if my mom did the things your mom does.
My mom was actually a pretty nice person. She died 4 years ago and I still miss her very much.
I am sorry you got screwed in the mom department.
One more thing. I know you hate snow but it is suppose to snow here tomorrow.
Yippee I am very excited.
We rarely get snow here.
Casey J, you don't have to take a side. She's your grandma. I'm her target, not you.
Looks like you're getting my snow from yesterday. We only got 3" but its pretty cold. 16 degrees right now and not looking at anything over 30 thru Sunday and more snow coming. Make some soup or something. I've got a pot of Chili on and cornbread in the oven.
escrow
Family can be such a big disapointment. After all these years I'm still a little fucked up from all the crap. I stay away from all of them and do a reasonably good job of keeping them out of my thoughts. But every once in awhile a memory will spring up and throw me into a deep depression.
The thing is... I wish with all my heart that things didn't turn out the way they did. I envy people who have a good relationship with their mothers or fathers or siblings. I understand what Pat is going through. It sucks.
Escrow do u have a good corn bread recipe &
could you please post it here. I'm just in the mood
to bake some. I'm off work tomorow so I don't
have to go in tonight and I've slept too much so
I need to use my down/ repositioning timeshift
night by baking. If anyone has a good cornbread
recipe you'd like to share please do. Thank you
Kiki
If you can get some whole grain cornmeal this recipe is better but if all you have is regualr cornmeal it's fine.
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup oil
2 eggs
beat these together
1 1/2 cups flour
1 1/2 cups cornmeal
3 tsp baking powder
1/8 tsp salt
dump these ingredients on top of the wet
then pour in
1 cup milk
stir just until moistened. Overstiring will make the bread dry and tough.
Bake in 400 degree oven 25-30 minutes. I use a cast iron skillet
escrow
Oh, and I won a blue ribbon at the Los Angeles County Fair with this recipe in 1976 (pats self on back)
"I think she's figured out I'm serious and she is no longer in control. It freaked her out, but, now she almost seems harmless. Almost. That's the trick there. I have to watch her with my eyes narrowed. I have to keep my door locked too. That's just the way it is. We've called a truce for now."
You KNOW that's when they're the most toxic, Pat. NOTHING is weirder than how harmless they look while they're seething with toxic revenge.
Casey, my kids (in their 20s) don't get it either. I don't think you can really understand until you've been a target for long enough. It seems to take everyone a very long time to reach the saturation point and then there's no return.
I'm not being condescending. It's just something you have to experience to realize how hunted a person can feel and how harmful the other person is. Normal stuff just doesn't work on them.
escrow :)T H A N K Y O U !!!!!! SO MUCH !
Looks like I asked the right person for this recipe !
Kiki :)
You're welcome Kiki. Where in Canada are you? The man I have a living arrangement with spent 8 months this year doing nuclear consulting work in Toronto. Lived in Cambridge.
escrow
Escrow, I will try that recipe!
DD, it's too bad that we don't get to choose family. You are a good woman with a good heart.
If I remember right, before my main computer went down around May, you were posting about your early life, and how your family would travel with other families, and just find places to stay along the way. That the women always found a way to make do. If I remember right, you mentioned going up and down the West coast. I've wondered ever since, if we crossed paths.
My family was going on a trip (probably camping/fishing as that was what we did for vacations, almost exclusively). We stopped at a rest stop, and there were a number of old cars there with families who were obviously poor, traveling together. There were men, women and children, and they were quietly watchful, and freaked my dad out. I remember my dad telling me not to look, or make eye contact. I've always felt bad about that encounter. Like it was scary, and it really worried me that my dad was afraid, and I did feel the weirdness, but couldn't put it into words. Ever since you blogged about your early life, I've wondered if we might have crossed paths.
Am I remembering the posts I'm referring to correctly? I am here on a different server, and haven't gone back to the previous blogs to try to figure this out.
Christina
I don't know, Christina, it's possible. But, I don't think my family looked scary to anyone. Unless your dad is psycic and encountered my dad, who could be quite charming and dapper, but, he was deadly.
The families we saw didn't look scary, it was just something about them. The way they were quietly watching us. IDK.
Chistina
My family has never been quiet in their lives.
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