Can you tell I'm in a bad mood today? Probably. It's snowing again, I feel trapped and cold and just tired to the bone of it. I could handle it, but, my family is nuts again. I mean, they're ALWAYS nuts, but, they're poking the bear again. Me. My aunt, the best seller author, OMFG shoot me, has taken to wearing a long scarf, sunglasses and a hat..I guess this is so the paparazzi won't bug her too much..fame is such a burden, you understand. She is pimping that mess she calls a book all over town. I wouldn't care, I'm used to being humiliated by family, but, she's targeting my place of work the most.*
First she asked me to sell it at work. That would be a firm NO. Then she went over my head and called the shop owner. She had the nerve to say she was the author of Guntown, My Guntown and then she left a pause for accolades. Then she said she had decided to let my friend, the shop owner, carry the "novel." The shop owner told her that she doesn't carry new books. She's a used book shop. She was trying to be polite. My aunt Bitch Face would not take no for an answer. She just kept telling her how many she'd stock and where they would be placed. I guess she'd planned a book signing party there too. Oh, my, gawd. The shop owner was appalled at this woman's nerve. She was also amused, but, I wasn't. I was seriously not any more amused when she continued to call back after she was told no. She's annoying people and wasting people's time at work. I apologised....and apologised.
*
Last week, she made her debut into the shop in person. Everyone was supposed to be impressed with their sheer luck at meeting this local celebrity...in her dark glasses and waving her hands about like she's Joan Collins on the red carpet. I just want to crawl in a hole. Bitch Face then proceeded to tell my friend she just knew she was sorry she hadn't carried the great novel in her shop now, because Hollywood had just secured the movie rights. Bitch Face went on and on about the screen play, big stars she was meeting with and the movie.
*
The shop owner turned to me after Bitch Face left and said, Pat, I am so sorry, but, that book is your family photo album. I told her I know that! I am so fed up with this crap. My friend thought it was hilarious. I do not and I am sick of apologising for my relatives all over town. They need to stop fucking with my work place. Seriously.
The shop owner turned to me after Bitch Face left and said, Pat, I am so sorry, but, that book is your family photo album. I told her I know that! I am so fed up with this crap. My friend thought it was hilarious. I do not and I am sick of apologising for my relatives all over town. They need to stop fucking with my work place. Seriously.
*
All over this tiny town, everywhere I go, I get ribbed about, am I going to play myself in the movie? Har de har. No, Jennifer Aniston is playing me. I don't want to be a bad sport, but, it's just not funny anymore. And constantly in MY work place? Not cool. My friend is fed up with it too and I feel bad and I don't know what to do. I don't know why my family puts me in these kinds of situations. It's not over and I know it. Why can't Bitch Face just leave me alone? I am about two second away from turning into Linda Blair in the Exorcist. So, not kidding.
All over this tiny town, everywhere I go, I get ribbed about, am I going to play myself in the movie? Har de har. No, Jennifer Aniston is playing me. I don't want to be a bad sport, but, it's just not funny anymore. And constantly in MY work place? Not cool. My friend is fed up with it too and I feel bad and I don't know what to do. I don't know why my family puts me in these kinds of situations. It's not over and I know it. Why can't Bitch Face just leave me alone? I am about two second away from turning into Linda Blair in the Exorcist. So, not kidding.
33 comments:
OMG, I am so torn between wanting to comfort you and my very real desire to bray like a donkey. Are you POSITIVE the nurses didn't switch you with another baby?
Hmmm she's gotta be near your moms age
and she just is relentless! Your aunt Is toooo
much with her scarf and sunglasses incognito
oh my take her photo at your own risk. Kiki :)
i would fuck with her....say 'omg! elvis presley enterprises phoned for you today but you weren't home!!!' 'there was a messenger here from paramount, but you were out on the town'....maybe that kind of stuff would keep her home???
or you could say that she's gonna hear from you big shot attorney because she did not secure the rights to your portion of the story and you have a development deal of your own with a hollywood studio....tell the cousins that they too should get a percentage of her profits!!
i think the shop owner should stop amusing her and tell her to get the fuck out and STAY out.....
sorry you're being fucked with :hugs:
I agree with Miss Tia. Get an old newspaper reporter style hat and follow her around town snapping photos. LOL
She's older than my mom. Bitch Face is pushing 90. Man, I hate her.
she needs to go in a geriatric nut hut...
don't worry and stop apoligizing. anyone who knows she's crazy also knows that it's not your fault.
DD
I like the part of Miss Tia's post--the shop owner should tell her to stay out (would she listen, tho?)
And Val's comment--anyone who meets her has to know she is totally NUTS-sooo sorry that in the dead of crappy winter that she keeps pulling this shit. Hugs to you. I'd be plenty pissed off if she was my aunt. She is beyond eccentric. Wayyyy beyond.
I say you commission a hot air balloon, tell your notamom and aunts you're taking em for a ride then bail out when that sucker's a few inches off the ground. Sayonara, bitches!
How about if I cash out my bank account, write a bouncer for gas...drive away and live in my car?
Practice this comeback when anyone gives you drek about ol' ABF (sounds like a car part eh?)"Don't worry, I'm adopted." (whether true or not) or vice versa "Don't worry, SHE's adopted."
You are all funny and cheer me up. But, seriously, this is causing problems at work and I can't help but feel some responsibility. It's terrible.
i would hope the store owner has your back....
I know your story wasn't supposed to be funny, but it was. YOU are the one that should be writing a book. LOL
90! Wow she is right in the same age group as my crazy Grandma and her "needed to be commited" sisters. It must be the time period they were born. Tell me is she also Eastern Euro decent?
Native American.
DD, your embarrassment can be solved by talking to your boss about this. Explain to him/her that you're mortified by her behavior and that you totally stand behind her decision to not stock the book. As long as your employer doesn't think you're 'one of them' you shouldn't have a problem. After all, you both have a working history and know each other.
tell your aunt her best bet is to go camp out in chicago and get oprah to put it on her book list!! that'll get her out of your hair!! :)
Gawd, Pat. Family can & is probably the most humiliating thing that we have to deal with. Even gum in my hair in 1st grade!! My family has caused me so much shame thru out my life that I ceased any contact. My nerves couldn't deal with it any longer. Thankfully, I didn't live near them. But since you do. I don't know what to say. Did she have everyone permission to have their stories and pictures printed for her profit? I doubt that. Did the entire family sign off on this thing? Has she offered to share her profits? No. She hasn't. Next time tell her that you did not give her permission to use your likd=eness or tell perosnal sories about you or your children and since you are not sharing the prifits with me you need to take your f'g book & disappear before I sue your ass!!! I don't know, I'd probably check into sueing her anyways. Just to keep her away from me. It's an idea.
rox
Tonya, she's not my employer, she's a friend I rent shop space from. When my aunt found out I am my own employer, she was pissed. None of her bus..none of any of my family. She's just causing trouble.
Pat...many of us have relatives we don't like to claim-some worse than others. Your's is one of the bad ones. You have gotten a lot of good advice--some useful and some funny! Miss Tia had a good idea about the lawyer warning and royalties. And I think the owner of the place where you work knows you well enough by now to understand. You can't keep apoligizing for your family. The people in Guntown who know you will understand and those that don't know you should just get f**ked! You are going to worry yourself back into some really bad health. When you see her coming, put your hand up and before she starts talking tell her your lawyer has advised you to say nothing on the subject and if she keeps talking, turn around and let her talk to your back. After a while she will have to go away. There's too many nuts falling from your family tree and you are not responsible for them. Do what you feel you should for your mom and TRY to let the rest go.
I hust had a good idea. Do you have anything with earpods? When they come around, put the earpods in your ears and tune in to some music. Tell them you are doing this because you don't want to hear anything they have to say and you don't have to.
Also, your place of business has the right to ask her to leave if it is necessary and it really seems necessary.
You don't say much about your dad so I don't know where you get your stability. Maybe somewhere way back in the "family tree" there was a very wise person and you take after him/her.
Again, your health is more important. Turn your back and walk away or get some earpods and try to not listen. Ignore them and MAYBE they will go away. Even if it works just one time, it's better than nothing!
I DO know a "guy" who knows a "guy" that can take care of that problem for you!!! Just kidding!
I'm sorry Pat. I wish there was something I could really do for you! No one deserves this kind of aggravation. Watch your health!
Bayou, my dad was a no good bastard who died in prison. My mom's side are all nuts and retarded. It aint no sitcom. They have to stay away from me now, it's a matter of my health. Do they listen? Nope.
After reading all this I vote that you start ratcheting up the witch thing. They need to become afraid of you!
Your aunt is beyond demented. I'm sorry you have to put with her bullshit. I don't understand why assholes like her live so long and so many good people die young. The world sucks.
I kind of understand what you are going through although not as bad. After my parents divorced I quit talking to my dad because he is crazy. I have a lot of health problems and my dad decided he would call all my doctors and yell at them. I don't even know why. It's not because he cared about me. If he did he would not embarrass me like that. My doctors were all freaked out because apparently he was swearing at them and having fits. I had to explain my dad is crazy. THANKS, Dad.
Aww Pat -
Relatives. Can't stand some of 'em, can't kill 'em.
You're great with your camera - next time the ole Miss is dolled up in her famous writer disguise, take her pic, photoshop it to make one of those "not allowed" signs. (The ones with the open red circle with the line going across the person/object.)
Then post it where you work.
Tell her it's from the local cops because of complaints received.
She just might fall for it.
I like Cynthia's idea!
DD-I am wondering, when your idiot aunt says all this crap about how Hollywood bought the movie rights to her book and she's expecting calls from movie stars, does she actually believe it herself, or does she know it is a lie? I'm curious.
I'm afraid that I can only offer the tried but true solution: You are not responsible for what anyone else says or does. You can only control your own reaction. You cannot take what other people do or say personally. You can only live your best life and do your best in everything you do. It's difficult, I know. But I do speak from some experience. My own mother has been at times abusive, distant, accusatory and endlessly humiliating to me my entire life and I am now a mature woman. Still everyday I repeat the mantra: you cannot control anyone else. Just yesterday I had someone repeat to me some really hateful things my mother had said and I had to keep neutral and explain that my mother is delusional and inclined to invent stories. It isn't pleasant and does take practice, but it will become easier over time. Please know that I'm thinking of you and wishing you patience and forbearance.
Pat, next time they start with you, just tell them you aren't allowed to talk to them while there is pending litigation against them. Seriously, isn't there a lawyer that you can talk to aobut your story being told without your permission? Not to mention using your picture without permission? I will pass the hat around to help pay for a lawyer.
Does your Aunt embrace her Native American roots? If so, perhaps a well-placed "sign" from her animal spirit could wake her up.
Maybe tell her, that she would make more money putting the book for sale on the internet, and offer to list it for her, but you need all the inventory so you can mail out the books when the orders come rolling in! Perhaps something could happen to them that was out of your control...water damage...or someone bought them out and you mailed them off only to never get your money from them? Some African guy with 10 million for you because he likes your name or something. LOL
I dunno, I just know what it was like to deal with my grandmother for 6 yrs. She had alzheimers, and I was her primary caregiver. She would get it in her head that the train was coming and she needed to be on the train, and she would strip down to her depends and try to get the train to stop for her. It was either that, or she was gonna get a gun and kill all my kids friends who came into the yard to play. Needless to say, we never had friends over after that. :(
HUGGGGGGGGS Pat. I feel for you and your situation.
I agree with the above post, and african millionare!! Make it a Nigerian prince!!
Or set her up with Matt Dicktard
Is there any way you could legally commit the crazy old bat to a nursing home? Other than shooting her (and that might have serious legal repercussions)I think the old folks rest home is the only place for her ... except they would probably throw her out.
Pat, I would talk to your boss, though I'm betting she/he already 'gets' it. Leave it alone. You are only responsible for your OWN actions and reactions. Besides, seriously, would your life be nearly as exciting without her? I'm sorry, but I was cracking up reading your story.
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