Huntington, W.Va.: Yesterday, my friend and I were waiting on a movie that was going to start in about two hours. She had commented that after a stressful day that she needed a drink. We went into a restaurant, and she proceeded to order two very strong margaritas for herself. We laughed and started talking about wine. She commented that she doesn't get drunk after having a whole bottle in one sitting. After she finished her drink, she ordered another one and some nachos. Before we left to go to the movie, I had to talk her out of getting another one. This time, I didn't think it was OK. Did I mention that it was 2:00 in the afternoon? A week before, she had two cups of tequila. Often, I find her talking about needing a drink or about getting drunk. I'm a little worried about my friend now. We're only in our 20s, and I would like her to reach her 30s without a serious problem.Emily Yoffe: Someone who "needs" to get drunk at any time has alcohol problems. And someone who is doing this at 2:00 in the afternoon is well on her way to alcoholism, especially if she's boasting about how she can handle an entire bottle of wine at a sitting. Tell her you're very concerned about her drinking and it appears to have veered out of control. If she won't listen but continues to behave this way, tell her you aren't going to be able to socialize with her because she's no fun when she's drunk. You should also alert others in your group about your concerns, especially if she likes to get behind the wheel.
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Seriously? Maybe I'm a bad friend, but, I figure this shit is not my business and I'd never say jack. If a friend admits they have a problem and asks for your support, be there, but, until they do....wtf good would it do to point out their problem if they aren't seeing it as a problem? And the advice to tell the friend that "they are no fun when they're drunk" seems stupid, since the friend is obviously always drunk so you must have found her fun or you wouldn't hang out with her in the first place. On behalf of my drunken friends I say, hide the keys when they think they can drive. Other than that, mind your own. When I become perfect, I'll let my friends know. They shouldn't hold their breath.
9 comments:
yeah, as long as she wasn't driving....and she ate some food too....
some people have a high tolerance for alcohol....
dear prudence is a prude....
People are so preachy now a days.
they are!!! it's ridiculous!!
Prudence will sometimes surprise me tho. But this seems like she's teling her to dump her friend. Thats not cool. I don't think I'd say anything either except "I'm driving!!"
rox
I think it's up to the drinker to realize it's a problem for herself. It's not up to someone else to point it out, unless something happens where you don't feel you have a choice but to say something.
As long as she is not drinking and driving or doing something else equally dangerous, MYOB.
“Pru” really gave some bad advice here. As soon as “WVa” would confront her friend about her drinking, the “problem” would go underground. Friend would just get smarter and better at hiding it. and build up a larger tolerance. Alcoholics have to find their bottom and this chick does not sound like she hit the pavement yet. Better to be her friend when she does.
I say best friends help best friends. Maybe the booze isn't so much about the booze as it is to soothe or dull another problem. She would feel worse if down the road her friend became a raging drunk and no one cared.
I don't drink...so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. But I for one do appreciate my friends when they stay close in the tough times.
I'm glad to see that I'm not the only person who thinks this is no big deal. I rarely drink but one of my best friends spent the last decade hammered. It caused some problems for her and she worked it all out. I never considered it my business and told her if she needed my help I'd be there. Eventually she decided she'd had enough and she dried out. It made no difference in our friendship.
Behavior that's endearing in your 20s can really be pathetic in your 40s. I have some pals that never figured out how to slow down the booze train and it's wrecking/wrecked their lives. They have a hard time holding jobs, their health is bad, etc. Also, and this may seem small but it has bigger implications, they embarrass themselves in social situations to the point where people just don't extend invitations to them anymore. Their worlds have become so small: Just them, their booze, and the people that tolerate their volatility, mostly because they're there too. It's sad. I've tried to help but they're not having it. Maybe some day they'll come asking for help, though. That would be good. I'm not perfect by any means but there's no shame in trying to help someone who is killing himself and can't help himself.
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