In contrast to his image, Alton Brown is married and has a daughter. Which leads me to todays question. What would it be like to have sex with Alton Brown? I think it would go something like this..
*
"Hi, there, engaging in sexual intercourse is not only amusing, it's just plain good. Before I crawl between your thighs and apply the proper pressure with my 5 and a half inch penis, which contrary to popular belief is exactly the average size for a North American white male, I call it the other white meat, ahem, we need to discuss the content of the anticipated discharge. Sperm contains many organic and inorganic chemicals, including metal and salt ions, sugars, lipids, hormones, enzymes and amino acids. I'll bet you didn't know that, did you? Let me get out my handy body fluid chart."
"Hi, there, engaging in sexual intercourse is not only amusing, it's just plain good. Before I crawl between your thighs and apply the proper pressure with my 5 and a half inch penis, which contrary to popular belief is exactly the average size for a North American white male, I call it the other white meat, ahem, we need to discuss the content of the anticipated discharge. Sperm contains many organic and inorganic chemicals, including metal and salt ions, sugars, lipids, hormones, enzymes and amino acids. I'll bet you didn't know that, did you? Let me get out my handy body fluid chart."
*
"And while we're at it, when was the last time you shaved your legs? In the old days, approximately 1834 to be specific, though who asked, right?..women often used a well honed axe to remove unwanted body hair. (Puts on a wig and bonnet and assumes a falsetto) "We sure did, Alton!"
*
Shall we discuss the Kama Sutra? Them's good eats.
"And while we're at it, when was the last time you shaved your legs? In the old days, approximately 1834 to be specific, though who asked, right?..women often used a well honed axe to remove unwanted body hair. (Puts on a wig and bonnet and assumes a falsetto) "We sure did, Alton!"
*
Shall we discuss the Kama Sutra? Them's good eats.
24 comments:
lol! I could picture him saying this as I was reading! He's so lame...i hate goos eats, it makes me feel crazy
who the hell is alton brown? never heard of him before...
LMAO !!!!!!!!!!
snowbunnie
I like him alot. I really like him on Iron Chef America as he calls the play-by-play! I think he's interesting. The man has several shows right now. he's nice looking and rich & famous. Whats not to like? He has a cute wife, looks normal. I like him. I never even thought of having sex with him! Whats wrong with you today?!!! LOL!!!
rox
I think he's hot! Good Eats is one of the only shows left on that network that's worth a shit. I really loved his show Feasting on Asphalt but of course they took it off. He's smart and funny. He recently lost alot of weight and it's aged him.
OMG - that's friggin' hilarious! I can't stop laughing!
What's wrong with me? I don't know. He amuses me. He's creepy and cute.
confess you got the hots for him
better than Jamie Oliver who looks like he has downs
I don't get "the hots" anymore. I am immune. I get amused.
Mr. Brown is quite a charachter when he gets
going. Not everyones cup of tea but I like
him. He breaksdown everything to it chemical
beginnings. His added flare and histronics
make his show most appealing. Hey he's better
than that jerkoff buddy cake bauussss anyday !
Oh that Rollie pollie hairball of grease duff?!
An intelligent man who can hold his own
( no pun or duurty image) implied is seksi ;);)
Alton is no where near that though he does
remind me of a geeky science teacher. -Kiki
You are really really funny, DD! I actually like his show very much in small infrequent viewings.
I love Alton. That's funny, DD, I was also wondering how sex with him would be like.......
My grandmother hates this guy more than anyone. I don't know why. He seems silly and harmless to me.
I like him a lot and you nailed his style really well too. I like how he mixes science with cooking and campy lessons on chalkboards. I've never thought of him in a sexual way at all!
Another vote for Alton! I used to watch the Food Network a lot but it's all getting so redundant. Alton is a breath of fresh air. I already know how to cook & I'm also a geek so I'm much more interested in the why than the how.
lol! That's hilarious. I get a kick out of Alton, he's fun & love his shows.
I like Alton ok. But, oooh, never thought of him in terms of being hot. I didn't know he was married...for some reason I thought he was divorced and didn't have any kids. He's always having his nephew and sis on the program, so....perhaps I assumed.
that's great!
Alton does not do it for me. but i like him on tv.
i liked that motorcycle roadtrip show he had, too.
He does give some really good tips too. He taught me how to brine a turkey.
Cooking is nothing but chemistry and procedure and that's what Alton teaches.
Oh DD, now I'll have this pic in my mind of him. I like him a lot. I always think Good Eats is fun to watch. You are too funny.
OMG that is friggen HILARIOUS!! I'm dying over here! Spot on! You kill me Pat!
~ Jess
Wow, can I just say I love you, DD? That really made my day; hilarious!!
Sadly, I have thought of what sex with Alton would be like. I love watching him on TV and I find him kinda hot in the same way I find Clark Howard and my high school science teacher (and Nathan, actually) hot...geeking out over knowledge is kinda sexy to me!
PS: Your post got me all hot and bothered, lol!
Post a Comment