Aunt Ruth died tonight, and I took pictures. Is that wrong? It's what I do here, I blog about my life and this is part of it. Lissa and I were out in the yard doing some Moon magic and she suddenly stopped spinning around and said "Gramma, someone invisible just walked past me! I felt it!" And I told her I felt it too, and it was strange, but, it wasn't a bad thing. She wanted to know what it was and I said, I don't know. Because I didn't, but, I knew I felt it too. We went into the house and mom came running over, pounding on the door and screaming "Ruth is dead! Ruth is dead! Help me!" It scared Lissa and I know this sounds bad, but, why scream and scare a kid when the woman is dead. I mean, dead is dead, right? But, I hugged Lis and told her to watch the dog and stay here for a minute and I went over. Aunt Ruth was sitting there, calm and peaceful and quite dead. I couldn't find any signs of life at all. 911 was called. They managed to find a pulse, at least they said they did (I still have my doubts). But, she was pronounced dead as soon as she got to the hospital. She's never been to a hospital or a doctor in her life. And she didn't want to, so maybe they should have left her sitting there. But, I guess they can't legally.*
We've all been expecting this, the woman was 90 years old and suffering from renal failure for the last month. Mom was screaming when I walked out and went back to Lissa. The neighbors gathered in the side yard, as neighbors here do, and one of them asked if I needed help. I told her we were fine, but, maybe mom needed someone. How they took that statement is their business, not mine. One of them went in the house with her and another one went and got her other sister who lives up the block.
*
We've all been expecting this, the woman was 90 years old and suffering from renal failure for the last month. Mom was screaming when I walked out and went back to Lissa. The neighbors gathered in the side yard, as neighbors here do, and one of them asked if I needed help. I told her we were fine, but, maybe mom needed someone. How they took that statement is their business, not mine. One of them went in the house with her and another one went and got her other sister who lives up the block.
*
The neighbors and relatives are still next door, doing whatever it is they do when people die. Lissa finally went to sleep after we had a long talk. I think she understands. She did say she'd miss Aunt Ruth and that she always gave her ice cream. Yep. Aunt Ruth was a good one and she had a nice long run and she didn't suffer. She told me last week she was ready to go and I guess she was. She would have been really pissed if she'd woken up in a hospital. As deaths go, she had a pretty good one and that's all you can ask for in the end.
54 comments:
Pat...I don't know what to say. All I know about death is it can be a release, for the living and the dead. It's part of life and as you said, she had a long one.
Comfort Lissa and know that my thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself my friend.
My sympathies Pat.
Jarhead
Dear Pat,
I'm very sorry for your loss... From your comments, she's seemed to have been the nicer one. I was sad to read how your granddaughter was scared by all the upset. Thank heavens you were there.
At least she had a long life, and "went" peacefully. That is, sometimes, a comfort.
As to you taking pictures, no, I don't feel that it was wrong. You document and blog about your life, and this was another episode in it, which I personally find to be fascinating and amazing...you really are a great writer.
My thoughts are with you and Lissa.
Be well.
Sincerely,
Beth Nagle de Szego (Beth in Seville)
i had a great grandma that liked ice cream over anything. i still miss her. i hope lissa gets over the shock of the screaming. seems like ur auntie had a nice long run as my grandma says. i get it tho, dead is dead.
i don't feel it's wrong or weird to take pics. it's shockingly real tho, counter to what we are raised with. my cousin travis died in afghanistan in may 06. my opa snapped a pic of him in his coffin. i know sounds creepy. but i couldn't attended the funeral nor could relatives from holland. helped me connect, otherwise (in my mind) he was still across the table from me, trying to get a pic of me eating, the joke was that dancers never eat. anyway. i have the memory of the last time i saw him laughing his ass off at me eating, duh huh, and well, him in a coffin. my opa and oma saw terrible things during the occupation of their country. so, i feel that ppl who have been thru terrible things see things different than those who haven't. does that make sense? anyway, i sense u have been thru a shit storm and i think u handled this well. and u totally got how to talk to lissa. and that's cool.
i'm alittle worried that ur mom is gonna really lose track of her moorings tho, so be prepared. take care.
Pat, My condolences as well.
I believe you handled the matter
for Lissa very well. I am glad
Auntie Ruth went peacefully with
little suffering. Too bad your
Mother thing had to be so dramatic-but when isn't she? Give Lissa
an extra hug today from us.
Oh, and there was nothing wrong with your pix. It was an event in your life and like you say, it is what you do.
Pat,
You said it, sister. We should all be so lucky to just go all of a sudden. Condolences for Auntie Ruth.
Lu
Pat
It's good that you're good with this. I wish Lis hadn't been there, mainly bc of your mom's hysterics, but at least you were there to explain it and help her thru it.
My condolences to you and Lis.
-Biz
DD I'm very sorry for your family's loss. My deepest sympathy goes out to you and lissa.
If there is anyone in Lissa's world who can explain death to her and take away her fear its YOU @ Pat.... I have no doubt about that.
Annelisse, I didn't know that in Holland they call their grandparents Oma and Opa also... I'm german and that is what I call mine.
I am sorry for your family's loss, Pat.
It's interesting that Lissa knew that she felt a dead person walk by. Maybe she has inherited some of your abilities.
As for your mother screaming, she has been dramatic in the past, and I am sure the screaming was as much about her being alone there, and the suddenness of the loss, as it was about Ruth's death. As someone else here already said, I hope she does not totally lose her moorings due to Ruth's death.
I don't fault you at all for taking pictures. It is part of your life, and that is what you do. People react differently in situations. I'm glad you are able to comfort Lissa, especially with her grandmother's reaction.
Forgive me for asking, but Ruth was the author, wasn't she?
You & Lissa have my sympathies. -Kiki
No, Ruth wasn't the "famous" author, that's Aunt Bitch Face. You can bet her ass was here screaming and bawling and carrying on to Jesus. What a scene.
DD, I am sorry that you and Lis had to see the good one go, but glad to know it was a peaceful departure for her.
Sending my best to you and your family.
Thanks to all of you.
Pat...
So sorry for the loss of your good Aunt. I'm glad you were there for Lissa, to explain the cycle of life to her. Your mother could have traumatized Lis with all her screaming and shrieking. Aunt Ruth went out the easy way, sitting in her chair at home instead of in a hospital being poked, prodded and hooked up to machines with her kidneys failing.
a lot of times paramedics will say they feel a faint pulse because they don't want to be the ones to declare a person dead.....they would rather have the hospital do that....
i wonder what the neighbors who went into your mom's house thought.....
my sincere condolences to you and Lissa....
My thoughts are with you and Lissa. I am sure that was very scary for her.
Raisin' a glass to Aunt Ruth. Of milk. A glass of wholesome milk.
Tia, the neighbors live just like her, so they probably thought it was normal. I will say this, when I went in and checked Ruth, her small apartment was spic and span. In stark contrast to the rest of the house. Only her bed was unmade, the rest of the place was tidy and clean.
Death is always such an awkward subject. I suppose because each of us reacts so differently to it. I admire the way you eased Lissa through the process; she knows she doesn't have to let that fear overwhelm her. And that she sensed someone passing by her is awesome. I think she does have some of your intuitions. How cool is that!
Aunt Ruth probably blew right out of that place as soon as she was set free. Go in peace Aunt Ruth. Go in peace.
I am also sorry for you loss Pat.
Last night I had a dream that Ruth was young and beautiful again. She was smiling and her hair was long and red and she was in a place called They Golden Horse Shoe, placing a bet. Is there a place called that?
Pat,
I think it's amazing Aunt Ruth passed near you and Lissa on her way out.
You've had so many losses, my best thoughts go to you, Lissa and Casey. I can't help but be grateful that Lissa has you to help her navigate life. I hope you can feel all the good thoughts coming from your family of readers.
Beth
Sorry for your loss, Pat. I hope Lissa is doing alright today and that your mother does not go off the deep end even more than she already has... This will be very hard on her and thus on you now that she will live by herself.
Pat, my heartfelt sympathies.
They Golden Horse Shoe, placing a bet. Is there a place called that?
~~~
You betcha'!
http://www.matchlesscasino.com/best-golden-horse-shoe-casino-bonus/
there were more too....
i think it's interesting that when older people pass they are returned to their more youthful looks....
the lady who still lives in my house, she passed away when she was in her 70s, but she looks in her 30s....
I'm so sorry DD :(
I know it's wishful thinking, but I hope this gives Tuwella a bit of a better perspective....I know I know, ain't happening.
May your Aunt Ruth rest in peace...
Now thinking about it, I'm actually impressed that the 911 people didn't dismiss your call after the 16 times you called for the barking dog.....
Pat, I am glad that she passed pretty peacefully and that she had never been in a hospital is such a blessing. I think your Mother is the one that will suffer her being gone the most, no? Aunt Ruth didn't write the bestseller (haha) right, it was the other aunt down the street, Iam I correct?
About the pictures...I find nothing wrong with it...I actually took pictures of my dearest Mom when she died a few months ago. She had so bravely suffered greatly and when she opened her eyes a few moments before she died, eyes that had not opened in many many days, so that I got to look in those eyes again it meant alot to me. When she died moments later, I did take 2 pictures because she looked finally at peace and out of pain. I have never showed them to anyone, but I occasionally look at them. I was very proud of how gallently she went into that dark night.
My love to you, Pat
I'm sorry, DD. And I agree they shouldn't have scared Lissa by pounding on the door like that when there was nothing that could be done for your aunt.
I think it's amazing that Lissa and you both felt the same thing right before you found out Ruth died.
May she rest in peace.
~ Jess
Condolences, DD. My mom passed many years ago and I dream of her quite often. She is always young and vibrant, not drained from her many ailments. Someone once told me to consider these dreams visits, cherish them, and I do.
My late grandfathers visit me often in my dreams. It is such a comfort to visit with them. I know they are with me and are following my life.
I am sorry to hear about your Aunt. I am glad that you were able to comfort Lissa and explain it to her.
Deb
Wow she had never been to a hospital or doc in her life. Wow, commendable if you ask me! I love that. I stay far away too and other than childbirth four times, I don't go either and my guys are all grown. I pray I go like her some day. She must have been a good woman, all my blessings for this next period of phase of her existence.
Sympathies to those who will be miss her.
sandy
I'm glad she lived a long full life and went quickly and peacefully.
My deepest sympathies and condolences.. bima
My deepest sympathies DD.
I shudder at the thought of the funeral from hell with those crazies. For your health I hope you can avoid it.
My deepest sympathies too, Pat. Maybe her passing by you and Lissa was her way of saying goodbye.
When cleaning out my mom's house we found old pictures of her relatives in their coffins at their funerals. I guess it was something they did back in the day.
My sympathies for your family's loss DD :(
R.I.P Aunt Ruth.
It was cool of Aunt Ruth to let you know she was leaving. It's good that she went peacefully. That's amazing that she was never in a hospital or to a doctors.
condolences DD. I hope Lissa's feeling better from the shock of it all when she wakes. Give her extra hugs & hugs to you too. Take care.
The Golden Horse Shoe, don't know about it in the afterlife, but that's what the western area around lake Ontario is called, it includes the greater Toronto area where the delightful Kiki resides. Although dying & ending up in Southern Ontario certainly sounds surreal.
Thank you for that info. My aunt was a great lover of the north, lived there for years. She loved Canada. Now it makes sense.
Linda, thanks! I also found out the Horseshoe is a defunct old Vegas spot..my aunt loved Vegas and gambling, she spent much time there too.
My sympathies to you and it's been really sweet reading about the kind of person she was.
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your aunt. It was nice to hear it was peaceful and that she said goodbye. You, Lissa and Casey are in my thoughts.
Thanks, I actually will miss old Aunt Ruth. She was a pistol.
Miss Tia, thank you for explaining that paramedic thing to me. Makes sense. I know she was already dead when I called them.
So sorry about this Pat. I know you loved your dear old aunt and you talked fondly of her. I also feel sorry for your mother. This is terrible but she lived way longer than most people that I have ever known! Good for her!! I know you will miss her. & Lissa will too. Thinking of you & your family.
xoxo
Roxanne
Do you think other than her age & health, that the extreme heat & humidity may have just been too much for her y'day? Since she was already ill? I know here in Indiana it was very hot y'day & again today expected near 90 with hi humidity. It can kill the elderly. I know thats almost ridiculous to mention, but it was scary hot y'day. I am 52 and had to keep going inside for ice water breaks while I was working in my yard, I have had heat related anurysms before and it can kill you. You have to be careful. Does your mother have AC? I hope so!!! I hope you do too! You almost can't breathe sometimes w/o it. Much less sleep!!
roxanne
Thanks to all of you. Nope, it was nice here Saturday..rainy and mild.
Sorry to hear. Maybe she tried to say good bye when you felt something in the yard.
the day my daddy died back in 1977. We had been out of town to red Lobster and were on our way back home that night. I got so hysterical on the way home that I was about to jump out of the car. I was hysterical. for some unknown reason. I felt this trerrible foreboding all over. An awful dread, for no known reason, at the time. We get home and theres a note in the door telling me to call so& so, that my daddy had died. I lost it. I knew it!! I knew something very bad was about to be told to me. I was 19, he was 52. The same age I am now. I think our relatives are so closely related to us, that it can't be helped that we know before we know. This has happened again, since then. I think our body's & hearts just know. :(
rox
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