The Hollyhocks are finally blooming and they're all pink, just like Lissa said they'd be. How does she know that stuff? Here's a conversation I had with my mother yesterday. She makes my head hurt.Her: "Them computer guys who were out here knocked the color off my TV!"
Me: "That's not possible."
Her: "That's what they said when I went out there and complained to them. Well, it IS possible and they did it. It all comes from the same pole and now I'm getting a black and white fuzzy picture and I'm mad. I can't even watch my soaps!"
Me: "I'll fix it. There. You pushed that button on the remote again and shut off your cable."
Her: "Why in hell do they put that button on there anyway? It's stupid!"
Me:"It's for the DVD player."
Her: "I don't know how to use that stupid thing anyway, I don't want it. They said your motor blew up."
Me: "They said my modem blew up, and it's theirs. There's no motor."
Her: "That's just stupid, of course there's a motor or it wouldn't work."
Me: "No, not really, well, there's a small motor on the fan, but, never mind.'
Her: "We aren't talking about a fan. You can't fit a fan inside a computer, even I know that. Sometimes I don't think you're as bright as you think you are."
Me: "Okay. I was talking about circuit boards and..never mind."
Her: "Circus boards? You are so crazy, you don't make sense."
Me: "I know. "
Her: "Well, thank goodness it's fixed. You won't be happy unless you can type to them serial killers and sex maniacs on the internets. God knows what you do all day. I thought I was going to have to spent thousands of dollars on a new computer."
Me..(perking up in shock)...: "What?" (thinking quick) Well, they said I should replace it eventually because it's old. The cable guys told me that."
Her: "I suppose we can. You can't concentrate to drive me to the store if you can't waste your life on the stupid computer. You need a boy friend, a real one, not one on the internets. I saw that on Oprah."
Me: "What a bunch of BS!"
Lissa: "I know what that means, and you shouldn't say that in front of kids!"
21 comments:
I am here *waves*
Yeah, par for the mother thing course I guess. My mother was a teenager in the late 60's and early 70's and never heard of The Doors. I once asked her about them and her response to me, "what the back door or the front door" Oh my!
If you could get mother thing to pony up for a new computer, could you imagine? I am assuming you would have to order it online. The scary "internets" might get you. Your luck a new computer would just be the worst nightmare she could unleash upon you. I thought your cousin was driving her around. And I just loved Lissa's comment. Kids are just too much!
LOL!! She knows you can't fit a fan in there. . . what can you even say to someone who "knows" such things.
It would be great if you could get a new computer out of this. There has to be a silver lining somewhere.
I love Lissa's comment. None of the talk about serial killers, etc. fazed her, but say "BS" and she is right on it. Too funny!
I don't regular drive her anymore, but, I do take pity once in awhile or in emergencies of course. I think she's trying to buy her way back into my door.
Your mom lives in her Own World
dont take it personally, thou I suspect you kinda in a twisted way enjoy your interaction with her.
Now I have a hard decision to make..Am I a serial killer or a sex addict?
hmmmm
Get the best computer she will buy Pat!
If Motherperson is talking about buying a computer..... Get. The. Money. Now. before she changes her mind. Tell her they only accept cash.
"You won't be happy unless you can type to them serial killers and sex maniacs on the internets."
Nah, it's more like Cereal Killers and Text Maniacs. We're a bunch o big scary internets users.
LMAO!
Trust me, I do not enjoy talks with my mother. She's unavoidable, she lives right next door and she's my mother.
MuserMommy ~ My older sister is the same way. She graduated in the early sixties and I've mentioned certain groups/ songs to her. She never heard of them. Me, I still have my original Doors albums.
Today tho, she knows all the older teen music because she's a high school teacher. Says she needs to keep up with all the 'trashy' lyrics. She finally found out who Pink Floyd was about 10 years ago. Now she loves .. some .. of the older music.
take it ! She owes ya. And , Lol @ Liss, she's so funny!
Pat, DO not take a computer from her! She will hold it over your head til death do you part!
lissa is good with the wisecracks!!!
i would be wary of a motherthing bought computer....you might not take her somewhere and then she'll give it to a cousin.....
Ha! She sounds just like my grandma. My grandma fucks up her TV about once a week. She is always pressing the wrong buttons on the remote control, but she acts like it's all her TV's fault. Every time I see her she's like, "Oh, my TV is messed up again. I don't know why it does that!" Or, "I think something must be wrong with my TV because it just stops working!" and other lies which she apparently thinks I'm stupid enough to believe. I wish she would just say, "I think I pressed the wrong button." But she always blames the TV instead. I always just roll my eyes and fix it for her.
Well, I can't say the same for my MIL. She had a stroke two and a half years ago and she's never been the same. She used to knit EVERY SINGLE DAY. It saddens me that she can't anymore. She can't even figure out her own computer anymore, so I don't fault her for messing up, her coordination is fucked up.
Lissa is so spot on, as always! Gotta love that little girl. Next thing you know she'll be off to college.....and...DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT take a computer from Tuwella!
Aaaahhhhh ... Nothing like a good "mom" story. I feel for you I had the same relatives. It was always months of not talking (for some the stupidest reasons) and all palsy walsy again the next. It never stops, they LUv Luv luV the drama in their life!!! ...They have nothing else .....
I am so glad you are back Dish...I missed your stories...
snowbunnie
:)
@ Heidi, I was think the same thing.
@ DD, well, I think you kind of enjoy it to. No shame in that!
I wont let my girls watch Miley or Hannah Montana anymore. Terrible influence. Teaches little girls to grow up fast. She is not for children anymore.
Feeling pity, shame and anger is not pleasant. I don't know why anyone would think I like it.
1:28:00 PM, I understand. But, we like Miley and her songs are more complicated than I thought. The Climb is a bitch to learn. I was surprisingly challenged.
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