All American idiots center stage please

What is it about some people who have to be in the spotlight all the time, even in ordinary places where you just want to do what you have to do and go the fuck home? Two people like that in the grocery store just now...I just need to get in and out, I don't need to see your play. The married (I assume) couple were perfectly normal looking people, attractive I suppose, but, who cares? I just needed some taco shells for dinner and they were blocking my way. Rude people blocking others in the store with those big ass carts is a pet peeve of mine. Okay, pet peeve is not a fair way to describe the deep murderous rage burning like napalm in what is left of my stone cold heart thingy. But, sometimes people just space off or forget that they aren't the only people in a store..I tend to cut people a break for the first offense. If I could be sure that prison offered free Internet services, I wouldn't. Anyway, I ignored them and backed up and went into the next aisle and shopped. I figured I could come back to the shitty American white trash slop pretending to be authentic south of the fucktard border aisle when they left. Right?
*
Wrong. They high tailed it over to the new aisle pushing their enormous cart so they could do act two. Blocking the ice cream freezers where I was already standing, they start 'the play' again. "We want this!" Hee hee. (him, grabbing chocolate) Her: "You know better, we do low fat! Hee hee!" (Her looking at me) "He thinks I won't catch him clogging his arteries..hee hee. You know how men are!" I ignore them both, but, stupidly offer a small smile before I get the hell out of dodge.
*
I went down the fido costs me a mint and thinks he's a person aisle and grabbed some dog jerky, which by the way, smells better than the stuff I buy myself. I am contemplating beef or chicken when here come the big shot Hollyweird star fuckers again. Are you fucking kidding me? They push their cart up, block my exit and start act three. "We should get a dog!" Her: "Taking care of you is hard enough, honey bear!" Him: "Sugar baby, you're a cat person..meow!" Her: "Tee hee, meow!" She thumps him gently..he says "Me-OWCH!" They crack up and look at me.
*
I back up but, I'm blocked by a display of some stupid shit no one needs but, if they block the aisle with a big stack of it, some idiots will buy it. I finally abandoned my cart. Take my few items and carry them and leave. I head for the check out and I am in silent shock as these two rejects from the fucking gong show push right in ahead of me. How did they get here so quick? Does the cart have one of those Acme rocket installation kits the coyote is always buying to chase the Roadrunner? Mother fucker. Meep.
*
Son of a bitch. They let the check out clerk ring up half their shit, play slapping each other and looking around to make sure everyone knows they're hicksvilles answer to I love Douchey and Ricky Retardo then they decide they forgot something and yell "Be right back!!"
*
They leave their two toddlers in the cart for me and the check out chick to babysit and we look at each other like someone just told us Jesus Christ himself is in the frozen foods aisle babtizing chicken nuggets. Or Elvis is out in the parking lot gathering carts. You know as well as I do that once a clerk starts ringing up an order, that's it until she can close it out. The world stops for these two shit bombs to play argue in the cereal aisle, visible to the rest of us bit players in the unstopable way off Broadway extravaganza that is their life. They laughed, they cried, it was better than Cats. At one point they start to waltz together back to they check out aisle while their two toddlers look on, confused. "Sorry" they say as the laughingly breeze by my back in line "But, you can't take life too seriously!" "Right on baby." (His reply to her as they hug.)
*
I say nothing. I do not smile. I think. I hope you die. I hope wild dogs eat you. I hope you catch on fire and then wild dogs eat you. Both of you. Because I...hate...you. Die.