I went to get my dog inside yesterday and was accosted by Aunt Bitch Face coming out of the old lady's house. I saw her coming my way and tried to run and slam the door, but, I got hung up by the dog's lead on a flower pot and she caught me. Gawd, I hate her. She blocked the door and said "I just found out that one of our white ancestors was a witch burned at the stake in Salem!! (at this point, she looked pointedly at me and grinned evilly) I'm going to write a book about it and how our family found the Lord."*
She's so retarded. I could have said, no one was burned at Salem. Or, there weren't any real witches killed during the witch trials. Both of which, are correct. Or I could have said, good luck with that. I opted for, "Did you hear they proved Jesus wasn't real? Yeah, he was a myth started by the papal dynasty to promote banking." She clutched her chest and screamed, "Oh dear Lord Jesus!" And I continued, "yep, it's all over the news, you should go read it." And I went in the house and slammed the door.
*
I don't know what gets into me sometimes. The Debil?
I don't know what gets into me sometimes. The Debil?
14 comments:
LOL ... yup, I read that too!
You better watch out if she starts piling up tree branches in the backyard and invites you over for a wienie roast.
i've been reading george carlin's 'when will jesus bring the pork chops' and it's just a bunch of little bits...one of them was that the world would be a better place if they outlawed religion....and another he's going on about how it would be great if the news attacked christianity...such as 'did you hear about that jesus character'? people believe that crap and yet they make fun of people who've seen ufos!
love george carlin!
The older I get the more I wonder who started this heaven and hell crap and how so many people fell for it.
Somehow I think when Jesus hears your aunt talking about him, he considers coming for a third resurrection. (Did that make sense? I don't know much about the Bible.)
Or he throws up in his mouth a little.
I loved George Carlin too.
You should invite her over for Samhain this year. She might learn something. Or drop dead with fright.
Nah..do not let her ruin your night!
She's just so stupid and thinks she's brillant. I would have ask 'they" who? Not her. 'They' are the great conspiricy of anyone smarter than a third grader.
I should have asked her when we got white people in our family? I thought they were all Cherokee chiefs and princess's. Bunch of morons.
Rat shit, bat shit, dirty old twat
69 assholes tied in a knot
Hooray, lizardshit..FUCK
I think that if there is a Jesus, he HATES it when people use his name to bully or embarrass other people. Jesus spread a message of love and tolerance, and he must be incredibly mad when people say things like "Jesus says we should hate fags!" or whatever.
If only I could swear like you, I would be a less stressed person. You just have such a way with it...LOL
That woman is crazier than a shithouse rat (my meager contribution to the colorful swear dictionary) :)
Angie, that was from Tia's book by Carlin. I thought someone would do the second part. I swear much worse than that.
hahaha! i just got to that in the book!!!!
Eat, bite, fuck, suck!
Nibble, gobble, chew!
Finger fuck! Hair pie!
Dick, cunt, screw!
Hooray!
Bat fuck!
Blow me!
Ah, Pat. I thought you knew that Native Americans never had "royalty". There were never any "kings, queens, princesses, princes".
Anyway, good on you for putting the old bat in her place.
Here's another Carlin quote for you: "The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music."
--Sharna, a Native American.
Sharna,
Pat DOES know that. She's mocking her family; they tell all kinds of silly stories like that. Having witches in their past is just another fantasy and that's what she is pointing out.
My great grandmother wasn't a princess? Well fuck me silly.
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