I typed in sweetie pie and got that pic of a bunny. Awww, it is indeed, a sweetie pie. I am not. I want to know how you handle grown men who call you endearing names. There's one at the grocery store and it infuriates me. He has no bad aura and looks like a nice man, but, even though I've ignored him and shot him sharp looks he continues to call me "honey" and "sweetie" and uggggg, "sweetie pie." I don't want to be a bitch, but, I won't tolerate it much longer and I can't avoid him. Please advise me on how to handle it.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I am NOT your sweetie pie
I typed in sweetie pie and got that pic of a bunny. Awww, it is indeed, a sweetie pie. I am not. I want to know how you handle grown men who call you endearing names. There's one at the grocery store and it infuriates me. He has no bad aura and looks like a nice man, but, even though I've ignored him and shot him sharp looks he continues to call me "honey" and "sweetie" and uggggg, "sweetie pie." I don't want to be a bitch, but, I won't tolerate it much longer and I can't avoid him. Please advise me on how to handle it.
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24 comments:
"my name is PAT"
"if you knew me better you would know i
am not sweet or a pastry.my name is Pat"
try calling him stupid names "cookie breath" or something
give him a death look and keep moving
i feel that men who pull this don't recognize women as full equals, but rather some sort of pet.
Dirty Look is already not working? Concerning. Mentally challenged? or complete freak? Usually the drop dead and die look works. How about the blank look, complete ignore, like you have asbergers or are autistic. If that doesn't work I don't what words to use. Even the rudest words can start more talking in encourage. Keep us updated. ugh weirdo!
I like the "my name is Pat" answer that anon suggested. Old timers are like that around here too.
jarhead
Funny, it doesn't bother me when really old men call me honey or sweetie. What REALLY grates my nerves is when a someone younger than me, mainly female, call me "hun" or "sweetie." I had a cashier at Petsmart, probably 17 years old, call me hun and I said out right, I'm old enough to be your mother and my name isn't "hun." If I could have reached behind that register and slapped her, I would have. Learn some respect and don't go calling your elders hun or sweetie.
Having never had a grandfather, when someone isn't a creeper, and if they are otherwise respectful and polite, if they call me a name like that, I actually feel like he's being grandfatherly and I take it that way. If they are a creeper and disrespectful I tell them my name.
If he isn't hitting on you, isn't being condesending, and isn't crazy in a "stalking" way...why bother? Some people just like people and show it that way.
But if he creeps you out, that is a completely different thing.
When I moved back to the US after living in Canada for 20 years, that was one of the hardest things to get used to...but when I thought about it and realized that
Americans are just friendly that way it didn't bother me anymore.
The "My name is Pat" is great followed immediately by:
"And That is what You may call me." You do not have to explain yourself to him. Be direct and to the point and leave it at that. If he calls you Sweetie again after that, you can either say "Look Mother-fucker, I told you to call me Pat" or you can simply talk to the
store Manager and tell him to instruct his employees to show some respect to the customers.
Vicki
It must a 'country" thing. It happens here in Indiana all the time. I get that on the damn phone here at work, even! WTH? You dont know me! One woman had me laughing at her, every other word was "honey"..in that thick scratchy smoky voice. It was like a cartoon! or the "Fun girls" Andy & Barney hooked up with! LOL!!
rox
You need to work on your bitch vibe.....I give it off without even trying, its a gift. It works with both men and women usually, and I dont like small talk usually, so Im thankful for it...
snowbunnie
I think that sometimes people don't realize how riled up small things like this can make others.
The "my name is Pat" is a nice alternative, unless you really don't want to have him call you by your first name, which might make him feel more familiar with you. You could also just tell him that you really don't like to be called "Sweetie Pie" or whatever he calls you (in a neutral tone of voice). Sometimes that is all that people need, is to have it called to their attention.
I don't see a reason to come down hard on anyone about this, as with the little info I have, it seems like it could be that old fashioned, grandfatherly thing that has been mentioned. I occasionally get the same treatment, but the only time it bothers me is when it is from someone much younger than me, but even then I just brush it off, and go on my way. If he's older, he may have been using these little endearments with everyone without even thinking about it.
Look him straight in the face and say "Do I know you?" in a stern tone. When he answers follow up with a formal answer along the lines of "It makes me uncomfortable when you refer to me in such a familiar manner, and I wish you would stop." You don't have to be bitchy about it, but try not to smile. Read some old miss manners columns to get the stern tone you need to deal with this type of smarmy old coot!
(Or you could wear headphones/ear plugs/pretend to be talking on the phone everytime you go the grocery store and he's there ;o)
Since my Mom quit dying her hair and let it go beautiful silver, she has had lots of people calling her 'honey' & 'sweetie,' etc. It drives her bonkers. Who the fuck thinks that's OK? I would NEVER call an adult by those names (Unless it was a normal thing between us or I was getting paid, yo. It's so disrespectful and bizarre.
Lu
I would call him stud muffin. See what kind of reaction you get. He might get the hint. Unless you want to call him limp dick ? Hehehe
I guess maybe part of the reason I don't have any problems with being called by endearments is because I was always called by them when I was little. My nickname was Honeybun, My sister was Lollipop. My aunt always called me Sweetie.
I would bet that nothing bad is meant by it, and it is a shame to make anyone feel badly if they haven't done anything wrong, really. If you tell him you want him to stop, and he continues, that is a different matter. He doesn't have the right to continue to make you uncomfortable.
He may just not know better so I would tell him what Anon said. In a friendly way I'd say: "Hi, my name is Pat. It bothers me alot when people call me "honey", sweetie, etc. But that's just me.
I agree with jarhead. You get that a lot down here. It is a thing that comes through the families. Usually these people are just happy, well ajusted people. And they don't mean to make you mad. Sometimes they even make my day a little brighter. Why don't you introduce yourself to him. It may not be to your liking, but then he would have no reason to call you "sweetie pie"!
And then, he may be like me---I just can't remember names. I have kids that I taught last year and it hurts me that I can't remember their names when they talk to me. I wish I was better at that. I've never been good at names and I really try.
Everyone is being so nice!!! I completely understand where that would get under your skin. Old folks, old customs, etc... Sure, we all understand that. BUT, if the person has not responded well to you calling her sweetie pie a couple of times, get a clue and stop it. No need to be a bitch but no need to not be assertive at the same time and tell him it bugs the crap out of you. Of course, this may generate additional annoyance if he does not get it or thinks it is funny how you have reacted to it.
I usually shoot a "don't call me hun - we have not milked the cows together".
Oh, jeez... I guess you other posters were right then. There are nicer ways to deal with it...
I wouldn't be offended by it but if you are then I think the "I am Pat" suggestion should work. I'm sure he has no idea that he's upsetting you.
When I lived with Steve the first time he called me Toots all the time. Even intoduced me by that godawful endearment. I finally told him to stuff it. After I moved out and took Sedgewick (the dog) with me he went out and got his own dog and get this..............named her Toots. LMAO Now that I'm back with him, with both dogs he's stuck calling me by my name. DOUBLE LMAO!!!
Escrow, I'm sure he really liked being able to call you Toots, but he should have stopped when you told him you didn't like it.
I grew up with a girl that I always called Toots.
It's very cute that the dog carries the name, now.
I was raised by woman who went into a complete RAGE if anyone called her love or honey or darl or sweetiepie. so I was raised knowing it was dreadfully insulting and impolite. so you can imagine my horror when those hated terms started rolling out of my own mouth. but it only happens when I am being kind or friendly. perhaps some people just plain hate it when strangers are overly kind or friendly towards them. maybe they find these people too familiar. I for one am aghast when the term pops out of my mouth inapproptiate times. it. is never intended as anything but 'nice' but I know a lot of ppl hate 'nice' I definitely don't set out to offend. it's a conundrum!
I remember being pregnant and having older men call me "Momma" and things like that, perfect strangers, and it absolutely grated on my last nerve. I always gave them the evil eye, but they didn't even seem to notice it.
In court it has been necessary to, especially years ago, ask an attorney or once even a judge not to call me things like "Little Lady" or "Missy". ARGGGGGG!!! I tried to do it in as business-like way as possible, saying things like "Please call me Barbara" or "Please call me Ms. Heller". Along with the evil eye, that usually worked.
Few people know the hate and rage I harbor for such endearments. I guess no one has been treated unfairly by middle aged chauvanistic pigs. I want to kill them.
i agree with you DD....as a kid a couple old guys molested me with the 'sweetie' 'cutie' shit...makes my skin crawl too, which is why i didn't comment!
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