That's me! I am sitting in my perfectly ordered house...okay, it's pretty ordered. There are Hannah Montana cards on the floor and Hannah Montana pajamas crumpled in front of the tv, which is still on. Phineas and Pherb are gonna do it all, by the way. Candace will be screwed again. That girl can't win. So predictable.I am perfectly dressed. Okay, I have on leggings and a nice garage sale Liz Claiborne top. And my best flip flops. I am having a martini. Okay..it's coffee. But, I have smokes. Which I am smoking. Right in my own kitchen, so fucking there. I am alone. Alone. My ears are ringing. It's echos from the week.
A nice social worker picked up Lis and she went for a family visit. She didn't want to go, but, it was just because she wanted to go to Tuwella's and paint and eat pudding. Or paint with pudding or what ever gross inappropriate thing they do over there. She can just cheer the frick up, because a few hours alone is what I need. She was super pissed at me because she made a bracelet with her new beads and when I was tying it off, I dropped the end and all the beads shot to hell and the underside of the refrigerator (which are in the same neighborhood, if you ask me). She said I ruined all her hard work (five minutes). I told her to suck it up and asked her where the lid to my Victorian candy jar is? That shut her up. How the frick do you lose a 150 year old glass lid? In a two room house?
The social worker said I have to take her to therapy next week, which is fine. But, also I have to pick Gabe up from his therapy and take him to day care. I am totally confused at how or why a one and a half year old needs therapy, but, okey dokie. His parents need therapy, that's for sure. Maybe he absorbs it through osmosis, like second hand smoke? I don't have a car seat. And I don't have the extra cash to go buy a new one. I'm going to finish my coffee and my smoke, IN MY OWN FRIGGIN' HOUSE and go drive by some yard sales. I'll bet I find one. I always find what they need somewhere. It's a gift. I should have a bumper sticker.
I also can't lift Gabe. Not really. He's a big boy. But, I'll figure it out or fake it. I can pull the 'show granny how you can walk and climb in the car all by yourself' trick. What do you want to bet that lady in the perfect photo doesn't have her shit together at all? Her 'dolls' are hidden in the sofa cushions and her kids are waiting at school because she forgot them. And she probably isn't wearing panties. Betcha. At least I have clean underwear. Suck it, perfect lady. Suck it hard. You are so messed up. Compared to you, I am amazing.
18 comments:
Kudos to you. You're doing a good job, but it's got to be hard having a full time kid back in the house. It would drive me stark raving bonkers after a week. Why do you have to pick up Gabe... where are his grandparent guardians? That should be their responsibility, not yours.
She also has blue carpet. I just can't trust anyone with blue carpet.
I'm going to pick him up on therapy day from now on because his grandparents work in another town. It will help them out. Get this..they're social workers. I know! Right? His dad can't drive right now (DUI), but, he does have unsupervised visits because he's tested clean three times now. He's trying. Lis's mom only has supervised visits. And it will be awhile before she gets unsupervised. I knew all this shit was coming, but, you can't get people to lisen until it's too late. One thing is clear though, neither one of them is an abusive parent. Not at all. They just need to clean up their act. Iowa does not mess around when there are kids involved.
Phineas and Pherb are gonnnnnna doooo it allllll! Ha. You painted a great picture of the chaos. Enjoy the peace today. Sounds like you need it.
Lift the kid with your knees DD!! KNEES!
We do not want you hurting your back now.
You will find a car seat at a yard sale. Or the grandparents are going to have to get you one.
I don't think I made myself clear. Gabe is a year and a half and wears size 4. He is also determined, tackles like a pro-footballer and has a temper. He usually laughs at me, but, man, he's a handful and a half.
Sounds like the old reverse psychology trick for Gabe. 'Bet you can't do that all by yourself'. It's amazing how much more little kids weigh today than when ours were toddlers. Or is it, we're older and weak?
My mantra when my kids were little... I am the adult, you are the child (therefore I am smarter!)
Let me get this straight. Gabe's grandparents are social workers. And Gabe's Dad has a DUI and can't drive. You are helping out by giving Gabe (a toddler) a ride from therapy to the sitter. Dad has unsupervised visits (might help his parents are social workers) and Mom's are supervised.
Wow.
Show up early and sneak into Gabe's therapy what does that entail exactly. In a perfect home he wouldn't remember these days. I wonder.
Sound like everyone is on the recovery track.
Tonya I agree, along with that bright teal color.
Take Heidi's advice and lift with your knees. Hopefully you can teach the little bruiser to climb up there on your own. Maybe people at both places will help.
Gabe's dad is a likeable guy. He's taken on that role for Lis too and she loves him.
That woman has more of a hidden agenda than what you are explaining dirtydisher. She looks to calm and collective. Its always that way before a storm.
Do you have a wic office in your hometown Dirtydisher or salvation army? Even maybe a hospital might have one.
Fawn
Is your area too small to have some kind of freecycle group? (I belong to one that is some kind of independent offshoot.) Or craigslist? You could ask for a free carseat. I am amazed at the stuff people ask for and often receive.
You're a good granny, even when you aren't the granny.
Hi Fawn!! How are you today? Great suggestions for DD.
There is probably some place that can give you one for nothing. I would contact the social worker and tell her to get you some help.
tit for tat
I found one. 2 bucks. And a collum plant stand and garden ball for a buck. Score!
WooHoo!
I want a gazing ball but I have not been lucky to find at yard sale yet
I was gonna say something really really naughty to Heidi about those gazing balls.
It's not a gazing ball, it's a...sort of carved, cement looking, umm..it's pretty.
Compared to a lot of people, you are amazing DD.
The thing about amazing people, they are wise enough to surround themselves with other amazing people and avoid the ones that aren't.
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