DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have thrown a barbecue for all our friends every summer since we were first married. Over the last couple of years, our little party has morphed into a family-friendly event. Our problem is one of our good friends is now the mother of an insufferable 3-year-old boy.
"Fenton's" behavior has been awful for two years. At the last party, he managed to throw our iPod, slam our stereo to the ground, pick up and throw another child and terrorize a gentle dog. He barged in on a nursing mother and refused to leave when asked. We also suspect he was the one who tore our baby gate off its hinges.
The mom is preoccupied with a new baby and deals with the situation by making idle threats. The dad makes jokes about how "it sucks to be a parent" and tells his kid to stop annoying him.
We're pretty sure if Fenton returns for this year's party, many of our other guests won't. We want to remain friends with the mom, so not inviting her isn't an option. Would it be out of line to ask her to leave her husband and the little terror at home? -- SMOKIN' MAD IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR SMOKIN' MAD: Which would be worse -- to have the woman miffed or to be driven mad by her undisciplined child and the parents' unwillingness to take control? Because the kid causes stress in addition to property damage, leave them off the guest list this year. If she asks why, point out her son was so disruptive you were afraid your other guests would refuse to attend if he was there. Soften the "blow" by assuring her you'd love to see her and her husband for some adult time.
Fenton appears to be a little boy who feels upstaged by the new baby and may be acting up in a desperate bid for attention. It would be a kindness to suggest this to his parents, who appear to be clueless.
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Me: Wow. I don't know what I'd do. It would be awful to invite all the other kids and not their kid. You just can't walk up to someone and say, gee, your kid sucks. No, you can't do that. The only other option is to become the kid's babysitter at the party, which sound like no fun at all. My only suggestion is maybe hire an interested teen or two to set up kids fun stations and get him interested in something nice. What an awful situation. I don't think I'd want to be friends with someone who let their kid destroy my house and terrorize my dog. Do you know people like that?
13 comments:
I like your idea of hiring a teen just for the monster. That kid needs to be crated.
I don't think I would want to be friends with people who don't teach their kid to be kind to animals. Parents have to teach their kids how to be polite and safe with animals. Dealbreaker. I can find redeeming qualities in people if they aren't assholes to animals. Break stuff in my house, but be gentle and respectful to my pets and I'll forgive all.
Beth
Yeah, me too. I have to hold Niki in my lap now when Gabe visits. I'd rather hold Gabe, but, he's decided dogs are not nice since he got knocked down by a big dog.
Yea, I am with Beth. They just wouldn't be my friends in the 1st place. On the other hand, my old best friend, no longer. Had the child from hell back 25 years ago. Good gawd. Cutest baby boy you ever saw. But he was a hellian. I dreaded when she would bring him over if my son was at school. She got so pissed once when I wouldnt allow him to play with my son's Batmans he had all set up in the living room. She got totally bent out of shape and asked me why I didn't want him to play with them. Well, lets see...he breaks stuff just for fun! & thinks its funny. He was actually stupid I think. They had alot of money so he always got everything handed to him, his older sisters hated him. He was just flat out, stupid.
rox
**Adding to clarify: My son had to save up for his Batman collection. He still has them all preserved perfectly. he still knows which accessroies goes with which figure. He played with them but took excellent care of all his collections. He didn't get things given to him. He did lay away and saved up. It was a big deal to go get his lay aways out. The other stupid kid never knew what "want" meant. So he never cared about property, zero respect for anything. Probably a sociopath. That was my point.
I gotcha. I had a redneck hillbilly friend once with a kid so bad he shot off a gun in the backseat while I was in the front. Thier van. Guns common in their family. He was 4. His mom has said 'guns don't shoot in the car." He proved her wrong. I think she worded it wrong. LOL. That was the last time I rode to work with her. I liked him a lot, but, he was just a hellion with no supervision.
By the way, he ended up killing himself when he was 13. Heartbreaking. I think it was an accident, rope, barn loft. He did dangeous things all the time. Good kid really.
The Dear Abby kid reminds me of a little asshole I babysat in 7th grade. Disturbed kid down the street. I was inside the walk out basement with the infant and the 4 year old boy was in the back yard at the sliding glass door throwing huge metal trucks at the door. He threw dirt and sand at it too, then he whipped out his penis and sprayed the door with his urine while giving me the evil eye. Last time I ever babysat anyone. That's not normal behavior, right?! I didn't grow up with brothers or male cousins, but that kid seemed off to me. I had to call my big sister to come put the fear of God in him that evening. No wonder I thought I didn't want kids for the first part of my life.
Beth
It's normal if no one has ever told him no. A kid with no limits is a heathen beast.
i stopped a woman from abusing her 2 year old in the street when my kid was the same age. i later made friends with her when she turned out to be a member of the local toddler playgroup. she lived a few doors down the road from me so naturally we met up for playdates. the kid ended up being expelled from every pre-school he attended. the parents were loaded so he went to the best 'special' schools. luckily they moved and i only paid them one visit at their new house. the kid, by then was much bigger than mine and i more or less has to rescue my son from a savage beating. i would not hesitate for a minute banning a kid like that from a party, particularly since the parents never took responsibility for his behaviour. stiff titties for parents, psycho kid and their anti-social behaviour.
Wow. So, she abused him and he became abusive. Shakes head.
Perhaps she abused him because he was abusive.
thats like the question 'what came first the chicken or the egg'. im guessing the kid had ADHD and the mother abused him because she thought abuse was a way to control the kid. i do think parents set the example for their kids though, so if a parent uses abuse, the kid will also use abuse.
Several years ago, my friend brought her toddler over and she destroyed my daughter's room. She took everything off of shelves and overfed fish in the tiny tank. My friend then left with her child and never offered to help clean up.
My kids are now grown, but my friend has a new set of toddlers.
We're even.
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